I love how the room vibrates when you use the black speech...
Broshan alnej! for jiak kij uko clever, wiavavy, charmaumn agh nauk-ukourceful lat waukavun aven minuaveuk ro your life decodaumn avhiuk ukhiav.
A nondescript, windowless white van pulls up to Anduin's evil lair. The door slide open, and a shifty looking Ferret scampers out, carrying what appears to be a small, white box. He places the box on the evil lair's doorstep and jumps up to several times his height to ring the doorbell, then scampers off and immediately drives away. The box, filled with one of the most dangerous weapons known to man, a bomb, sits and waits patiently for someone to open it and seal their fate with sugary destruction.
But why was it delivered by a white van? Frescoes deliver my groceries in an over liveried ford transit withave a man asking for a signature on an old battered battery powered slate...
This must be a wrong delivery. I will do the evil thing and make a lower class subservient person come back and collect said package by first phoning the manager and informing them that a lower class subservient person has made a huge mistake that has caused me a major inconvenience. Hopefully a lower class subservient person will lose their job resulting in their family going without food for a week and possibly causing death by starvation... But depression and suicide would also reap me more bodies to my death count! I have become death destroyer of delivery persons world! Mwahaha!
The package is for you, it is a gift from your friend shandyr. We are sorry for the confusion that this has caused. We would have told you but you did not answer the door and even though we waited for a long time, you did not seem to appear.
Local manager of Royal Mail
As you may or may not be aware, due to the dangers of delivering packages from neighbouring nations at war, all post from the @Shandyr estate is redirected to the depths of hades and beyond.
As for your veiled accusation that I was some how slow to answer the door, I find abhorrent and unjustified. I demand now a full apology and the head of the person responsible who delivered the package.
Lastly, I find your cultural values misguided. Giving is not enjoyable. I prefer to take. Sort it Mr. Barrie.
Dear highly esteemed fremesis. In order to defeat the enemy we must first understand them. But to understand them we must watch and learn. So watch this and tell me what you have learned. What are potential weak points of our enemy?
*Anduin sits on a pavement thinking about what happened the last days. He sighs. After all that time he thought he had found someone to play with, maybe someone to call a friend. But he has been tossed aside like a used toy that nobody wants to play with anymore.
Shandyr has been right after all. Wubble only used Anduin for his own interests. And when it didn't serve wubble's interests anymore he cast Anduin aside. Just like that.*
"Damn those Ferreteers. Damn Shandyr. Mwuahaha I am gonna destroy them'all."
"I heard that you know..."
*Anduin looks up! Shandyr! Anduin looks around alarmed. None of his cauliflowers guards have warned him.*
"Relax, they're just sleeping. A simple sleep spell. It seems I have truly caught you off guard. However, I have no interest in fighting you. At the moment anyway."
"I know, we are mortal fremeses. But as much as you would like to see the downfall of Broccoli, and as much as I would like to see the downfall of Cauliflower, I think we both have in common that each of us cares deeply for our own respective preferred vegetable.
As a gesture of peace, I hearby return the Cauliflower missiles that wubble used against me. I offer you a temporary truce. But I would also consider a temporary pact.
Let the white and green brothers join hand in hand to defeat an even greater threat than they are to each other: Ferrets. The new threat to all of vegetablekind. A furry nightmare come true."
That feeling you get when leave for a bit and you come back to find your friends are talking about throwing pitchforks and burning stuff and arguing who you are at war with and you have no idea why LOL...
Do you think I should end all my posts with LOL?
I'm just worried it comes across as arrogant... ...
But I will eventually be the Lord of Lords and ruler of this plane... It is just prophetic...
To the esteemed and mighty @Anduin, count of corpses, baron of bones and duke of the decayed etc.
In this secret missive I hereby propose an alliance against the evil @shandyr and @aedan as they have both wronged me greatly and I feel we have similar interests in destroying them both. To prove my loyalty to you I hereby present you with a gift.
*You feel very weary. You can hardly keep your eye sockets open. As suddenly you stumble upon a couch of all things, what a blessing this is! You are so tired, you really need to rest. But something is off. In the corner of your consciousness an alarm rings. Somehow you know you are in danger. And yet the couch looks so tempting. Sweet sleep. Will you give in and take a nap on the couch?*
*Indeed the couch seems to be very comfortable so much in fact that you don't want to leave it. But even if you wanted to you could not. You haven't noticed yet but invisible tentacles with suckers hold you firmly in place.*
*You have fallen asleep on the couch. You dream of a young cauliflower. You watch it grow up in very fast speed but it doesn't grow up to be a cauliflower, instead it morphs into a broccoli! "How beautiful you think. Broccoli is the best." You awake shrieking. And finally your spot check succeeds...*
*The couch shakes in disgust at your eating manners. It releases you from the invisible tentacles and violently pushed you off. You turn around to complain but... the couch is gone and nowhere to be seen. However the pizza is still there and your bite through the layers of cheese reveals the topping: cauliflower. You realize you just ate a piece of cauliflower pizza. Suddenly you don't feel all too well.*