DM: You arrive in the Windspear Hills, and a group of ogres appear. They cry "Beasts! Curs! Your terror ends here!"
Party: That sounds suspicious. Hey, Keldorn, do you have a True Sight ready?
Keldorn: Sure do. I cast True Sight - what are these ogres really?
DM: ... ... ... The illusion is broken. The ogres are actually knights of the Radiant Heart. They're still attacking you, though.
Keldorn: Is this some kind of trap to make me fall? Ugh, fine. Hey, everyone, try not to kill these guys. They're probably under some kind of illusion to think we're the monsters.
... A few combat rounds later...
DM: All right, you've subdued all of the knights. And now I'm calling an end to the session, because I have to redo the notes for this whole quest.
DM: It's raining.
Player One: A bit of rain won't hurt us. We'll keep exploring the coast.
DM: Okay. You walk a bit further and you get hit by lightning.
Player One: What? Who threw a lightning bolt at me?
DM: No one. It's the weather. I told you, it's raining.
DM rolls a huge handful of dice.
DM: Let's see, you take . . . forty three points of damage.
Player One: That means I'm dead. Even if I make my save I'm still dead. This is the dumbest game I ever played.
DM: I don't know why you're making such a fuss. I told you it was raining.
DM: It's raining.
Player One: A bit of rain won't hurt us. We'll keep exploring the coast.
DM: Okay. You walk a bit further and you get hit by lightning.
Player One: What? Who threw a lightning bolt at me?
DM: No one. It's the weather. I told you, it's raining.
DM rolls a huge handful of dice.
DM: Let's see, you take . . . forty three points of damage.
Player One: That means I'm dead. Even if I make my save I'm still dead. This is the dumbest game I ever played.
DM: I don't know why you're making such a fuss. I told you it was raining.
DM: Also, you're wearing plate mail, that means you have a -4 penalty on your saving throw against the lightning.
I am still confused on how rain equates to lightning.
Me too but on the Sword Coast you don't seem to need a thunderstorm to get lightning. I find when playing Baldur's Gate if it starts to rain it is best to head for the map edge as quickly as you can. This is my paladin running away from a fight on the Shipwreck Coast after getting hit by a bolt from the blue. The two Half Ogres that have just died were both killed by lightning but for some reason the party still gets the experience:
The DM sits steepling his fingers.
DM: Where do you want to go next? There is one door on this level you haven't tried.
Player One: Okay, I guess we might as well try that one.
DM: You walk through the door out onto the roof of Durlag's Tower. You come face to face with a Lesser Basilisk!
Player One: Damn! I've got nothing to protect me! Okay, I'll just try to hit it with my sword.
Player Two: I drink my potion of Mirrored Eyes.
Player Three: I cast Protection from Petrification on myself.
DM: Okay, the basilisk uses its gaze attack on Player One. You need to make your save.
Player One: Dice don't fail me now.
He blows on the die. He rolls the die. It falls off the table. It is found under a chair. It's a two.
DM: You failed your save. You are turned to stone.
Player One: Damn it!
The DM gathers his dice and his screen and packs his stuff away.
Player Two: What are you doing?
DM: The game's over. Player One has been turned to stone.
Player Three: But we're still alive. I've got a Stone to Flesh scroll. After we kill the basilisk I can turn him back.
DM: Sorry. No can do. Game's over.
The DM gets up and leaves.
Player's One, Two and Three look at each other.
Player One: I hate that guy. Why do we even play with that guy?
Player Two: He doesn't even bring snacks.
DM: Okay, so last week you defeated Sarevok, this week the campaign continues. You wake up in a dungeon ...
Player One: Wait. Where are Emma and Robin? Couldn't they make it?
DM: They could but I told them we didn't want them.
Player One: What! Why? They're great players. Alora and Branwen were in the party the whole way through. I could never have defeated Sarevok without them.
DM: Forget about them. Look who's back.
Player One: My Aunty Brenda? You invited her again?
DM: Yes. Isn't it great? Jaheira's back in your party.
Player One: How many times do I have to tell you? I don't want to play D&D with my Aunty Brenda. All she does is criticise me.
