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Bard's diary

DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
edited June 2015 in Fan Creations
Hello there folks, I recently decided I'll improve my storywritting in english and since I am currently going through a new custom party playthrough of the whole saga, I realized I might as well use it as a base for the story. But without someone to read it, the practise would be pointless, right? So I'm posting it here, for all of you to read. I really hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writting it. And I would be gratefull for any constructive critique both in language and the use of phrases and other stuff.

So, without further delay, I give you the story of young half elven bard as he's dragged through the Sword Cost by his destiny.

Update 11.5.2015:Since I will upload only to DeviantArt from now on, I changed all the links, so they now take to a DeviantArt page with the respective chapter. I will still post an update here, when a new chapter is out.

Prologue

Part one - Brittle Iron
Chapter I.
Chapter II.
Chapter III.
Chapter IV.
Chapter V.
Chapter VI.
Chapter VII.

Part two - Freelance adventurers
Chapter VIII.
Chapter IX.
Chapter X.
Chapter XI.
Chapter XII.
Post edited by Demonic on

Comments

  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    edited March 2015
    Well, while I want to use the story of the saga as a main framework for my writting, I don't want to write down the exact same things others wrote before me. That's the reason I went with the diary theme :)

    /Edit/ I actually was able to find some grammatical and stylisticall errors by myself, so it might not be that bad with me and my english after all :D
  • JuliusBorisovJuliusBorisov Member, Administrator, Moderator, Developer Posts: 22,754
    I like the diary theme a lot. It's an interesting story, I'm all ears (eyes in this case).

    Also, your English is fine, very good:) In fact, I envy your English a bit.
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    Well, to be honest the main problem here isn't grammar. The problem is I am not used to write stories in english and I only recently began reading books in english. So I'm not confident enough in terms of phrases and vocabulary. That's the main thing I want to practise :) I want to make sure I'm not biasing the language by phrases from my native language.
  • BlackravenBlackraven Member Posts: 3,486
    Need to catch up still, but I like what I've read so far. Keep up the good work!
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    Thank you :) If you find any gramatical or syntactical errors, or maybe wrong use of phrases, let me know :)
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    edited April 2015
    Chapter five - Into the darkness


    10th Myrtul 1368

    Dear diary,
    the mines are not nearly as interesting as I hoped they’ll be. We didn’t fully explore them yet, but I should probably start from the beginning.

    Marissa caught up with us after an hour of waiting. We tried to get some answers from her, but she remained silent about the incident. Since it was useless to remain on one place, we packed our things and moved towards the mines. The scenery soon lost its nice lively look. The closer we got to the mines, the less grass we saw, and the fewer animals we heard. Haldemar looked a bit gloomy to me, but I think it was caused by his ranger nature. He was probably used to travel through lush forests and plains and this region full of dirt and rocks made him feel uncomfortable.

    The mines weren’t that far from the carnival and we got there early in the afternoon. We stopped for a brief meal and then we descended to the bottom of the mining pit. Foreman wasn’t that happy to see us, he made clear that for him, we’re just another bunch of fools going to cause trouble and die, but he ultimately allowed us to go into the mines.

    We lit our torches and walked in through the main entrance. Luckily for us, the passages were wide enough for Grask to fit in them. We continued deeper in the mines. There were quite a lot of miners at first, which surprised us. Mayor spoke about disappearances, so we thought there won’t be so many of them, but after we talked with few of the workers, we found out that the mine has several stories below and this is the only one which is completely safe, but it’s also almost mined out. Every miner had his own version of what’s happening. One believed it’s caused by barking demons, others spoke about a dragon or a giant man-eating worms.

    Nothing seemed too convincing, but we didn’t run into any problems at that point, so we couldn’t rule out anything. We had more luck with the iron itself. One of the miners showed us the ore in the mine cart. It was covered by film of some strange substance. It couldn’t be separated and he told us it’s the same no matter where in the mine is the ore mined. We took one small piece of ore with us and continued deeper in the mines.

