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Irenicus vs. Sarevok! Who won? You decide!

lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 3,107
edited June 2014 in Fan Creations
The Epic Rap Battle of History from the Sword Coast! Irenicus vs. Sarevok! The two mighty villain's duel BEGINS!


Beware old man, or should i say elf?
(No you are neither: for this blame yourself)
Sarevok comes, let beat the drums
I’m the charming general, mastermind criminal, professional Baahlspawn and the nobles all my fans.

Now who are you? Exile? The shattered one?
Nice names, but still better than what for you gives your mom!

My name is Irenicus, Joneleth or Jon
(See there?)
Do you even KNOW whom you face? Pathetic son!
(A loser?)
Are you proud to your dead god father?
(Yes, psychopath!)
You are but a gnat, compared to my power!
(Fear my unholy wrath!)


• Must I be interrupted at every turn?! Enough of this!

I’m an archmage, uncage inconceivable power from the tomes of a mighty magician sage,
with my revenge to the Seladrine will come to our world a beautiful new age!

On the contrary your plans, make no sense:
incensing your enemy
with killing it’s best company,
then let it fled behind a tree is not a good performance!
Your wisdom s*cks and everything you mucks
with your stench emitting your hide in the armour within you hide.


Speaking of sense and of ridiculous garbs
How about nipples and a cap with barbs?
My deathbringer assault will make me to worst
"I will be the last! And you will go first... Heh hehehehe..."

• Silence, child. Allow the fool to make his judgement.

Who won? You decide! 46 votes

WardAkerhonelminsterDJKajuruJuliusBorisovNonnahswriterOzzyBotkinssmady3CrevsDaakDrazerakkaguanaZaramMaldovarRavenslightBleuCelestejcollier7Maxxximusevildevil97 17 votes
ShYarivLeonTuthJason_SilverainQuartzShadowHunterCaloNordBlackravenOneAngryMushroomButtercheeselaptopman666LordRumfishdstoltzfusGoturalbooinyoureyesBlastbackmeaglothDungeonnoobNudalLewis244 21 votes
Just show me the result
O_BruceStaglordGemHoundveritas1942lolienDemonoid_LimewireAllerozKordianKordian 8 votes


  • meaglothmeagloth Member Posts: 3,806
    I can't see Irenicus stooping to this level, honestly. I don't like rap, but this was actually really fun to read. I was unsure if I liked till Serevoks last line. Well played, my man. Well played.

  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,238
    You must make an instrumental for this

  • lolienlolien Member, Moderator, Translator (NDA) Posts: 3,107
    Just show me the result
    It's in my five-year plan, but i fear, that it will be greater challenge, than what i can take. However thanks for reading and voting! The contest is highly balanced, but Irenicus leads by head a head at this time!

  • ZaramMaldovarZaramMaldovar Member Posts: 2,238

    I think that CHARNAME should pop out of nowhere at the end and just deliver a verbal beatdown on both of them.
    I'm no lyricist but I'll try

    B***hes, please. Look at me
    I'm the true bhaalspawn MC

    Raised in Candlekeep: Son of Gorion.
    Don't even fight me, no point in tryin'.

    Whupped both of you, party of six or solo
    handing out a**kickings, pro bono!

    Sarevok, killed my father. I came back with a vengeance
    Irenicus, stole my soul. Sendin' you to hell was my sentence

    Don't beg, It's way to late
    I'm the bhaalspawn chosen by fate.

    I'm called CHARNAME.
    Good or evil
    strong or feeble
    Players choice
    so everyone can rejoice

    I'm the strongest of all bhaalspawn *Bitch slaps Sarevok*
    Imma beat you like I beat Amelyssan *Bitch slaps Irenicus*

    Gods, that was amazing. I must make my own ERB Baldur's Gate in the future.

  • OneAngryMushroomOneAngryMushroom Member Posts: 564

    Gods, that was amazing. I must make my own ERB Baldur's Gate in the future.

    Little know fact, myconids have a racial +2 bonus to spitin' them sick rhymes.

