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The Beamdog team has been replaced by dopplegangers. How does this make you feel?

ramagonsramagons Member Posts: 96
edited September 2012 in Archive (General Discussion)
Without revealing my source, I have received confirmation that the entire Beamdog team has been replaced with vicious, inhuman dopplegangers. When I called their customer support line weeks ago, I was greeted by a friendly support clerk with a thick Canadian accent. After a few initial questions, she started hissing "foolish meat" in a horrific, guttural voice. She then hung up on me, quite rudely.

While this wasn't definitive proof, as she was Canadian, I felt deeply unsettled and tried to get more information. What I've found has shocked me utterly.

-The Alberta branch of the SPCA reports that Trent Oster has adopted over 100 cats since August. These animals are not being properly cared for, but are in fact being stored in a file cabinet and eaten for lunch daily by the staff. This file cabinet is covered in gore and buzzing with flies, which raises a host of questions. Is this humane treatment for animals? More importantly, is this having an adverse affect on the development process?

-If the development team has been replaced by dopplegangers, where are the original team members? Have they been murdered or are they being kept somewhere remote? If the dopplegangers are more committed to developing and shipping a polished product, does anyone care?
  1. The Beamdog team has been replaced by dopplegangers. How does this make you feel?87 votes
    1. I don't really mind if they're sadistic dopplegangers. At least they aren't Electronic Arts employees.
      52.87%
    2. I prefer to play games that aren't made by cat-eating monsters, as hard as that is these days.
        8.05%
    3. I'm a doppleganger, and I find this whole thing highly offensive.
      39.08%
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Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • FredjoFredjo Member Posts: 477
    You made me ROFLLOL&LMFAO only 30secs after THE Email.. :D
  • ajwzajwz Member Posts: 4,122
    I wouldn't like to cast detect evil in a room full of EA employees. Having said that, this doppleganger revelation speaks volumes on the issue of Trent's beard, which does not appear as that of a normal human.
  • elminsterelminster Member, Developer Posts: 16,317
    edited September 2012
    Rhaaaaaaarh fleshling. Who is to say one cannot both not mind if the game is made by sadistic dopplegangers and be one ourselves.

    It is useless to resist the grand plans of Beamdog. However, your time has come. Aaaaaaaaaagghh.
  • ramagonsramagons Member Posts: 96
    I like that as of now, there's only one person brave enough to say no to the doppleganger threat.

    Farewell @Schneidend
  • DaveDave Member Posts: 200
    I'm not a werewolf.
  • ajwzajwz Member Posts: 4,122
    Actually I know for a fact that if you mail the developers a diseased carcass of a long dead domesticated animal for them to devour that they give you access to the closed beta.
  • ramagonsramagons Member Posts: 96
    ajwz said:

    Actually I know for a fact that if you mail the developers a diseased carcass of a long dead domesticated animal for them to devour that they give you access to the closed beta.

    It's tough to put on a customs form at the post office, though.

  • colonel_burgercolonel_burger Member Posts: 279
    edited September 2012
    YOUR TIME IS DONE PRIMATE! RRRRHHHHHAAAAGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It puts the credit card in the preorder shopping basket or it gets the vivisection again, HSSSSST!
  • ramagonsramagons Member Posts: 96
    I think whatever your opinion is about the delay, we all have to admit that it is useless to resist, urrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
  • RedcoatRedcoat Member Posts: 31
    I'm a Doppelganger, and I find thisssss offensssssive...time to flaaaaaay ssssome meat!
  • ZeckulZeckul Member Posts: 1,036
    Kinda reminds me of
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjMiDZIY1bM
  • ramagonsramagons Member Posts: 96
    In retrospect, it wasn't so hard to prove that they were dopplegangers. I just had to walk into the offices one day and pick up a scroll that complained about foolish humans, carefully outlined the exact process of how they had infiltrated Beamdog, and was signed "Trent."
  • SceptenarSceptenar Member Posts: 606
    Are these doppelgangers capable of shipping on schedule? If they are then I don't mind...
  • MrKrisSatanMrKrisSatan Member Posts: 75
    Well I'm actually ok with this, I assume their plan is to kill all the people who didn't think Baldur's Gate was the greatest game of all time
  • xLegionxxLegionx Member Posts: 197
    I seek to contact the dopplegangers of beamdog. I seek a relationship between us that could benefit us both greatly. As you well know I am a very powerful and dominant necromancer probably the most powerful necromancer alive. I wish to make use of your dark powers rendered unto my service to bring war and bloodshed throughout the regions. When they are all weakened enough, I shall use the undead armies that I have raised and wipe them out from existence and in exchange, grant you all rights to power. I'm sure you all have been sick of eating cats all the time like barbaraic savages. A new age is upon us and the red sun is rising. Join me in wiping out all good everywhere especially paladins whom I've encountered on more than one occassion. The fools...they think they have the right to wipe any living thing from existence if it does not fit in with their "moral code".

    Again join me and we shall rule as kings...and queens.
  • ramagonsramagons Member Posts: 96
    xLegionx said:

    I seek to contact the dopplegangers of beamdog. I seek a relationship between us that could benefit us both greatly. As you well know I am a very powerful and dominant necromancer probably the most powerful necromancer alive. I wish to make use of your dark powers rendered unto my service to bring war and bloodshed throughout the regions. When they are all weakened enough, I shall use the undead armies that I have raised and wipe them out from existence and in exchange, grant you all rights to power. I'm sure you all have been sick of eating cats all the time like barbaraic savages. A new age is upon us and the red sun is rising. Join me in wiping out all good everywhere especially paladins whom I've encountered on more than one occassion. The fools...they think they have the right to wipe any living thing from existence if it does not fit in with their "moral code".

    Again join me and we shall rule as kings...and queens.

    I have to admit I was expecting you to ask them to wire money to you when I read this paragraph.
  • SilverstarSilverstar Member Posts: 2,207
    It is useless to resist...
  • SilenceSilence Member Posts: 437
    Or maybe it's all some M. Night Shamaylan film, where it turns out they were the real team, and we were the dopplegangers, and the plants are out to get us all, and there is swimsuit model in our backyard pool.
  • CorianderCoriander Member Posts: 1,667
    I need to learn more about Canadian accents. I have never even heard the term "Quiggly hole"
  • CamDawgCamDawg Member, Developer Posts: 3,439
    ajwz said:

    I wouldn't like to cast detect evil in a room full of EA employees.

    Pfft. You'll get nothing but true neutral from the employees, as most of them are mindless constructs at this point. OTOH, at the board meeting...
    Dave said:

    I'm not a werewolf.

    You smell of the outside. You do not belong.
  • ramagonsramagons Member Posts: 96
    It was very difficult to explain my lifetime subscription to 'The Beaver' magazine before they changed the name a couple of years ago.
  • elminsterelminster Member, Developer Posts: 16,317
    Coriander said:

    I need to learn more about Canadian accents. I have never even heard the term "Quiggly hole"

    Neither had I. It is not really a term used across Canada.
  • CorianderCoriander Member Posts: 1,667
    @elminster But it's the only thing on the Wikipedia page that I've never heard.
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