DM: I know, but I've told her to rein it in a bit. Plus this time I want the game to be about more than just fighting. I want it to be about personal relationships too.
Player One: What does that mean?
DM: You get to romance her.
Player One: What? No! I don't want to romance Aunty Brenda!
Aunty Brenda: Hey nephew, I could use a foot rub.
DM: OK, this session is all about Player One.
Player Two: What? Why is it all about Player One? He just started last month.
DM: Hey, I've been working on this for the last 3 weeks. Why are you breaking my balls?
Player Three: I've been playing my thief for two years, why is Player One so special?
Player Four: Yeah, the fighter I've been playing since we started seems a little left out of this equation.
Player Five: As does my cleric!
Player Six: I've finally got enough spells for my mage to be a major player so why do I have to take a back seat?
DM: Well, to be honest, noobie Player One decided to play a Cavalier so I figured he'd be the most likely to survive. If he dies it's game over!
Players 2-6: WTF!!!!
DM: As you walk your way to the streets of Nashkel you see a single bridge to your right. On it stands a man wearing a red robe. To your left you see a barracks and a bald man talking to a hamster.
Players: We can talk to the crazy dude later. Anything on the other side of the river?
DM: Further east of the man in red robes you see another plainly dressed man walking towards you across the bridge.
Players: Let's go talk to him.
DM: The man approaches you and says "Hi, I'm Noober. Nice place, huh?"
Players: We say hi back.
DM: "So, killed any monsters yet?"
Players: Yep. Seen any around here?
DM: "Ever been to Baldur's Gate? I've been to Baldur's Gate."
Players: Alright let's just kill this guy and then talk to that bald guy back there.
Safana would absolutely be played by the DM's 15-year-old male cousin.
Rasaad would be played by the DM's newbie friend, who's obsessed with kung fu movies but has never even cracked the PHB.
Kagain would be played by a hack+slash minmaxer who hates roleplay. "I've read the DMG and there's lots of items that boost strength and dexterity, so I'll tank those. 20 Constitution gets regeneration, better believe I'm cranking that up. And the shorty save bonuses, yes! What, a backstory? Oh...I'm a...mercenary. Who's looking for a lost caravan." One session later..."Screw that caravan, let's go treasure-hunting."
Kagain would be played by a hack+slash minmaxer who hates roleplay. "I've read the DMG and there's lots of items that boost strength and dexterity, so I'll tank those. 20 Constitution gets regeneration, better believe I'm cranking that up. And the shorty save bonuses, yes! What, a backstory? Oh...I'm a...mercenary. Who's looking for a lost caravan." One session later..."Screw that caravan, let's go treasure-hunting."
I totally read that in Kagain's voice: "Mmm, for the love o' money!"
DM: You enter the tent to find a man and a woman, both dressed in mage's robes. The man starts talking:
"Stop! If you come any closer, I'll kill her! All I have to do is say the word, and she dies!"
Branwen: scribbles something on a note and passes it to the DM.
DM: Nods, then asks if anyone's going to talk back to the man.
Imoen: All right, I'll do it. "Why do you want to kill her? What has she done?"
DM: Roll diplomacy.
Imoen. Let's see ... add the bonuses ... 25.
DM: All right, you've got his attention. "Why? Because she's a witch! She'll curse the villagers and poison the cattle! She has to die!"
Imoen: "A witch? You're doing this because she can cast spells? But you're a mage - you said yourself that you just had to say the word to finish your spell. Why the hypocrisy? Oh, wait, it's because she's a woman. Get lost, you misogynist creep!"
DM: (rolls a die) "I will not stand for..." He keeps trying to talk, but you can't hear anything from him. Branwen's spell just finished, and he's silenced. Then he pulls out a staff and makes to attack with it. Everybody, roll initiative.
DM: So to start off, Player One and Player Two are in Candlekeep. Player One, you are about to leave with Gorion.
Player Two: So I guess I'm leaving with them?
DM: You could try to sneak out, sure.
Player Two: Okay.
Players Three and Four: What about us?
DM: You're still at the Friendly Arm Inn. You likely won't join the party for another session.
Player Three: Wh-what?
Player Four: There's no way you're doing that to us.
