For the original Once Upon a Time, I find the plot gets very convoluted farther on, but it's still fun to watch. I adore the spin-off series, Once Upon a Time In Wonderland. Alice is such a badass! XD
One other film I forgot that some here may be interested in is Flesh + Blood, a medieval film from 1985. I have it sitting on my computer now, but haven't watched it yet. Like Ladyhawke (from the same year) it stars Rutger Hauer, but appears to be much darker in tone in terms of violence and sexuality.
Two fun things I noticed as I linked to the trailer: The tone shouldn't be surprising, as it was directed by Paul Verhoeven, who went on to direct the ultra-violent RoboCop. I also now know the origin of Interplay's musical theme for the 1990 game The Lord of the Rings. They stole it from this movie!
Nobody's mentioned Hercules and Xena, from the 1990's. Both are very campy, but also loads of fun, great characters, unpredictable mix of light comedy and heavy tear-jerking drama, and some fun fourth-wall breaking, but not too often. Very much in the spirit of Baldur's Gate. Darn, now I want to watch both series again! Oh, they both have Bruce Campbell as the King of Thieves. And Ted Raimi as Jokser the Mighty!:)
@belgarathmth Someone actually did mention it earlier I believe, but regardless you are preaching to the choir!!!! This was the only show my parents allowed me to watch as a kid (despite Xena being constantly in a state of half-dress) for two reasons 1. It was on Saturday nights (no school!) 2. It was Greek! Therefore my fobby parents said it was okay
Also, anything with Bruce Campbell and his chin is amazing!
Hawk: The Slayer- when a church warrior's evil brother attacks a nunnery, the warrior, a giant, elf, dwarf and one-handed Crossbowman ride to the rescue. This is as cheesy as an entire wheel of Swiss, but it's still enjoyable.
Conan the Barbarian (The Original, by John Milius)
The Sword and the Sorcerer (with Lee Horseley) This one is hilarious, with an exiled prince who is so well-hung that when he gets turned on, he can flip up the entire side of a wooden table! (No, I am not making that up- that is an actual scene in the Movie!)
The Beastmaster (with Mark Singer) About another Prince raised unknowing of his heritage who shares a mental link with animals thanks to some time in a cow's womb after he was stolen from his mother's. His ferrets seem cute, but they go after enemy nuts, so to speak. There are also two sequels to this one.
A movie about twin girls who are somehow linked. My most memorable part of this movie is when the hero boinked one twin, the other felt it, too. Yeah, a real winner, hmm? To quote someone on IMDB: "The plot boils down to this: King/wizard Traigon promises his goddess, Kalgara (a big floating head that hisses and spits green lasers) to sacrifice his first-born child, for no apparent reason. However, he is quite bemused when his wife bears twins, making it difficult to discern which is the first-born. Deciding to resolve the question of their hierarchy later, he is about to seize the two infants, when he is killed by a Moses resembling, kung-fu fighter named Chronos or Chrona or some such. Chronos drops the twins off with some peasants and leaves. Years later, the FEMALE twins, named Mira and Mara, have been raised to believe themselves boys. A falsehood that is neither seen through by themselves OR the other characters in the movie, presumably because they wear hats. Anyhow, Traigon comes back from the dead (again, for no apparent reason) and orders his minions to find the `two who are one' (the twins.) An order which they fulfil almost instantaneously. After murdering the twins' adoptive family, the minions are made short work of by the plucky Mira and Mara, who are armed with big sticks. They also glow blue (once again, for no apparent reason.) After the evil minions are defeated, Baldar the big red Viking emerges from his hiding place behind the bushes to compliment the two young `men' on their fighting prowess. Then Chronos shows up and immolates himself in a bonfire (say it with me now `for no apparent reason'.) Anyhow, the remaining characters go on a quest of some sort, and are joined by Erlich the half-naked, befroed imbecile and the horribly perverse Pando the goat-boy (perhaps the most hateable character of all time.) Memorable scenes include: Mira and Mara emerging naked from the lake, to discover Pando the goat-boy grinning and "bah"ing at them in an entirely unwholesome