    We explored most drifts of the first storey, when we finally found a spot where the ore was still mined. Leodrik picked freshly mined chunk of ore from the cart and examined it together with the sample we got from the miner. The new piece was without the substance, which seemed extremely suspicious, at least to me. We continued with the exploring and soon we ran into the stairs, leading to the lower parts of the mine.

    The next storey was significantly less populated with the miners, but there were more guards stationed there. That part of the mine was obviously more dangerous, but it looked like it wasn’t dangerous enough to discourage the mining. We continued through the passages, occasionally stopping to speak with a guard or a miner. We soon realized one part of this storey was mostly abandoned and miners believed it was haunted. It was obvious that’s exactly the place we should check.

    I walked towards it, but Grask quickly grabbed me and pulled me back.

    “Be careful, kid, you can’t just waltz into that place. We have to be careful.” warned me Leodrik.

    “Bu we just walked through the mines, right? And you weren’t exactly careful.”

    “Yeah, but there was a lot of other people who could warn us, if we were near danger, but now we’re going to explore the place where those same people refuse to go. Do you get it? There won’t be anyone else, so we have to pay attention to our surroundings.”

    I didn’t really understand what he was trying to explain, but I pretended I did, since his lecturing was quite annoying. When we finally moved, Vanessa was walking in front of us at the edge of the light from the torches. Grask was second, Marissa and I were behind him and Leodrik with Haldemar closed our formation.

    We were going rather slowly and I was bored. My mind soon drifted back to the carnival, where I was watching Vanessa in the gambling tent. I still didn’t figure out why I was so upset about that guy earlier. I was lost in this memory so badly I bumped to Grask when he suddenly stopped. I began to complain but Haldemar quickly muffled my mouth with his hand and pointed out to the passage in front of us. Vanessa was carefully returning back to our group. She whispered something but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. The others apparently understood her as they all grabbed their weapons and slowly walked forward. Marissa stayed behind and so did I. I wanted to go with the rest, bud Hald strictly told me not to.

    They walked through a curved part of the corridor and disappeared from our sight. The mine was quiet for the moment, but then we heard a loud shout followed by sounds of fighting. The fight was over soon and Vanessa came back to tell us we can go now.

    We walked into the large hall. Several dead bodies were lying on the floor, covered in blood. All of them were grotesquely shaped, with weird doglike heads. My stomach turned inside out and I vomited everything I ate before.

    Leodrik raised his eyebrows.

    “Is everything all right?” he asked.

    “Does it look like it’s all right? This... this... carnage is apparently too much for my stomach.” I replied when I was finally able to speak again.

    “Really? But why now? You were there when we killed the bounty huntress and you saw what Marissa did to the mage. And you were fine.”

    “Yeah... I guess it’s the blood and those... things. Can we... can we go somewhere else?”

    “Sure we can. Just wait a moment, before we patch Hald and Grask up and we’ll move on.”

    “Wait, what... are they injured?”

    “Nah, just a few scratches and bruises, but it’s important to clean it so they won’t get an infection.”

    After a moment of necessary bandaging, we made our way deeper to the abandoned parts and when we came across a large empty hall, we stopped. Our torches were almost gone, which meant it’s almost dark outside and we were really tired. We ate a bit from our supplies – well, they ate, my stomach was still unpleasantly disturbed – and then we quickly settled for the night. We’ll continue with our search tomorrow, hopefully without any more of those... incidents.

    Post edited by Demonic on
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    edited April 2015
    Chapter seven - A weird dream and a strange power


    12th Myrtul 1368

    Dear diary,
    I had a weird dream tonight. I can’t really recall any details, but there’s the strange feeling I had since I woke up. I don’t know how or why, but somehow, I’m sure it wasn’t just a dream. I remember a few fractions of it and they show nothing but strange dark lands with one exception. One short fragment of the dream shows Gorion, dead and alive at the same time, speaking to me, but I can’t hear what he says.

    But the dream is not something to worry about I’m sure. Even if it isn’t a normal dream, it’s still a dream and they can’t hurt me. I should be worried more about the bounty hunters someone’s been sending for my head. But I should write this from the beginning, or else I’ll forget something, like I usually do.