Player Six: And how long will it be until I join the party?
DM: You've been captured by gnolls tens of miles away. You won't be able to play for several sessions.
Players Five and Six:
Player One: We´re leaving the dungeon and going into Athkahtla.
DM: Ok so..."The tunnel slopes upward into the welcome glare of daylight. Such is your relief that you barely notice the debris at your feet, the remnants of a battle fought only moments before. Surveying the carnage, you hear a scream of rage, and a massive explosion collapses the passage behind you. The sounds of combat greet you as you struggle to your feet. The fight, it seems, is still going strong"
Player One: Ok, I will sheath my sword and take my bow to attack.
Player Three: I will ready my boot to kick evil buttocks.
Player Four: I will cast barkskin on myself and ask for a foot massage.
Player Five: I will sneak and try to stab Player one in the back with my katana... I mean, I stab the enemy mage I´ve never met before.
DM: Sorry, only Player two can move while the strange man called Irenicus is fighting the mages.
ALL Players: Wait, what? why??
DM: Because It´s a cinematic.
Players Three, four, five: A what?
Player One: What do you mean "I" cannot move, all this campaign is about me, so why I cannot move?
ALL Players: Shut up, you bloody gloryhog and let the girl play for once!!
Player two: Uh, I will cast magic missile on the powerful mage, I think...
DM: The Cowled wizards take you with the mysterious evil mage. See you in ten to fifteen sessions, player two. If they hurry, of course.
Player Three: (Sights) I know it´s your second campaign bro, but could you ease up with the player-killing? you already wiped out Marv´s cousin and Linda before we could reach them in the dungeon...
Player Four: Told you we better play Pathfinder this time around.
Player Two: I'm not waiting around while you guys try to find Imoen. Here's my new character. She's a displaced noble looking for a party of adventurers to take back her home from a monster invasion.
Player One: Isn't she just the same as your old character?
Player Two: No, not at all. She's all about fighting against the injustice in the system. Chaotic Good, you know.
Player One: Well, then. Where do we meet you?
Player Two: At the big tavern in the slums. You can't miss it.
Player1: We want to enter Baldur's Gate.
DM: Sorry, They aren't letting anybody into the city due to the bandit situation.
Player1: It's a big city dude. There's got to be someway in. We'll enter through the sewers.
DM: No can do.
Player2: I'll hide in shadows at night and sneak past the guards.
DM: Nope, won't work.
Player2: Why not?
DM: Because. The whole city is locked down so the gates are closed.
Player2: I'll climb the walls then.
DM: Sorry, there is no wallclimbing in this campaign.
Player2: Wow, I sure wasted those skill points then.
Player3: How about those fishermen? We'll steal one of their boats and enter at the docks district.
DM: They don't have a boat.
Player3: What, they only fish off their dock?
DM: Yep.
Player1: We've already killed a bunch of those bandits. Are you telling me that an entire militia is so scared of those wimps that they locked down the entire city?
DM: Yep.
Player4: This sucks. These people are lame. Let's head west to Daggerdale instead...
DM: Well I spent the better part of a month creating this scenario but by all means, let's just start a WOTC campaign instead...
DM: You finally enter the room in the spellhold and finally find your long-lost sister.
Player One: Anything to loot?
DM: Ehem, NO. But in front of you is your beloved childhood friend, the one you spend fifteen sessions tracking, worried sick about if she´s dead or alive...
Player five: Oh, so that´s what we were doing killing dragons and Kuo-Tuoas and trolls and stuff. Cool.
Player four: I thought we were collecting money for Player one´s fortress simulator or something...
DM: (sighs) The mysterious coordinator shows up, wearing a cowl, and starts talking about your potential.
Player One: OH!, I know the guy of the potential, He´s the one that showed up in the prologue. You know, the big bad guy.
DM. ...
DM: All you see is a mysterious figure in a cowl..
Player two: He´s totally the guy. You even put the same snobbish voice!
Player one: I wanna take a peek inside the cowl
DM: You see nothing
Player two: I will cast true sight!
DM. No you can´t because... because...
All players: Yes?
DM. Ok, you win, he´s the big bad guy of the snobbish voice.