way. (`What's that?' asks Mira or Mara `Which he carries there. Hanging between his legs. Is it a horn?' `A weapon perhaps?' adds Mara or Mira. `But how would he use such a weapon?' Then they beat the crap out of Pando and he runs crying.) Erlich's witty repertoire with the big, hairy, gravel-voiced gambler. (`Well, barbarian,' scoffs the semi-shaven wookie, in a dubbed on voice resembling a broken radiator, `don't dogs have ears? Don't they speak?' `We have ears,' replies Erlich, grinning like a lobotomy patient and holding two fingers on the sides of his head, `And we speak. Arf! Arf!') Mira and Mara's discovery of their actual gender. (`You're girls,' gasps Erlich as he sees the naked twins. `What do you mean?' asks Mira or Mara, confusedly. `I mean, you're not boys,' explains Erlich. `We're not?' wonders Mara or Mira. `Not boys? Are you sure?') Krakinon, the soldier who needs to cut down on the coffee, screaming with his eyes bugging out. (You really have to see it. It's a riot.) A butt-naked Erlich, sliding down a greased poll, where a sharpened stick waits for him in a VERY bad position below. (I… cannot describe the horror of this scene in mere words.) Mira or Mara feeling the effects of Erlich and Mara or Mira's `love boogey' miles away and reacting to it, causing Pando to become `excited.' (`Now I KNOW its Erlich,' comments Baldar as he stares at the moaning Mira or Mara, leaving us with the question of just HOW he knows. Suddenly, Pando rushes towards her and is stopped by Baldar. `She's under my protection,' warns Baldar. Frustrated, Pando begins to jump up and down and `bah' as he… as he… AAAAH! MUST GET THE MENTAL PICTURE OUT OF MY HEAD! NOOOOO!) A "battle between the gods' that consists of a poorly constructed winged lion and a floating head growling and hissing at each other, until one blows up. Two words: horny undead. And Pando leading an army of goats and goat herders into Traigon's palace, where they… just kinda mill around for, you guessed it, no apparent reason.
There are so many more memorable scenes, but I don't think I have the stomach to convey them to you. However, I will add that the movie ends on a pro-polygamist note, as Erlich rationalizes, `Hey, these two ARE one.' "
@LadyRhian: I *love* that summary. Years ago I had watched one of the other gems you and others have mentioned--Beastmaster--and wrote the review below. Even when I watched it a child I thought it was awful... Another appallingly bad film that transcends its own horrific acting, plot, dialogue and design to become completely awesome is Sinbad of the Seven Seas, starring Lou Ferrigno (which means it must be good).
There was a good reason why the sword and sorcery craze of the 80s didn't survive: the films sucked. "Beastmaster" provides the perfect example, having all the staples of the genre, including appalling acting, an absurd plot, hilarious dialogue, ridiculously bad special effects and cheesy cinematography. In a plot rip-off that practically screams Conan, our hero Dar loses the only family he has known after his village is attacked by raiders, though unbeknownst to him, he is actually a prince. A prince born to a cow. Really. Don't laugh: this is serious business. The story requires that he strip down to a loincloth and embark on a quest to kill the evil priest Maax, who usurped his birthright, a covey of hideously deformed witches and the Jun raiders who killed his adopted father. He periodically stops along the way to roar and wildly wave a stick, that is, until he remembers he has a sword, which he then swings around in a similarly frenzied fashion.
Marc Singer follows in the fine tradition of Lou Ferrigno and Arnold Schwarzenegger's early work with his wooden acting, as he delivers every single line in the same monotone, enhanced by frequent lip curls. Tanya Roberts shows just as little talent as Kiri, and her scenes principally require her to pose so as to bare her cleavage in the best possible fashion. She's also obliged to gaze into the distance when our brave, muscle-bound hero walks triumphantly into the sunset, then follow him for the final kiss. It's amazing that a film with such a gleefully sexist protagonist managed to gain such a cult following, particularly when many of their scenes together involve Dar's tacky attempts at seduction. Despite the presence of Rip Torn and John Amos, the rest of the cast only add to the ham factor, excluding the animals, who put their human counterparts to shame in most cases.
