Im writing a book
as the title says im in the process of writing a book, i want your feedback, it will be great for me to know what to improve upon and what to continue doing. I hope you enjoy what i've written
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Comments
Had a quick glance, noticed some changes between past and present tense - is that intentional?
I'm not to keen on the title, it's probably just me, but I keep seeing a failed pun: son/sun.
The title is meant to be confusing
Like, do you want some critique on your technical writing skill, or would you like some more general critique on your story-telling skills?
I will tell you that, judging from just the first chapter, your story reads like a very very rough draft. I'll try to be as gentle as I can.
The second thing I would say is that your prose needs work. It's pretty basic, the dialogue feels stilted and you are explaining a lot of things that the reader should learn more organically.
Sorry if this seems overly harsh, I'm not trying to be mean but you've got a lot of work to do if you want to publish. Fantasy is a big world so you've got to be really good to stand out. The good news is that you've got an excuse to go back and read all the fantasy books you love and see how they do things and to keep trying to improve yourself. The worst thing in the world would be to write a perfect story first time, how boring would that be?
As an example, your introduction of Arin is you telling us what he looks like and what he is carrying. It might be better to just introduce him, and then use expressions like: 'Arin adjusted his eyepatch' to show us he has an eyepatch or 'Arin lifted his dark brown staff...' to show us he is carrying a staff, and so on. That way it won't feel like information overload and will fit more naturally ...
Take a deep breath. Getting feedback is kind of like going to the doctor's office for a shot. You know it's gonna hurt, you know it's gonna bleed, and you're probably gonna find a hole somewhere and cry a lot afterwards... But you still go, because you know it's good for you.
The biggest things I see within the first chapter are:
-Telling vs. Showing. As others have already pointed out (yay!) you do a lot of telling us about the world, the characters, and the context and not a lot of showing. The example above that @Mr2150 gave is a good one. Here is another.
What you wrote was, "Xernin and his son are a race called Kez, the kez are beings with elven like features the usually have tan skin..." You're telling us that the kez look like elves, but as a reader, I want to see it. I want to see the slightly-tipped ears, the elegantly smooth, tan faces, the nimble, muscular legs and arms meant for leaping and drawing bows... See how less boring the second series of descriptions are? They paint a picture in the reader's mind without relying on "elf."
(Another point: are there elves alongside the kez in this world? If not, it'd be a little strange to use a term like "elf" in a world that doesn't have...well, elves.)
-Info-dumping. You go into great detail about your world within the opening paragraph of Chapter 1, but there's a lot of information there for the reader to take in, and honestly, it's a little overwhelming. This is called "info-dumping," when the writer dumps (see that?) a bunch of world-building information onto the reader so they understand the story's context. It's usually frowned-upon as a story-telling device since it doesn't really "hook" the reader. (And it's more telling us about the world rather than showing us.)
-Genre Assumptions. You write as if it's assumed that the reader is familiar with a lot of fantasy-genre tropes, such as druids and elves. Which is good--having a clear idea of what genre you're in and what your target audience is are both important to writing a book. But writing in a genre you are intimately familiar with creates an expectation in you that your reader shares that same level of knowledge. You use terms like elves and druids like we should already know what they are, and most of us do. But we don't know your specific world. Are the elves here the same as the elves in Lord of the Rings, or Forgotten Realms, or something else entirely? What about the druids? And when you get to the shadow knights... I have literally no idea what those are. Are they spirits? Demons? Shadowy evil horsemen a-la the Nazguls from Lord of the Rings? What do they look like, what are they wielding, how are they attacking the town?
I don't want you to hand me a generic fantasy term and expect me to know it. Instead, show me what these creatures are and what they're capable of. Describe them. Paint a picture in our heads. (See: Showing vs. Telling. Are you detecting a pattern here?)
-Stilted and Unnatural Dialogue. Again, as others have already said, your dialogue feels extremely stilted and unnatural. For example, if Arin and Nanix are really childhood friends, would Arin really feel the need to explain, "I’m fine for the most part though I’ve had to come to the terms of my requirement to do the Bloody Communion of the Beast, which as you know is one of the most dangerous journeys a druid of this town takes.” If he already knows about this Bloody Communion, she wouldn't have to explain it to him--and he should know, because he's her best friend. It doesn't feel like a natural conversation; it sounds like you're putting words in the characters' mouths for the reader's benefit.