Player one: Knew it!!
Player five: Suddenly you see Yoshimo, your friendly and faithful rogue companion take a step forward and start talking with the one that was revealed as your mortal enemy. When you see him besides Irenicus all of you are suddenly aware of his betrayal...
All Players:...
Player two: So, BBG is a mage, right? I wanna use my spellcraft skills to discern what kind of enchantments are protecting him.
DM. Sorry, that´s not allowed in my campaign.
Player two: So how do you prepare a counterspell?
DM. You don´t
Player three: Told you to put those skillpoints into Netherworld knowledge and Ancient languages...
DM: Uh, about that...
Player five: Hey, wait? Didn`t you hear me? You are now fully aware of your companion´s betrayal. Yoshimo was a traitor all this time.
All Players: ....
Player three: Ah, yeah, totally unexpected. I´m shocked.
Player one: I´m in a loss for words. Never see that coming. You too, Two?
Player two: Not real... I mean, yeah! How could you Yoshimo? We were sharing our pasts, killing slavers and more slavers and even more slavers, we made braids to each other... Et tu, Yoshi?
DM: Everybody, roll me a save vs overacting, please.
Player Five: Hey, Anyone saw my armour and the things in my backpack? I´m suddenly empty.
Player One: muggles?
Player three: who knows? strange things happen in a fantasy game
Player two: A wizard did it...
DM: By the way, Player Five, you understand that your character became an enemy of the party, so I have to take control of your character and he becomes unplayable, right?
Player Five: Yeah, I´m ok with that. I´ll take the Imoen character from here when we rescue her.
Player two: Hey, that was my character. That´s so uncool, dude!
Player Five: You already have a good-hearted redhaired rogue-mage! Now I want mine!!
DM: You two, make me a D20 contested Diva roll against each other.
Player One. We´ve been like 5 minutes without talking about me, myself and my things; and you know this campaign is all about me, so Can we move on?
DM: Two, five, you do not have to roll, we already have an unbeatable winner.
Player Three: Why I am even playing this campaign, again?
Comments
Party: That sounds suspicious. Hey, Keldorn, do you have a True Sight ready?
Keldorn: Sure do. I cast True Sight - what are these ogres really?
DM: ... ... ... The illusion is broken. The ogres are actually knights of the Radiant Heart. They're still attacking you, though.
Keldorn: Is this some kind of trap to make me fall? Ugh, fine. Hey, everyone, try not to kill these guys. They're probably under some kind of illusion to think we're the monsters.
... A few combat rounds later...
DM: All right, you've subdued all of the knights. And now I'm calling an end to the session, because I have to redo the notes for this whole quest.
Player One: A bit of rain won't hurt us. We'll keep exploring the coast.
DM: Okay. You walk a bit further and you get hit by lightning.
Player One: What? Who threw a lightning bolt at me?
DM: No one. It's the weather. I told you, it's raining.
DM rolls a huge handful of dice.
DM: Let's see, you take . . . forty three points of damage.
Player One: That means I'm dead. Even if I make my save I'm still dead. This is the dumbest game I ever played.
DM: I don't know why you're making such a fuss. I told you it was raining.
DM: Also, you're wearing plate mail, that means you have a -4 penalty on your saving throw against the lightning.
Me too but on the Sword Coast you don't seem to need a thunderstorm to get lightning. I find when playing Baldur's Gate if it starts to rain it is best to head for the map edge as quickly as you can. This is my paladin running away from a fight on the Shipwreck Coast after getting hit by a bolt from the blue. The two Half Ogres that have just died were both killed by lightning but for some reason the party still gets the experience:
Apparently the weather of the Sword Coat is based on the southern Midwest of the US.
"Oh, is there a small cloud on the horizon?"
[TEN MINUTES LATER]
"It's a twister! Into the basement!"
DM: Where do you want to go next? There is one door on this level you haven't tried.
Player One: Okay, I guess we might as well try that one.
DM: You walk through the door out onto the roof of Durlag's Tower. You come face to face with a Lesser Basilisk!
Player One: Damn! I've got nothing to protect me! Okay, I'll just try to hit it with my sword.
