What are your favorite BG or IWD NPC Dialogue/Interactions?
HaHaCharade
Member Posts: 1,644
This post or something similar is likely out there somewhere ten times already... but oh well.
My personal favorite:
Khalid: I don't want to seem c-confrontational, but could you be a little less... well... evil?
Montaron: Ye live longer if ye don't annoy me. Mayhaps even a week or more.
My personal favorite:
Khalid: I don't want to seem c-confrontational, but could you be a little less... well... evil?
Montaron: Ye live longer if ye don't annoy me. Mayhaps even a week or more.
3
Comments
Kagain: "If i had a copper for every moron I ran across, I could buy Baldur's Gate." And one more sentence, but I forgot how it went. He says that from time to time while being in a team with a high reputation.
The protagonist during the conversation with Portalbendarwinden: Ok, I've just about had my FILL of riddle asking, quest assigning, insult throwing, pun hurling, hostage taking, iron mongering, smart arsed fools, freaks, and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength, intelligence, and most of all, patience! If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself CLEAR?!"
The protagonist during the conversation with one of the prisoners of Ice Island's Dungeon (Tales of the Sword Coast): "I am Dinkamus Littlelog and I come in search of the holy groundhog."
Please correct me, It's been AGES since I've played any of the BGs or IWDs
Torment had godly voices
There are about 10 useable ones, male and female about 5 each. There's enough to use I guess.
Maybe I have a dirty mind but if you ever play through the taking damage sets finishing with the death one quickly, it kinda sounds like something else. Pleasure being so close to pain and all.
@Jolanthus You're totally right, that was one of the voices I used back in the day, and it was pretty good.
Some of those laughs though *shiver*
Isair: Blablabla, dear sister.
Madae: Blablabla, brother.
Isair: Blabla, is that right, sister?
Madae: Bla, brother, bla.
Gosh, I wonder if the two of them are siblings?
Protagonist: "Sorry, Aldeth, but we're siding with the druids. They have this great Aloe-Vera balm they are giving away samples of, and my armor has been chafing a bit, ya know?"
Mad Arcand: "There be pheasants and penguins and booberry trees between the greenest of skies and the whitest of seas (wertle-wertle-wertle-woo, wertle-woooo...)"
Well-Adjusted Al: "Hi, I'm Well-Adjusted Al, and my prices are sensible. I used to be called Crazy Al, but therapy has convinced me that selling plate armour for 3 gold pieces and a small duck was no way to get ahead in business."
Also this interaction has got to be one of my most quoted (see: stolen) things for some of my baddies to say in PnP:
Drasus: "Draw your daggers and spells and let's have at 'er! You've crossed our employers and this is as far as you're going to go, my friend. Should've known that lazy bounty hunting rabble wouldn't get the job done. Never settle for second best, I always say!"
Protagonist: "You want to know what I always say? "Always kill the mouthy one," that's what I always say."
Drasus: "HAW! A good saying! I will use your head for a puppet and make it say it over and over while we drink large amounts of mead! Life is pretty good, you know?"
Minsc: boo is not for sale.
Jan: So Viconia, I suppose you must be a drow, eh?
Viconia: Speak not to your betters, surface slave.
Jan: My brother, Elgar Buttercup, had skin the shade of charcoal, too. Well, technically it WAS charcoal. He died in a nasty fire, you see.
Viconia: You do love the sound of your own voice, don't you gnome?
Jan: My own voice? Heartless wench! Do you not know? I am deaf. I have never heard the sound of my own voice. I read lips... (sob)... only lips...
Viconia: Deaf? Truly? In the Underdark the deaf are killed or used in pain threshold experiments.
Jan: I heard that! In fact, it reminds me of the time I was eaten by an avatar of Lolth. I was stuck inside her stomach with a miserable drow called Biffle Chump for days. Of course, I was forced to eat him. A matter of survival, you understand. Nothing personal. He tasted a bit like chicken.
Viconia (to Charname): How is it that you travel with such a wee buffoon?
Charname: Truthfully, it all goes back to the time that Jan's cousin, Plooty Paladin-Piper, got caught in a nasty flesh golem eating contest...
Jan: Aye, Plooty had a way of attracting golems. Brilliant, really. You start with a saucer of milk - golems are suckers for milk...
Viconia: I refuse to listen to this.
Jan- Virtue, eh knighty?
Keldorn- Indeed, little one- ’Tis not virtuous to refer to me as ’knighty’-
Jan- Another human with his shorts in a knot. But I digress. Anyway Keldy, my mother wrote a book about virtue.
Keldorn- Did she?
Jan- Oh, yes. A book on the virtues of erotic love. "Sins of the Flesh Golem", it was kalled. Excellent sales in the paladin’s spouse market.
Keldorn A wholly inappropriate jest, Jan. You should be ashamed.
Jan- It is not a jest, I will send your wife a copy, if she doesnt allready own one.
Keldorn- Never speak of my wife, gnome. Your lack of respect is appalling.
