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[NonSequitur Roleplay Revival] - The One True Canon Tale



  • KidCarnivalKidCarnival Member Posts: 3,747
    Chapter 3: Beregost

    The ceiling of the world was bright blue as the group reached a village. A surface dweller approached them before they could even set foot on the pavement, babbling about the wonderful weather, the village's rich and colorful history and the overwhelming amount of excellent taverns. The group just stared at the man after he had finished his speech. "So what will it be? An affordable Inn? New armor? A bit of luxury?" the man asked. "Luxury sounds fine..." @Anduin shrugged. Immediately, the stranger started describing an Inn, the way to it and the rich and colorful history of the buildings nearby. He didn't stop talking or even noticed when the group just shrugged and walked away, into the village.

    "You are funny, gnome", @OneAngryMushroom said. "As if we had the money for 'a bit of luxury'. "Oh, that shouldn't be a problem", @Southpaw shrugged. "Look at all those fancy houses. That guy said they are all full of rich." He walked toward a building that appeared to be a tavern. "Let's see what riches we find in this one..." @Kamigoroshi wobbled in his way. "You don't understand how things on the surface work. You can't just..." he began, but Southpaw didn't pay attention. He was mentally listening through the door to find out what riches this building contained.

    "Hello there!" A young man approached the group. "You look like adventurers in need of some funds! I happen to be looking for a group to do a simple task for my boss, the thespian Silke!" "What does a lesbian want with us?" OneAngryMushroom asked. "Oh, unfortunately, I can't tell you more about the task. I'm just the recruiter", the man said. "However, she would pay you 300 gold!" The group stepped back to discuss the offer and after a few minutes, they all nodded in agreement. Southpaw went back to the man and said: "Alright, we'll meet your boss and see what we can do."

    The man lead them around a corner, to another Inn. Outside, there was a woman in a colorful dress who introduced herself as Silke. "...and these obsessed fanboys are stalking me! I will pay you 300 gold for dealing with this problem for me," she closed her speech. "Fear not, beautiful dancer! We will save you!" the beholder assured her. Silke exchanged a confused glance with Garrick, the recruiter, who just shrugged. Before Silke could ask, three men walked up to the group. "Hello, Silke! Here we are, as you wished!" one of them said. Silke turned to the beholder. "Quick, what are you waiting for? Kill those crazy fans!" The beholder watched the men carefully with all eyes. "They don't look crazy to me..." he said. "No need for bloodshed!" Anduin stepped forward and quickly wrapped a belt around the man who had spoken. The man immediately turned into a woman. "Problem solved!" Anduin announced proudly. "I'm sure you agree that it is much better to have an attractive, female stalker, right?" The ex-man and his/her companions began screaming about crazy wild magic, then ran away. Silke just stared at the mummified gnome. "Are you insane? What difference does it make who tries to break into my house and steal my panties?!" "But... your recruiter said you are a lesbian...", OneAngryMushroom shrugged. "Wasn't the problem that your fans were male?" "I'm a thespian, you morons! Those were my ex-husbands and I wanted them dead!" Silke yelled and started swinging her quarterstaff at the group.

    "Oops", Southpaw shrugged and drew his short sword. Silke's spell was interrupted by a dart hitting her right eye. For a slimy puddle, Kamigoroshi's aim was impressive. The rest of the group quickly joined the fight and it didn't take long until Silke was a red puddle on the street.

    "Umm, so much for my job," the recruiter said while OneAngryMushroom was picking up the possessions of Silke. "Any chance I could travel with you? I myself am a musician of some fame... I'm Garrick, the bassist of Driveshaft! You probably remember our biggest hit, 'The Name Game'? Made it big in..." "You know the way to Nashkel?" Kamigoroshi interrupted. The man nodded. "Yes, of course. I played there several times on the first Driveshaft world tour. Man, what a tour it was! We..." "Alright, you're in then. Just show us the way," OneAngryMushroom said. He looked at a bag with gold coins in his hand. "But before we go, we'd like a bit of luxury. What's the best Inn around here?"

    Other events:
    Got scroll container.
    OneAngryMushroom now has Quarterstaff +1 from Silke
    Sold belt, bought Sling +1 for Anduin

    Next chapter:
    Talking to Marl
    Wilderness maps.
    Arriving in Nashkel; attacked by Neira.

  • SouthpawSouthpaw Member Posts: 2,026
    *@OneAngryMushroom looked with an uneasy feeling at @Southpaw's grin. The Mindflayer bough a big bear trap and was just trying to set it on the ground, smiling profoundly.*
    "What are you trying to do?"

    "I learned trap setting, so I am trying to catch us something to eat. You will thank me, once we have some rabbit or a doe to put on the fire, you'll see."

