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Humor (Black/White/Pink)

dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
in Off-Topic
- Where is your wife ?
- In the garden
- I don't see her
- You have to dig a little
«1

Comments

  • Dev6Dev6 Member Posts: 721
    How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
    Depends how hard you throw them.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    I took my wife’s family out for biscuits and tea.
    They weren’t very happy about having to donate blood though.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    “You da bomb!”
    “No, you da bomb!”

    In America – a compliment. In the Middle East – an argument.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    At a first date:

    He: “I work with animals every day!”
    She: “Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?”
    He: “I’m a butcher.”
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    -A box of condoms, please.
    -That’ll be 3,99. Do you want a bag with it?
    -Nah I’m OK. She’s actually quite pretty.
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    A guy is sitting at a bar, quite drunk. He suddenly says “The Pope is a bum!”

    This big, brawny guy walks up and growls “What did you say?”

    “I sa— I said, the Pope is a bum!”

    The big guy lowers his fist onto the drunk’s head, knocking him out, and walks out of the bar. Three minutes later the drunks crawls up the barstool, off of the floor, and perches at the bar again.

    The bartender says “You idiot! Didn’t you know O’Malley was a Catholic?!”

    The drunk says “Y-Yeah, but I didn’t know the Pope was.”
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    Masochist: ‘Hurt me.’
    Sadist: ‘I won’t.’
  • Dev6Dev6 Member Posts: 721
    How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    I Googled "how to start a wildfire".
    I got 48,500 matches.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    A guy was admitted to hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach.
    His condition is now stable.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    What was the football coach yelling at the vending machine?
    “Gimme my quarter back!!!”
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    What’s the biggest pan in the world?
    - Japan.
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    How are women like scree- no, I can’t tell that one.

    What are the most common last words in America?
    “Hey, y’all, watch this!”
  • Dev6Dev6 Member Posts: 721
    tbone1 said:

    How are women like scree- no, I can’t tell that one.

    Well now you're have to tell it...
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    Dev6 said:

    tbone1 said:

    How are women like scree- no, I can’t tell that one.

    Well now you're have to tell it...
    Not if I want to stay on this forum. :#
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home.
    The Republicans are calling it a "failed jobs program."
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

    The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

    The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    What’s the difference between a politician and a 200 pound sack of pig manure?

    The sack.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    "A man goes to the doctor. He dies because he doesn't have health insurance."

    "A cheese burst pizza with extra pepperoni. And a diet coke please."
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    Q : What's the national bird of Pakistan?
    A : US Army Drone
  • WesboiWesboi Member Posts: 403
    Why is it pointless buying a woman a watch?

    There is a clock on the oven.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    What do you get if you cross a rottweiler with a rabbit ?
    Just the rottweiler...
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    Yahoo Answers
    How do I successfully become a Justin Bieber fan?
    I would like to become a Justin Bieber fan. Currently I am a Jack Norris fan and I would like to switch to Justin Bieber.

    How can I successful achieve this goal?
    Thanks.

    Answers

    Best Answer: Lose all brain functions. Maybe sustain a pretty substantial blow to the head.
  • tbone1tbone1 Member Posts: 1,985
    edited November 2017
    What do you get if you cross a rottweiler with a rabbit?
    A nasty letter from PETA.
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    What do you get if you put a beam inside a dog ?
    Arrested
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    - What program do you use to get laid?
    - urmom.exe
    - ...
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    edited December 2017
    The above was a real conversation that got 6 upvotes...
    Post edited by dreamtraveler on
  • dreamtravelerdreamtraveler Member Posts: 377
    edited December 2017
    - I am trash
    - But the question is are you recyclable or not ?
    - Thats some weird buddhist reincarnation shit
  • Balrog99Balrog99 Member Posts: 7,371
    What religion do you consider 'not shit'? Just curious.
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