My online dates always ended up the same... I tried it 3 times and that is enough for me to know it´s ok to have some "fun" but thats it. congrats to the people who actualy fall in love and all that but i think thats an exception.
Done it and let me say from personal experience, there is a REASON why some of these girls are doing online dating - to be more clear, the majority of them are headcases. The how I met your mother crazy to hot scale is real.
I've been vaguely thinking of trying online dating for a while now, since I stupidly took early retirement (admittedly I was completely burnt out). The point being that I met nearly all my girlfriends at work, through work-related activities or in pubs (where I used to work).
All I needed was a common starting point for a conversation, which is hard to find for me these days as I only meet new people on an occasional, random basis.
Having said that, I know only too well the stomach-chilling fear of introducing myself to an attractive woman for no apparent reason. I overcame this by throwing caution to the winds and to hell with the consequences - I once jumped naked off a busy harbour bridge in broad daylight just to attract one particular woman's attention (it worked, we had a great relationship and she literally followed me halfway round the world).
'If only' are two of the saddest words and I don't want to die wondering 'what if.........'
for all those who get nervous introducing themselves, just think of it this way. the worst thing she can say is no. it's not like your committing a crime by introducing yourself. so relax everyone
Done it and let me say from personal experience, there is a REASON why some of these girls are doing online dating - to be more clear, the majority of them are headcases. The how I met your mother crazy to hot scale is real.
yep this pretty much ^ the reason they're on a dating site is they either lack social skills, or are bat shite crazy. hence why I've resolved to think if im meant to find someone, just let it happen naturally
It's all relative. Keep in mind looks, income, education remain large factors. The difference is you will need to be literate enough to exchange meaningful ideas via text, and not just speech. They aren't going to want to meet you over a picture.
The difference is you get to save your own time. Potentially a great DEAL of time, depending on how much energy you may otherwise invest into thinking on romance/dating.
Extended chat-bubbles or whatever the medium in order to get to know someone can be a long process but I have had real success meeting people this way.
I am a normal guy, normal job, but my hobbies are very much things solitary. Running, reading, video games... meeting someone on the internet is the long road but in the end you CAN meet someone and it's really quite easy once you break the ice of doing it. I was able to put in a few messages during my downtime, instead of planning to go out and try to meet fresh new people in a loud and awkward environment.
I was able to text some girl I hadn't met yet without any long, dumb courting process or dinners or otherwise time invested. I was able to get to know her somewhat before meeting her. Been seeing her ever since, and my free-time is still locked and loaded, no HPs lost. The biggest difference is when you see a beautiful angel you may hit on them without really knowing them. After getting to know them, you realize they are dimwits. Or worse. Online chat bubbles are more than sufficient to deduce slivers of this sort of attitude, and it's incredibly empowering to just stop responding and have a person be gone forever.
By creating a situation with many multiples of candidates, you begin to find out what you REALLY want by process of elimination. Rather than trying to make the square fit through the triangle hole because it's the only shape you've got to work with.
I haven't used an online dating site in some time, but because I have already learned the do's and don'ts I can tell you that it would be pretty easy to begin a profile and go on to meet in person at least 10-20 girls a year, and that goes for any of us. Don't be afraid of it because it's new to you.
Tl,DR;
Just be honest with online dating. Impressing someone can be exhilarating, but when you are in your third month of trying to send messages to girls on a dating site you will be sick and tired of that approach. Say something fresh, honest, sincere. Make it quick, keep it simple stupid, and it really won't take up much of your time. People marry a single other person and in the end what that means is that most of us can't stand each other or we wouldn't pair off the way we do. Dating online makes it really easy to write people off with no backlash.
SORRY SUSIE, I DONT LIKE THE SHAPE OF YOUR CHIN. Deleted. Never need to hear from her again.
...hence why I've resolved to think if im meant to find someone, just let it happen naturally
Yeah, I used to feel this way too. Trouble is, the older you get, the harder it becomes to find girls who aren't in a long term relationship. Sure, it'd be nice if it did happen naturally, but if you rely on that, before you know it you'll be 30 and with no hope of ever finding a companion. So use your youth while you've got it! Get out there, and talk to as many girls as you can. Don't worry about your looks, and above all, make sure you ooze confidence.
...hence why I've resolved to think if im meant to find someone, just let it happen naturally
Yeah, I used to feel this way too. Trouble is, the older you get, the harder it becomes to find girls who aren't in a long term relationship. Sure, it'd be nice if it did happen naturally, but if you rely on that, before you know it you'll be 30 and with no hope of ever finding a companion. So use your youth while you've got it! Get out there, and talk to as many girls as you can. Don't worry about your looks, and above all, make sure you ooze confidence.
