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Ridiculous PnP stories

BattlehamsterBattlehamster Member Posts: 298
I'll start with a story my friend recently shared...

http://dicemonkey.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/E665n.jpg
sarevok5710thLichElrandirJuliusBorisov

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  • sarevok57sarevok57 Member Posts: 5,975
    edited September 2013
    hahhahahahahahhaa @OneAngryMushroom that was great, I love the part where he also had a 10 FOOT POLE in his backpack ( either he stole the one from goku when he was a child or mayhaps it was collapseable? and that random limb segment, ah that was great

    here are a couple of mine:
    so one time we had a bunch of friends over playing ( I believe we had a team of 4, and we were around 7th level) and we are all having fun having a good time, but for the years that we have played dnd ( 3.0/3.5 edition) we have had some hardcore ADHD, and we get distracted so easily, so I think we were going through some mountain ranges or some such, to a troll lair/goblin lair or something, and then one person in the group gets us distracted with something non dnd related and off task we go, and this goes on for minutes ( probably even a dozen or so) and now our DM is trying to get our attention to get back on track but everyone is ADHD-ing it up, and then finally in the whackiest voice I have ever heard in my life period, our DM says "you have come to the hills" and just the way he said it, I lost it, and best part was, at that point in time my mouth was filled with sprite pop, so he says that, I start laughing hysterically and sprite goes all over the dice, good times
    2nd moment- this may have been the same game, so one of our players was a mage and he was about to cast either lightning bolt or fireball, and he goes to roll damage, so he rolls all 7 dice at once, and then he starts counting it up; 1,2,3,4,5...... whoaaaaaa he said, he rolled 7d6 damage and netted a 7 ( 7, 1s, talk about a yatzee record, infact that is the only time in my life have I ever seen a yatzee with 7 dice) im pretty sure the DM didn't even attempt to make saves for the baddies, he was like; lets see, 7 damage? yeah everyone can fail :)
    BelgarathMTHElrandirJuliusBorisov
  • ElrandirElrandir Member Posts: 1,664
    *casts thread resurrection*

    This isn't my story, but good lord is it hilarious.

    image
    meaglothRavenslightCrevsDaakJuliusBorisov
  • NonnahswriterNonnahswriter Member Posts: 2,520
    edited May 2014
    Not D&D, but I have a Warhammer story that's always going to make me laugh. XD

    We were playing Rogue Traders with friends over skype. Our captain of the space ship was trying to get on the good-side of the Inquisition, after we..."accidentally" stumbled upon one of their secret bases on an unknown planet. So as a token of good will, our Captain decided to invite them over and inspect the ship, to make sure that we weren't tainted by the demons.

    I played a Void-master, basically the guy who steers. I wasn't insane by any means, but I'd already built up some corruption points, so I wasn't considered "pure" anymore. The inquisitor was also very skeptical of void-masters, as we were born in space and tend to act all mysterious and stuff. So when the inquisitor himself came on to meet the crew, we were trying very hard to keep me out of his presence at every turn.

    Of course, knowing me and my dumb luck, the moment I ditched the bridge to make my escape to another part of the bridge... I ran straight into the inquisitor. I'll be honest--I'm very bad at role-playing in a table-top setting. I have trouble coming up with things off the top of my head, figuring out riddles that I can't read on paper (which might also be why I hated listening to books read aloud to me in school, but anyway). Our DM gave me a few moments to figure something out...so I panicked, and blurted the first thing that came to mind:

    "Actually, I'm Ivo, the head tech-priest! The guy you want is Lucius, who should still be up on the bridge right now."

    Ivo was a character being played by another player, a robotic engineer in charge of keeping the ship running. So...someone who had multitudes of mechanical limbs and technology-knowledge that my character did not have. Our DM rolled the dice. The inquisitor rolled so low, he actually believed me!

    So we met up with the captain and headed to the bridge. The poor sap who's now pretending to be me was an NPC character the DM conjured up real quick, my trusty second-in-command. The inquisitor summoned his mind-reading slaves and chained my subordinate up in some really disturbing mind-screwy-magic-stuff, in order to find out if I, Lucius, was clean of demonic taint. I actually had a demonic possession just the other day, so no, I was definitely not clean. But the mind-readers sure as heck didn't care. They didn't even mention that he was an imposter. They confirmed to the inquisitor that I, Lucius, was pure.