    "IN A CITY?" almost screamed @Anduin.

    *Both shook heads and walked after the Beholder who was floating towards an Inn. A while later, the sound of a huge bear trap setting off and a silent whimper turned them back.*
    "Ehm ... guys? ... a little help here?"

  • SouthpawSouthpaw Member Posts: 2,026
    "BLEH! ...tasted like chicken!" *grinned the MindFlayer, obviously displeased by the level of education surface dwarves get*

  • KamigoroshiKamigoroshi Member Posts: 5,648
    "Dwarves... Unreasonable, short tempered and impolite creatures as ever. But on the bright side they can also become great fertilizers for growing mead-flavoured Good Berries." *grumbles @Kamigoroshi to himself, as he begins to digest the now brainless dwarven corpse in his transparent intestines.*

  • SouthpawSouthpaw Member Posts: 2,026
    @KidCarnival ... have you re-rolled a Bard?

    ...btw...shouldn't we continue the narration?

  • KidCarnivalKidCarnival Member Posts: 3,747
    @Southpaw: Over in the NPC Creation topic, I am indeed prone to make bards. And seeing this, I think the next one will be a Phaerimm drummer...

    I was planning to play out a few events that were narrated and I hadn't done in game (assassin in Red Sheaf and Spider House), then make the next posting.

  • KidCarnivalKidCarnival Member Posts: 3,747
    Chapter 4: Still in Beregost

    "...and then, we went to play a gig in a tavern in Waterdeep. Man, I can tell you, that was a crowd! We arrived at..." Garrick just wouldn't shut up about his band. No-one in the party had expressed any interest in his tales and it appeared that each gig went exactly the same, so no interest was sparked at a later point. It didn't stop Garrick from going on and on though. Sadly, he also didn't provide any insights about Beregost and the party wandered around aimlessly for about an hour.

    "Hey, that tavern looks alright!" @Anduin pointed at a building that was, according to the sign on it, the Feldepost's Inn. "It looks big... Maybe there are other bards in that place and we can, y'know, switch this one out for a less annoying one..." he added, nodding to Garrick.

    ♫ "Come on everybody I say now let's play a game
    I betcha I can make a rhyme, out of anybody's name
    The first letter of the name I treat it like it wasn't there
    But a 'B' or an 'F' or an 'M' will appear
    And then I say "Bo" add a 'B' then I say the name
    Then "Bonana Fanna" and "Foe"
    And then I say the name again with an 'F' very plain
    then a "Fee Fi" and "Mo"
    And then I say the name again with an 'M' this time
    And there isn't any name that I can't rhyme" ♪

    Everyone sighed and nodded. @Southpaw opened the door, mentally scanned the room and then waved the rest of the party to follow him inside. "A bit pricy, but not bad. At least there's no-one with a bounty notice in here. Should count for something these days." As soon as the group had entered the Feldepost's Inn, a very drunk gentleman approached the beholder.

    "Hey! Hey, you there! You talkin' to me, huh?" Irritated, the beholder hovered in place and regarded the man with all eyes. "Are you The One?" he asked after a while. "The One? Watchya talkin' about? I'm tellin' ya to take yer pesky adventuring business elsewhere, mate!" "Na, not the one, not the one..." the beholder shook his eyestalk. "What's going on over here?" @Kamigoroshi came closer. "Not the one", the beholder informed him. Kamigoroshi shrugged. "Well, yeah, I could have told you that before. That guy looks nothing like a replacement bard. Or anyone we could use in our party, for that matter." "Y'all think that's funny?!" the drunk man yelled. "Walkin' around, recruitin' people for yer ragtag band of misfits, paradin' around and tellin' everyone yer doin' 'what's right'?" Southpaw came over while Anduin tried to cast Silence on Garrick, with no measurable success. "What's wrong with doing the right thing?" he asked and apparently, the question enraged the drunk man only more. He kept yelling and hurling insults at the beholder, the green slime and the mindflayer; accusing them of kidnapping his son. Southpaw shrugged, handed the man another ale and turned around in mid-sentence to return to Anduin, who still hadn't managed to silence Garrick.