Confidence is not an issue with me :P I was with the same woman for over 5 years and she ended up sleeping with someone i considered practically family. Guess dating is just burnt out for me for the time being
...before you know it you'll be 30 and with no hope of ever finding a companion.
Alone at 30 = Slightly weird Alone at 35 = Very weird Alone at 40 = Full blown creepy dude
I've noticed most people who are alone at 35+ go into a "desperation mode" and become alot less fussy... I've been propositioned by older women and it didn't make me feel good, it just made me think they must be desperate as hell.
...before you know it you'll be 30 and with no hope of ever finding a companion.
Alone at 30 = Slightly weird Alone at 35 = Very weird Alone at 40 = Full blown creepy dude
I've noticed most people who are alone at 35+ go into a "desperation mode" and become alot less fussy... I've been propositioned by older women and it didn't make me feel good, it just made me think they must be desperate as hell.
Online dating is really good, I know quite a few people that use it. Rather than just meeting a random in a bar, you can have an idea of the kind of person they are, their values, shared interests, etc. before meeting. I work in academia which is a male dominated bubble and online dating has worked very well for me. For the naysayers I say you're probably doing it wrong or have unrealistic expectations.
Done it and let me say from personal experience, there is a REASON why some of these girls are doing online dating - to be more clear, the majority of them are headcases. The how I met your mother crazy to hot scale is real.
yep this pretty much ^ the reason they're on a dating site is they either lack social skills, or are bat shite crazy. hence why I've resolved to think if im meant to find someone, just let it happen naturally
Seriously, don't rely on just letting it happen. Sure, it can happen...and you can also win the Lottery, but you can't plan your life around that happening because, chances are, it won't. You've got to make it happen! Doesn't mean online dating is the only option, but you've got to do something while there are still girls in your age group who are single, because mark my words, that won't be the case forever.
for all those who get nervous introducing themselves, just think of it this way. the worst thing she can say is no. it's not like your committing a crime by introducing yourself. so relax everyone
Correction, the worst thing she can do is scream "AW HELLLLLL NO YOU CREEP! HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK AT THE 4FT BEARDED CREEP! HE THINKS HE HAS A SHOT WITH ME! EVERYONE LAUGH AT THE CREEP!" and then her boyfriend jumps out the bushes and beats you with a shovel.
And then she calls your mum to tell her you're a creep and a loser and your mum agrees. Your dad disowns you for harassing ladies. Your boss fires you when he sees you in the newspaper for creeping on ladies. Your friends don't want to be associated with you. And with no money you can't pay the electric bill so you can't play Baldur's Gate anymore, ever. You die alone and hungry and sad.
...
This scenario may have played through my head a few times when I saw a pretty lady somewhere. It seemed perfectly possible at the time.
I´m almost 40 and i dont have a partner. NO and i tell you why i stay alone. Most of modern woman are pretty much nuts and i dont waste my time with them. I just realized during a long time not being into a relationship that i have no more mindfu**. I´m free to do whatever i want and once it´s getting ... you know... our modern times are so sexualized you dont even need to do the average dating game anymore. And i dont want to change that in the future!
Interesting, maybe it's partly about what stage we're at in our lives. I've been through the 'notches on the headboard' stage, the 'I don't need this hassle in my life' stage, the 'this is satisfying in all aspects' stage which unfortunately was followed by the 'my career is more important, surely she understands and will support me in this' monumentally stupid stage. What I've learnt from all this is that a relationship, like studying, or building a career requires work and a significant investment of your time on an on-going basis.
Online contact has basicly nothing in common with real life... trying to take an online relationship (romantic or platonic) offline is not very productive.
Its like people shacking up before getting married: in theory, you are 'testing compatability', but in reality you're just screwing around. People dont behave the same after getting married.
Also, not impressed by how misogynistic some posts seem to be getting in here boys: if all your relationships with women go poorly, guess what? You're the common factor. Being alone isnt the end of the world, just channel your inner monk.
if someone calls me today a mysogynist i can safely say yes i am and prout to be. It´s a privilege to have this mindset and not the other way around sir And you didnt understand what i meant, even it is pretty clear. That just shows your blue pill illusion about new age thinking is the way to go. Your dead wrong!
Yeah, its the womenfolk that are all crazy and evil! It all makes sense now! Those thousands of years of oppression, all those Chinese men with bound feet, witch-burned European men, dead white American men raped and murdered by Native women, those Saudi men that can't legally drive... now that you explained it, it's all so clear now!
