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Let's write some Limericks! (Attention, might get raunchy)

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  • semiticgoddesssemiticgoddess Member Posts: 14,903
    edited July 2017
    Oh, you shouldn't have given me that one.

    The paladin saved a fair lass,
    but she turned out to be foul-mouthed and crass.
    For her own education
    and civilization,
    he quickly began spanking her ass.

    The lass then sought retribution
    tbone1Balrog99Skatan
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    The lass then sought retribution
    And thought she'd hit on a solution
    But the Baldur's Gate court
    Did not like the tort
    But their reason was all convolution.

    Imoen once gave me a hug.
    Balrog99Skatan
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    Imoen once gave me a hug
    While our faces were close I noticed a bug
    Gorion saw and said hold it there mister
    Heeding his words I did see a blister
    So I decided no longer to drink from her mug


    Saervok was known to be vicious and cruel







    lolien
  • Grond0Grond0 Member Posts: 7,305
    A diamond I did find in a tree
    And guess who said "that's for me"
    Montaron didn't find it
    And I told him to split
    But he took it and ran off with glee


    Xzar and Montaron came as a pair
    lolienZaghoul
  • lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 3,108
    edited July 2017
    Xzar and Montaron came as a pair
    They escorted me to the Nashkel Fair
    In a smoky tent
    Some time we three spent
    But nothing else happened i swear.


    The mushrooms in the Wild Forest
    ZaghoulGrond0semiticgoddessSkatan
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    The mushrooms in the Wild Forest
    Were of no surprise my fondest
    But as a bonus for me
    Changed the color of my pee
    But it's my head that feels the sorest

    The Dagger of Venom is the best


    lolienFinneousPJBalrog99
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Tethtoril wanders in circles
    Like some toady of a Angela Merkle's.
    He thinks he's quite cool,
    Although the old fool
    Is as dorky as seven Steve Urkels.

    Gorion let out a deep sigh.
    Grond0Balrog99Zaghoul
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,366
    edited July 2017
    Gorion let out a deep sigh
    Alas, I am too young to die
    We've walked into a trap
    And you with no map
    To Friendly Arms Inn now must fly

    Edit: Forgot 1st line of next

    Gullykin is mighty dull
    tbone1ZaghoulSkatan
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,366
    Montaron held up a pear
    He waved it in front of a bear
    He tossed it to Khalid
    Who in his armour just peed
    And fled swiftly away like a mare

    Branwen has heart made of stone
    tbone1ZaghoulSkatan
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    edited July 2017
    Branwen has heart made of stone
    As hard as a six year old scone.
    It came from a golem
    Or caryatid column
    That tried to touch her for a loan.

    While tied to a lamppost in Trademeet.
    Balrog99
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    While tied to a lamppost in Trademeet,
    Tiax was cursing the whole-street.
    "How dare you blame me
    For poisoning tea?
    At the time I was soiling Jan's bedsheet!"

    Aerie came in from the cold.
    ZaghoulGrond0Balrog99
  • Grond0Grond0 Member Posts: 7,305
    Aerie came in from the cold
    Just why is now to be told
    A girl missing her wings
    And dressed only in strings
    In winter should never be bold

    Travelling by slow boat to Luskan
    ZaghoulsemiticgoddessBalrog99Skatan
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Travelling by slow boat to Luskan,
    We happ'd to arrive after dusk 'n
    We suffered attacks
    By a wave wererats
    Whom we beat back with lunch meat that's Tuscan.

    Keldorn walked up to a priest
    Balrog99Grond0Zaghoul
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Keldorn walked up to a priest
    And shouted "You unholy best!
    A child sacrifice?
    That's not at all nice!
    You could have kept the receipts, at least."

    Ajantis sat down by the bay
    Zaghoul
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    Ajantis sat down by the bay
    With nary a good thing to say
    When asked what was wrong
    Said the Order gave him a thong
    To prove himself he'd have to wear it all day

    Davaeorn felt cooped up in the mine

    Balrog99tbone1
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,366
    edited July 2017
    Davaeorn felt cooped up in the mine
    With naught but Battle Horrors to dine
    He wondered how mustard jelly
    Would taste in his belly
    But just shrugged and then lifted his stein

    Skie enjoys key lime pie
    tbone1ZaghoulSkatan
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Skie enjoys key lime pie
    Though very few people know why.
    She bought one on credit
    Then I saw her spread it
    Upon a bad rash on her thigh.

    I once saw Khalid ride a mule.
    Balrog99semiticgoddessZaghoul
  • Grond0Grond0 Member Posts: 7,305
    I once saw Khalid ride a mule
    He said he's nobody's fool
    The trick is when riding
    To avoid a butt-hiding
    You'd better learn how to in school

    When your name starts with Portal
    tbone1ZaghoulSkatan
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    When your name starts with Portal
    You get thoughts about a lone mortal.
    Your mind they will stop
    Which makes your lungs flop
    And then those jerks guffaw and chortle.

    A wise man sat down by a gnome.
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    edited July 2017
    A wise man sat down by a gnome
    Sad bout loosing his best beard comb
    Told him it could've been worse
    Don't think of it as a curse
    For I now live with carpal tunnel syndrome


    An ogre wanted a degree in fine arts
    tbone1Balrog99Skatan
  • Grond0Grond0 Member Posts: 7,305
    A fair mage had been captured by gnolls
    At least, said Minsc, it's not trolls
    The latter would eat her
    The former just beat her
    And tear up all of her scrolls

    Exploring the ruins at night
    Zaghoultbone1Balrog99
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Exploring the ruins at night
    I came upon such a strange sight.
    Jaheira was there,
    She dyed Faldorn's hair,
    Which gave Cernd a terrible fright.

    Xzar said "l'm troubled to see
    Grond0ZaghoulBalrog99
  • ZaghoulZaghoul Member, Moderator Posts: 3,938
    Xzar said "l'm troubled to see
    Khalid take flight like a bee.
    I surely needed his fear,
    To brew my necrotic beer.
    Guess it's ok I'll just use my pee."


    A vampire did face the sun
    Grond0tbone1
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