    We camped soon after we emerged from the mines. The fight with the strange man and long hours of walking through the tunnels took their toll and we were really tired. The wizard demanded we continue travelling until we arrive to Nashkel and he was really upset when we ignored him and stopped for the night.

    The dream came that night, but when I woke up in the morning there were more important things to do than trying to remember it. Xan, that was the elf wizard’s name, turned out to be quite an annoying fellow. He was unbelievably pessimistic and arrogant at the same time, combination which I didn’t believe was possible. He should be thankful for his rescue, but no, he tried to tell us what to do or where to go and when he realized we won’t listen to him, he start acting almost like a little spoiled child, whining all the time. I have to say I was extremely annoyed and surprised. I met a few elves in Candlekeep but they all were always calm and patient.

    Finally Marissa lost her patience. She began yelling at him, accusing him of being a disgrace of elves, which started a furious argument. We had to back off from them as they were on the brink of magic fight, when he threw his final argument. He said Marissa had no right to judge him as she was no elf, at which point she pulled of her cowl and moved off her hair so he could see her ears.

    He was quite surprised and so was I. Up to this point, I had absolutely no idea Marissa is actually an elf. Sure she wasn’t behaving as a normal human woman, but then, neither was Vanessa. I simply thought it’s because she’s a sorceress.

    Xan went silent after that. He walked with us for a few miles, but he soon went his own way. The mood immediately went up and we soon resumed our usual travelling routine, laughing and talking about a lot of nonsense stuff. We managed to solve the problems that were plaguing the mines which meant a reward was waiting for us in Nashkel.

    We arrived almost at noon and immediately went to the mayor. We told him what happened and showed him the vials we found along with the ore samples and letters. He was quite happy to hear his troubles are gone and paid us a handsome sum of coin.

    After that, we went to inn. Or at least we wanted to. Turned out another assassin was waiting for us and he immediately attacked with throwing axes. To be honest, I couldn’t believe he’s actually doing it at first, since we were on the open street with a lot of Amnish soldiers around, but it was soon obvious he doesn’t care. First axe missed us, second got blocked by Grask’s shield but Haldemar got hit by the third. We finally realised what’s happening and charged him, but he was quite fast and agile. He was even able to dodge arrows shot by soldiers who came to our aid. It was horrible. He continued throwing his axes whenever he could, while dodging a lot of arrows and attacks. He proved quite skilled, but he ultimately made a mistake and got caught between two angry men with shields. When he realized his mistake it was already late, Leodrik and Grask got him cornered and mercilessly slaughtered him.

    Soldiers tried to stop them from killing him, but my friends were furious, because that bastard wounded Haldemar badly. Girls tried to help him, but the axe was stuck between his ribs and it looked awfully grim. I rushed back to help them as soon as the bounty hunter went down. They removed the axe and I tried to hold the wound closed so he wouldn’t bleed out before they could bandage him, but the wound was large and he was losing blood quickly. Marissa tried some potions and they helped, but not nearly enough.

    And then it happened. I don’t know how I did it, but as I was holding his wound, wishing for him to survive a strange but somehow familiar force emerged within me. I have no idea what it was or how I was able to control it, but Haldemar’s wound healed without a sign of a scar. And then I passed out.

    I woke up moments after. I still don’t know what caused Hald’s miraculous recovery but it sure took its toll on me. However, my strength soon returned and I was able to help girls with moving our ranger to the inn. He wasn’t dying anymore, but he still lost a lot of blood.

    Turned out the assasin’s name was Nimbul, it was written on the bounty notice he had. He managed to kill at least three soldiers, which explained why their attempts to capture him alive were poor at best. They were pissed at him almost as bad as we were.

    We remained in Nashkel for the rest of the day. Hald rested a little and he was able to join us for dinner.
    When we finished our meal they all looked at me. They expected some explanation, but I had none and so the awkward silence was ensured. Haldemar was the first to break it.

    “Would you mind explaining us what you did? Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy you did what you did, and I’m thankful for that but we would really like to know how you managed to heal me.”

    I shrugged. “I would like to know that too, Hald, believe me. You know as much as I do, maybe more even, since I passed out for a moment after – after I did that.”

    “Really?” he asked. He wasn’t quite convinced, I could see it, but I had no explanation whatsoever.