These are all failings often expected of the genre, but matters aren't helped by the frequent, dreadfully choreographed fight scenes, which produce more groans than gasps. Swords often don't even touch opponents, and no blood appears even when combatants do manage to convincingly connect. Luckily, the other visual aspects manage to be at least on par with the other films of the time, though they suffer from the same proclivity for tacky costumes and either outlandish or cliché set design. Seriously, how many times must we suffer through the same dungeon, forest and wasteland in this genre?
Because I'm a big fan of fantasy films, I become quite frustrated with banal efforts like "Beastmaster." It adds nothing to the genre and relies on a formulaic plot and characters, making it entirely forgettable. The few bright moments come from the amusement created by the ludicrous production, which certainly wasn't its intention. It's just hard to take a film seriously when its hero is frequently saved by a pair of ferrets.
@Isandir Thus, the um, Nut-cracking scene- when the ferrets run under the enemy warrior's loincloth and he yells in pain.
There was also a history of bad 80's sci-fi, too! Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (I am sure Molly Ringwald will never forget Spacehunter, her first starring role!) Then there was Ice Pirates, Battle Beyond the Stars (Starring Jon-boy himself, Richard Thomas), Starcrash (with Caroline Munro and a very young Marjoe Gortner and an even younger David Hasslehoff (!)- although it came out in 1978). Metalstorm has Richard Moll in it as the leader of a group of one-eyed mutants.
I have to admit that I have an inexplicable fondness for Ice Pirates. C'mon: Who can't love a movie with castration, beheading, rapidly aging men and women with swords and axes battling robots, and actual space herpes running around!
Don't forget The Last Starfighter and Flight of the Navigator, though I still think the latter is pretty good.
@Isandir True. It was amusing. There was also "Spaceballs" as Sci-Fi Comedy. 'The Mog- Half man, half dog, he's his own best friend!' and 'Yogurt- dispenser of wisdom… with fruit at the bottom.' and Daphne Zuniga as the Druish Princess. The Puns, they bring the pain.
@Chaotic_Good Yes, and it's actually pretty good. (Why yes, I do own a copy) I also liked the second Dungeons and Dragons film, Wrath of the Dragon God. It was less played for comedy than the first film, and I thought it was very much like a real campaign come to life. There was also "Record of Lodoss War"- a Japansese anime that actually *was* based on a D&D campaign. "Prisoners of the Lost Universe" Starring Richard Hatch (the actor- not the 'Survivor" guy) and John Saxton as the villain (of course- John Saxton was in so many cheesy movies, you could melt him between two slices of toasted bread and call him a sandwich!)
There was also a history of bad 80's sci-fi, too! Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (I am sure Molly Ringwald will never forget Spacehunter, her first starring role!) Then there was Ice Pirates, Battle Beyond the Stars (Starring Jon-boy himself, Richard Thomas), Starcrash (with Caroline Munro and a very young Marjoe Gortner and an even younger David Hasslehoff (!)- although it came out in 1978). Metalstorm has Richard Moll in it as the leader of a group of one-eyed mutants.
Blade Runner. Best SciFi movie ever, from the 80's :P. Like the Return of the Jedi and the Empires Strikes Back, both from the SW saga and made in 1980 and 1983.
Gonna check 'em out, though I'm personally looking for a world that has sorcery/magic
True Legend got a bit of magic like the 5 pawn venom fist style and blackgold armor even a epic fight with a kungfu god. Solomon Kane got some sorcery and demon stuff but thats all i got:)
@CrevsDaak Bladerunner RULES! I've been a fan since it first hit the cinemas, and I still love it.
Is it true nobody has mentioned the hobbit movies. Hey come on guys, they aren't THAT bad - and Smaug is the coolest dragon on screen. Plus its got Fili & Kili .... sigh.
One of my all time favourite movies is "Hero", by Zhang Yimou. It's another wuxia with Jet Li. It has some of the most jawdroppingly gorgeous visuals I've ever seen. For some truly great battle scenes try the movie "Red Cliff" - try and get the Chinese cut - which is two movies not one. no magic in it, but some amazing land and naval battles.
Finally - you've just got to watch Monty Python's The Holy Grail. That might be one of your rare exceptions. Besides it was such a cultural phenomenon in its time it should be mandatory.
