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Online dating seems a bit odd.

TarotMasterTarotMaster Member Posts: 147
Ok so I singed up for a site and it kinda blew me away seeing all these women listed. I immediately began chatting with a few but it felt weird. I am no fan of email chatting and this is pretty much what it is. It would be nice if they had a instant message system but that would be hard to manage. I like it but I am not a huge fan. Feel free to post your thoughts on this.

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Comments

  • DreadKhanDreadKhan Member Posts: 3,514
    The premise sounds reasonable, but in reality imho its a complete waste of time and energy. Not that I've tried them mind you, but I also refuse to do anything selfevidentially idiotic.

  • JuliusBorisovJuliusBorisov Member, Administrator, Moderator, Developer Posts: 15,528
    Although there's a very slight chance you can find your love using the online dating system, it's much better to avoid online meetings.

    It's better to go to the nearest park, to the theatre, to the cafe, to some courses (dancing, foreign language, music etc). There you indeed can meet a good girlfriend, you'll have all possibilities to know her, to speak to her, to watch her.

    So, get real:)

    TarotMastermeaglothlolientypo_tilly
  • old_jolly2old_jolly2 Member Posts: 453
    You consider yourself very lucky. There are dozandreds of people finding it attractive and worth time wasting , even going deeper, coming up their pockets N/A.

  • old_jolly2old_jolly2 Member Posts: 453
    I mean those girls look for money generally , apart from idk some well established sites ? So , he's lucky not getting lost in it too much.

    DreadKhan
  • DreadKhanDreadKhan Member Posts: 3,514
    Ah. I would think most people place some importance on money though. Being broke is incredibly hard on relationships, and most decent earners dont want a burden either.

    But I can see your point, money makes a poor foundation.

  • old_jolly2old_jolly2 Member Posts: 453
    @DreadKhan You are right , but not just money. Power , overall , is necessary for both sides. You can't name yourself to be a 'good' person if you have no power. How can you do good if you have no power for it ? So , Irenicus is way ahead in understanding love than many of us , you 'have' to have something to give , talking , on the other hand , everybody can do.

    The thing in those sites is that , it is NAY about getting a relationship , apart from I state that may be few others. You want some natural start , but your instinct never lies , and it always warns you , keeps you awake that , that girl is a gold digger , and sadly , no more.

  • DreadKhanDreadKhan Member Posts: 3,514
    I actually dont see a gold digger as inherently any worse than men interested only in youth, looks, etc. If they are honest, and are authentic (ie their own person still), its not terrible. Again though, going only for money is pretty unwise if your with someone you dont love and respect.

    booinyoureyes
  • old_jolly2old_jolly2 Member Posts: 453
    edited August 2014
    @DreadKhan you admitting that you are a one that goes for youth and looks ? :) For me , I go for continuability , that's why the gold-diggers poke me in the eye much , and as well I get disturbed by the men that talking about boobs, asses , etc. When the silence strikes in a relationship , and if I have to be alone in a position to push the stone atop the hill , I have , and I will certainly again let it drop down in the sea. I don't want be 'alone' if I'm trying my best not to be , because there is an other side factor that puts you really down , no matter her reasons or reason alikes would be. There is no language in this world that could describe 'the betrayal in continuing further' enough , I think.

  • DreadKhanDreadKhan Member Posts: 3,514
    Looks definately matter, but I am not really a creature of love. Very few women are really interesting to me. For me its very much the entire package of mind, body and material. Lots of one cant make up for a really weak showing in another area.

    I was saying though that going only for youth and beauty is at least as shallow as going for money only.

  • old_jolly2old_jolly2 Member Posts: 453
    edited August 2014
    DreadKhan said:


    I was saying though that going only for youth and beauty is at least as shallow as going for money only.

    I get that, I get that. Because you disagree with me in that point , so I said you may be going for looks that's why , because you used words 'any worse' :)

    Well , you know , you can not plan ahead for a thing that is like 'love' big. If , one day , you would be in a state that looks for a perfection , you might be disappointed by the lack in that another area , no matter how great she was in the other areas. I don't get to say much on this , I have no right. But freedom in thoughts and future is as relieving as freedom in your own control , so it's best to leave it for the wind to carry afar. May be my pockets safe from charming thieves :)

  • TarotMasterTarotMaster Member Posts: 147
    Will spend the next week to see if this will work out or not so far got next to nill in terms of message responses. I'll give it 7 days or so.

  • DreadKhanDreadKhan Member Posts: 3,514
    I have no qualms about having unrealistic standards. I am no looking frankly, and considering atm I am not remotely attractive on any level, I am pretty confident I need not think about love.

