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I have written a review and would like some feedback.

Hello, I have always wanted to write about video games as its a pass time I love when I am not bog down with work.
This article is aimed at newer players, I think, I have put as little spoilers as possible.
Its not a masterpiece and its very long, I am after criticisms to help as I will be designing my blog (as it looks rather boring) and start to write articles about things im passionate about. - if you manage to read it all, then thank you for your consideration and time and I really appreciate it.


  • reedmilfamreedmilfam Member Posts: 2,808

    The first thing I noticed was a relatively high rate of grammatical and/or spelling errors. It's something worth tightening, particularly if you want the material to be taken seriously and/or intend to really do something in the medium. Single example: It came with our families first ever computer should be family's. There are many others.

    Powerful spells, such as grease? While those that play the game find that this seemingly innocuous spell is quite powerful, lightning bolts and fireballs are more fitting in describing high magic. Anyway, if writing to people who are unfamiliar with the genre, describing the setting as Forgotten Realms is not necessarily going to help. In a similar vein, P'n'P means nothing outside of that niche.

    The review seems to be more of a walk-through than a critical analysis of the strong and weak points of the game. I'd recommend focusing on the goods and bads of each of the phases - sort of positives and negatives.

    One site I found had a paragraph: Why you will love this game: followed by a summation of strengths. The next was essentially Why you should avoid this game: ... This approach really allows people to decide if the game matches what they think is fun.

    Hope this is somewhat helpful.

  • MajocaMajoca Member Posts: 263
    edited April 2013

    The grease was a joke :P I will need emphasis it being a joke.

    Sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors, I do understand it needs to be worked on, but it can only be worked on by practicing, my blog is not to be taken as a serious example its more of open training ground for me to get better. What are the spelling errors though? I do not see anything wrong. I have dyslexia and learning English has been constant struggle but I am trying all the time.

    Perhaps a walk-through may be a better way of me writing about video games, but the "why you love this game and why you should avoid this game" is a good idea and I will definitely take that into consideration.

  • reedmilfamreedmilfam Member Posts: 2,808
    Well, I'll take my hat off to you for overcoming dyslexia!

    As for grammar and spelling, the first sentence is a run-on. 'which was originally made in 1998' should be separated by commas and the end of the sentence 'which I still play, when I get the time.' should be prefaced by a day (and the comma removed) OR placed in parens with the comma removed).

    2nd sentence needs a comma before 'and packing'. Again, the comments at the very end turn that into a run-on, as well. You fixed familes to family's.

    'different point of view. A perspective of ' the period should change into a colon: point of view: a perspective...

    Honestly, spelling isn't the problem so much as conjugations and variances. In 2nd section, you talk about mythological beast - should be beasts (plural). It's things of that nature. Anyway, since you're writing in a second language (for you), I'm impressed.

    I agree that a walk-through with commentary would be good. Sort of a 'hands on with Baldur's Gate Enhanced Edition' feel.

  • MajocaMajoca Member Posts: 263
    Thank you so much for your help! I will start to make some changes and hopefully make a template that I can follow for future "Hands on" articles. I like that a lot.

  • reedmilfamreedmilfam Member Posts: 2,808
    Glad to be of help. I was worried that I'd appear to be a troll; maybe I am, but I sure hope not.

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