Can paladins what?! They can do what?! Dammit! The suspense is killing me.
Incidentally, It's 3AM where I am, I have a deadline I need to meet tomorrow (today?), the wife's sleeping inside and I am procrastinating with fake Hexxat. Clearly someone cast a confusion on me. Right. Dispel magic and bye.
paladins are members of the most radiant heart, obviously a religious group of knights. so its logical to ask such a question, however, keldorn did have children. so that should be the answer right there.
Hexxat:Look. Would I date a paladin? Mmm -- maybe I'd let one lay on hands me, if you know what I mean, after a few drinks... but I don't know how far things could go. Can paladins even, you know...
What if I were to fall for you? (figuratively and literally) - would you like me then?
Can paladins what?! They can do what?! Dammit! The suspense is killing me.
Incidentally, It's 3AM where I am, I have a deadline I need to meet tomorrow (today?), the wife's sleeping inside and I am procrastinating with fake Hexxat. Clearly someone cast a confusion on me. Right. Dispel magic and bye.
Keldorn:She's asking if paladins can have sex. As others have noted, I have children, so I think that answers this question.
Viconia:Technically it says that a paladin's *wife* can have sex.
Keldorn:Careful, that's my wife's virtue you're slighting.
Aerie:Keldorn, don't listen to her. Your wife would never do anything like that. She's a lovely lady.
Viconia:I'll never understand surface dwellers. She's the lady of the house -- her mates are her own choice. I would never stand for some upstart, simpering male in a tin can telling me who I can't drag to my bedchamber. Unbelievable.
Hexxat:I am not touching that one with a +3 ten foot pole.
I'm hating how much I'm liking you Hexxat. I'm rather concerned however that when we meet in Amn in person you'll not be the same.
Hexxat:Thank you! You're really sweet too. And look. If it turns out when you meet me in Arm, and I'm different... don't fret. I'm a mistress of disguise, right? I can be whoever I want.
Neera: It's really great that you can do that, you know. Just become anyone you want. It's like a polymorph spell that doesn't show up to detect magic. It's a skill.
Hexxat:I have a few, yeah. And you too, Neera. Just... don't practice them on me. I like myself as I am.
Neera: Maybe that's all that happened. If you're different in Arm, one of my spells might have... altered you a little teeny bit.
Hexxat:Look. Would I date a paladin? Mmm -- maybe I'd let one lay on hands me, if you know what I mean, after a few drinks... but I don't know how far things could go. Can paladins even, you know...
What if I were to fall for you? (figuratively and literally) - would you like me then?
Hexxat:See, that's a lot more interesting to me. A story about how love drove someone to give away their most cherished belief? Desire literally driving one mad? Haer'Dalis would make quite the story out of that one.
Aerie:I don't know about that. I don't think that's right... love is supposed to be something that inspires you, uplifts you. It's not supposed to make you evil.
Viconia:A former paladin turned to evil? Glorious. Could you imagine it, Hexxat? Laying with someone who has tasted the most righteous of the righteous, the highest highs... and turned away from the light? Someone who willingly embraces the dark and the shadow? What pleasures could be found with them.
Rasaad:Or what horrors. Those who turn away from a paladin's faith often do so completely and utterly. They become dark mirrors of their former selves... their love would be as a hot coal; to hold them would burn your hands.
Jan Jansen:What if you were immune to fire, though? Or had in your possession a set of Jan Jansen's Generic Multipurpose Insulated Grippers? You could then hold the coal without any ill effects, save having a hand occupied with the task. Perhaps some kind of rigid framework to hold the grippers, so that the tongs could be manipulated with the toes...
Minsc:Silly words! Women cannot be hoisted by metallic contraptions! They must be carried away with the sheer force of your heroic deeds. Boo has wooed many a female hamster with his stories of courage and valour, but he is always careful to buy them dinner first.
Hexxat:He sounds like a real cutie.
Hexxat:...
Hexxat:Wait, am I hitting on a hamster?!
Edwin:And they said *I* was the crazy one. (It's not crazy to talk to yourself, it's only crazy if you talk back...)