    “Is it possible? Can he do something like that without knowing how he did it?” he asked Marissa when he didn’t get his answer from me.

    “Well, it’s not common, that’s for sure. It wouldn’t be that surprising if he cast some arcane spell since we already know he can manipulate arcane, but you can’t heal with arcane energy. Only diviners, clerics and druids, those who get their powers from a god can do that. Of course, there were a few healers who could do something similar, but it turned out later they were actually in favour of some god, they just wasn’t aware of that.”

    “So you say our young bard is what? A saint? A chosen of some god?” he asked.

    Marissa probably wanted to answer him but they were interrupted by a loud displeased grunt from Grask.

    “Yeah, you’re right,” Hald replied to him “sorry Jonah, I shouldn’t spoke like that. If you say you don’t know how you did it, I won’t question it.”

    I smiled. “It’s fine. I wouldn’t believe it myself too, if it wasn’t happening to me.” I chuckled, but then I turned serious.

    “But I guess it sort of explains the attacks. As much as it scares me, we can’t deny there is something weird going on around me, or inside me. And I fear the person behinds those attacks knows way more than we do.”

    “Well, there’s always a chance your father stepped on someone’s toes and he’s mad enough to extend his revenge on you.” said Leodrik.

    Grask grunted eagain.

    “Yeah.” Leodrik nodded. “We probably shouldn’t stay here for long.”

    “But Hald has to rest, we can’t move now.” Vanessa immediately argued.

    “Well, we have to stay here for this night, that’s for sure,” said Haldemar “so why won’t you guys look for some more jobs to do and we’ll decide what we’ll do tomorrow.”

    They talked about that for a while, but I wasn’t really paying attention to them anymore. I was thinking about the dream and that power I felt. They ultimately agreed to Hald’s proposition and went looking for some work, while I grabbed this diary and began writing.

    Previous part - Chapter list - Next part



    Sorry for the longer wait guys, my inspiration went on holiday (or was stolen from me by a few new PC games, you choose xD ) and I wasn't quite able to come up with the right words.

    Hope you'll liked this chapter and once again, sorry for the wait :)
    Post edited by Demonic on
  • lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 3,108
    Your story and especially your dialogues are quite living. Nice work! Other than some typing mistakes and missing articles i couldn't find any mistakes, but my english is ... we better not speak from that. Bookmarked!
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    Thanks for the kind words :) I fear you might get a longer wait than I would like, but I have to finish some school stuff first. Maybe I'll get some time to write during weekend, but I wouldn't bet on it, since my "writting mood" is currently shared by three projects, and one of them has to be finished before the end of April.
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    edited May 2015
    Chapter eight - Hunter in the grey


    13th Mytrul 1368

    Dear diary,
    we’ve met weird and disturbing people today. The first one was just weird, the second was both, but let’s take it from the beginning.

    Haldemar was, to our genuine surprise, completely healed in the morning. He didn’t even feel any pain. Sure, we all saw what I did, but it was still surprising to see him walk a mere day after being struck by an axe to his chest. But he insisted he’s fine, and since Vanessa managed to find us a job, we had no real reason to stay in Nashkel any more, especially after the last ambush.

    The job turned out to be bounty hunting. The rest of us didn’t like it. Hunting people with prizes on their head is a dirty job and we really didn’t want to be the same as Nimbul, but when she described the job, we all agreed. In fact, it wasn’t exactly a bounty, more like a reward for finding stolen gems and there were no specific instructions about the thieves themselves. The other reason why we took the job was because the main suspect was someone called Prism, a sculptor, who never harmed anyone. We were quite confident we could get the gems without bloodshed. But if someone else got to him first the poor artist could easily end up dead.

    Prism was supposedly last seen travelling towards the carnival and so that’s where we started. We asked around a bit and got a lot of gossip, but very little useful information. He didn’t actually appeared on the carnival but there were a few claims people saw him travelling north. There is only one place where he could go on this side of Cloud Peaks. The mines. Everywhere else was wilderness and we doubted he would actually try to cross the mountains.

