I: Singing. Occasionally, Mary Sue will burst into song. The lyrics shall be pretentious and ridiculous, but all non-Sarevok companions will compliment her upon hearing it. She will have conversations with CHARNAME where they write lyrics together.
II: An inner dark side called the Destroyer, a remnant of a ritual done upon her by her evil wizard slayer cult family. Every now and then, she will become the Destroyer, who can only be defeated by Charname and if he kills her it's game over. Therefore the only way to defeat her is to bring her down to low HP and then use a new innate ability : 'kiss Mary'. The power of love will break her bonds. In ToB, the Destroyer will split from her after CHARNAME and her get back together because it cannot survive the purity of their love. It will join the final battle as a servant of Melyssan.
III: She will be in Charname's special dream interludes due to their bond.
IV: She will have a Giant Miniature Space Hamster (so witty!) called Squeak with whom Boo falls in love.
II: An inner dark side called the Destroyer, a remnant of a ritual done upon her by her evil wizard slayer cult family. Every now and then, she will become the Destroyer, who can only be defeated by Charname and if he kills her it's game over. Therefore the only way to defeat her is to bring her down to low HP and then use a new innate ability : 'kiss Mary'.
Sexually assaulting a PMSing young lady. That might just be worse than having consensual sex with a 15-year-old.
How about sexually assaulting a 15-year-old? 'Cause you can do that in the Saerileth mod.
I'm not even talking statutory here. You can grope her against her will and she puts an unremovable curse on you and runs away.
So yeah, the worst mod ever should include rape, because nothing says "mature" like shoehorning in extremely sensitive subject matter that's completely beyond your level of competence.
How about sexually assaulting a 15-year-old? 'Cause you can do that in the Saerileth mod.
I'm not even talking statutory here. You can grope her against her will and she puts an unremovable curse on you and runs away.
So yeah, the worst mod ever should include rape, because nothing says "mature" like shoehorning in extremely sensitive subject matter that's completely beyond your level of competence.
Bonus points if that rape is portrayed as redemption.
Yeah, to be honest I never intended it to come across that way. I still think 'kiss to redeem' is cheesy enough and non-rapey to be acceptable, but I think we should draw a line there. I'd much rather not have anything approaching actual sexual assault in a humorous mod.
Maybe to snap her out of it Charname should get her attention off of party members first by a non-damaging spell. Then Charname just has to be smacked around for a bit while being all Zen *without fighting back* and when under a certain amount of hp (near-death, to make players freaks out) she comes to her senses.
Mary: "Oh my love, what have I done? Thou hast been hurt by these wicked claws of mine curse! And yet, thou hast not even risen thy blade at me!"
Charname: "My dearest, *cough* 'tis but a scratch. How could I have lived with myself if I injured you? Why, I would surely die of heartbreak."
*insert npc interjections showing their concern for MARY only*
Fight is one-on-one battle, CHARNAME and Mary. Your companions refuse to get involved because they think only Charname is strong enough to survive Mary's perfection.
When you win, she regains consciousness but is heartbroken at the damage she has dealt to you and makes as though to run away. All your companions chime in with entreaties for her to stay (except Sarevok who will beg her to leave) but she is still resolute.
Charname then has three options:
Let her leave. Game immediately ends because both of you die of a broken heart.
Ask her to stay. She stays, but breaks off the romance because she doesn't want to hurt you again (overlooking the fact that you beat her) Unless you rekindle romance within 2 days, you both die of a broken heart.
Kiss her. She stays and romance continues. Sarevok takes 1d8 damage.
1. Sarevok takes 1d8 damage 2. Sarevok is blinded permanently (scour my eyes!) 3. Sarevok is diseased (it's that sickening) 4. Sarevok is feebleminded (duuuuh) 5. Sarevok turns to stone (he's petrified) 6. Sarevok dies of heartbreak. Only a wish will revive him.
1. Sarevok takes 1d8 damage 2. Sarevok is blinded permanently (scour my eyes!) 3. Sarevok is diseased (it's that sickening) 4. Sarevok is feebleminded (duuuuh) 5. Sarevok turns to stone (he's petrified) 6. Sarevok dies of heartbreak. Only a wish will revive him.
Please make it 1d7 and add a 'Sarevok gives you back your soul saying "Have it back, better to be dead" and dies', then mary revives with biased ideas on Sarevok's head so he wants you two to be together. edit: changed my idea to a more appropriate one (threesome could be have been funny but just no).
Currently not caught up on this topic but I just thought I'd recommend using instrumental versions of metalica and nickelback songs as their main character theme, at some point you should be able to ask her about an odd song shes humming (You literally have no choice. The text mentions shes humming and all your choices are asking her) and she'll talk about how much she likes those real life bands and try and pretend they exist in her world.
Because nothing ruins immersion of a setting like attaching real life things to it.
