The Fresh (Turnip Sellin') Prince of Amn
booinyoureyes
Member Posts: 6,164
Inspired by @lolien 's rap battle thread, I decided to turn my all time favorite television intro song, performed by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince himself, into a Baldur's Gate rap. But who would perform Athkatla's next big hit?
Surely it would be a bard?
Nah, for this one we need only the Freshest man (and vegetables) in the realms
Turnip for what????
Now this is a story, all about how,
My life got turnip side down,
So I’d like to take a minute, so just sit right down,
I’ll tell you how I became a veggie peddler in a place called Amn.
In. the. West Slums of Athkatla, born and raised,
But the government district’s where I spent most of my days.
Sellin’ turnips no sales taxin and relaxin’ all cool,
Sellin’ flashers and all kinds of dope semi-legal tools,
When the taxman came by, said I’m up to no good,
And started makin’ trouble in my neighborhood,
Almost got in one little fight and Uncle Spanky got scared,
Said “you’re joining the Bhaalspawn and going to Windspear”
We. Pulled. Into the town, right by Umar Hills,
Saved a shorty named Mazzy from all sorts of perils,
Saved D’Arnise and the druids and a town called Trademeet,
And I gave Lord Firkraag many flashers to eat,
The heroes of places, both near and far,
From Watcher’s Keep to Suldenesselar,
Beat Bodhi, a lass who just gave me the chills,
And Jonny Irenicus, who was on some crazy pills,
We saved the elves, cleaned up their mess,
And we even saw Edwin in a dress!
But just like my cousin Beeloo would say,
Can’t sell many turnips when you adventure all day,
So I returned to my kingdom when things did finally calm,
To settle my throne… as the fresh veggie-peddler of Amn.
Surely it would be a bard?
Nah, for this one we need only the Freshest man (and vegetables) in the realms
Turnip for what????
Now this is a story, all about how,
My life got turnip side down,
So I’d like to take a minute, so just sit right down,
I’ll tell you how I became a veggie peddler in a place called Amn.
In. the. West Slums of Athkatla, born and raised,
But the government district’s where I spent most of my days.
Sellin’ turnips no sales taxin and relaxin’ all cool,
Sellin’ flashers and all kinds of dope semi-legal tools,
When the taxman came by, said I’m up to no good,
And started makin’ trouble in my neighborhood,
Almost got in one little fight and Uncle Spanky got scared,
Said “you’re joining the Bhaalspawn and going to Windspear”
We. Pulled. Into the town, right by Umar Hills,
Saved a shorty named Mazzy from all sorts of perils,
Saved D’Arnise and the druids and a town called Trademeet,
And I gave Lord Firkraag many flashers to eat,
The heroes of places, both near and far,
From Watcher’s Keep to Suldenesselar,
Beat Bodhi, a lass who just gave me the chills,
And Jonny Irenicus, who was on some crazy pills,
We saved the elves, cleaned up their mess,
And we even saw Edwin in a dress!
But just like my cousin Beeloo would say,
Can’t sell many turnips when you adventure all day,
So I returned to my kingdom when things did finally calm,
To settle my throne… as the fresh veggie-peddler of Amn.
16
Comments
The music and tone of this show just look like so much fun, I had to look it up on Netflix. They have it, though it is listed as having a long waiting period before they can send it.
Mere hours before my release of Jan Jansen's greatest hit, Jimmy Fallon did it first
What a jerk... but props on getting cameos by DJ Jazzy Jeff and Alfonso Ribeiro. Still, he didn't get Jan Jansen to show up, so I win.
Now we need Zappa's Muffin Man turned into the Turnip Man! Quick Jan, build yourself a guitar!