Hexxat:Hard one. I probably like Haer'Dalis the most; something about that guy is really kind of alluring, in a mysterious, dark kind of way. I like the fact that he's so... alien. So unlike everyone else.
Edwin:Then perhaps you should consider making yourself one of my consorts. I, too, am entirely unlike all others. (Above. Better than.)
Hexxat:Yeah. No.
Hexxat:Valygar is probably pretty nice too, once you get to know him. I think he's the kind of guy who takes a bit of getting used to... he's got a lot of baggage in there, and that's just something I find pretty unattractive. I'm looking for someone who'll accept me for who I am. No more, no less. A partner. Someone I can be an equal with.
Edwin:My equal? Pah. Forget I spoke. (Such a thing could not be further from the truth...)
Aerie:It's really nice that you want to be partners with someone, though. That's something I think a lot of people forget when they're looking for romance. They forget that it's more than just... just... you know. It's an emotional, even spiritual connection. And Haer'Dalis is certainly quite an emotionally rich person.
Hexxat:Speaking of baggage, though... Anomen, Anomen, Anomen. Where do I even begin?
Viconia:It's a no-win situation with that rivel. He either embraces his goody-two-shoes nature and becomes a boring, flat imitation of a man, or he becomes a moody, depressed whiner. Pass.
Hexxat:Without going as far as that... I am inclined to agree. Haer'Dalis is probably the best pick out of those three, but I'm really looking for something more.
Hexxat, you spoke earlier of Viconia's sizable behind, in a rather derogatory manner.
Are you trying to say that if a girls walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you do not, in fact, get sprung?
If so, what are the qualifications for "springing", in your opinion? What sorts of physical characteristics are important to you?
Hexxat:Well, what's important to me isn't on the outside, but what's on the inside. I appreciate an attractive body as much as anyone, I suppose, but what I'm looking for runs a little deeper than that.
Hexxat:I want someone to be with me not because I need someone to help me walk, but because walking somewhere by yourself is boring. I don't want to be a burden to anyone else, nor am I looking for someone to nurture. I want independence. I want freedom. I want someone who empowers me, strengthens me, helps me to grow. I want to grow with them. We're a team.
Jaheira:The potato metaphor you used before was particularly apt.
Viconia:Maybe for you, dirt worshipper. Personally if a male dared compare me to a root dug out from the ground I would cave their head in.
Rasaad:I like what Hexxat is saying. She is looking for-
Hexxat:This isn't going to be a "night sky" metaphor is it?
Rasaad:Uhh, no.
Rasaad:Hexxat is looking for a partner in the truest sense of the word. Someone who can match her abilities, compliment them, and who is willing to work towards shared goals and accomplish them together. She is not looking for physical validation like Viconia, and is not afraid of the idea of commitment. Nor is she looking for a carer, like Aerie seems to be; she is not a wounded dove, needing careful nurturing back to health. Neither is she Jaheira, whose emotional needs are wide and varied. Nor is she Anomen and the grab-bag of problems he represents. Instead... she is her own person. And she needs someone to be the other side of her coin. The light side of her moon. The dawn to her dusk.
Hexxat:You said it wasn't going to be a night sky metaphor.
Rasaad:Never once did I mention the night sky.
Hexxat:I... but... you...
Imoen:You gotta admit, he got you good.
Hexxat:Fine. Okay. Whatever. I'm not really cool with discussing who I want to date at the moment. Have you considered that I might not have decided yet?