Honestly, there's not a really easy way to learn how to write dialogue. Think about how people talk real life, and think about how their manner of speaking changes depending on who they're conversing with. And let those relationships shine through with the dialogue--if Arin's really about to journey into this dark forest full of evil creatures that could kill him, I want to see some urgency in Xernin's dialogue. This is his childhood friend! He could die! Maybe he could say something like "You really don't have to do this," or "Take me with you, I want to protect you," or something to that effect. (And this gets you closer to showing rather than telling us what's happening in the plot.)
-Technical Grammer Stuff. Punctuation is your friend! There are several run-on sentences that could easily be fixed if you'd chosen to put a period instead of a comma, or place a comma where there is none.
For example:
"In the small reclusive forest town of Pennord lives a smith and his son, the smith’s name is Xernin and his son is called Nanix, along with their smithy are a library, four houses, two farms, and a general store."
My GOODNESS, that's a mouthful! Let's try putting some periods in to break up this long run-on, shall we?
"In the small reclusive forest town of Pennord lives a smith and his son. The smith’s name is Xernin and his son is called Nanix. Along with their smithy are a library, four houses, two farms, and a general store."
See how much better that flows? Whenever you start a new subject, you usually want to end the sentence with a period rather than a comma.
There's also some verb tenses (you used "are" instead of "is" in the above example), switching from present to past tense, some missed capitalization, and dialogue formats. But that's all little stuff. What you really need to focus on is improving your show vs. tell and storytelling. Improving grammar just comes with time and practice.
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The best advice I can give you is to just keep practicing. This is your first book, and it reads like it. Don't let this discourage you. Everyone writes a bad first book; I wrote a bad first book. The good news is, so long as you keep trying, you can only go up from here.
Finish what you have here, if you haven't already. (I'm not sure if you've only written 6000-something words or if you're only choosing to share 6000-something words.) Think of it like your "zero draft"--the starting point, the rough spot, the place where you start mapping out your story. Your purpose in writing this is to get your ideas on paper. Then, when you finish, you can go back, reread, and figure out what elements you like, what elements you don't, what needs to be expanded and what needs to be cut.
Read a lot too. Not just for your entertainment, but keep an eye out for what the writer is doing as you read. What did they say that you really liked or disliked? How did they format their dialogue, or what sentences really jump out at you? Did the story go in a direction you thought it would, or did it take a left turn and surprise you--and how did it surprise you? You have a wealth of teachers at your disposal, and you can find all of them at your local library or bookstore.
Hope that helps! Good luck!
Unfortunately, it's unlikely anyone would turn out an award-winning multi-book epic on their first few goes, so you need some exercises to help you improve. These kind of exercises are also good if you ever get writer's block and can't think what to write next.
For example...
Write short stories from a random picture: Limit yourself to around 1000 words and show 'what happened before...' or 'what happens after...' without describing the picture itself. Yes, you can reference elements from it but you shouldn't tell us the dragon has a big mouth and is breathing fire, or the knight is carrying a lance, or whatever. Why is the knight there? What's he trying to achieve? Did the dragon catch him stealing eggs? Are the eggs needed for a potion... Why is a potion needed? What happens if he can't make the potion? See how quickly the picture has become an interesting adventure...
Or, give yourself 20-minutes and start with a random sentence: "John was unhappy, because Mary had forgotten ..." or whatever, and see where that takes you.
I'd also suggest not to write a bit, stop, go back and edit, write a bit more... and so on. It can become too easy to become overly critical of your writing. Sometimes it's best to go back, make some notes about what you would edit rather than doing the actual editing. That way you are critically analysing but not worrying about getting things perfect (which is unachievable). Then we you reach a milestone you can go back and see if your notes are still relevant and make the changes as needed.
Other than that it's just punctuation, and jumping between different tenses which can be easily fixed. Good on you for sharing @Xeroshi , it's the best way to learn.
Stephen King has said in his book On Writing that the writer's greatest enemy is doubt. As long as you enjoy writing, don't let doubt keep you from going on. Whatever problems your work may have, you can fix them after you have the first draft complete--don't let them discourage you from writing further.
When I do that, I think, I'll save a world building moment for when I have no idea what else to put here.
As such, this solves a dependency on info dumping.
Or, after you're done with the high fantasy story, write a player's hand book.... or an MMORPG. That's my plan.