Player Two: I drink my potion of Mirrored Eyes.
Player Three: I cast Protection from Petrification on myself.
DM: Okay, the basilisk uses its gaze attack on Player One. You need to make your save.
Player One: Dice don't fail me now.
He blows on the die. He rolls the die. It falls off the table. It is found under a chair. It's a two.
DM: You failed your save. You are turned to stone.
Player One: Damn it!
The DM gathers his dice and his screen and packs his stuff away.
Player Two: What are you doing?
DM: The game's over. Player One has been turned to stone.
Player Three: But we're still alive. I've got a Stone to Flesh scroll. After we kill the basilisk I can turn him back.
DM: Sorry. No can do. Game's over.
The DM gets up and leaves.
Player's One, Two and Three look at each other.
Player One: I hate that guy. Why do we even play with that guy?
Player Two: He doesn't even bring snacks.
Player One: Wait. Where are Emma and Robin? Couldn't they make it?
DM: They could but I told them we didn't want them.
Player One: What! Why? They're great players. Alora and Branwen were in the party the whole way through. I could never have defeated Sarevok without them.
DM: Forget about them. Look who's back.
Player One: My Aunty Brenda? You invited her again?
DM: Yes. Isn't it great? Jaheira's back in your party.
Player One: How many times do I have to tell you? I don't want to play D&D with my Aunty Brenda. All she does is criticise me.
DM: I know, but I've told her to rein it in a bit. Plus this time I want the game to be about more than just fighting. I want it to be about personal relationships too.
Player One: What does that mean?
DM: You get to romance her.
Player One: What? No! I don't want to romance Aunty Brenda!
Aunty Brenda: Hey nephew, I could use a foot rub.
Player One (me): I am ready boss.
DM: you are in...
hard to play PnP Baldurs Gate in a place where no one play DnD...
Player Two: What? Why is it all about Player One? He just started last month.
DM: Hey, I've been working on this for the last 3 weeks. Why are you breaking my balls?
Player Three: I've been playing my thief for two years, why is Player One so special?
Player Four: Yeah, the fighter I've been playing since we started seems a little left out of this equation.
Player Five: As does my cleric!
Player Six: I've finally got enough spells for my mage to be a major player so why do I have to take a back seat?
DM: Well, to be honest, noobie Player One decided to play a Cavalier so I figured he'd be the most likely to survive. If he dies it's game over!
Players 2-6: WTF!!!!
Players: We can talk to the crazy dude later. Anything on the other side of the river?
DM: Further east of the man in red robes you see another plainly dressed man walking towards you across the bridge.
Players: Let's go talk to him.
DM: The man approaches you and says "Hi, I'm Noober. Nice place, huh?"
Players: We say hi back.
DM: "So, killed any monsters yet?"
Players: Yep. Seen any around here?
DM: "Ever been to Baldur's Gate? I've been to Baldur's Gate."
Players: Alright let's just kill this guy and then talk to that bald guy back there.
Rasaad would be played by the DM's newbie friend, who's obsessed with kung fu movies but has never even cracked the PHB.
Kagain would be played by a hack+slash minmaxer who hates roleplay. "I've read the DMG and there's lots of items that boost strength and dexterity, so I'll tank those. 20 Constitution gets regeneration, better believe I'm cranking that up. And the shorty save bonuses, yes! What, a backstory? Oh...I'm a...mercenary. Who's looking for a lost caravan." One session later..."Screw that caravan, let's go treasure-hunting."
I totally read that in Kagain's voice: "Mmm, for the love o' money!"
"Stop! If you come any closer, I'll kill her! All I have to do is say the word, and she dies!"
Branwen: scribbles something on a note and passes it to the DM.
DM: Nods, then asks if anyone's going to talk back to the man.
Imoen: All right, I'll do it. "Why do you want to kill her? What has she done?"
DM: Roll diplomacy.
Imoen. Let's see ... add the bonuses ... 25.
DM: All right, you've got his attention. "Why? Because she's a witch! She'll curse the villagers and poison the cattle! She has to die!"