Jan Jansen:Well what about all this stuff about springing? I have a lot to say on the matter. The tensile strength of the spring matters greatly. Why, my crossbow has over six hundred springs of various sizes scattered throughout. It's a funny story how I acquired them all, really. You see, there's a green dragon in the Mere of Dead Men that developed an insatiable need to collect springs of all shapes, colours, and strengths. She was quite mad, let me assure you, but her collection proved invaluable when a shipping error meant that a significant portion of her spring-horde accidentally found its way to the home of my second cousin twice removed. He had no need for such a collection, of course, and through a mutual friend managed to trade them to an enterprising young half-elf who lived outside Trademeet and who had an eye for unusual purchases. Unfortunately, the green dragon caught up with him at this point and dissolved his cabin with a single breath. He wasn't inside it, of course. He was off at the 14th annual Gryphon Riding Championship in southern Tethyr, so the entire stockpile of springs ended up in the hands of a kobold named A. Just A. I met A back in my early days as a turnip salesman. He had a real name, of course, but he picked A when talking to non-draconoids because they just couldn't pronounce his real name properly. He said it was easy. Only twenty seven syllables long, with thirty vowels. Anyway, so A wrote me a letter, and-
Dorn:I have decided. I cannot listen to any more of this story and am going to kill myself.
Dorn:Perhaps I will kill others, too.
Dorn:I'm going to play the whole thing by ear.
Hexxat:Woah, woah, woah. Before things get too crazy... okay. What do I like in a person, physically? I like people like I like chocolate. Tall, dark, and rich. I kinda like dark hair, but I'm ambivalent about it. Just... just don't let Jan start talking again. I tuned out right as he started talking about the green dragon.
Sorry to hear that Viconia has let herself go. She was quite the stunner back in her heyday.
Hexxat, what's your secret to keeping such a trim figure?
Hexxat:Well, it's mainly exercise, along with not equipping items that increase my strength or constitution. As Viconia indicated, an increase in strength typically comes with an increase in muscle mass; the problem is, magical items are indiscriminate in the way they buff you up. So you get stronger jaw muscles, for example, which hurts like hell when you bite your tongue.
Hexxat:That's why I removed the strength belt I had when I was younger. I nearly severed my tongue. There are a lot of consequences to magic that people just don't get.
Edwin:To inferior, non-Edwin magics, perhaps.
Jaheira:It's a matter of balance. You cannot overload yourself with too much of anything -- chocolate, magic, or any passion. You must always temper your desires with moderation.
Dorn:I could not disagree more, Jaheira. When offered a chance to drink from the cup of life you should fill your belly until it is overflowing; life only presents a precious few chances during our time on this mortal coil, each one must be seized as though it were our last. Too often it is.
Imoen:Haer'Dalis might have something more to say about that, but he's been conspicuously absent thus far. As has Korgan, Sarevok, Cernd, Yoshimo, Anomen, Mazzy, Valygar and Nalia.
Edwin:Mourn not their loss. (They were not relevant to anything anyway.)
Viconia:Honestly, I value all the discussion regarding my behind. The Crom Feyr gives me the strength to smite my enemies; I care not if it affects my physical appearance. My radiant beauty cannot be tarnished by simple magics as this.
Hexxat:No, of course not. Of course not. That hammer doesn't make you look fat at all.
Viconia:Honestly, I value all the discussion regarding my behind. The Crom Feyr gives me the strength to smite my enemies; I care not if it affects my physical appearance. My radiant beauty cannot be tarnished by simple magics as this.
Hexxat:No, of course not. Of course not. That hammer doesn't make you look fat at all.
Are you implying, Hexxat, that your posterior lacks volume, and your physique definition and musculature?
Are you implying, Hexxat, that your posterior lacks volume, and your physique definition and musculature?
Hexxat:My backside is fit and toned, lithe and slender. I'm perfectly suited to slipping into the thinnest nook and cranny and I'm all perfectly toned muscle. I don't want to toot my horn, but I am objectively the most attractive of all the female NPCs in the Expanded Edition.
Jaheira:Well, with full respect, I beg to differ. You're quite comely, I'll admit this, but you lack a certain... natural aura that leaves you a little hollow in the cheeks. And purple is such a strange colour. Beautiful, but certainly... alien.
Imoen:I don't know about that. I mean, you're pretty Jaheira, but there's a certain stern-ness to you that can be offputting. You're more of a warrior woman than you are a genuine, you know, romantic figure. I think your version of romance is to go split some hobgoblin skulls. That doesn't really strike me as fun you know.
