Irenicus vs. Sarevok! Who won? You decide!
lolien
Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 3,108
The Epic Rap Battle of History from the Sword Coast! Irenicus vs. Sarevok! The two mighty villain's duel BEGINS!
SAREVOK:
Beware old man, or should i say elf?
(No you are neither: for this blame yourself)
Sarevok comes, let beat the drums
I’m the charming general, mastermind criminal, professional Baahlspawn and the nobles all my fans.
Now who are you? Exile? The shattered one?
Nice names, but still better than what for you gives your mom!
IRENICUS:
My name is Irenicus, Joneleth or Jon
SAREVOK:
(See there?)
IRENICUS:
Do you even KNOW whom you face? Pathetic son!
SAREVOK:
(A loser?)
IRENICUS:
Are you proud to your dead god father?
SAREVOK:
(Yes, psychopath!)
IRENICUS:
You are but a gnat, compared to my power!
SAREVOK:
(Fear my unholy wrath!)
IRENICUS:
• Must I be interrupted at every turn?! Enough of this!
I’m an archmage, uncage inconceivable power from the tomes of a mighty magician sage,
with my revenge to the Seladrine will come to our world a beautiful new age!
On the contrary your plans, make no sense:
incensing your enemy
with killing it’s best company,
then let it fled behind a tree is not a good performance!
Your wisdom s*cks and everything you mucks
with your stench emitting your hide in the armour within you hide.
SAREVOK:
Speaking of sense and of ridiculous garbs
How about nipples and a cap with barbs?
My deathbringer assault will make me to worst
"I will be the last! And you will go first... Heh hehehehe..."
IRENICUS:
• Silence, child. Allow the fool to make his judgement.
SAREVOK:
Beware old man, or should i say elf?
(No you are neither: for this blame yourself)
Sarevok comes, let beat the drums
I’m the charming general, mastermind criminal, professional Baahlspawn and the nobles all my fans.
Now who are you? Exile? The shattered one?
Nice names, but still better than what for you gives your mom!
IRENICUS:
My name is Irenicus, Joneleth or Jon
SAREVOK:
(See there?)
IRENICUS:
Do you even KNOW whom you face? Pathetic son!
SAREVOK:
(A loser?)
IRENICUS:
Are you proud to your dead god father?
SAREVOK:
(Yes, psychopath!)
IRENICUS:
You are but a gnat, compared to my power!
SAREVOK:
(Fear my unholy wrath!)
IRENICUS:
• Must I be interrupted at every turn?! Enough of this!
I’m an archmage, uncage inconceivable power from the tomes of a mighty magician sage,
with my revenge to the Seladrine will come to our world a beautiful new age!
On the contrary your plans, make no sense:
incensing your enemy
with killing it’s best company,
then let it fled behind a tree is not a good performance!
Your wisdom s*cks and everything you mucks
with your stench emitting your hide in the armour within you hide.
SAREVOK:
Speaking of sense and of ridiculous garbs
How about nipples and a cap with barbs?
My deathbringer assault will make me to worst
"I will be the last! And you will go first... Heh hehehehe..."
IRENICUS:
• Silence, child. Allow the fool to make his judgement.
- Who won? You decide!46 votes
- Irenicus36.96%
- Sarevok45.65%
- Just show me the result17.39%
15
Comments
Imagining him, in a rap battle. Made my night!
I'm no lyricist but I'll try
B***hes, please. Look at me
I'm the true bhaalspawn MC
Raised in Candlekeep: Son of Gorion.
Don't even fight me, no point in tryin'.
Whupped both of you, party of six or solo
handing out a**kickings, pro bono!
Sarevok, killed my father. I came back with a vengeance
Irenicus, stole my soul. Sendin' you to hell was my sentence
Don't beg, It's way to late
I'm the bhaalspawn chosen by fate.
I'm called CHARNAME.
Good or evil
strong or feeble
Players choice
so everyone can rejoice
I'm the strongest of all bhaalspawn *Bitch slaps Sarevok*
Imma beat you like I beat Amelyssan *Bitch slaps Irenicus*
Little know fact, myconids have a racial +2 bonus to spitin' them sick rhymes.
DJ Minsc is my name, I'm a world class ranger
If you see me say "hi" - don't be a stranger
Spend my days righting wrongs wherever I go
I hail from the land of ice and snow
I kick ass and take names every single day
I'm not Mr. T but I'm still strong as - hey!
I charm all the ladies and get all the treasure
A lover and fighter in equal measure
My companion's a hamster, I ain't compensatin'
For lack of equipment - don't mind demonstratin'
A champion of Good, I don't tolerate Evil
Rampaging orcs make Minsc go medieval!
If you do something bad, I'll smack you, it's true!
Otherwise I'll be chillin' with my mate homey Boo
Break it down!
Now listen closely to what I gonna tell ya
My party and I have just been to hell, ya
I see Edwin hitting on a pretty black elf
That wizard should really get over himself
Viconia the drow could be much much nicer
Pity the clerics of Lolth want to ice her
Jaheira the druid likes leaves, trees and grass
If you cross her she'll shove a stick up your- AHEM!
Yoshimo the thief sure looked Oriental
His betrayal was certainly not accidental
Imoen got caught and locked up by a wizard
Who was really an elf (but looked more like a lizard)
that bastard steals all the attention
It's time for the Bhaalspawn to get some detention
Break it down!
I tell you now we had lots of adventures
Like the time we went hunting for Elminster's dentures
We got fire-proof lanterns and 10-foot poles
In our Bags of Holding and Portable Holes
It's great that we got all this kick-ass loot
But I can't wash the kobold blood from my boot
I got magic plate mail and a plus five vorpal sword
Pretty much guaranteed that I never get bored
It's quite entertaining to watch all our antics
Unless you... want to argue semantics? (Help me out here, Boo!)
I'd tell you 'bout the time when Edwin switched gender
'cept he threatened to do something with a blender
I don't know what, but it sounded quite icky
I hope he knows all that blood would be sticky
Break it down!
I should recommend quickly modding your game
'Cause if you're playing vanilla, it just ain't the same
There's nothing like third-party banter packs
To get the whole party right back on the tracks
Sure, all the NPCs may be Sues
But Minsc will make sure that they all get their dues
They get some great stats and their own equips
And take you on lengthy around-the-world trips
They want to boink Imoen or the Bhaalspawn hero
The odds that I'll get some? They're damn close to zero
Sexy tieflings and chaotic good drow
It's quite uncanny and I wanna know how
I tell them they're not playing standard races
You should see the looks of fear on their faces
Break it down!
I've had it with all these incompetent elves
They should be putting their swords on their shelves
We team up with Drizzt? I don't freaking think so
He may be a ranger, but he's also a twink, yo
Sarevok may talk big, but he acts like a sissy
(Don't tell him I said that, or he'll just get pissy)
Amelissan needs to swallow a chill pill
I tell ya we fought that bitch to a standstill
Irenicus thought he was cool in the nine hells
I just wish he'd stop spamming all of those death spells
Yaga-Shura may have been a pain in the rear
Ain't nothing we can't fix with a Freezing Sphere
I could keep rappin' but that's all from me
I'll see you again in Baldur's Gate Three!
PEACE!
(from here)