    The guards patrolling near mines confirmed our conclusion. Quite a few of them saw a fancy looking man walk past the mines only a few days ago. They showed us the direction he headed and we quickly resumed our search. Luckily for us, the land around the mines is rocky, void of any plant bigger than a small bush, so we could see far into the distance.

    The first one to spot him was Haldemar with his keen ranger eyes. He was moving on a ledge in the middle of tall cliff. It took us some time to find a way to get there, but we eventually managed it.

    Prism was acting really weird. He was sculpting a large face in into the side of the mountain, mumbling frantically and completely ignoring his surroundings. He wasn’t even aware of us, until we actually spoke to him.

    “W-what? Who’s there?” he gasped, “Is it Greywolf?”

    When he turned to us we realised he’s pale and thin, almost as if he wasn’t eating or sleeping, and he was most certainly sick.

    “Calm down,” I said. “I don’t know who Greywolf is, but he certainly isn’t one of us.”

    “He isn’t? Oh, thank you, thank you Oghma. I feared for the worst. But if you’re not him, than who are you? Adventurers perhaps? Would you be so kind and protect me for a while? I know Greywolf is after me, I really shouldn’t stole the emeralds, I know I shouldn’t but I had to. I have to finish her and the emeralds are my only chance. Only they resemble her eyes, I can’t use anything else.”

    He didn’t even waited for our response and immediately resumed his work, his hands moving with incredible speed, sculpting large, but beautiful face.

    We stood there, baffled and unable to speak. When we finally recovered from the shock, a wild debate ensued.

    Hald and Leodrik wanted to simply grab the gems and leave, while the girls tried to convince them to stay and protect the sculptor. Grask supported them, but I think he didn’t really care about the sculpture or the artist, he just wanted to kick someone’s butt. I stayed neutral, since I was really interested in Prism’s creation, but I didn’t like the possibility of another fight.

    The argument stretched for almost an hour and was ended only by sudden arrival of Greywolf. The bounty hunter wasn’t exactly pleased to see us there, and demanded we leave and let him do his job. It was obvious he’ll kill the sculptor, if we let him, so we declined.

    What we didn’t expect was him attacking us. We were six and he was alone, yet he felt confident enough to charge us. He was good and his sword was emitting some mysterious icy aura. He could probably take out any one of us in a one on one fight and he knew it, but his overconfidence was his undoing. He managed to land a few blows on Grask, who barely blocked them with his shield, but then Vanessa, Leodrik and Hald joined the fight. Outnumbered, without a space to manoeuvre on the ledge, he eventually lost.

    Hald later said he didn’t meant to kill him, but Greywolf’s defence was so good, he wasn’t able to land anything nonlethal.

    Sadly, Prism died soon after he finished his marvellous sculpture. We buried him, took the emeralds and found a place to stay for the night, since the sun was almost gone.

    Post edited by Demonic on
  • BlackravenBlackraven Member Posts: 3,486
    I love your story so far @Demonic! I hope you have the stamina to keep this going.
    Your vocabulary is very rich, making it a pleasure to read your journal entries.
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    A rich vocabulary? Why thank you :) That's probably the first time someone told me that :) About keeping it up... well I probably won't be updating it as fast as I did with a first few "chapters" especially since exam time in collage is getting near and I have other writting projects I'm working on (one is in fact a gamebook, and it's quite time consuming), but I have no intention for stopping this story. Baldur's Gate games are my number 1 games in my heart and I really want to finish this. It may take some time, but I'm not abandoing it.
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    Chapter nine - Terrifying anger


    14th Myrtul 1368

    Dear diary,
    why is everyone so violent down here in the south? I would really like to know. Yesterday, there was Greywolf and today that Amnish group. We were exploring areas southwest of Nashkel, since we planned to stay away from towns for a while and so we didn’t want to return to Nashkel with the emeralds yet. We met some small groups of kobolds and hobgoblins, half of them actually run off when they saw us, but then we came across them.

    A woman with two other goons, wandering through the wilds. She began insulting us as soon as she spotted us. I didn’t know why, but after a brief conversation, it became apparent they are hunters of some sort. The problem was, they began hunting us. Sure they were only three, but we split up some time earlier and I was only with Vanessa when we met them.