Viconia:Surely you jest. Surely. Jaheera smells of a turned grave, of dirt and bugs. Imoen is a scarred child; one part haunty and broken, one part immature and unworthy of attention. And do not even get me started on Aerie; that broken-winged crying whiner can't control her simpering for even a few days, or endure a week's forced march without collapsing in a heap and crying about dying. She's pathetic.
Aerie:YOU'RE pathetic! You're a heartless, vile, spiteful wretch. You're every bit as evil as your kin; you just hide it better, thinking that your devotion to Shar conceals your wicked heart. You're not fooling anyone, Viconia! I have scars, and I'm slowly coming to terms with that, but your scars run deeper. They're in your heart. You may be comely, but your heart is black and diseased. You're ugly on the inside, Viconia. And Jaheira... Imoen has a point. You're very stern sometimes. It's hard to get a smile out of you.
Neera: Almost as hard as it is for you, Aerie. I'm not usually one to agree with Vinconia, but... we've all had traumas in our lives, and we've all managed to move on from them. You're the only one that really... ruminates on the loss of your wings. I mean, really. It's almost all you talk about. Is there really no other joy in your life?
Viconia:Perhaps we should take both her hands, so her magic is forever lost to her as well. Let us see how she copes then. That is how the drow would deal with such weakness.
Nalia:'tis a good thing we are not drow then! Listen, Aerie, I'm sorry that Viconia is being so mean to you. People like you -- I mean people who've lost limbs and other things -- have a lot of sympathy from me. That's part of what makes me so great. I care about people, including people who's stations are not... as equal as mine. And I'm a noblewoman to boot. You see? I'm not only pretty, but I'm kind, too, and that's a rare gift in today's world.
Imoen:Kind as a backhanded slap.
Mazzy:Maybe. But I mean, all other things aside, you're all just so... *tall*. It's imposing. Threatening, even, and people don't want to be threatened when they're interested in someone.
Viconia:Speak for yourself, diminutive one. I enjoy a challenge.
Mazzy:What are you, Shar'Teel now? No. What I mean to say is perhaps you're just looking for someone... smaller. Travel sized. Someone you can cuddle with in a single sleeping bag. Someone who doesn't take up too much room, and will stolidly bear the burdens of a day's travel without complaint. Someone with courage, courage enough to move beyond their racial stereotypes... maybe even love beyond them. That's true beauty.
Hexxat:Well, um. It seems like we're at a bit of an impasse. While I appreciate all the attention my behind's been receiving of late, and I kind of do think it's the most shapely and impressive of all of the -- uhh -- candidates we've had the honour of... inspecting... I think that the question of who is Baldur's Gate's hottest lady is going to have to be declared a draw.
Hexxat:With myself being the eventual victor in the case of a draw. It is my thread, after all.
Dorn:Aren't you forgetting someone?
Hexxat:Hmm?
Dorn:There's at least one sultry woman who hasn't spoken up for themselves.
Hexxat:Uhh, really? Whom?
Dorn:That woman over yonder. The one with the striking features and a gentle face. She has a quiet power to her that I find I'm drawn to, and I'm sure others can feel it too. It's a strange compulsion, to be sure, but it's there. Korgan feels it, I know, and I can see Rasaad's eyes wandering where they shouldn't. Yes. I believe the most attractive one out of all of you is... the lass with in the red robes.
Good point, Imoen, but I highly doubt anybody WANTS to hear from Anomen. Or Cernd.
Wouldn't mind hearing from Sarevok, though. He's cute!
Imoen:I don't know. I think he's a little scary. And by a little scary, I mean: freaking terrifying.
Hexxat:Oh, I don't know. He's got a really intense look that I find... powerful. He's strong, tough, and very cunning. Then again, he did think reversing his name was the height of intellectual power, so there's that too.
Dorn:Pah. I am stronger than he.
Rasaad:Dorn, I would not be so dismissive of Sarevok. Certainly he has the potential to be redeemed. There may yet be light within him.
Hexxat:That's what I meant! Girls like a tough, brooding, dangerous bad guy with a sliver of redemption or a good side to him. We like to think we can change them, because then we get their strength along with their kindness. I'd totally date him.
