I feel like opening up a little about myself tonight.
I'm 26 (27 next month), am in massive amounts of debt to attend college, haven't held a job since November 2010 and have struggled with massive anxiety and depression since I was in the 4th grade. I have only been in one real relationship, and have been in many long-term "relationships" where I was basically the emotional boyfriend while she went out and slept with other dudes who abused her. (Yes, that's happened more than once.)
About 6 weeks ago, I tried to suffocate myself with a plastic grocery bag. I didn't do anything to bind my hands together so when the fight-or-flight response kicked in, even though I wanted to die, my body still tore the bag from my face. I sat in my room about two weeks straight after that. I even have a little mini-fridge in my room so I literally did not leave it at all except to shower in the morning (even at my worst, I hate to stink) and use the bathroom.
This place has helped bring me back. As sad as it is, I feel like I have friends here, that I matter here. I was lurking on the forums to try and see if I could find some hard news about a release date one day and noticed someone linked a PlayItHardcore link and figured I'd sign up to try and troll up some more people to contribute, and I'm really glad I did. You'd be surprised how much it means to me something I spent a few months working on back in 2007 or 2008 (or whenever it was!) is being utilized by more than just my handful of internet acquaintances.
I still struggle with anxiety and low self esteem. It's why I get so defensive and combative when I feel like not just my ideas but my personal character is being attacked. And I am working on it, I really am.
I'm trying to move on and actually make something happen in my life, and am feeling particularly weepy tonight so I just wanted to say thanks to all you guys. There's a few people in particular but they probably all know who they are.
So thank you, BG:EE forums, and stay awesome.