  • JuliusBorisovJuliusBorisov Member, Administrator, Moderator, Developer Posts: 21,485
    After @OneAngryMushroom‌ has added lyrics to the thread started with lyrics by @lolien‌ we have to wait till another myconid comes here.

  • elminsterelminster Member, Developer Posts: 16,208
    Just saw this. That was awesome! :)

  • JuliusBorisovJuliusBorisov Member, Administrator, Moderator, Developer Posts: 21,485
    CaloNord said:

    Why is it the BG forum has more talent then several professional fields?


  • JuliusBorisovJuliusBorisov Member, Administrator, Moderator, Developer Posts: 21,485
    We're all wrong, Minsc will beat them both:


    DJ Minsc is my name, I'm a world class ranger
    If you see me say "hi" - don't be a stranger
    Spend my days righting wrongs wherever I go
    I hail from the land of ice and snow
    I kick ass and take names every single day
    I'm not Mr. T but I'm still strong as - hey!
    I charm all the ladies and get all the treasure
    A lover and fighter in equal measure
    My companion's a hamster, I ain't compensatin'
    For lack of equipment - don't mind demonstratin'
    A champion of Good, I don't tolerate Evil
    Rampaging orcs make Minsc go medieval!
    If you do something bad, I'll smack you, it's true!
    Otherwise I'll be chillin' with my mate homey Boo
    Break it down!

    Now listen closely to what I gonna tell ya
    My party and I have just been to hell, ya
    I see Edwin hitting on a pretty black elf
    That wizard should really get over himself
    Viconia the drow could be much much nicer
    Pity the clerics of Lolth want to ice her
    Jaheira the druid likes leaves, trees and grass
    If you cross her she'll shove a stick up your- AHEM!
    Yoshimo the thief sure looked Oriental
    His betrayal was certainly not accidental
    Imoen got caught and locked up by a wizard
    Who was really an elf (but looked more like a lizard)
    that bastard steals all the attention
    It's time for the Bhaalspawn to get some detention
    Break it down!

    I tell you now we had lots of adventures
    Like the time we went hunting for Elminster's dentures
    We got fire-proof lanterns and 10-foot poles
    In our Bags of Holding and Portable Holes
    It's great that we got all this kick-ass loot
    But I can't wash the kobold blood from my boot
    I got magic plate mail and a plus five vorpal sword
    Pretty much guaranteed that I never get bored
    It's quite entertaining to watch all our antics
    Unless you... want to argue semantics? (Help me out here, Boo!)
    I'd tell you 'bout the time when Edwin switched gender
    'cept he threatened to do something with a blender
    I don't know what, but it sounded quite icky
    I hope he knows all that blood would be sticky
    Break it down!

    I should recommend quickly modding your game
    'Cause if you're playing vanilla, it just ain't the same
    There's nothing like third-party banter packs
    To get the whole party right back on the tracks
    Sure, all the NPCs may be Sues
    But Minsc will make sure that they all get their dues
    They get some great stats and their own equips
    And take you on lengthy around-the-world trips
    They want to boink Imoen or the Bhaalspawn hero
    The odds that I'll get some? They're damn close to zero
    Sexy tieflings and chaotic good drow
    It's quite uncanny and I wanna know how
    I tell them they're not playing standard races
    You should see the looks of fear on their faces
    Break it down!

    I've had it with all these incompetent elves
    They should be putting their swords on their shelves
    We team up with Drizzt? I don't freaking think so
    He may be a ranger, but he's also a twink, yo
    Sarevok may talk big, but he acts like a sissy
    (Don't tell him I said that, or he'll just get pissy)
    Amelissan needs to swallow a chill pill
    I tell ya we fought that bitch to a standstill
    Irenicus thought he was cool in the nine hells
    I just wish he'd stop spamming all of those death spells
    Yaga-Shura may have been a pain in the rear
    Ain't nothing we can't fix with a Freezing Sphere
    I could keep rappin' but that's all from me
    I'll see you again in Baldur's Gate Three!

    (from here)

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