Jaheira:So you are saying that Sarevok is the Edward Cullen of Baldur's Gate, then?
Hexxat:I am not touching that one with a +5 ten-foot pole.
Your avatar is awesome, your humor is awesome and your imagination is awesome! I didn't visit this forum at the weekend and have seen this thread only today. Great idea! I've tried to give you different reactions (not only likes but also agrees and insightfuls) so that you have your new badges. Thumbs up! Thumbs up indeed!
In Sarevok's defense, ladies, he would never stupidly obsess over some Plain Jane nobody. He, like myself, prefers the blossoming, er...potatoes...of the world of danger and intrigue. Sultry clerics from exotic locales, dutiful amazonion champions, mysterious treasure hunting thieves. I don't know, I'm just sort of tossing ideas out there.
Aaaanyway, Hexxat, how do you feel about poison? Never touch the stuff, myself, since I just call out to Bane and he slaps it on my sword for me, but I do like it in the capable hands of my minio- er, colleagues.
You've even captured the "Nalia attitude", very clever indeed... I have even forgotten about it, but after reading your post, I was like "yeah that's how she really was, I remember now! Amazing." Silly me for not having tried BG1 NPC mod yet (there goes my nerd cred); but let me ask, how does this banters by @Sasayaki fare against that of the famed mod in terms of quality?
And by the way, you write fast. How much more if you took more lengthy time with serious thinking in writing banters?
It's truly sad how excited I got when Nalia and Mazzy showed up. I felt like a tween girl at a Beiber concert for a moment. Don't worry, I slapped myself for it.
In Sarevok's defense, ladies, he would never stupidly obsess over some Plain Jane nobody. He, like myself, prefers the blossoming, er...potatoes...of the world of danger and intrigue. Sultry clerics from exotic locales, dutiful amazonion champions, mysterious treasure hunting thieves. I don't know, I'm just sort of tossing ideas out there.
Aaaanyway, Hexxat, how do you feel about poison? Never touch the stuff, myself, since I just call out to Bane and he slaps it on my sword for me, but I do like it in the capable hands of my minio- er, colleagues.
I really, really hate to break it to you but... Bane's dead. Been dead these last 20 years gone.
You sure you haven't been calling out to his little brother Bone?
I really, really hate to break it to you but... Bane's dead. Been dead these last 20 years gone.
You sure you haven't been calling out to his little brother Bone?
Oh, hm, that's right. I'll have to rethink that bit. Though, I'm not sure which is more disturbing, that I forgot Bane was slain, or that my poisonous smite still works despite it...Hexxat! I need more advice! What do you think of our pantheon? Do you have a cool patron deity? I think I need to make a change of a divine nature.
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Incidentally, It's 3AM where I am, I have a deadline I need to meet tomorrow (today?), the wife's sleeping inside and I am procrastinating with fake Hexxat. Clearly someone cast a confusion on me. Right. Dispel magic and bye.
Are you trying to say that if a girls walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you do not, in fact, get sprung?
If so, what are the qualifications for "springing", in your opinion? What sorts of physical characteristics are important to you?
Hexxat, what's your secret to keeping such a trim figure?
Oh and this thread!
Wouldn't mind hearing from Sarevok, though. He's cute!
You're awesome!
Your avatar is awesome, your humor is awesome and your imagination is awesome! I didn't visit this forum at the weekend and have seen this thread only today. Great idea! I've tried to give you different reactions (not only likes but also agrees and insightfuls) so that you have your new badges. Thumbs up! Thumbs up indeed!
@Hexxat
What mysterious artifacts are you looking for?
Aaaanyway, Hexxat, how do you feel about poison? Never touch the stuff, myself, since I just call out to Bane and he slaps it on my sword for me, but I do like it in the capable hands of my minio- er, colleagues.
And by the way, you write fast. How much more if you took more lengthy time with serious thinking in writing banters?
Hang on. Don't answer that one, the answer will probably be depressing.
You sure you haven't been calling out to his little brother Bone?