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You are awakened by baby and must defend yourself...

AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
edited July 2014 in Off-Topic
Based on true events...

You are awakened by baby and must defend yourself...

Imumie: Up you! Your turn!

Anduin: But... I got up last time!

Imumie: Your all buffleheaded! Go!

Anduin: Give her five minutes, she’ll settle herself...

Imumie: Knee scores Critical hit 20

Anduin: oooh... Yes Tiamat... I live to serve...

Anduin: ...

Anduin: It’s gone all quiet! Win! Better check she is okay...

Anduin: Hide in Shadows succeeded.

Anduin: She’s okay... O oh...

Anduin: Leaving shadows.

KoBaldBaby: DADDEEEE ! ! !

Anduin: Oh great... Come here you little kobold...

KoBaldBaby: Yip! Yip! Yip!

Anduin: Shhhh.... Shhh....

Anduin: Casts sleep.

KoBaldBaby: 20 Save v spell.

Anduin: Oh great... Well we will do this the old fashioned way...

Anduin: Casts charm

Anduin: Sleep lightly task master... Hehe...

KoBaldBaby: 20 Save v spell

Anduin: Wha... Aaah! My nose!

KoBaldBaby: Crush YOU, Crush YOU TO GOO-gagag Hahah! Yip! Yip! Yip!

Anduin: Grrr... You did that on purpose... Hang on I can hear Imumie getting out of bed!

Anduin: Detecting traps.

Anduin: Hurry child! The night can only get worse so we must get you to sleep soon. Don't worry, I will explain everything as soon as there is time. Wait! There is something wrong. We are in an ambush. Prepare yourself!

KoBaldBaby: MUMMEEEEE !

Imumie: What is going on!

Anduin: Just putting Kobold to bed.

Imumie: WHY IN THE NINE HELLS DID YOU PICK HER UP!

Anduin: But... You said...

Imumie: You're a decrepit old man. You know why I'm here. Hand over our ward and no one will be hurt. If you resist it shall be a waste of your life.

Anduin: You're a fool if you believe I would trust your benevolence. Step aside and Kobold will fall asleep sooner.

Imumie: I'm sorry that you feel that way old man.

Anduin: Crawl, child, get out of here!

Imumie: GIVE ME THE BABY, GO TO BED!

Anduin: I did my best...

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Comments

  • LoubLoub Member Posts: 471
    I would have kept the baby in my grid inventory to later transmogrify it into something actually useful once I reached the underdark.

    What? Why are you looking at me that way?
  • LoubLoub Member Posts: 471
    I'm pretty sure you could travel to sigil and sell it to Vrischika - she has a very ingenious use for this sort of creature.
    Although given that a bottle of baby oil is made out of about a thousand mewling mortal babies, I think you would only receive 5 copper commons, tops. And only if the baby is very fat.
  • CaloNordCaloNord Member Posts: 1,809
    My save rolls after dark are really lousy. The dice always favour the fiancee. :/
  • LoubLoub Member Posts: 471
    edited July 2014
    CaloNord said:

    My save rolls after dark are really lousy. The dice always favour the fiancee. :/

    Bubububububu, get out of my head... Memories of a past that should never be unburied - psychosis, I say! Silence! - said he. So I comply.

    Maybe suggesting the removal of vital sensory organs to use their sockets to hold game implements isn't the best idea in the word he says. So I comply.

    Posting pictures from 'Rodox Lesbians' also isn't appropriate according to him. So I comply.

    He also said I should apologize to you. So here it is - I am sorry for disturbing your neurotypical mind, Glansfor Hedd, it is too stable to comprehend the unbound chaos of the ramblings of an unfit mind. Your fiancée likes chocolate, buy her chocolate covered crickets, I hear they're quite good. So once again do I comply.
    Post edited by Loub on
  • CaloNordCaloNord Member Posts: 1,809
    Perfect. ;)

    Although it's not to bad now, Kai only wakes 3 times a night now. . .

    image
  • LoubLoub Member Posts: 471
    CaloNord said:

    Perfect. ;)

    Although it's not to bad now, Kai only wakes 3 times a night now. . .

    image

    image

    Choc-O-Lot!
  • LoubLoub Member Posts: 471
    CaloNord said:

    Mmmmm D20 in chocolate form! ;)

    7pm - Bedtime
    10pm - Wake up, leg got stuck in cot frame, uncomfortable.
    11pm - Crawling in sleep, uncomfortable.
    12pm - Bottle, hungry hungry hippo.
    2am - Crawled into cot corner in sleep, head now mashed into spine, uncomfortable.
    4am - Pooed.
    6am - Crawling in sleep, uncomfortable. Pooed again.
    7:30am - This is your daily wake up call. Scream mode: Engaged.

    Why do you poo so much? Maybe you should cut your daily intake of fibre a little.
  • CaloNordCaloNord Member Posts: 1,809
    Hahaha! Oh I never poo. :P That's the babies thing. He eats so much. It's terrifying. . .
  • CaloNordCaloNord Member Posts: 1,809
    edited July 2014
    There appears to be no limit to uses per day either. Although it does have a casting time it is not interruptible.
  • dementeddemented Member Posts: 388
    Can your baby hold a gun? If so I might have a proposition for you.
  • deltagodeltago Member Posts: 7,811
    Next time, try the potion Nyquil instead of spells. No saving throw.
  • CaloNordCaloNord Member Posts: 1,809
    I gave ours a nerf gun. He immediately started eating the gun then started trying to hit the modem with it while shouting "Baby Baby Baby" at the top of his lungs. . .

    He's 14 months old. :P
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    My baby can hold a spoon and coathanger in a deadly fashion, does this count @demented‌
  • LoubLoub Member Posts: 471
    By Ilmater's hairy buttcrack!
    image
  • dementeddemented Member Posts: 388
    Anduin said:

    My baby can hold a spoon and coathanger in a deadly fashion, does this count @demented‌

    A spoon and a coathanger? Forget it, there's no room for mavericks on this baby squad.
  • TarotMasterTarotMaster Member Posts: 147
    This is great ha nice work. I wonder if this can be applied to a pet?
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    TarotMaster said:

    This is great ha nice work. I wonder if this can be applied to a pet?

    Wait... You want to...

    a) Supply @demented‌ with a gun wielding pet.

    Or

    b) Want to start a "awakened by pet and must defend yourself" thread.

    ...

    If it is a)... Good lord! You trained a pet to wield firearms!

    If it is b)... Your pet regularly savages you when you sleep! Dude buy a goldfish!

    (Haha! Thanks for the kind words!)
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    @deltago‌ The dogs in the area... Do they often run for cover when on walks?
  • deltagodeltago Member Posts: 7,811
    Anduin said:

    @deltago‌ The dogs in the area... Do they often run for cover when on walks?

    Just the squirrels that mock the poor kitten.
  • LoubLoub Member Posts: 471
    deltago said:

    Anduin said:


    If it is a)... Good lord! You trained a pet to wield firearms!

    Have to
    image
    I see you also trained him to have a Raymanian left paw.
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