    We ran. But they were fast. I still thing they were using some magic, because we couldn’t shake them off even though they were in metal armour. We tried to find someone from our group, only there was one large issue. We had no idea where they went. Hald was hunting and we didn’t expect him to return any time soon, Marissa wandered off to gather herbs and our two fighters were gods know where.

    We eventually lost our pursuers, but they turned out to be pretty good trackers. The game of tag merely changed to the game of hide and seek. We crawled through the forest, carefully observing our surrounding and desperately trying to avoid their eyes. Well, to be fair, I was desperately trying, Vanessa moved like a natural stalker. She crept through the bushes as if they weren’t there and she even managed to find a nice hiding spot.

    We stayed there for maybe an hour, but those Amnians were not giving up. Finally, Vanessa got tired of running and hiding.

    “Allright, that’s enough. No more running.” she said, “we’re going to take them down.”

    “But how?” I asked. “They have the numbers and they have better equipment, we don’t stand a chance!”

    “Only in a fair fight.” she replied with a terrifying look on her face.

    I got really scared only by looking at her. She was angry. Terribly angry. I never saw her loose her temper before and I never want to see it again.

    She quickly came up with a plan. I was supposed to run from them again and lure them out. In short, I was the bait. She didn’t tell me what will she do, but I was sure it wasn’t anything nice. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about being the lure, but I would rather walk through the Nine Hells than argue with her at that moment.

    I moved on her signal. I kept my head low and moved slowly towards the edge of the forest. They soon spotted me and followed in my trail. I was praying to all the gods I know and I hoped she’ll manage to do whatever she planned. They were skilled hunters and carefully manoeuvred me through the forest. I realized it rather fast but I was unable to do anything about that. Soon they had me in the exact place where they wanted. My way was blocked by a ravine I wasn’t aware of before and they covered all of my escape routes.

    Or at least they thought so. But when the women came out to claim her prey, she suddenly realized she was alone. Then we heard a muffled scream followed by a sound of falling body. The women got nervous. She almost forgot about me and searched the forest for any signs of her companions, but she was unable to find them. Finally one of them stumbled out of the tree line. His throat was slit and he was losing blood quickly. He fell down before she could get to him. Vanessa was still nowhere to be seen. The women was frightened, I could see it in her eyes. She stood up, grabbed her spear and slowly moved towards me.

    “Get out you bitch, or else I’ll kill this boy!” she screamed.

    She got no response. I wanted to run, I desperately wanted to run, but I was frozen by fear.

    “Do you hear me? I’ll kill him, if you...” She couldn’t finish.

    She dropped her weapon and reached for her neck, while she turned back towards me. Her eyes were widened by fear and her neck and mouth were covered in blood. I couldn’t see why, but her hands moved away a moment before she dropped on the ground. I gasped. There were three throwing knives buried deep in her throat.

    She was dead before her body hit the ground. Vanessa came out only moments after that, her weapons still in her hand. Tiny droplets of blood were falling from her swords, creating a thin red path behind her.

    I saw her darker side for the first time.

  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    Allright folks, time to make some changes. No, don't worry I didn't quit, I just decided I want all of my creations together on one site. I eventually plan to make my personal pages for that purpose, but before that happens I'm going to use DeviantArt. So from now on, I won't post the whole chapter here, I'll just update you guys with a link to the new chapter.

    Chapter X - Thoughts

    This one's a little shorter, but that's mainly because it's more about inner thoughts than about actual action :)
  • JuliusBorisovJuliusBorisov Member, Administrator, Moderator, Developer Posts: 22,754
    Next stage: releasing a book:)
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    Here, sir, have a :cookie:

    Yeah releasing a book would be nice, it's one of my long lasting dreams, but I doubt I could release THIS as a book since it's all based on copyrighted material... oh wait... you were joking, right? xD
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    A'ight, sorry for the wait guys, but the next chapter is finally up :)

    Chapter XI - Gnoll fortress
  • DemonicDemonic Member Posts: 75
    Fuh... I should stop being so lazy xD

    Chapter XII - Unexpected saviour
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