Hello fellow gamers!
For the last couple of months I've been trying (for the first time ever in over 15 years of playing RPG's -.-) roleplaying as opposed to powergaming in a couple old school RPG's including Baldur's Gate, Morrowind and Fallout 1.
Part of the reason I enjoy RPG's is because you can experience certain things you'd never be able to in real life without some serious consequences. So obviously I tried playing as evil in all three games, but smart evil, not the psycho raving murderer kind
My playthroughs in all 3 games started really well but I've come to a disconcerting conclusion, which basically boils down to this:
The best and easiest way for me to immerse myself in the game is to play a human male character. It doesn't have to resemble me in real life or have the same traits as I do or anything like that, it just has to be human male, otherwise it becomes really hard for me to get into the character. Now the issue is that whenever I start doing evil things as my character, I start to feel really bad. It becomes personal, kind of feels like that I (not the character) am actually being an evil douchebag and I simply can't play anymore after that happens.
I also tried playing characters that were very different (such as female dwarves and whatnot). That made playing evil very enjoyable because it felt like it wasn't me doing the bad deeds. It however completely broke immersion as I felt totally disconnected from a character, not knowing how to roleplay it.
Has anyone else had a similar conundrum and has managed to find a way to resolve it?
I'd be happy to get any advice at all