"Well, it wasn't long before the whole Time of Troubles thing was over and suddenly little old worshipped me found myself up in the heavens before the Overfather, Himself. Seems they were short of death gods at the time, and it didn't seem like such a big gig, so I took him up on his offer. Plus, the dental plan was extraordinary."
"The Lord of Murder shall perish, but in his doom he shall spawn a score of mortal progeny, chaos will be sown by their passage. So sayeth the wise Alaundo."
"Well, there's a lesson in there somewhere, I suppose. Never whip a sick ogre? Never tell someone twice your size to pick something up? Never boss someone around unless you can run faster than they can? Aha! If you're going to hire ogres, give them sick days and benefits or they will kill you. Yes... that about sums it up, I think." -Jan Jansen
As the simple wasp must coerce the flower to release its nectar, so will I rip your throat from its moorings and drain your lifeblood if I do not see Deril and my child! UNDERSTAND?!
"Being a god isn't what you'd expect, though, Sune was all over me from day one...I hear she developed a thing for turnips about a decade ago. She just wouldn't leave me along! There were parties at all hours of the night. Lliira would get plastereed and fall into the tiny pond and eventually Torm would start a brawl with somebody. Did you know what it's like to have Helm pounding on your door at three in the morning? I could never get any sleep at all. If it wasn't one thing it was getting slapped by Umberlee or hit on by Loviatar. All night long...and in the morning, all the gods would be in a foul mood. Terrible. I couldn't find anything good about the experience at all. No wonder Ao kicked them all out. He probably had to catch up on his housekeeping, of all things. Well, after all of that I was more than happy to let Cyric have the job, eager puppy that he was. Left it behind me for a turnip farm and a nice pension, and gladly...although I eventually traded the pension for some stock in a spelljammer trading cruiser, which was a bad decision but all us mortals arn't immune to that, of course. Lost the farm, too, in a game of checkers to Uncle Fibbert. But that turned out all right, as the turnips got a bad root that year and Uncle Fubbert died of too much intestinal gas. Poor man." -Jan Jansen
"At last, someone who looks like they could be of some assistance! The assorted boobs and dimwits around here have been of very little help." - Emissary Tar
Have ye no ears to hear?! It is as Tiax said! DESTINY! Cyric himself will lift Tiax "on-high," hurtling me to my rightful place when the time comes! You shall all be as ants before my grace, though slightly larger ants than the norm if you help me.
"WHAT?! You were going to ask about my name, weren't you? Everyone wants to know about it, and you're probably no different! Well fine! Maple Willow Aspen IS my name and YES my parents were VERY fond of TREES! I am VERY aware of it, and NO don't want to hear ANY jokes about family trees and me being the SAP! Are you HAPPY NOW?!" -Maple Willow Aspen
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I am death come for thee. Surrender, and my passage will be.... Quicker.
I couldn't find anything good about the experience at all. No wonder Ao kicked them all out. He probably had to catch up on his housekeeping, of all things. Well, after all of that I was more than happy to let Cyric have the job, eager puppy that he was. Left it behind me for a turnip farm and a nice pension, and gladly...although I eventually traded the pension for some stock in a spelljammer trading cruiser, which was a bad decision but all us mortals arn't immune to that, of course. Lost the farm, too, in a game of checkers to Uncle Fibbert. But that turned out all right, as the turnips got a bad root that year and Uncle Fubbert died of too much intestinal gas. Poor man." -Jan Jansen