    Not only did the inquisitor believe them without question, but after all was done, he apparently really liked me. Talked about how I wasn't like most of the other engineers, who preferred to look all scary and mechanical. I was much more personable and easy to talk to. (And of course, I was hiding my "metal arms" under my clothes, to make others feel more comfortable. Of course, of course.)

    So for the rest of the encounter, I pretended to be the master engineer of the ship, and the real Ivo, one of our other players, had to pretend to be my second-in-command. My subordinate. Lucius, a character whose greatest skills included driving a spaceship and getting drunk. Snickers were to be had. And whenever we had to contact the same inquisitor again (because we kinda had an alliance with them now), Ivo and I had to switch roles and pull the whole stunt off again.

    And this, ladies and gents, is an instance where the dice could either make or break you... In this case, it was a bad roll from the DM that made all of this hilarity possible. XD
    ElrandirjackjackJuliusBorisov
  • DrugarDrugar Member Posts: 1,566
    So I've been running a Baldur's Gate PnP game with my group for a while, since none of those nooblets had played it before and I was curious as to how it'd go.

    The stars:
    Miga the Sorceress and Bhaalspawn
    Gilgamesh the Cleric of Lathander
    Alteria the Druid from Cloakwood
    Ach'ev the Amnish Rogue.

    It was an interesting session for several reasons but problematic in the planning because the player who did Ach'ev was going out of the country for 3-4 months, which meant his character needed to be incapacitated for a while.

    They'd just gotten to Candlekeep, catching up with old NPC's and headed then headed straight to the conference room where Reiltar and the others should be (with Miga completely ignoring the various NPC's telling her to check her father's room).
    Reiltar dismissed them at first, but they'd saved all the letters they'd found and smacked them on the table, demanding a confession. Reiltar, being a slimy worm, confessed and begged to finished negotiations as he was meeting with emmisaries from mercenary groups (like the Iron Throne) from Amn about refusing to participate in a war between Baldur's Gate and Amn if it came to it (The people he met with in Candlekeep had always been vague to me, so I improvised something reasonably logical).
    The party was confused, they had operated on the assumption that he *wanted* a war but in the intrest of peace, they left him to finish the meeting, as long as they were allowed to be present.

    This was, of course, a problem. Turning Reiltar over to the guards for an honest trial kind of destroys that part of the plot, since he needs to die for the plot to continue, whether or not the group does it. Fortunately, Miga suddenly remembered the three monks telling her to check her godd- ahem, her father's room, which she went to do. Gilgamesh and Alteria agreed to fetch the First Reader to tell him about everything and get Reiltar arrested. Ach'ev would stay behind and guard the group.

    I saw my chance.
    I took Miga apart, decribed Gorion's room and handed her the letter he had left her (which she read and immediately burnt, meaning never to tell anyone, which...makes sense I guess).
    I took Alteria and Gilgamesh apart and they came across a four Watchers who they sent to aid Ach'ev and guard the room (Gilgamesh also came from Candlekeep and had trained to be a Watcher for a while, so they knew him). The guards pointed them to Ulraunt's room and headed off (getting horribly lost due to bad instructions).
    Ach'ev stood guard in the room, being utterly bored during the negotiations. The Watchers came into the room, reported themselves for guard duty and then two smacked an unprepared Ach'ev in the face with their quarterstaves, knocking him unconcious.

    When Ach'ev awoke, he was covered in blood and surrounded by the bodies of two dead watchers, a dead Reiltar and Brunos and two dead foreign ambassadors. Miga came back into the room and panicked, quickly helping Ach'ev up.
    Moments later, Ulraunt arrived with the guard, arresting the two. Alteria and Gilgamesh were arrested in the halls. Apparently, a bloodsplattered Ach'ev and Miga were seen running down the halls and now a bloodcovered Ach'ev and Miga (due to helping Ach'ev up) were at the scene of the crime.
    Excellent frame-ery. Of course, I still needed Ach'ev seperated from the rest. Thankfully, he helped me out.

    As soon as Ulraunt accused them of murder, Ach'ev exploded in a tirade of the most awful insults and threats you can image (both the player and character having a bit of a temper). He swore that Ulraunt's head would rest on a pike and that he'd ram Gilgamesh's mace down his neck. And so on.
    Ach'ev is now in solitary confinement, the others locked in the brig, ready for Tethtoril to bust them out.