Jan- Ah, now I see. One of THOSE.
Keldorn- It is not your place to judge my affairs. You must learn to respect your leaders.
Jan- I do respect my leaders. This has nothing to do with them. This reminds me of the chapter where the paladin first makes passionate love to the flesh golem. What a beautiful scene…
Keldorn- Begone, gnome, lest my honor demand I perform acts that you shall regret.
Jan- ’Fleshy, honey,’ the paladin said. ’Yes baby?’ said the golem…
Cernd: "Beauty and nature are not bound by rigid laws, my stalwart friends. You see chaos and confusion as your enemy, but they are part of the natural order. You must learn to embrace them as you have embraced law."
Keldorn: "You will not convert me to your wild woodland ways, Cernd. Though often difficult, the path of law and order is the path of true virtue."
Cernd: "By refusing to acknowledge the necessity of a balance between law and chaos you only make life more difficult, Keldorn. What a ridiculous, impractical belief system you cling to!"
Keldorn: "Are you mocking my values? You dare scorn everything I hold dear and everything I stand for? Do not be such an ass, Cernd."
Cernd: "Err... are paladins even allowed to say 'ass'?"
Keldorn: "My code of honour dictates my actions, Cernd. It does not dictate my speech. But I will waste no more words on you - not even the word 'ass'."
Cernd: "Forgive me, Keldorn. I only asked because as a druid I am restricted in certain uses of the word 'tomato'... I thought perhaps you were under a similar sort of prohibition."
Keldorn: "What? Why would you be prevented from speaking of some vegetable?"
Cernd: "Well, you see, there you've gone and hit on the crux of it. A tomato is a fruit, after all."
Keldorn: "That's ridiculous."
Cernd: "Perhaps. But one must be sensitive to even those of the vegatative or fruity persuasion amongst us, my dear paladin."
Keldorn: "Enough. I said I would speak no more to you, druid, and now I am doubly determined to."
Cernd: "As you wish. I had no idea fruits would be such an issue for you."
I. Laughed. So much!
And yes - I screenshotted several times to get the entire conversation. I thought it was so clever, subtle, and so funny.
And people said Cernd wasn't funny. Imagine! A Paladin & A Druid managed to make me laugh more heartily than any other dialogue. Well... no funnier ones come to mind at the moment, at least! ^^
Here's few though that cracked me up;
Korgan: "Be aware, Mazzy, I've something long, hard and low to the ground ye're free to touch and fondle. Child, no need to glare! 'Twas me axe I were referring to."
Garrick: "Brave-brave Sir Garrick, Sir Garrick led the way. Brave-brave Sir Garrick, Sir Garrick ran away"
Guard: "Halt! Where do you think you're going?"
Protagonist: "Upstairs. Where do YOU think you're going?"
Haer'Dalis (Singing for Edwina): "I once knew a Red Mage of Thay, Who dreamed of lichdom some day. He said he knew how to do it, but he still managed to screw it, up in the funniest way."
Jan Jansen: "Beware! Your knees are mine!"
...and finally, everything Lilacor says is pure entertainment;
"Ah, we are all heroes! You and Boo and I! Hampsters and rangers everywhere, rejoice! *squeak squeak*
"I must rest soon. Boo is getting squirrely!"
At one point, he offers to get CHARNAME a hampster too, or perhaps an ice weasel, whichever he/she prefers.
The first time you meet Firkraag, if you're relatively low level, Minsc says something like, "CHARNAME, I am all for kicking the butts of evil whenever we encounter them, but there would be no shame in coming back another day with bigger swords."
I don't remember the exact exchange, but I know that if Aerie and Jaheira are in your party, eventually Aerie kinda tells Jaheira off, that she doesn't need to be constantly monitored because there's not a spell in the world Aerie can't cast. I liked it because, whoa, Aerie stood up for herself.
Edit: @Shin mentioned it
"I can't! I'm allergic! Well, all right, I'm not that allergic..."
And
Mazzy: Jan, I find you quite the enigma. This adventure has yielded us a crop of useful magical items and yet you turn your considerable powers to the never-ending quest to create the perfect turnip peeler. How can someone so clever be so shortsighted?
Jan: Well, Mazzy, you’re really asking two questions there. My shortsightedness was passed on to me by my dear departed father. I was born with the condition and I’ll thank you not to stare! As to your other question, it takes me back to my carefree days as a deckhand on a turnip merchant galleon. We sailed for distant Waterdeep, we did, braving foul seas, foul tempers and a desperate band of turnip pirates.
Mazzy: You are mentally incapable of answering a straight question, aren’t you gnome?
Jan: ’Twas on a cold winter’s night near the beginning of the Great Underwear Shortage that we set sail. I danced naked on the poop deck, which was the custom at the time. Well, my nose and other extremities were getting a bit frosty so I gathered up the tatters of my poor, abused, underwear and headed to the crow’s nest.
Mazzy: Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
Jan: Well, I never! You did ask, after all.
Mazzy: SHUT UP!!!