Two nights ago, one of my closest "friends" hurt me and cut all ties with me.
Over these last two days, I have received so much love and support from the people around me. I cried in my mother's arms, my boyfriend's shoulder. I spent almost two hours chatting with another close friend on the phone, trying to make sense of it all. My boyfriend's family reached out to him, and to me, asking if everything was all right, if there was anyone they needed to beat up for us ( :P ). I had friends whom I haven't seen or spoken to in years reach out, check on me, and say that I was in their thoughts.
And all of them told me the same thing: this person isn't worth your time anymore. It will hurt, it will hurt for a long time, but you are surrounded by people who love you and you are strong. You will get through this. We are here for you.
And I have to say, I don't think I've ever gone from bottom-of-the-barrel miserable to nothing-can-hurt-me contentment so fast before in my life. It's times like these when you realize who actually cares about you and who you need to let go. Who is worth keeping in your life and who is not.
I am overwhelmed with sadness, with anger, with resentment...but also with love. So much love.
I will nurse that love. I will strengthen the bonds I have with those who supported me and return their love for me. I will seek out the budding friendships in my life and solidify them. Because this is not the end. It's only one chapter's close.
I just heard Obama's speech at the Democratic convention. Reminding us of the progress we've made despite all of the struggle and all of the pain. Reminding us how far we've come.
Sometimes I think we're going in all the wrong directions. That we're getting further from the truth, further from justice, and further from the ideal democracy we've been pursuing for the past 240 years.
Then I look up, and it's still there. The city upon a hill. Our future.
So far away, but closer than it's ever been before.
Monday morning after a hellish week of on call duty, but with the bright possibility of effectively putting in notice today for a job where the bosses keep trying to tie both arms behind my back and moving to a new and hopefully interesting job with better bosses in the same company, thus keeping all my benefits.
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Some little boy is going to have a lot of presents this year.
Over these last two days, I have received so much love and support from the people around me. I cried in my mother's arms, my boyfriend's shoulder. I spent almost two hours chatting with another close friend on the phone, trying to make sense of it all. My boyfriend's family reached out to him, and to me, asking if everything was all right, if there was anyone they needed to beat up for us ( :P ). I had friends whom I haven't seen or spoken to in years reach out, check on me, and say that I was in their thoughts.
And all of them told me the same thing: this person isn't worth your time anymore. It will hurt, it will hurt for a long time, but you are surrounded by people who love you and you are strong. You will get through this. We are here for you.
And I have to say, I don't think I've ever gone from bottom-of-the-barrel miserable to nothing-can-hurt-me contentment so fast before in my life. It's times like these when you realize who actually cares about you and who you need to let go. Who is worth keeping in your life and who is not.
I am overwhelmed with sadness, with anger, with resentment...but also with love. So much love.
I will nurse that love. I will strengthen the bonds I have with those who supported me and return their love for me. I will seek out the budding friendships in my life and solidify them. Because this is not the end. It's only one chapter's close.
Sometimes I think we're going in all the wrong directions. That we're getting further from the truth, further from justice, and further from the ideal democracy we've been pursuing for the past 240 years.
Then I look up, and it's still there. The city upon a hill. Our future.
So far away, but closer than it's ever been before.