the most funny moment you can find
Saberstorm
Member Posts: 60
i'll start with my own.
the incident with the group of noobish D&D adventurers:
Bondari: Die, cursed eyeball! Uh... ? ... Do I, uh, know you?
Protagonist: I have freed you from your stone prison, young adventurer.
Bondari: Uh, thanks. Guys, are you ok?
Nanoc the Barbarian: Yeah.
Tim Goldenhand: Yes (no thanks to you... can't even backstab an eyeball!)
Bondari: Shutup, Tim! Greetings, my, uh... Lord. I am Bondari Quickhand, a thief. These are my companions Nanoc the Barbarian and Tim Goldenhand. He's an elf. And a mage.
Bondari: Uh... I guess I should thank you for saving us. Is there some way we brave adventurers can repay your kindness? Something we can do for you to fulfill our debt of gratitude. Anything? Anything at all?
Protagonist: A terrible evil has swept across the land and the lives of millions hang in the balance. You have been chosen, Bondari, and you must not fail in your quest!
Bondari: A Quest! Wow! This is great! What do we have to do?
Protagonist: A fiendish beholder and his kobold cohorts have infested a cave to the east of here. An evil dragon threatens the land! I must have the beholder's eyestalk to slay the dragon and save the country from certain doom!
Bondari: By Mask's mask! We can't let this happen!
Protagonist: Go, noble adventurer, and retrieve the eyestalk. The fate of Tethyr lies in your hands!
Bondari: What kind of reward do we get?
Protagonist: I shall give you... 100 gold!
Bondari: 100 gold! We're rich! You have a deal, sir. We shall fetch this eyestalk and save the world. C'mon guys!
Tim Goldenhand: Wait! I have to rest and memorize magic missile!
Nanoc the Barbarian: Worry not, elf. Nanoc will protect you!
Several days later...
Bondari: (I'm telling you we can take Protagonist. Nanoc, you are unfettered by the weaknesses of the civilized world! Tim, you can cast magic missile! I will backstab. I bet he has all kinds of great treasure!)
Nanoc the Barbarian: (But Tim is terrible. Remember the kobold king? He cast one spell then hid behind a rock while we had to slay everyone!)
Tim Goldenhand: (Hey! I have the healing potions! I heal you!)
Nanoc the Barbarian: (I can shrug off a blow that would fell a normal man! Unfettered by your civilized ways, I...)
Bondari: (Enough! Ready...) ATTACK!!!
[Bondari and company attack Protagonist, who transforms into the slayer and kills them]
Bondari reloads...
Bondari: Uh, here's your eyestalk sir. We found something else, too. I hope you like it.
Protagonist: Well done, Bondari. Here is your reward.
Bondari: Thanks. It was a good quest. I found a dagger and Tim here got a scroll of identify. In a couple of days he'll be able to tell me about my dagger.
Tim Goldenhand: Hi.
Bondari: Thanks again, Protagonist! Bye! Good luck with the dragon!
Nanoc the Barbarian: I bid you a "Farewell" suitably unfettered by civilization.
the incident with the group of noobish D&D adventurers:
Bondari: Die, cursed eyeball! Uh... ? ... Do I, uh, know you?
Protagonist: I have freed you from your stone prison, young adventurer.
Bondari: Uh, thanks. Guys, are you ok?
Nanoc the Barbarian: Yeah.
Tim Goldenhand: Yes (no thanks to you... can't even backstab an eyeball!)
Bondari: Shutup, Tim! Greetings, my, uh... Lord. I am Bondari Quickhand, a thief. These are my companions Nanoc the Barbarian and Tim Goldenhand. He's an elf. And a mage.
Bondari: Uh... I guess I should thank you for saving us. Is there some way we brave adventurers can repay your kindness? Something we can do for you to fulfill our debt of gratitude. Anything? Anything at all?
Protagonist: A terrible evil has swept across the land and the lives of millions hang in the balance. You have been chosen, Bondari, and you must not fail in your quest!
Bondari: A Quest! Wow! This is great! What do we have to do?
Protagonist: A fiendish beholder and his kobold cohorts have infested a cave to the east of here. An evil dragon threatens the land! I must have the beholder's eyestalk to slay the dragon and save the country from certain doom!
Bondari: By Mask's mask! We can't let this happen!
Protagonist: Go, noble adventurer, and retrieve the eyestalk. The fate of Tethyr lies in your hands!
Bondari: What kind of reward do we get?
Protagonist: I shall give you... 100 gold!
Bondari: 100 gold! We're rich! You have a deal, sir. We shall fetch this eyestalk and save the world. C'mon guys!
Tim Goldenhand: Wait! I have to rest and memorize magic missile!
Nanoc the Barbarian: Worry not, elf. Nanoc will protect you!
Several days later...
Bondari: (I'm telling you we can take Protagonist. Nanoc, you are unfettered by the weaknesses of the civilized world! Tim, you can cast magic missile! I will backstab. I bet he has all kinds of great treasure!)
