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A New Modder’s Experience

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  • WithinAmnesiaWithinAmnesia Member Posts: 921
    edited May 2019
    Brevity is very powerful, the medium is the message and one can lose sight of the forest if one is too fixated on the trees.

    Intellectual incest is not healthy, seek out others' diverse perspectives. Sharing is more important than living. Does knowledge really exist if it is not shared?

    So strike for the heart, build houses, not kingdoms; engagement > detail.

  • WithinAmnesiaWithinAmnesia Member Posts: 921
    edited May 2019
    Skitia wrote: »
    Yep, I would cut out 67% of that text.
    "Buckler of Unexpected Might or also less commonly know as, but rather more controversially the Existentialist's Arm. Doesn't need to start the text.

    So more like: The Bucklet of Unexpected Might is very old, [indecphierable or other adjective], and [worn]. It began its life as a mere heraldic wall adornment for a particularly wealthy noble family hailing from the trading port city of West Gate. The once proud family crest is now indecipherable from having been angrily dashed and defiled and a new overlaid symbol of the 6th Level Mage Spell Tenser's Transformation has been imprinted upon its boss.

    As the story goes, of which many noble Westhavian historians disagree and refute with one another for most of the records are blurry, bloodied and rewritten at best; but most can agree upon these following basic details. <- This is too much, let's get on with the tale.

    Around 257 to 260 DR the trading port city of West Gate also knows as the 'Gateway to the west' -from the Inner Sea to the east- was successfully invaded and the ruling powers were seized and violently replaced by pirate forces from the Pirate Isles. The inflicting upheaval of the ruling families brought much turmoil upon the city's wealthiest families of trade for they were forced into extortion and unfair trade laws and heavy taxation upon their family operations

    A great deal of sources argue and contradict one another over which noble family's house has this buckler associated with its tumultuous history but most all historians will say that the buckler transformed [fell] into its current form state soon after the new unfair jurisdiction of the recent self-proclaimed 'Pirate King of West Gate'. Most sources agree upon that after a particularly heavy taxation of trade was placed upon the wealthiest of noble merchant families of West Gate it This caused one highly regarded noble (Give your noble family a name, such as) [Lord Snob] to speak out against the heavy taxation. The following high noon he the influential nobleman was slain outright by a gang of the King's pirates within the city's market in broad daylight, in view and a stone's throw from most noble trade family's major buildings of operation. This was seen by the trade families as a draconian declaration of unquestioning agreement of the new taxation or a swift heinous death. From here the story begins to fall apart and spiral into a contradiction of major details and heated debate among the leading historians of West Gate. Although a few details remain coherent and concise.

    Soon after [The Lord's death] the wicked and untimely death of a particularly charismatic noble of one of West Gate's influential trade families a young noble Half-Elven Mage or Arcane Spellcaster named [Something] was pressured to align with the corrupt ruling party of the Pirate King or with an outside Cormyrian force wishing to overthrow the ruling party from within. [To protect herself, she placed Mage Spell Tenser's Transformation has been imprinted upon its boss. Her fate is uncertain, but the power of this spell can still be called upon by the new wielder of the shield.] The sources argue fiercely over the next few brief segments of the story but most agree that the Half-Elven Spellcaster did not choose a side and violently departed on bad terms from their noble house of West Gate. As to ask why that was in the wrong places of West Gate could result in heated shouting matches, violent brawls and even fratricidal bloodshed in between of some of West Gate's more questionable of noble houses. Many believe that the once young noble Half-Elven Spellcaster is to be of the same blue blood as the last true king of West Gate and the sole survivor of the king's blood after the pirate upheaval. As a result of this violent debate there has been much clandestine bloodshed among some of the long existing noble families from time to time. Some of the noble families argue that they should rule the city of West Gate for they believe fiercely that their blood lineage hearkens back to the Half-Elven Spellcaster whom once owned this particular buckler. As to whether or not the the matter will resolve peacefully or will even subside is unknown but one thing is for certain, the magical enchantment placed upon this tiny shield is very very strong. Many agree that it would certainly make sense that only a very powerful or well trained Spellcaster could have placed the enchantment upon this particularly controversial bulwark. As to why and how such a strange and bizarre set of abilities and requirements were used for the unusual enchantment is an argued mystery. Also unknown is how it was used or how the uncommon magic was placed upon this item. There is a of great debate amongst historians and scholars alike over the usage and endeavours of said item; ranging from tales of great adventure to accountings of meek, cloistered cowardice and evasion. Either way of which one looks upon the history and the controversy of and or over this small yet surprisingly powerful buckler one can be sure that the shield is of surprising value and unexpected might, both physically and politically.