...wait, nope. You can keep your pills, I'd rather be decent. You might be less bitter if you changed, but it's your choice as long as you dont harm anyone.
if someone calls me today a mysogynist i can safely say yes i am and prout to be. It´s a privilege to have this mindset and not the other way around sir And you didnt understand what i meant, even it is pretty clear. That just shows your blue pill illusion about new age thinking is the way to go. Your dead wrong!
I almost feel sorry for you. But "almost" makes a big difference.
I know you cant understand guys like me but it´s ok. But to make a thing clear. I hate the catholic and evangelical church (the other religions doesnt mean anything to me) and i also think violence against weaker persons is a no go. So i´m not what you want me to be. There is a big difference between brutal males and guys who know that the natural and traditional way of gender roles should be as they were. Thats not about being superior but knowing what mother nature has givin us. You can try to mix roles as long as you want but in the end. It´s a dead end. No matter how many books you read about your "reality". Nature is pretty merciless and doesnt gives a dam* about fantasy rulesets of modern western society. so please, i´m happy. More then ever in that regard.
I also said in some previous post that i dont belive in that adam and eve stuff. I´m more into norse mythology. A time were woman were more woman alike and respected then you new age guys will ever understand. But thats your problem.
First of all, it's not like I can't understand you. I just don't want to bother with it. It's pointless.
Religion has nothing to do with anything here (in fact, religion is BS). And about the "nature", you should go hunting and risk your life here and now, because that's how mother nature created you. I on the other hand, am aware that human specie is like no other animal on this planet, and as such we are no longer strictly bound to nature's.... "principles".
I know it´s hard to accept the only one reality in nature and not the bubble the good guys have created for ya. But i cant judge you, you already do it yourself 24/7 Peace be with you brother And yes i know that "feminism" is now a big part of atheism... which is ridiculous and you know it. Reason + idiology doesnt fit
"Logic" and "common sense" is a big part of atheism. And I don't have to be a feminist to treat other people like human beings, sorry to have dissapointed you.
...seeing as all I *want* you to be is a decent, respectful person, I sure hope you're wrong.
Being a feminist isnt the real issue, its being decent. Women aren't perfect, but men sure as **** aren't either. Gender roles are generally stupid and almost completely constructed relatively recently. There isnt a natural basis beyond 'male animals are usually a burden'. Its downright disturbing. There are exceptions like sea horses, but lions, ants, arachnids, reptiles, fish, etc outnumber them. Not that I am a self hating man, I am simply versed in the basics of biology. Males are biologically expensive, and strictly speaking less neccesary from a biological perspective.
I'm not sure this is even entirely a digression, but it is tangential; males in nature are generally tolerated, so I wouldnt bring up nature in this kind of discussion.
Either way, this isnt a forum to call a population group 'crazy', so dont. The forum rules are available for your perusal, give 'em a look maybe.
Online contact has basicly nothing in common with real life... trying to take an online relationship (romantic or platonic) offline is not very productive.
Its like people shacking up before getting married: in theory, you are 'testing compatability', but in reality you're just screwing around. People dont behave the same after getting married.
uh... I completely disagree. A. I've known multiple happy, lasting marriages that were established through online dating. My cousin met his wife online back before online dating was even a major thing (1998!). I know of multiple other couples that met the same way B. I think you have a distorted view on what online dating is. It is not as if the two people chat online for years on end only to finally decide to get married and come together. Online dating (from what I understand from people who have tried it successfully) is only for the initial stages of getting to know someone moderately well and THEN meeting up and going the next step. I seriously doubt it would be an "online relationship" as you describe, since they would normally have met in person before it got that serious.
The second part of that post I agree with wholeheartedly.
Comments
All I needed was a common starting point for a conversation, which is hard to find for me these days as I only meet new people on an occasional, random basis.
Having said that, I know only too well the stomach-chilling fear of introducing myself to an attractive woman for no apparent reason. I overcame this by throwing caution to the winds and to hell with the consequences - I once jumped naked off a busy harbour bridge in broad daylight just to attract one particular woman's attention (it worked, we had a great relationship and she literally followed me halfway round the world).
'If only' are two of the saddest words and I don't want to die wondering 'what if.........'
The difference is you get to save your own time. Potentially a great DEAL of time, depending on how much energy you may otherwise invest into thinking on romance/dating.
Extended chat-bubbles or whatever the medium in order to get to know someone can be a long process but I have had real success meeting people this way.
I am a normal guy, normal job, but my hobbies are very much things solitary. Running, reading, video games... meeting someone on the internet is the long road but in the end you CAN meet someone and it's really quite easy once you break the ice of doing it. I was able to put in a few messages during my downtime, instead of planning to go out and try to meet fresh new people in a loud and awkward environment.
