Give me your horrible puns.
LadyEibhilinRhett
Member Posts: 1,078
in Off-Topic
Seriously. I'm bored and I want to hear really bad puns. Please hit me with the worst you've got.
I know it is a rather random request, but that's why it's in off-topic.
I know it is a rather random request, but that's why it's in off-topic.
1
Comments
A thief attempted to steal paintings from the Louvre in Paris, but was caught 2 blocks away when his van ran out of gas. All the thief could say for himself was: “I had no MONET to buy DEGAS to make the VAN GOGH. But I tried for it anyway because I had nothing TOULOUSE!”
This site has this one and more:
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/13401
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
Damn.
Artificial Intelligence
There was a village gathering and the mayor was asking about the progress on the construction on the well, to which the worker replied "Well done!"
God... rereading that - you gotta give me credit : It's REALLY horrible XD
http://lparchive.org/Icewind-Dale-2/Update 24/18-12.jpg
Did you hear about the Dwarf who claimed he could talk with the dead broke out of jail? The headline read: Small Medium at Large.
The beauty of the pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
Invertebrate punslinger, apinelessly unable to resist making a pun. So slug me.
Certainly was strange.
Why are birds larger than the size of Elephants so awesome? They ROC.
Three Roman Catholic priests were going to a priest convention. One Father was fresh out of seminary, one in his mid-forties, & one close to 80 yrs old. They had not yet bought their tickets.
Upon reaching the train station the youngest priest, out of deference to his elders, volunteered to buy tickets...off he went. He found the ticket booth. Sitting in the booth was a very buxom young blonde wearing a extremely tight sweater. The neophyte stopped dead in his tracks, his jaw on the ground, drool pooling at his feet. He finally gathered himself together & approached the buxom young lass.
"Umm...Hi...I'd like...I'd like th-th-three p-pickets to Titsburgh..." he stammered, staring at her chest. A look of mortification sped along his face & w/ a yipe he fled as fast as could be.
With red face, the young man told his two elders what had transpired. The two older fathers looked at each other for a moment & shook there heads. Kids, the look said. The middle-aged priest volunteered to purchase tickets.
Now, this man had been in Service for close to 30 years. Upon seeing the buxom blonde he still stopped dead in his tracks & it was several long moments before he gathered himself enough to speak to the young lady.
"Excuse me," he said, eyes purposely averted from her chest, "I'd like three tickets to Pittsburgh & I'd like the change in nipples & dimes....squawk!!!" Away he ran.
The second priest, between Ave Marias, told his two companions what had happened. The youngest priest smirked somewhat & the eldest slowly shook his head...Ah, the follies of youth, he thought to himself. The eldest tottered off to search out the ticket booth in which resided the buxom young blonde who wore such a tight sweater.
Upon finding the ticket booth, with out so much as a glance at the lady's obvious endowments, he said, "Miss, I'd like to buy three tickets to Pittsburgh & I'd like the change in nickels & dimes." The transaction was swiftly completed.
The old man turned away & starting to trundle off, paused for a moment. Slowly he turned back to the young lady & said sternly, "Young lady, you should be much more careful with how you dress yourself. I think that when, nay if, you should get to heaven, you might just very well find yourself at the gate only to see St. Finger there waving his peter at you..."
as Piers Anthony would now say, "My tail is dun."
@klatu
I told my friend who really loves mathematics the geometry one and he thought it was the best.
Matricide - killing your mother
Countryside - killing Piers Morgan
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
Hippo birdy, two ewes...
i would continue, but you get the point
Wee fish ewe a mare egrets moose,
Wee fish ewe a mare egrets moose,
Wee fish ewe a mare egrets moose,
And a hippo gnu year.