One does not simply . . . .Thread

DecrepitDragon

Ok. So we've all seen the meme's, the off the cuff one liners, and bad attempts at a Boromir accent, but nobody has started a thread about it yet...

Till now!

The point of this thread, is not meme's, which is where the vast majority of the short "gag" form "One does not simply ..." jokes are. The point of this thread is to make some more detailed "O-d-n-s..." jokes, anecdotes or stories to shock, delight or entertain.

Remember folks, its not about meme's, though pictures can be used if you like. Its about humour, so use any medium your comfortable with ( insert Ghost Whisperer joke here ).

So, to kick things off, I'll have a go:

One does not simply . . .

. . . apply the descriptives "miniature" and "giant" to a small, furry, normal rodent, without first accepting that there may be some further underlying mental acuity issue at work . . . .

Lets see what you can come up with. All Hail the mighty Sean Bean!

Djimmy

I don't understand how this is funny. Especially this meme of Boromir. Seriously, what's the catch?

...but let my try

One does not simply kill trolls without fire or acid.

or

One does not simply call Boo a rat.

Chow

@Djimmy: Very few memes are funny. Some of them can be amusing at first, but they're killed off pretty quickly because they're overused and nobody ever actually knows how they're supposed to be done. Everyone wants to give it a go, but one does not simply make a reference and think it's funny.

DecrepitDragon

Chow said:

@Djimmy: Very few memes are funny. Some of them can be amusing at first, but they're killed off pretty quickly because they're overused and nobody ever actually knows how they're supposed to be done. Everyone wants to give it a go, but one does not simply make a reference and think it's funny.

@Chow - Partly true friend, but:

One does not simply . . .

claim to know all there is to know about humour and how it works as a subjective source of amusement . . .

Djimmy

@Chow That makes sense. I was starting to think that something is completely wrong with me. Now I know that it may not be completely... yet.

smeagolheart

Silly Saruman,

Nonnahswriter

One does not simply...make a devil's food cake with cream-cheese frosting.

First, you must melt chocolate, which is a particularly grueling task in and of itself because chocolate burns extremely easily if you're not careful. Then, while making the batter, you have to separate the egg whites from the egg yolks. Not too difficult, but if it's your first time attempting so, it can be quite challenging. Then, you have to take the egg whites, and beat them into OBLIVION. Do you have a standing mixer? Good! Because otherwise, you will be standing on your feet, hovering over the bowl, beating the eggs with an electrical mixer on highest level for THREE HOURS. Don't have an electrical mixer? Then say goodbye to your arm, my friend, because you'll have to use a whisk. FOR THREE HOURS. Probably more. Just until the whites glow with sheen. Once that's done you just mix the batter with the chocolate mix, pour it in the pan, and bake in the oven, but my god, it's a long road of blood, sweat, and tears until that point.

Based on a true story. And there were many "one does not simply" jokes to coincide the fact.

DecrepitDragon

Nonnahswriter said:

One does not simply...make a devil's food cake with cream-cheese frosting. . . .

@Nonnahswriter - Now this was the kind of thing I was hoping to see - an anecdote of "Odns. . " that may or may not be funny, but fits the bill of not simply doing something that "should" be straight-forward.

In this case, I had a little chuckle to myself, because I know the elbow searing pain of whisking egg whites by hand.

Anyone got anything similar?

Nonnahswriter

On the plus side, it was a thoroughly delicious cake when I finished, and the cream-cheese frosting was super easy to make. But my god, those egg whites. THOSE EGG WHITES.

I'm glad that my tangent sufficiently fulfilled the quota of this thread.