    Also, leaving something to 'chance' imho is pretty far from excercising free will and freedom.

  • O_BruceO_Bruce Member Posts: 2,567
    I don't find online dating odd, because there are people who, even while being put in social situations such a courses ect, cannot initiate contact with newly met attractive woman. To me, personally, initiating contact with a girl is one of the hardest thing to do. If someone isn't sharing this problem, then that someone wouldn't understand how big of a deal it is.

    Therefore, I think there are reasonable reasons for dating sites to exist.

  • SquireSquire Member Posts: 512
    I've never liked the idea of online dating, but I'm told it's becoming more common, to the point where it's almost considered normal.

  • BlackravenBlackraven Member Posts: 3,059
    Wow such antagonism (prejudice even, it seems) against online dating. I'm surprised. Sure, meeting someone via the internet might be less romantic than at a mutual friend's party or during salsa class, but otherwise I don't see the issue.

    SCARY_WIZARDCrevsDaakbooinyoureyesAristillius
  • TheGraveDiggerTheGraveDigger Member Posts: 336
    It is very "odd", and awkward, and just a huge waste of time. I mean, what's the point of dating if there's no chance of sexy time? unless you think text kisses are sexy... xxx

    You'd be better off meeting someone at a place of real life hobby, because everyone online is just mad.

  • JLeeJLee Member Posts: 563
    My best friend met his wife online (eharmony). They are very well matched and just had their first child. Just sayin...

    I can't see how it makes any difference how you meet.

    I met my wife in a more old school way, but I am no less happy than my friend.

    Say yes to life and things happen. Even if you don't find exactly what you are looking for, I'd be willing to guess that you would be no worse for the experience. You may come away with some great stories at any rate ;)

    BlackravenbooinyoureyesAristillius
  • InvictusCobraInvictusCobra Member Posts: 108

    I don't find online dating odd, because there are people who, even while being put in social situations such a courses ect, cannot initiate contact with newly met attractive woman. To me, personally, initiating contact with a girl is one of the hardest thing to do. If someone isn't sharing this problem, then that someone wouldn't understand how big of a deal it is.

    ^
    This, totally this. At least for me, it is a very hard task indeed. The fear, not only of talking to a complete stranger, but also due to bad experiences with rejection and low self-esteem/confidence have made talking with attractive girls such a monumental thing it's past the cringe point. I will try to break it in a coming event I might go to, but there are so many variables and ways it can fail in epic proportions, it becomes scarier and scarier to even approach one to say "Hi...".

  • SquireSquire Member Posts: 512


    You'd be better off meeting someone at a place of real life hobby, because everyone online is just mad.

    Hey! I am not mad!! *puts a pair of underpants on his head and sticks two pencils up his nostrils* ...bibble! ;)

    Meeting someone at a place of real life hobby would be ideal, but the problem is, when you get to my age, single girls are incredibly rare, to the point of being almost non-existent. Most of you probably don't have this problem, only us old fogies. :P
    To me, personally, initiating contact with a girl is one of the hardest thing to do. If someone isn't sharing this problem, then that someone wouldn't understand how big of a deal it is.
    You're on an internet gaming forum aimed at people who like roleplaying games. I'm pretty sure most of us here share this problem. ;-)

    But honestly, initiating contact is easy - girls aren't aliens, they're people, and if you talk to somebody like an equal, they'll usually respond in kind. I talk to girls all the time...it's conveying romantic intentions that's the difficult part!
    I will try to break it in a coming event I might go to, but there are so many variables and ways it can fail in epic proportions, it becomes scarier and scarier to even approach one to say "Hi...".
    Word of advice: don't go with the express purpose of trying to score with somebody, just think of it as meeting new people. It relieves some of the pressure, and negates the fear of rejection because you're not making a proposal, so there's nothing to reject. Most people won't harshly rebuke somebody just for talking to them (unless you go into "creepy stalker" mode or say something crude or disrespectful). Even if nothing happens, you'll feel a bit more comfortable talking to people the more you do it, you'll get over your fear when you realise that girls are human just like you, and who knows, you might just make a new friend. Worst case scenario, she'll give you a funny look and walk away.