    ♫ "Okay, let's do Tony!
    Tony, Tony Bo-Bony Bonana Fanna Fo-Fony Fee-Fi-Mo Mony
    Now that was good, let's try Katie!
    Katie Katie Bo-Batie Bonana Fanna Fo-Fatie Fee-Fi- Mo Matie
    But if the first two letters are ever the same
    You drop them both then say the name
    Like Bob, Bob drop the 'B' Bo-Ob
    Or Fred, Fred drop the 'F' go "red"
    Mary, Mary, drop the 'M's Mo-Ary
    That's the only rule that is contrary♪

    "Every hero must learn his purpose. Then he’ll be tested and called to greatness", the beholder informed the still enraged drunk man, then he and Kamigoroshi followed Southpaw. "I've looked everywhere", @OneAngryMushroom sighed. "They seriously don't have any bards here. There's a guy with a really fancy cloak upstairs. First thought he might be an actor or something, but he was talking to his own reflection... 'Would you do me? I would do me' and some really creepy lines about how much he wants to get dirty with himself and rubbing lotion on his skin. I'd say we rather stay away from him." The others nodded in agreement; the one nutjob bard they needed to find the way to Nashkel was more than enough crazy for the moment. "There is nothing here for us then", Anduin said. "Let's have another ale and then head out to Nashkel."

    - Did the quests narrated by others (kill spiders, kill Karlat)
    - Southpaw leveled up (invested in Pick Pocket, Traps & Locks --> each at 50 now)
    - OneAngryMushroom & Eye of Helm leveled up
    - Visited Xvart village; Garrick was killed by Ursa the cave bear and is now a zombie
    - Carnival done (killed wizard and ogre)

    Next Chapter
    - Arriving in Nashkel, visiting Carnival/Rakshasa Friendship Festival

    Kamigorishi is prone to close calls with death (Garrick sacrificed himself to save his life, actually); I'd like to get some better armor and/or weapon next. Suggestions, besides the forest nymph for the Club +1? Where's better leather armor Avengers can wear?

  • SouthpawSouthpaw Member Posts: 2,026
    edited September 2013
    "I knew that smelly, sniveling, stuck-up singer is naught but a muttering moron" complained Southpaw.
    "We are walking thru the wilderness for hours now and I have seen the same obnoxious obelisk twice, Beregost three times and a waterlogged house about five times. We are walking in circles I say and that Garkik fellow has the orientation sense of a blind tooth fairy."

    Looked into the darkness, squinting into the devilishly bright surface lamp, hanging under the blue ceiling that blinded his sight. Waved towards some huge, hunched humanoids.
    "I see some surface dwellers over there on the pathway. Maybe we can ask them."

  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    edited September 2013
    Ah yes... I've got the spell to work... Finally...

    *A fizzle of light hits Garrick*

    At last you have got that silence spell to work on Garrick!

    On the contrary my little green puddle of joy... I have... enhanced him!

    ... He still looks the same...

    *Meanwhile Garrick is still singing...*

    Its rainin cows! Hallelujah! Its rainin cows! of every specimen!
    Bull, Angus, He-ree-ford... Ameri-can and F-rrrreee-siaaaan!

    Hey check out the VOICE!

    Oh no! Anduin the world will surely end... You have made his voice all... Boomy!

    Fear not @Kamigoroshi my gelatinous jelly of sweetness. I have simply cast an invisible box around our Garrick to cause cosmic echoes that will increase the volume of Garrick's sweet voice... Just need a name for it... Made voice 'Boomy' and a Box spell... Boom, Box... It'll come to me... Boom and a Box...

    @Southpaw will eat his own brain to escape the din! No one is going to thank you for this!

    Oh contraire my lime green pear! Behold my very own BOOMBARD! Hmmm... It would be great to make him a little more portable... At the moment, I just can't fit him in my pocket...

  • OneAngryMushroomOneAngryMushroom Member Posts: 564
    @OneAngryMushroom ponders to himself. He looks at the party and at Gorik or whatever his name was. His singing was driving everyone insane, well insaner.
    Maybe a bear would work.

  • SouthpawSouthpaw Member Posts: 2,026
    edited September 2013
    @Anduin, talking to himself "(...yes these moronic hulking surface dwellers would do, when the stupid Bard is not even useable as an ironing board for my bandages...)"
    Then he stood up on his toes and pat one hunched humanoid on the elbow.
    "Excuse me...ehm...sirs (are humans supposed to look like this?)" hissed to his fellow party " you please know where is Nashkel? Our guide has lost his orientation sense, guitar and two front teeth."
    The mummy gnome hought about it for a while.
    "Not necessarily in this order"
    "I WILL CRUSH YOU, CRUSH YOU TO GOO!" screamed the questioned creature.

    "Hey! I take offense to that! It's SLIME! What is wrong with you people?!" retorted @Kamigoroshi.

    ...have you ever seen an angry Avenger Slime lashing at two Ogrillons, entangling, burning, bludgeoning and finally swallowing them? It is a sight to behold, but unfit for younger audiences and for people with weak stomach. Like the bard, who spent some time barfing in the bushes.

    After things calmed down, @OneAngryMushroom picked up a piece of half-digested paper.
    "Hey guys, there is a letter from which one of these was Roe and which one was Mirianne? I wonder ... oh Gorrki, would you SHUT UP!!"

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