    Later on, I'll think up a daring rescue and run that through with him seperately but considering his ridiculously high Escape Artist and stealth skills, even busting out of Candlekeep should be doable for him.
    Coming session; Candlekeep catacombs, cutting down friends and family by the score and sneaking into Baldur's Gate.
    RavenslightJuliusBorisovElrandir
  • DreadKhanDreadKhan Member Posts: 3,857
    Hmm... the one true standout I remember... I made a feinting based combat rogue that did double duty as the party face. Unfortunately, since nobody reslized I wasnt a 'utility' rogue, nobody else went rogue, and naturally I was low on utility ranks. It didnt help that Apathy was a CN sociopath far too enamoured of morally questionable ladies, but with superb HD rolls and 14 cons he was a beastly offtank, able to take hits and dish out pain via SA.

    P is party talking, A is Apathy. Be patient, for tablets are tortuous to type via!

    P. Okay, you're the rogue, open the door!
    A. I only have 13 str, isnt someone else stronger??
    P. ...you're the rogue, open locks, duh?
    A. ...I'm not that kind of rogue!
    P. FFS, fine! The fighter will bash it, check for traps first!
    A. ...
    P. You ****ing us!
    A. I'M NOT THAT KIND OF ROGUE!
    JuliusBorisovSionIVElrandirRavenslight
  • MathsorcererMathsorcerer Member Posts: 3,037
    edited June 2014
    Throne of Blood, the ultra-high-level classic adventure that puts your party in the Abyss going after Orcus. I made a deal with another player--you give me x now and I'll give you the next major magic item I find. We agreed. The next major item I managed to obtain was the Wand of Orcus itself, which required special gloves to handle. I gave him the Wand....but *not* the gloves....so he died. Oh....I was playing lawful evil, obviously.

    Same character, different time. Major demon comes after us, about to kill us. I told him "wait! Listen to me--I *command* you to kill us, here and now....but if you do then you will admit to *everyone* that you are nothing more than my servant whom I order about at my whim". This confused the DM so in frustration the demon disappeared.

    Then there was the time I was running people through the first Ravenloft module, which clearly stated that it was for characters of levels 1 - 5, except that there is an encounter with a werewolf, which requires a magical weapon to hit....only....no one has magical weapons because they are *1st freaking level*. That was when I started making my own adventures and not relying on poorly-designed modules any more.

    Marvel Super Heroes. One girl had chosen "force field versus hostiles" as one of her powers. Car full of bad guys coming down the street, shooting at us, so she activates the field. hrm....okay--the car is not hostile and thus it moves through the force field freely. The guys are hostile so they do not go through the force field. They *do*, however, go through the car. Yuck.
    That was the same game where my alien character, who got a different random power each turn, wound up wearing a telescoping dildo on his forehead for a short while. Don't ask. He was not from Earth and didn't know any better.
    NonnahswriterElrandirJuliusBorisovRavenslight
  • FrozenDervishFrozenDervish Member Posts: 295
    I'll keep mine short.

    First game we have a party that wanders into a goblin village DM assumes no one can speak goblin, but it turns out the rogue in the group took goblin as an extra language for shits and giggles so he and the goblin chief go off to talk, later the rogue comes back telling everyone that the goblins are friendly and want to serve them cake so they enter the cave the rogue tells them is where the cake is going to be served. Turns out the cake was a lie and a hell portal with demons spewing out ripped them to shreds while the rogue left with an assortment of treasure for the sacrifices he gave the goblin dieties.
    ElrandirJuliusBorisovRavenslight
  • DrugarDrugar Member Posts: 1,566

    Then there was the time I was running people through the first Ravenloft module, which clearly stated that it was for characters of levels 1 - 5, except that there is an encounter with a werewolf, which requires a magical weapon to hit....only....no one has magical weapons because they are *1st freaking level*. That was when I started making my own adventures and not relying on poorly-designed modules any more.

    There's a similar problem in the Tearing of the Weave adventure. When the party is level 5ish, they can come across a Khumat (a crocodile-like monster) with Spell resistance, damage reduction, about a hundred hitpoints and doing 15-25 damage per hit with several attacks per round.
    You can see how this is a problem for a lvl5 party with an average of 40ish hp for the tanks and less for the rest.

    When it utterly crushed the group's frontliner in the first round and nobody could damage it, I said "hold up", rewound time a round and sent in a nerfed version. I checked all monsters' stats from there on out. That thing did not belong in that part of the adventure.
    (other than that, fun adventure, recommend it to anyone)

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