I actually enjoyed second and third D&D movies (and the old tv show). I also liked The Dark Crystal (one of my favourites) and Fire and Ice. Both Gamers are a lot of fun (haven't seen the third yet), but my most favourite fantasy is a web series JourneyQuest
Guy Richie, the director of RDJ's Sherlock Holmes has a King Arthur movie set to come out in 2016. Can't tell you how much I am looking foward to that.
@BelgarathMTH doesn't know it, but his chat on this forum about OUAT when season four started got me into OUAT*, and I've caught up with all the episodes over a couple of weeks.
* I won't lie, a big part of the reason was that Elizabeth Lail looked super-adorable as Anna in the promotional pics. But even after the initial disappointment of knowing that Anna would not come into the story for a LONG time, I got pulled into the story and thoroughly engrossed and entertained from the very first episode! It was especially interesting for me cos I didn't grow up in the UK, and missed out on a lot of the Disney classics, so it was a fun way to get acquainted with fairy-tale characters I had heard of, but never really knew about.
Anyway I love OUAT overall, but this season has felt a little flat (ironically just as Anna and Elsa showed up, my original reason for checking out the show!) until the very last episode. I hope it picks again in the second half of the season.
Comments
@Shandyr I've heard good things about that show. It is often compared to "Fables" a comic series I very much enjoyed.
Two fun things I noticed as I linked to the trailer: The tone shouldn't be surprising, as it was directed by Paul Verhoeven, who went on to direct the ultra-violent RoboCop. I also now know the origin of Interplay's musical theme for the 1990 game The Lord of the Rings. They stole it from this movie!
Someone actually did mention it earlier I believe, but regardless you are preaching to the choir!!!!
This was the only show my parents allowed me to watch as a kid (despite Xena being constantly in a state of half-dress) for two reasons
1. It was on Saturday nights (no school!)
2. It was Greek! Therefore my fobby parents said it was okay
Also, anything with Bruce Campbell and his chin is amazing!
"Archer: Fugitive from the Empire" has warring tribes, an archer with a magical bow (called The Heart Bow) and even Lizard men!
The old TV show "Wizards and Warriors"- Starring Jeff Conaway- it was supposed to be based on D&D, but it was damned silly.
Hawk: The Slayer- when a church warrior's evil brother attacks a nunnery, the warrior, a giant, elf, dwarf and one-handed Crossbowman ride to the rescue. This is as cheesy as an entire wheel of Swiss, but it's still enjoyable.
Conan the Barbarian (The Original, by John Milius)
The Sword and the Sorcerer (with Lee Horseley) This one is hilarious, with an exiled prince who is so well-hung that when he gets turned on, he can flip up the entire side of a wooden table! (No, I am not making that up- that is an actual scene in the Movie!)
The Beastmaster (with Mark Singer) About another Prince raised unknowing of his heritage who shares a mental link with animals thanks to some time in a cow's womb after he was stolen from his mother's. His ferrets seem cute, but they go after enemy nuts, so to speak. There are also two sequels to this one.
There was a Red Sonja movie, starring Brigitte Nielsen. Forget that it ever existed- it's that bad.
If you can understand German, there is a movie based on "The Witcher", called "The Hexer" or "Wiedzmin".
