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NPC Limericks



  • swnmcmlxiswnmcmlxi Member Posts: 297
    To any really young adventurers who happen to find their way here, let me make it perfectly clear that what I'm talking about in the second line of the following limerick is this character's exceptional strength (19, wow!), nothing else. Honestly. Horse = strength, it's just a metaphor. If you wonder what a metaphor is, well, simply put, it's when you use a word or expression but it actually means something else. Like when your mum or dad tells you "I love you".

    That Dorn, he had manners quite coarse,
    But was truly equipped like a horse.
    Said: 'I don't dual wield,
    And forget sword and shield -
    Two-handed is a matter of course.'

  • lunarhalolunarhalo Member Posts: 71

    Softly leaving her lover to snore
    a young trollop went out to explore.
    While in shadows some gas
    was compelled not to pass
    from her tail by the plug placed before.


    Though attracted to mandolin strumming
    Skie discovered new methods of slumming.
    Werewolves are stronger,
    Vampires last longer
    and Xzart lyrics aren't quit as mind-numbing.

  • swnmcmlxiswnmcmlxi Member Posts: 297
    edited January 2013
    O Neera, you turbulent lass,
    We are stuck in a lovers' impasse.
    There is no magic surge
    To ease this wild urge -
    We must wait for the sequel, alas!

    Post edited by swnmcmlxi on
  • swnmcmlxiswnmcmlxi Member Posts: 297
    Off topic:

    Some threads here with fan art get showered
    With views, but *our* views have not towered.
    Well, I *do* have to say,
    From the heart, if I may,
    That pictures are *so* overpowered!

  • LeronisLeronis Member Posts: 112

    A moonblade wedged in the stone
    Retrieveable by one elf alone
    Defying all rationale
    He diminished morale
    Of the party and those unbeknown

  • lunarhalolunarhalo Member Posts: 71
    edited February 2013

    Awaking alone one fine morn
    to a beast full of hunger and scorn,
    a dexterous elf
    faced the wyvern himself
    anxious to toot his own horn.


    A lady told Eldoth to give her
    what arrows he had to deliver.
    When presented, she laughed
    at the pitiful shafts
    and asked, "How will this fill up my quiver?"

    Post edited by lunarhalo on
  • swnmcmlxiswnmcmlxi Member Posts: 297
    edited February 2013
    Well, now for something different, a dialogue in haiku form between two players on a familiar topic.

    (Old player:) I sometimes ponder / How best to explain THAC0. / It is not easy.

    (Young player:) THAC0, a strange word; / It sounds like Mexican food. / I like hamburgers.

    (Old player:) Your dice have a task: / Roll to hit armour class nil. / That, you see, is THAC0.

    (Young player:) Armour class zero, / That would mean no armour class? / How does this make sense?

    (Old player:) See, with armour class / The less you have, the better. / Gygax made it so.

    (Young player:) If less is better / When we're talking armour class - / Is nakedness best?

    (Old player:) Forget armour class, / Just sit down and play the game. / It's better that way.

  • ajwzajwz Member Posts: 4,122
    edited February 2013
    Eldoth shook with laughter and glee when
    he leaned over to whisper to Skie, then:
    "Why are Safana's lips
    like Balduran's ship?"
    "They're both full to the brim with dead sea men"

  • lunarhalolunarhalo Member Posts: 71

    Though Kivan had avenged all his kin
    Tazok's death left him hollow within
    So each time he slays him
    he makes sure to raise him
    again and again and again.


    Quayle needed something to enhance
    so a party might give him a chance
    He intoned, "Watch my cane
    grow as big as my brain."
    but 'twas more like a twig than a lance.


    A berserker with cognitive glitches
    had pledged to protect his sandwiches.
    Enraged finding crumbs,
    His space hamster chum
    had to hide in unsavory niches.

  • lunarhalolunarhalo Member Posts: 71
    edited February 2013

    A slave slowly gathered his spit
    and landed a critical hit.
    The drow fell on his tail
    near a rack full of flails
    and ripped open a second black pit.


    The monk wasn't much of a brute
    and he couldn't put on metal suits.
    Not long after a brawl
    friends could only recall
    the gold that they got for his boots.


    Neera's new lover learned how
    to brave itches and plummeting cows.
    When the wild wizard surged
    from his backpack emerged
    a helmet to cover his brow.


    In the front with his stout orcish spear
    the blackguard could long persevere.
    But while in the fray
    he could go either way
    and deftly attack from the rear.

    Post edited by lunarhalo on
  • DreyyDreyy Member Posts: 118

    Oh Im my dear little sis,
    Could maybe you do more with that bow than miss?
    Theres a wolf on his way,
    And i fear if we stay,
    We will only see level 2 in the abyss!


    My white haired Neera dare i ask a favour,
    It's to prevent something worse from growing graver,
    Could pehaps with your next uttered spell,
    Warn us first with maybe a shout or a bell?
    Because your causing our morale to waver!


    Dorn cease your endless prattle!
    I'm sick of hearing your words of doing evil and seeking battle,
    Your romance is bland and dull,
    and your conversation is at its best droll!
    So stick to the back and behave like the rest of the cattle!


    Monk you talk a big game,
    And trully it is a shame,
    I wondered your skills,
    And looked forward to the thrills,
    But your fighting skills are boring and lame.


    Minsc my friend stop your shouting,
    Your in an inn with no evil that needs routing,
    put your hamster away,
    And let it rest for just one day,
    If not go out and do some scouting!


    Boo your little pest,
    Keep out of my rutsack you unwelcome guest,
    Already many a biscuit you have stolen,
    Which is why your stomach is so swollen,
    Next time i will lay you to your eternal rest.


    Wizard in red,
    How can you have such a large head?
    Your magic is pretty strong this true,
    But your health is little better than Boo,
    So Insult me again and see how long until your dead.

  • Magnus_GrelichMagnus_Grelich Member Posts: 352

    There once was a Rashemi ranger
    Who solicited help from a stranger
    His adventurer's pitch
    Was to save a young witch
    From all manner of doggy-faced danger


    A young orphan boy, all alone
    Found foster with the Iron Throne
    Did in dear old dad
    In his quest to be god
    Then his bro killed him deader than stone.
    Young Sarevok, brimming with fervour
    Sought to become the new lord of murder
    Though discretion he preached
    Overstretched his own reach
    And then CHARNAME bade he go no further

  • Magnus_GrelichMagnus_Grelich Member Posts: 352

    Bodhi tried to break free of her curse
    By consorting with vampire curs
    But she died rather grimly
    At the hands of young Immy
    For the soul that was rightfully hers

  • Magnus_GrelichMagnus_Grelich Member Posts: 352
    edited March 2013
    Elminster was oftentimes seen
    To be from an old book by Tolkien
    When asked by some goon
    If he'd heard of Mount Doom
    He replied, "I don't know what you mean."

  • LadyEibhilinRhettLadyEibhilinRhett Member Posts: 1,078
    Haer'Dalis was wild and free
    and would rush into melee with glee
    But his CON was that
    which was reserved for a gnat
    So he died, which increased entropy.

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