Currently not caught up on this topic but I just thought I'd recommend using instrumental versions of metalica and nickelback songs as their main character theme, at some point you should be able to ask her about an odd song shes humming (You literally have no choice. The text mentions shes humming and all your choices are asking her) and she'll talk about how much she likes those real life bands and try and pretend they exist in her world.
Because nothing ruins immersion of a setting like attaching real life things to it.
Mary also loves watching plays.
Plays about a particular good-looking, male vampire falling in love with a young girl, who is also loved by a werewolf. She sees such a relationship for her in the future with Charname.
Currently not caught up on this topic but I just thought I'd recommend using instrumental versions of metalica and nickelback songs as their main character theme, at some point you should be able to ask her about an odd song shes humming (You literally have no choice. The text mentions shes humming and all your choices are asking her) and she'll talk about how much she likes those real life bands and try and pretend they exist in her world.
Because nothing ruins immersion of a setting like attaching real life things to it.
Mary also loves watching plays.
Plays about a particular good-looking, male vampire falling in love with a young girl, who is also loved by a werewolf. She sees such a relationship for her in the future with Charname.
The last time she watched this play was when Haer'dalis' Sigil Troupe performed it, starring:
1. Haer'Dalis as the vampire 2. Lunisia as the girl 3. Biff the Understudy as the werewolf. Originally, Wilson the bear was the werewolf, but the stupid bear ran away.
Heh. I think you guys have a lot of good ideas for a terrible NPC. I realize now my idea is much too reasonable and would be moderately amusing, and therefore not the worst NPC. Despite being late to the party and with an inferior product, I will proceed.
My "worst" NPC is for a farmer named Jack Smith. The humor here is on a very "meta" level because CHARNAME points out that Jack must be important because he has a character portrait, and is instantly suspicious that he is a joinable NPC. Poor Jack responds like any farmer might: "Well, I don't have any adventuring skills." "Who is going to provide for my family while I'm off gallivantin' around?" "No offense, but I don't wanna die." CHARNAME keeps after him, and eventually manages to talk him into joining you after you go talk to his wife Hannah and offer to give them 1000 gp for various expenses and preemptive life insurance for Jack. At this point, Jack finally resigns himself to join you.
Jack is a special bard variant that has fighter Lore progression, no spells, no pickpocket, and no bardsong abilities. His stats are Str 13, Dex 10, Con 15, Int 10, Wis 11, Cha 10 (pretty spiffy for an NPC, eh?). His starting proficiencies are Quarterstaff and Sling (surprisingly useful), and his newbie weapon is a shovel that counts as a quarterstaff but has the graphic of a halberd (1d6 crushing damage, delay 6, 8 lbs.).
Jack likes to intermittently ask you if he can go back home and if you've had enough of adventuring for a while. He also offers sage advice ("It's gonna rain tomorrah." or "Never did care for city folk much."). He also calls out other characters occasionally when they are being truly ridiculous (which is pretty often). CHARNAME always counters that Jack just doesn't realize how important he must be and that there is probably a side questline later in the game. Jack either doesn't understand this jargon or thinks CHARNAME is insane.
That's about it, really. Jack has the occasional reaction to plot elements of the game or character interactions, but there is no side quest, no miniature giant space hamster, just some dialogue. At the end of ToB, CHARNAME has a conniption fit when he/she realizes that Jack is really just a farmer they dragged along for the ride for no particular reason.
@LordRumfish No worries about it, we will probably need everyone's help if we really want to actualize this mod, but in the meantime, we'll just indulge in the most absurd of ideas... it's a sport to try to outdo Saerileth you know :P
Plot twist: Jack has a portrait because he's actually the antagonist.
He's Bhaal's OTHER High Priest! If he is in your party when you defeat Melyssan, he takes the divine power but uses it to resurrect Bhaal as she was meant to.
After I explained to him the glory that was Tsujatha and Saerileth, my brother decided he wanted to make an unstable NPC who would romance the PC against his will (as in, there's literally no way to shut down the romance), and if you ever tried to drop her from the party, would start yelling at you that you had betrayed her, shift into her true draconic form, and attack the party.
I think afterwards she was supposed to shift back to human form, complain at you that you shouldn't have gotten her upset, and then demand to be let back into the party.
If he ever gets around to actually doing it, I'm totally going to code it for him.
Comments
I: Singing. Occasionally, Mary Sue will burst into song. The lyrics shall be pretentious and ridiculous, but all non-Sarevok companions will compliment her upon hearing it. She will have conversations with CHARNAME where they write lyrics together.
II: An inner dark side called the Destroyer, a remnant of a ritual done upon her by her evil wizard slayer cult family. Every now and then, she will become the Destroyer, who can only be defeated by Charname and if he kills her it's game over. Therefore the only way to defeat her is to bring her down to low HP and then use a new innate ability : 'kiss Mary'. The power of love will break her bonds. In ToB, the Destroyer will split from her after CHARNAME and her get back together because it cannot survive the purity of their love. It will join the final battle as a servant of Melyssan.