Deathstalker
Sorceress
A movie about twin girls who are somehow linked. My most memorable part of this movie is when the hero boinked one twin, the other felt it, too. Yeah, a real winner, hmm? To quote someone on IMDB: "The plot boils down to this: King/wizard Traigon promises his goddess, Kalgara (a big floating head that hisses and spits green lasers) to sacrifice his first-born child, for no apparent reason. However, he is quite bemused when his wife bears twins, making it difficult to discern which is the first-born. Deciding to resolve the question of their hierarchy later, he is about to seize the two infants, when he is killed by a Moses resembling, kung-fu fighter named Chronos or Chrona or some such. Chronos drops the twins off with some peasants and leaves. Years later, the FEMALE twins, named Mira and Mara, have been raised to believe themselves boys. A falsehood that is neither seen through by themselves OR the other characters in the movie, presumably because they wear hats. Anyhow, Traigon comes back from the dead (again, for no apparent reason) and orders his minions to find the `two who are one' (the twins.) An order which they fulfil almost instantaneously. After murdering the twins' adoptive family, the minions are made short work of by the plucky Mira and Mara, who are armed with big sticks. They also glow blue (once again, for no apparent reason.) After the evil minions are defeated, Baldar the big red Viking emerges from his hiding place behind the bushes to compliment the two young `men' on their fighting prowess. Then Chronos shows up and immolates himself in a bonfire (say it with me now `for no apparent reason'.) Anyhow, the remaining characters go on a quest of some sort, and are joined by Erlich the half-naked, befroed imbecile and the horribly perverse Pando the goat-boy (perhaps the most hateable character of all time.) Memorable scenes include: Mira and Mara emerging naked from the lake, to discover Pando the goat-boy grinning and "bah"ing at them in an entirely unwholesome way. (`What's that?' asks Mira or Mara `Which he carries there. Hanging between his legs. Is it a horn?' `A weapon perhaps?' adds Mara or Mira. `But how would he use such a weapon?' Then they beat the crap out of Pando and he runs crying.) Erlich's witty repertoire with the big, hairy, gravel-voiced gambler. (`Well, barbarian,' scoffs the semi-shaven wookie, in a dubbed on voice resembling a broken radiator, `don't dogs have ears? Don't they speak?' `We have ears,' replies Erlich, grinning like a lobotomy patient and holding two fingers on the sides of his head, `And we speak. Arf! Arf!') Mira and Mara's discovery of their actual gender. (`You're girls,' gasps Erlich as he sees the naked twins. `What do you mean?' asks Mira or Mara, confusedly. `I mean, you're not boys,' explains Erlich. `We're not?' wonders Mara or Mira. `Not boys? Are you sure?') Krakinon, the soldier who needs to cut down on the coffee, screaming with his eyes bugging out. (You really have to see it. It's a riot.) A butt-naked Erlich, sliding down a greased poll, where a sharpened stick waits for him in a VERY bad position below. (I… cannot describe the horror of this scene in mere words.) Mira or Mara feeling the effects of Erlich and Mara or Mira's `love boogey' miles away and reacting to it, causing Pando to become `excited.' (`Now I KNOW its Erlich,' comments Baldar as he stares at the moaning Mira or Mara, leaving us with the question of just HOW he knows. Suddenly, Pando rushes towards her and is stopped by Baldar. `She's under my protection,' warns Baldar. Frustrated, Pando begins to jump up and down and `bah' as he… as he… AAAAH! MUST GET THE MENTAL PICTURE OUT OF MY HEAD! NOOOOO!) A "battle between the gods' that consists of a poorly constructed winged lion and a floating head growling and hissing at each other, until one blows up. Two words: horny undead. And Pando leading an army of goats and goat herders into Traigon's palace, where they… just kinda mill around for, you guessed it, no apparent reason.
There are so many more memorable scenes, but I don't think I have the stomach to convey them to you. However, I will add that the movie ends on a pro-polygamist note, as Erlich rationalizes, `Hey, these two ARE one.' "
There was a good reason why the sword and sorcery craze of the 80s didn't survive: the films sucked. "Beastmaster" provides the perfect example, having all the staples of the genre, including appalling acting, an absurd plot, hilarious dialogue, ridiculously bad special effects and cheesy cinematography. In a plot rip-off that practically screams Conan, our hero Dar loses the only family he has known after his village is attacked by raiders, though unbeknownst to him, he is actually a prince. A prince born to a cow. Really. Don't laugh: this is serious business. The story requires that he strip down to a loincloth and embark on a quest to kill the evil priest Maax, who usurped his birthright, a covey of hideously deformed witches and the Jun raiders who killed his adopted father. He periodically stops along the way to roar and wildly wave a stick, that is, until he remembers he has a sword, which he then swings around in a similarly frenzied fashion.