Nanoc the Barbarian: (But Tim is terrible. Remember the kobold king? He cast one spell then hid behind a rock while we had to slay everyone!)
Tim Goldenhand: (Hey! I have the healing potions! I heal you!)
Nanoc the Barbarian: (I can shrug off a blow that would fell a normal man! Unfettered by your civilized ways, I...)
Bondari: (Enough! Ready...) ATTACK!!!
[Bondari and company attack Protagonist, who transforms into the slayer and kills them]
Bondari reloads...
Bondari: Uh, here's your eyestalk sir. We found something else, too. I hope you like it.
Protagonist: Well done, Bondari. Here is your reward.
Bondari: Thanks. It was a good quest. I found a dagger and Tim here got a scroll of identify. In a couple of days he'll be able to tell me about my dagger.
Tim Goldenhand: Hi.
Bondari: Thanks again, Protagonist! Bye! Good luck with the dragon!
Nanoc the Barbarian: I bid you a "Farewell" suitably unfettered by civilization.
6
Comments
Otherwise, there are plenty of funny/absurd moments. Some of my favorites are the little exchanges between protagonist and the assorted mercenary bands hired to kill you in BG1 (especially the one outside cloakwood mines with Drasus).
Plenty of random stuff going on in BG2 as well; "I am Habib Khalid Achmed Allafif and I will throw my mighty scimitar in your face! *THROW* Uhm... usually that works..."
warning endgame spoiler!
When the Protagonist is asking for advise from the party about the decision to achieve godhood or reject it.
Jan: Well, you know, it's funny that this situation should come up. It's not something that I like to think about much, but I spent a whole year as a god back in '03. Oh, I know what you're thinking... why only a year? It's a touching and involved tale, but I'm happy to shed some light on it if it helps with your predicament.
Protagonist: This I've got to hear.
Jan: It's nice to hear you eager, for once. It's not every day that a gnome finds himself in the middle of the Abyss fighting an avatar and talking to a solar, you know. I haven't done that for at least a year, now... although to be honest, the last time was only in the company of Aunt Patty and we all know what a puchover her Larry was... and it's nice to see that my tribulations in this party are recognized.
Jan: Anyway, it was during the Time of Troubles that I'd run afoul of some Banite cultists who accidentally mistook me for Bane's earthly avatar. Don't ask. Maybe they didn't have a picture I wasn't sure what to think, myself, and resolved to spend more attention towards my breath in the future. It wasn't long before I was worshipped by thousands on a regular basis. They made good stew and the constant chanting wasn't unpleasant, so I decided to play along. No one grows turnips under threat of eternal torment quite as well as a Dreadmaster, and I'll stand by that statement to this day.
Jan: Well, it wasn't long before the whole Time of Troubles thing was over and suddenly little old worshipped me found myself up in the heavenes before the Overfather, Himself. Seems they were short of death gods at the time, and it didn't seem like such a big gig, so I took him up on his offer. Plus, the dental plan was extraordinary.
Jan: Being a god isn't what you'd expect, though, Sune was all over me from day one...I hear she developed a thing for turnips about a decade ago. She just wouldn't leave me along! There were parties at all hours of the night. Lliira would get plastereed and fall into the tiny pond and eventually Torm would start a brawl with somebody. Did you know what it's like to have Helm pounding on your door at three in the morning? I could never get any sleep at all. If it wasn't one thing it was getting slapped by Umberlee or hit on by Loviatar. All night long...and in the morning, all the gods would be in a foul mood. Terrible.
I couldn't find anything good about the experience at all. No wonder Ao kicked them all out. He probably had to catch up on his housekeeping, of all things. Well, after all of that I was more than happy to let Cyric have the job, eager puppy that he was. Left it behind me for a turnip farm and a nice pension, and gladly...although I eventually traded the pension for some stock in a spelljammer trading cruiser, which was a bad decision but all us mortals arn't immune to that, of course. Lost the farm, too, in a game of checkers to Uncle Fibbert. But that turned out all right, as the turnips got a bad root that year and Uncle Fubbert died of too much intestinal gas. Poor man.
Jan: Anyhow, I hope all my experience has been of some help. Ummm... feel free to accept others opinions. Ummm... no need to stare, now. Move on, move on
As it turns out, liches aren't really the ancient evil immortal a-holes that people think they are, they're just cranky... most of them are actually decent guys if you bring slippers and a cup of black coffee before disturbing their 1000-year slumber
That's a sample of the dialog with the spectator beholder in the City of Caverns, the one who's guarding a chest. Best part of this is you meet him again in Sendai's Enclave, and he's still the same chatty, jaded type of guy...
Korgan's banter with Jaheira is better
By the way i don't know why but korgan gets along very well with keldorn, they didn't had a single argument on the many times i play with both on the party.