    The tale also doesn't really show how the shield got into the half-elf's hand. We go on this tangent instead that gets a bit far away from the armor. So it could use revision and focus upon the shield's path. Note my edit suggests vaguely that something happened to the half-elf and thus left her hands to give a conclusion. I'd look at one of the other weapons for an example for a more short and concise story. You just want to give a little bit of fluff.


    There's definitely room to cut more, and I would consider removing any other unnecessary text, but that should at least get you started.

    Ahem *clears throat*:

    The Bucklet of Unexpected Might is very old, indecipherable, and worn. It began its life as a mere heraldic wall adornment for a particularly wealthy noble family hailing from the trading port city of West Gate. As the story goes, around 257 to 260 DR the trading port city of West Gate also knows as the 'Gateway to the west' -from the Inner Sea to the east- was successfully invaded and the ruling powers were seized and violently replaced by pirate forces from the Pirate Isles. The inflicting upheaval of the ruling families brought much turmoil upon the city's wealthiest families of trade for they were forced into extortion and unfair trade laws and heavy taxation upon their family operations.

    The buckler fell into its current state soon after the new jurisdiction of the 'Pirate King of West Gate'. This caused one Lord Bons Malavhan to speak out against the heavy taxation. The following high noon he was slain outright by a the King's pirates within the city's market. This was seen by the trade families as a draconian declaration of unquestioning agreement of the new taxation or a swift heinous death. Soon after the Lord's death a young noble Half-Elven Mage named Aitiks was pressured to align with the corrupt ruling party of the Pirate King or with an outside Cormyrian force wishing to overthrow the ruling party from within. To protect herself, she placed Mage Spell Tenser's Transformation has been imprinted upon its boss. Her fate is uncertain, but the power of this spell can still be called upon by the new wielder of the shield.



    Yea or Nay?

  • SkitiaSkitia Member Posts: 357
    That is definitely the maximum length I'd keep at it. I'd just add some brushes, edits, grammar fixes and such.

    I.E.: a the King's pirates should be the king's pirates.

    The sentence with the draconian declaration is a bit awkward:

    "The draconian display was seen by the trade families as a choice: Obedience or a swift heinous death".


    And then for the end of the first paragraph I'd change it to:


    "The upheavel of the ruling families brought with it great turmoil. The wealthiest families were exorted, and subect to harsh trade laws and heavy taxations upon their businesses.


    Then start the next one with this, instead of the buckler fell...


    This new jurisdiction and their penalties upon the wealthy caused one Lord Bons Malavhan to speak out.


    Lastly, I would recommend connecting the half-elf mage somehow with Lord Bons, a single phrase of "Nephew, daughter, friend" etc. It would synergize well with the story.

  • BrokenkatanaBrokenkatana Member Posts: 35
    The original text has the vibe of a history book you'd find in the game. I'd only include information directly related to the buckler. Not the history of West Gate. So something like this.

    Once a mere wall adornment for a wealthy family from the port city of West Gate. The Buckler of Unexpected Might is now worn with an almost indecipherable family crest upon it. It was enchanted by the mage Aitiks as a means of protection during the pirate raids of 257 DR. Though what became of Aitiks is uncertain, the power of her enchantment upon the shield still remains today.

    SkitiaRaduzielWithinAmnesia
  • SkitiaSkitia Member Posts: 357
    That is a good one paragraph one, and that is the style I would recommend.

    But if you want more fluff, especially if this is an item the character will use for the remainder of the game, then you can get away with two.

    The only thing really longer then that are the history books you find IG.