    TheGraveDiggerNonnahswriterdunbarTarotMaster
  • old_jolly2old_jolly2 Member Posts: 453
    Well here I will lay down some milestones for you if you wish to adventure to the Loveland :

    1. Approach the dating city 'against all odds'.
    2. Try to fight in controlling the emotions and what level of your abilities to show to her while analyzing your philosophies containing fate if there is any , comparing with any charm and attractivity you look for in her.
    3. While not chatting , start to dream about future and home with HER and how to revive her to be a more active and lively person.
    4. Let the tranquilizing swamp pull you through , keeping you awake at night , and start to dream with whole your body not just your mind. It's not any good I say , more like a cage of narcosis.
    5. ( Roll dice ) Lucky you are if you turn around and walk away , swallowing what you have started ; evading the danger.
    6. [ Unknown to me , if you decide to continue , and decide to choose the tranquilization over sobriety ]

    These are around and about what I've been through in my only attempt years ago.

  • simplessimples Member Posts: 539
    i've done online dating and it's reallly superficial. people only go for looks and you end up with someone who's only interested in how you look, not who you are. luckily i met my partner at a dinner party shortly after.

  • O_BruceO_Bruce Member Posts: 2,567
    Yes, because while meting girl in real life she doesn't have any kind of first impressions based on looks alone. No sir! No way!

    Some people have more luck than they should have.

    Blackraven
  • simplessimples Member Posts: 539
    turns out, sometimes people talk to each other in real life and then fall in love

  • O_BruceO_Bruce Member Posts: 2,567
    Turns out, you have no idea about an issue I mentioned before yesterday. And because o that, there is no point in further explanations, as it would be a waste of time.

  • DrugarDrugar Member Posts: 1,566
    With the exception of one, every girlfriend I've had I've met through the internet, two of which through datingsites (including the current one). In my experience, they're a bit of a crapshoot but I can certainly vouch for the possibility of a good result.

    My girlfriend and me had different experiences though. For her (and from what I heard, most women), the problem lay in sorting out the dicks from the creeps from the genuinely good guys. Sorting out who's a massive douche is sort of easy, she got tons of message akin to "hey baby nice rack wanna bone". The creeps were a little harder, but ultimately identifiable by either noticing their mails as either immediately glorifying her or talking down to her in a friendly manner. In short, the problem was basicly that while she had lots of choice, the men to choose from were not that great, in general.

    My problem was quite the opposite. Where she got a dozen messages per day (95% of which was trash), I got two messages in my entire dating site career. I sent out quite a few but most never responded. The question is of course, 'why not?' which was probably a combination of my terrible taste in women (no, really) which meant I was hardly ever what she was looking for and also my profile (or resume or only thing a lady can identify you by') was quite terrible, filled with bad jokes and accompanied by an unattractive picture.

    Anyway, eventually I sent my girl a message (a little more eloquent than "hey baby wanna bang") and we hit it off and now we're living together and she's still supercool.
    The art lies in selling yourself without sounding like a cock if you're a dude and recognizing them if you're a lady. Don't put pressure on yourself, be friendly and respectful and if being yourself doesn't get you any ladies, try and identify what part of yourself is so repellant and if you can/should change it (for example, a love of videogames should not be changed, showering once a week and looking like it can and should be).

    Nonnahswriterbooinyoureyes
  • InvictusCobraInvictusCobra Member Posts: 108
    Squire said:

    Word of advice: don't go with the express purpose of trying to score with somebody, just think of it as meeting new people. It relieves some of the pressure, and negates the fear of rejection because you're not making a proposal, so there's nothing to reject. Most people won't harshly rebuke somebody just for talking to them (unless you go into "creepy stalker" mode or say something crude or disrespectful). Even if nothing happens, you'll feel a bit more comfortable talking to people the more you do it, you'll get over your fear when you realise that girls are human just like you, and who knows, you might just make a new friend. Worst case scenario, she'll give you a funny look and walk away.

    A thing I wish to know is where to draw the "creepy stalker" line. When I go to events like these (this is my second one) I feel like saying more than "Hey, nice cosplay." is pushing my luck and making me sound like a creep.


  • SquireSquire Member Posts: 512



    A thing I wish to know is where to draw the "creepy stalker" line. When I go to events like these (this is my second one) I feel like saying more than "Hey, nice cosplay." is pushing my luck and making me sound like a creep.

    Well, "creepy stalker" would be following her around the whole time when she's clearly trying to get away, but (and bear in mind that I know sod all about cosplay - I only barely know what it is...it's basically dressing up as charaters from games/literature etc, right?) I'm sure you can go a bit further than "hey, nice cosplay", maybe you could add "how did you make the *insert point of interest*?" I dunno...just chat about stuff related to the event. I'm no expert when it comes to romance, but I do know that it's easier to talk to people when you're not putting pressure on yourself.

  • TheGraveDiggerTheGraveDigger Member Posts: 336
    Being creepy takes practice. Just tell them you're cosplaying a "creepy stalker" today.

    CrevsDaakSergiobooinyoureyes
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