I was able to text some girl I hadn't met yet without any long, dumb courting process or dinners or otherwise time invested. I was able to get to know her somewhat before meeting her. Been seeing her ever since, and my free-time is still locked and loaded, no HPs lost. The biggest difference is when you see a beautiful angel you may hit on them without really knowing them. After getting to know them, you realize they are dimwits. Or worse. Online chat bubbles are more than sufficient to deduce slivers of this sort of attitude, and it's incredibly empowering to just stop responding and have a person be gone forever.
By creating a situation with many multiples of candidates, you begin to find out what you REALLY want by process of elimination. Rather than trying to make the square fit through the triangle hole because it's the only shape you've got to work with.
I haven't used an online dating site in some time, but because I have already learned the do's and don'ts I can tell you that it would be pretty easy to begin a profile and go on to meet in person at least 10-20 girls a year, and that goes for any of us. Don't be afraid of it because it's new to you.
Tl,DR;
Just be honest with online dating. Impressing someone can be exhilarating, but when you are in your third month of trying to send messages to girls on a dating site you will be sick and tired of that approach. Say something fresh, honest, sincere. Make it quick, keep it simple stupid, and it really won't take up much of your time. People marry a single other person and in the end what that means is that most of us can't stand each other or we wouldn't pair off the way we do. Dating online makes it really easy to write people off with no backlash.
SORRY SUSIE, I DONT LIKE THE SHAPE OF YOUR CHIN. Deleted. Never need to hear from her again.
Baldur's Gate: ON
Alone at 35 = Very weird
Alone at 40 = Full blown creepy dude
I've noticed most people who are alone at 35+ go into a "desperation mode" and become alot less fussy... I've been propositioned by older women and it didn't make me feel good, it just made me think they must be desperate as hell.
And then she calls your mum to tell her you're a creep and a loser and your mum agrees. Your dad disowns you for harassing ladies. Your boss fires you when he sees you in the newspaper for creeping on ladies. Your friends don't want to be associated with you. And with no money you can't pay the electric bill so you can't play Baldur's Gate anymore, ever. You die alone and hungry and sad.
...
This scenario may have played through my head a few times when I saw a pretty lady somewhere. It seemed perfectly possible at the time.
Its like people shacking up before getting married: in theory, you are 'testing compatability', but in reality you're just screwing around. People dont behave the same after getting married.
Also, not impressed by how misogynistic some posts seem to be getting in here boys: if all your relationships with women go poorly, guess what? You're the common factor. Being alone isnt the end of the world, just channel your inner monk.
And you didnt understand what i meant, even it is pretty clear. That just shows your blue pill illusion about new age thinking is the way to go. Your dead wrong!
...wait, nope. You can keep your pills, I'd rather be decent. You might be less bitter if you changed, but it's your choice as long as you dont harm anyone.
I also said in some previous post that i dont belive in that adam and eve stuff. I´m more into norse mythology. A time were woman were more woman alike and respected then you new age guys will ever understand. But thats your problem.
Religion has nothing to do with anything here (in fact, religion is BS). And about the "nature", you should go hunting and risk your life here and now, because that's how mother nature created you. I on the other hand, am aware that human specie is like no other animal on this planet, and as such we are no longer strictly bound to nature's.... "principles".
Anyway, I'm done.
Being a feminist isnt the real issue, its being decent. Women aren't perfect, but men sure as **** aren't either. Gender roles are generally stupid and almost completely constructed relatively recently. There isnt a natural basis beyond 'male animals are usually a burden'. Its downright disturbing. There are exceptions like sea horses, but lions, ants, arachnids, reptiles, fish, etc outnumber them. Not that I am a self hating man, I am simply versed in the basics of biology. Males are biologically expensive, and strictly speaking less neccesary from a biological perspective.
I'm not sure this is even entirely a digression, but it is tangential; males in nature are generally tolerated, so I wouldnt bring up nature in this kind of discussion.
Either way, this isnt a forum to call a population group 'crazy', so dont. The forum rules are available for your perusal, give 'em a look maybe.
A. I've known multiple happy, lasting marriages that were established through online dating. My cousin met his wife online back before online dating was even a major thing (1998!). I know of multiple other couples that met the same way
B. I think you have a distorted view on what online dating is. It is not as if the two people chat online for years on end only to finally decide to get married and come together. Online dating (from what I understand from people who have tried it successfully) is only for the initial stages of getting to know someone moderately well and THEN meeting up and going the next step. I seriously doubt it would be an "online relationship" as you describe, since they would normally have met in person before it got that serious.
The second part of that post I agree with wholeheartedly.