How to start dating again
the_spyder
Member Posts: 5,018
in Off-Topic
So, after 5 years of marriage (and more than a year of being divorced) I find myself wanting to get back into dating again. I've tried the online dating thing and got nothing to show for it and I am finding it hard to meet new people so I thought I would throw it out to a community of my peers, particularly like minded people like I find here. How do you get back into dating?
Not that I think this will matter a whole lot, but I am a 40-something hetero guy living in 'The Burbs' of LA (USA). I'm not looking for people to say "Come meet me" (per say) but I am looking for ideas on how to get back out there in the world and meet people.
I am not much of a drinker, nor do I think that you find quality women hanging out at bars, so that really isn't my style. I am also an Atheist, so going to church isn't really an option. As I said, online dating is just brutal and really isn't an option.
I've started going to conventions like Gen CON (the biggest Gaming convention here in the US) and other smaller conventions locally and have had some success there.
Any other ideas out there? Or maybe, just share how you met your current partner and that might spark ideas.
Not that I think this will matter a whole lot, but I am a 40-something hetero guy living in 'The Burbs' of LA (USA). I'm not looking for people to say "Come meet me" (per say) but I am looking for ideas on how to get back out there in the world and meet people.
I am not much of a drinker, nor do I think that you find quality women hanging out at bars, so that really isn't my style. I am also an Atheist, so going to church isn't really an option. As I said, online dating is just brutal and really isn't an option.
I've started going to conventions like Gen CON (the biggest Gaming convention here in the US) and other smaller conventions locally and have had some success there.
Any other ideas out there? Or maybe, just share how you met your current partner and that might spark ideas.
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Comments
Anyway here is the best advice that you can get and this goes for anyone of any age too, if any of my other forum friends are out there but were too afraid to ask the same kind of questions. First of all forget the right way to approach a girl or the right place. The real first question we all need to ask ourselves is "what do I have to offer a woman?"
"Oh Diogenes" you say, "I've got some money saved up." Anyone can get money, besides do you really want to be with the kind of person to whom that is the primary concern?
"Oh Diogenes" you say, "I'm got a great sense of humour!" That's great. So does everyone else. You gotta try harder my friend.
Are you in good shape? Go to the gym either way, or buy a new bike and ride it around. Women are under greater societal pressure than men to stay in shape, especially as they approach middle age. If you are putting in the same kind of effort to stay in shape as they are then they will respect you for that. You get something to complain about together too. Maybe you'll meet a fellow exerciser and strike up a conversation completely naturally. Also you'll look and feel better, giving you the confidence you need. Healthy body, healthy mind.
What do you do? Like for fun. It's gotta be more than play videogames, as great as those are. Besides what if you find a partner who loves games too but she always wants to play Baldur's Gate at the same time you do? Disaster. Find a new hobby, something that multiple people can do at the same time. You can find groups online for almost anything and sharing a fun experience together is the best way to build a connection with someone.
Take a cooking class. A great social environment, plus you gotta know how to cook. If you can already cook then take an advanced class. Everyone loves someone who can cook better than they can. If you really want to impress a woman but you don't have the time or energy for anything else this is the golden ticket.
Go out and volunteer. Maybe you meet someone and maybe you don't but you'll be a cooler person for doing it and we all should from time to time.
Become the kind of person that the woman of your dreams will be bragging to her friends about over cocktails. Forget going out to meet women, just go out to have fun for yourself and be the great person that you are and that you can be and women will come to you.
Good luck.
Honestly, women just make you tidy up, eat healthy food and massage their feet whilst watching one born every minute...
*sigh*
Maybe.
So first of all, I started going to the gym about a year ago. I go 6-7 times a week regularly and am in pretty good shape. I'm not in professional athlete's shape or anything, but I am in the best shape of my life by a good margin. It definitely helps with mood and positive attitude.
I tried meetup groups and found by and large that they were not for me. The groups that I joined that were "Professional singles" I found I had nothing at all in common with and they were very Cliquee too boot. I joined a Buffy/Angel/Wedonverse group and that was OK, but everyone in that group were couples or married. And I joined a Magic the Gathering group and found they were all teenage boys. Not that all groups were like that, just saying that it is a hard nut to crack.
As for hobbies, I like movies and hiking. Obviously movies isn't a social activity, but hiking is. I've also been getting into Cosplay and really like that.
The convention thing is a bit of a mixed bag though. Although I really enjoy them and have had moderate success with them, they are expensive. And a lot of the time the people there have traveled from other parts of the country (or further) and long distance relationships are not ideal in my experience. but I like nothing more than a healthy dose of Nerdiness in my women and conventions are definitely the place for that type of thing. Plus the Cosplay is a great way to get noticed at places like that.
He's about your age I think and offers some good advice as well as dating tips.
And no, I am not talking about pick-up lines or lying or that garbage.
There's nothing deceitful about improving yourself and your mindset with advice.
He has a book that you can download for free, I think, if you subscribe to his newsletter.
Other than that, be positive, fun and confident.
You could always meet people online or friends of friends etc.
@Archaos - I checked out that guy. I don't think that is my style at all. But thanks for the recommendation.