Marc Singer follows in the fine tradition of Lou Ferrigno and Arnold Schwarzenegger's early work with his wooden acting, as he delivers every single line in the same monotone, enhanced by frequent lip curls. Tanya Roberts shows just as little talent as Kiri, and her scenes principally require her to pose so as to bare her cleavage in the best possible fashion. She's also obliged to gaze into the distance when our brave, muscle-bound hero walks triumphantly into the sunset, then follow him for the final kiss. It's amazing that a film with such a gleefully sexist protagonist managed to gain such a cult following, particularly when many of their scenes together involve Dar's tacky attempts at seduction. Despite the presence of Rip Torn and John Amos, the rest of the cast only add to the ham factor, excluding the animals, who put their human counterparts to shame in most cases.
These are all failings often expected of the genre, but matters aren't helped by the frequent, dreadfully choreographed fight scenes, which produce more groans than gasps. Swords often don't even touch opponents, and no blood appears even when combatants do manage to convincingly connect. Luckily, the other visual aspects manage to be at least on par with the other films of the time, though they suffer from the same proclivity for tacky costumes and either outlandish or cliché set design. Seriously, how many times must we suffer through the same dungeon, forest and wasteland in this genre?
Because I'm a big fan of fantasy films, I become quite frustrated with banal efforts like "Beastmaster." It adds nothing to the genre and relies on a formulaic plot and characters, making it entirely forgettable. The few bright moments come from the amusement created by the ludicrous production, which certainly wasn't its intention. It's just hard to take a film seriously when its hero is frequently saved by a pair of ferrets.
There was also a history of bad 80's sci-fi, too! Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (I am sure Molly Ringwald will never forget Spacehunter, her first starring role!) Then there was Ice Pirates, Battle Beyond the Stars (Starring Jon-boy himself, Richard Thomas), Starcrash (with Caroline Munro and a very young Marjoe Gortner and an even younger David Hasslehoff (!)- although it came out in 1978). Metalstorm has Richard Moll in it as the leader of a group of one-eyed mutants.
Don't forget The Last Starfighter and Flight of the Navigator, though I still think the latter is pretty good.
@Chaotic_Good Yes, and it's actually pretty good. (Why yes, I do own a copy) I also liked the second Dungeons and Dragons film, Wrath of the Dragon God. It was less played for comedy than the first film, and I thought it was very much like a real campaign come to life. There was also "Record of Lodoss War"- a Japansese anime that actually *was* based on a D&D campaign. "Prisoners of the Lost Universe" Starring Richard Hatch (the actor- not the 'Survivor" guy) and John Saxton as the villain (of course- John Saxton was in so many cheesy movies, you could melt him between two slices of toasted bread and call him a sandwich!)
Gonna check 'em out, though I'm personally looking for a world that has sorcery/magic
Best SciFi movie ever, from the 80's :P.
Like the Return of the Jedi and the Empires Strikes Back, both from the SW saga and made in 1980 and 1983.
I actually HATE comedies, with some rare exceptions.
That looks like it could be one of those exceptions.
Is it true nobody has mentioned the hobbit movies. Hey come on guys, they aren't THAT bad - and Smaug is the coolest dragon on screen. Plus its got Fili & Kili .... sigh.
One of my all time favourite movies is "Hero", by Zhang Yimou. It's another wuxia with Jet Li. It has some of the most jawdroppingly gorgeous visuals I've ever seen. For some truly great battle scenes try the movie "Red Cliff" - try and get the Chinese cut - which is two movies not one. no magic in it, but some amazing land and naval battles.
Finally - you've just got to watch Monty Python's The Holy Grail. That might be one of your rare exceptions. Besides it was such a cultural phenomenon in its time it should be mandatory.
@BelgarathMTH doesn't know it, but his chat on this forum about OUAT when season four started got me into OUAT*, and I've caught up with all the episodes over a couple of weeks.
*
I won't lie, a big part of the reason was that Elizabeth Lail looked super-adorable as Anna in the promotional pics. But even after the initial disappointment of knowing that Anna would not come into the story for a LONG time, I got pulled into the story and thoroughly engrossed and entertained from the very first episode! It was especially interesting for me cos I didn't grow up in the UK, and missed out on a lot of the Disney classics, so it was a fun way to get acquainted with fairy-tale characters I had heard of, but never really knew about.
Anyway I love OUAT overall, but this season has felt a little flat (ironically just as Anna and Elsa showed up, my original reason for checking out the show!) until the very last episode. I hope it picks again in the second half of the season.