    WithinAmnesia
  • WithinAmnesiaWithinAmnesia Member Posts: 921
    edited May 2019
    The Buckler of Unexpected Might is very old and worn with an indecipherable family crest emblazoned upon its crest. The buckler began its life as a mere heraldic wall adornment for a particularly wealthy noble family hailing from the trading port city of West Gate. As the story goes, around 257 to 260 DR the trading port city of West Gate also knows as the 'Gateway to the west' -from the Inner Sea to the east- was successfully invaded and the ruling powers were seized and violently replaced by pirate forces from the Pirate Isles; now led by the self crowned 'Pirate King of West Gate'. The upheaval of the ruling families brought with it great turmoil. The wealthiest families were extorted, and subject to harsh trade laws and heavy taxations upon their businesses.

    This new jurisdiction and their penalties upon the wealthy caused one Lord Bons Malavhan to speak out. The following high noon he was slain outright by a the king's pirates within the city's market. The draconian display was seen by the trade families as a choice: Obedience or a swift heinous death. Soon after the Lord's death, his god-child a young noble Half-Elven Mage named Aitiks was pressured to align with the corrupt ruling party of the Pirate King or with an outside Cormyrian force wishing to overthrow the ruling party from within. To protect herself during the tumultuous pirate king's reign she managed to enchant and imprint the mage spell Tenser's Transformation upon the shield's boss. Though the fate of Aitiks is uncertain, the powers of the bulwark still remain to be called upon by any whom wield the Buckler of Unexpected Might.



    Yea or Nay?
    _________
    Notes:
    -Added 'Pirate King of West Gate' before 'the king's pirates' to give the reader context.
    -Merged suggestions with a bit more fluff to smooth out the lines / tie together (is successful?).
    -Buckler is bunched with Xan, he will likely use it for the whole campaign (still quite fluffy text though).
    -Я чтил Скитию и сноб за их имена: задом наперед.

  • WithinAmnesiaWithinAmnesia Member Posts: 921
    edited May 2019
    Also likewise is this enjoyable? I have many stories like this.

    On a personal note thus far during this experience I feel moderately blessed to whelmedly rekindled in working back and forth and using something other than my own thoughts for progressing works of passion. Eh, it's nice to work with like-minded people for a change.

    Do we all fade away again? A temporary smile? Rise to set?

  • RaduzielRaduziel Member Posts: 4,716
    edited May 2019
    @WithinAmnesia

    First, I truly admire your effort.

    Second, last two years I've read about 145 books - all of them related do politics, economy and philosophy (time is something that I had a lot due to a huge medical leave and without a baby back then).

    Yet I didn't read pretty much anything about your descriptions. I really think you should scale it down more. Two paragraphs don't mean two-essay-size-blocks.

    @Brokenkatana 's example is perfect for an item description. You may also add to the game lore books to better explain facts related to the item. Like "The History of the Pirate King of the West".

    BG does that a lot. A simple item description, lorebooks to make us understand better the context. Win-win situation. But even in those lorebooks the game restrains itself. Even the more important LB of BG (IMO), The History of the Dead Three, has 14 paragraphs "only"; the bigger with 12 lines, the smaller with 2.

    https://baldursgate.fandom.com/wiki/History_of_the_Dead_Three

    You may also split the text in several smaller books, like the game does with the History of the Shadowdale and History of the North.

    Good luck. I know that writing for a mod ain't easy. I'm looking forward for the final results.

    Brokenkatana
  • WithinAmnesiaWithinAmnesia Member Posts: 921
    edited May 2019
    Okay so more refining I suppose.

    Should the description just be demolished and rebuilt? What is the point of having parts that don't add value? I may like something yet then again I'm not making these things for myself so a bit of a moot point I suppose.

    So we got a buckler that has hulk mode, a city taken over by pirates, a high profile murder and vague magic girl fleeing bad times. The themes of fudging history for politics died off. What other themes are just not very interesting? I think we should keep the names and pieces added by other people here for those parts I like the most for they are a shared part. Or not and rebirth it, idk lots of work what is the goal anyway?