III: She will be in Charname's special dream interludes due to their bond.
IV: She will have a Giant Miniature Space Hamster (so witty!) called Squeak with whom Boo falls in love.
Nice.
I'm not even talking statutory here. You can grope her against her will and she puts an unremovable curse on you and runs away.
So yeah, the worst mod ever should include rape, because nothing says "mature" like shoehorning in extremely sensitive subject matter that's completely beyond your level of competence.
Mary: "Oh my love, what have I done? Thou hast been hurt by these wicked claws of mine curse! And yet, thou hast not even risen thy blade at me!"
Charname: "My dearest, *cough* 'tis but a scratch. How could I have lived with myself if I injured you? Why, I would surely die of heartbreak."
*insert npc interjections showing their concern for MARY only*
Fight is one-on-one battle, CHARNAME and Mary. Your companions refuse to get involved because they think only Charname is strong enough to survive Mary's perfection.
When you win, she regains consciousness but is heartbroken at the damage she has dealt to you and makes as though to run away. All your companions chime in with entreaties for her to stay (except Sarevok who will beg her to leave) but she is still resolute.
Charname then has three options:
Let her leave. Game immediately ends because both of you die of a broken heart.
Ask her to stay. She stays, but breaks off the romance because she doesn't want to hurt you again (overlooking the fact that you beat her) Unless you rekindle romance within 2 days, you both die of a broken heart.
Kiss her. She stays and romance continues. Sarevok takes 1d8 damage.
1. Sarevok takes 1d8 damage
2. Sarevok is blinded permanently (scour my eyes!)
3. Sarevok is diseased (it's that sickening)
4. Sarevok is feebleminded (duuuuh)
5. Sarevok turns to stone (he's petrified)
6. Sarevok dies of heartbreak. Only a wish will revive him.
edit: changed my idea to a more appropriate one (threesome could be have been funny but just no).
Because nothing ruins immersion of a setting like attaching real life things to it.
Plays about a particular good-looking, male vampire falling in love with a young girl, who is also loved by a werewolf. She sees such a relationship for her in the future with Charname.
1. Haer'Dalis as the vampire
2. Lunisia as the girl
3. Biff the Understudy as the werewolf. Originally, Wilson the bear was the werewolf, but the stupid bear ran away.
This is all getting more and more ridiculous lol
My "worst" NPC is for a farmer named Jack Smith. The humor here is on a very "meta" level because CHARNAME points out that Jack must be important because he has a character portrait, and is instantly suspicious that he is a joinable NPC. Poor Jack responds like any farmer might: "Well, I don't have any adventuring skills." "Who is going to provide for my family while I'm off gallivantin' around?" "No offense, but I don't wanna die." CHARNAME keeps after him, and eventually manages to talk him into joining you after you go talk to his wife Hannah and offer to give them 1000 gp for various expenses and preemptive life insurance for Jack. At this point, Jack finally resigns himself to join you.
Jack is a special bard variant that has fighter Lore progression, no spells, no pickpocket, and no bardsong abilities. His stats are Str 13, Dex 10, Con 15, Int 10, Wis 11, Cha 10 (pretty spiffy for an NPC, eh?). His starting proficiencies are Quarterstaff and Sling (surprisingly useful), and his newbie weapon is a shovel that counts as a quarterstaff but has the graphic of a halberd (1d6 crushing damage, delay 6, 8 lbs.).
Jack likes to intermittently ask you if he can go back home and if you've had enough of adventuring for a while. He also offers sage advice ("It's gonna rain tomorrah." or "Never did care for city folk much."). He also calls out other characters occasionally when they are being truly ridiculous (which is pretty often). CHARNAME always counters that Jack just doesn't realize how important he must be and that there is probably a side questline later in the game. Jack either doesn't understand this jargon or thinks CHARNAME is insane.
That's about it, really. Jack has the occasional reaction to plot elements of the game or character interactions, but there is no side quest, no miniature giant space hamster, just some dialogue. At the end of ToB, CHARNAME has a conniption fit when he/she realizes that Jack is really just a farmer they dragged along for the ride for no particular reason.
After I explained to him the glory that was Tsujatha and Saerileth, my brother decided he wanted to make an unstable NPC who would romance the PC against his will (as in, there's literally no way to shut down the romance), and if you ever tried to drop her from the party, would start yelling at you that you had betrayed her, shift into her true draconic form, and attack the party.
I think afterwards she was supposed to shift back to human form, complain at you that you shouldn't have gotten her upset, and then demand to be let back into the party.
If he ever gets around to actually doing it, I'm totally going to code it for him.
Why make a really bad NPC mod when you can just use Jan Jansen?
On a more serious note, just create Abdel Adrian.
/thread