    Eh, maybe I should just finish the reforging mod, quit baldur's gate (if that is possible) and focus on making my own game. I don't really care about the mods so much anymore just rather working with people and even that is dying off.

    I liked to explore the larger themes and story / rpg complexities that Baldur's Gate offered and I could add my own content yet idk it just feels unfulfilling. I learned a great deal of skills and I like writing yet I'm going to die and idk if working on mods is really worth the time. I should stop avoiding the climb from nothing to something with excursions into the familiar yet ultimately greatly unrewarding. I should bite the bullet and just nose dive into past the cement floor and through into the unknown that is patiently awaiting myself; the next series of obstacles in the way of real meaningful life progression.

    Even if I made an official expansion pack all I would really want is to make my own rpg setting for other people to enjoy, I would be using that achievement as a spring board to a larger goal. I feel that I am at the stage now where I should just take risks and go on my own and keep failing alone in the darkness until I can get that crappy rpg maker game finished into something worth playing.

    I'm not a good writer (along with many things) yet I like to plug away and keep making average stories and mashing them together into a bigger picture. I enjoy doing these kinds of back and forth creative construction; yet I feel in my heart of hearts that this is not my only goal to pursue. I should work on my own games, even if they are shit to start. Even the longest journey starts with the first step.

    At this stage of the journey I should kill my weakness, implode my shyness, ride the lightning of anxiety and disappointment and keep looking for people to help in the making of this first proper rpg. Through the graces of my many own and others' failures life has taught myself that great works (including video games) are made by people, not assets. Quality created is a reflection of a person and not artificial structures and content.

    Every step closer to making my own games I leave behind people who never make it, their dreams die; it is genuinely sad.

    I have this image in my mind from a dream years ago; like a living painting. My mind's eye is filled with a grey field that flows into a hill that the dawn is waking from:

    My eyes scan an endless horizon creeping away from the shrinking darkness to reveal a field littered with 10,000 animated skeletal torsos and scattered bones reaching up to myself as I trod through them; my laboured footsteps crunching upon their yawning grasps screaming in silence. I tread forward into the sunrise with my soul holding the ethereal tether that tows the weight of my dreams and of the dreams that the vanquished souls beneath share with myself vicariously. I alone stand and resolve to continue, through my adversity I am clothed as a champion for others who could not defeat their own adversity to unleash their true ultimately unfulfilled potential. A sea of broken dreamers and I am their last hope; the last fire striding out from the darkness.

    There is a hidden great filter that alienates myself and the odd bunch that make video games.
    A rough average in the western world of (heavily flawed first draft):
    ~1 in 10 people are video game enthusiasts (they have played a lot etc.)
    ~1 in 100 have desired to make video games.
    ~1 in 1,000 people have tried to make their own video game content (usually mods or 'game in a box')
    ~1 in 10,000 people successfully make their own unique video game content.
    ~1 in 100,000 people successfully make their own content for their own game or are paid to for another.
    ~1 in 1,000,000 people make their own video game franchise commercially viable.
    ~1 in 10,000,000 people make a AAA franchise, wildly successful franchise.
    ~1 in 100,000,000 people make an industry juggernaut that eats other AAA franchises.
    ~1 in 1,000,000,000 people make an industry demigod such as Nintendo.

    Sacrifice is what I know best to make this difference. I wish more people could come with myself on my (relatively yet unfulfilled) journey but like the faces and names that fade from my mind every year from towns that I once lived in - all that remains is the beat of my heart, the sound of my breath and ever-present void.

    I meet people and I like a few things of their personality yet every time this attrition, this grind towards making video games is met with the void; lip service at best. This haunts myself, everyday I think of it. I work, I think of the gap. I build and create, I think of this difference; why the solitude?

    I search and look for people online and every time the ship sinks and it is myself, first one there, last one there; like a cycle. A passion burns within my very core of my being that is inescapable and pulls at my very perception of reality.

    Post edited by WithinAmnesia on
  • WithinAmnesiaWithinAmnesia Member Posts: 921
    edited May 2019
    @Skitia

    Anyway I gotta run; be right back?

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