Imoen: "A witch? You're doing this because she can cast spells? But you're a mage - you said yourself that you just had to say the word to finish your spell. Why the hypocrisy? Oh, wait, it's because she's a woman. Get lost, you misogynist creep!"
DM: (rolls a die) "I will not stand for..." He keeps trying to talk, but you can't hear anything from him. Branwen's spell just finished, and he's silenced. Then he pulls out a staff and makes to attack with it. Everybody, roll initiative.
Because "no actions in dialogue mode" is silly.
Agreed, but important corollary: "NEVER interrupt the DM's painstakingly written villain's monologue. You WILL regret it."
Player Two: So I guess I'm leaving with them?
DM: You could try to sneak out, sure.
Player Two: Okay.
Players Three and Four: What about us?
DM: You're still at the Friendly Arm Inn. You likely won't join the party for another session.
Player Three: Wh-what?
Player Four: There's no way you're doing that to us.
Player Six: And how long will it be until I join the party?
DM: You've been captured by gnolls tens of miles away. You won't be able to play for several sessions.
Players Five and Six:
DM: Ok so..."The tunnel slopes upward into the welcome glare of daylight. Such is your relief that you barely notice the debris at your feet, the remnants of a battle fought only moments before. Surveying the carnage, you hear a scream of rage, and a massive explosion collapses the passage behind you. The sounds of combat greet you as you struggle to your feet. The fight, it seems, is still going strong"
Player One: Ok, I will sheath my sword and take my bow to attack.
Player Three: I will ready my boot to kick evil buttocks.
Player Four: I will cast barkskin on myself and ask for a foot massage.
Player Five: I will sneak and try to stab Player one in the back with my katana... I mean, I stab the enemy mage I´ve never met before.
DM: Sorry, only Player two can move while the strange man called Irenicus is fighting the mages.
ALL Players: Wait, what? why??
DM: Because It´s a cinematic.
Players Three, four, five: A what?
Player One: What do you mean "I" cannot move, all this campaign is about me, so why I cannot move?
ALL Players: Shut up, you bloody gloryhog and let the girl play for once!!
Player two: Uh, I will cast magic missile on the powerful mage, I think...
DM: The Cowled wizards take you with the mysterious evil mage. See you in ten to fifteen sessions, player two. If they hurry, of course.
Player Three: (Sights) I know it´s your second campaign bro, but could you ease up with the player-killing? you already wiped out Marv´s cousin and Linda before we could reach them in the dungeon...
Player Four: Told you we better play Pathfinder this time around.
Player Two: I'm not waiting around while you guys try to find Imoen. Here's my new character. She's a displaced noble looking for a party of adventurers to take back her home from a monster invasion.
Player One: Isn't she just the same as your old character?
Player Two: No, not at all. She's all about fighting against the injustice in the system. Chaotic Good, you know.
Player One: Well, then. Where do we meet you?
Player Two: At the big tavern in the slums. You can't miss it.
DM: Sorry, They aren't letting anybody into the city due to the bandit situation.
Player1: It's a big city dude. There's got to be someway in. We'll enter through the sewers.
DM: No can do.
Player2: I'll hide in shadows at night and sneak past the guards.
DM: Nope, won't work.
Player2: Why not?
DM: Because. The whole city is locked down so the gates are closed.
Player2: I'll climb the walls then.
DM: Sorry, there is no wallclimbing in this campaign.
Player2: Wow, I sure wasted those skill points then.
Player3: How about those fishermen? We'll steal one of their boats and enter at the docks district.
DM: They don't have a boat.
Player3: What, they only fish off their dock?
DM: Yep.
Player1: We've already killed a bunch of those bandits. Are you telling me that an entire militia is so scared of those wimps that they locked down the entire city?
DM: Yep.
Player4: This sucks. These people are lame. Let's head west to Daggerdale instead...
DM: Well I spent the better part of a month creating this scenario but by all means, let's just start a WOTC campaign instead...
Player One: Anything to loot?
DM: Ehem, NO. But in front of you is your beloved childhood friend, the one you spend fifteen sessions tracking, worried sick about if she´s dead or alive...
Player five: Oh, so that´s what we were doing killing dragons and Kuo-Tuoas and trolls and stuff. Cool.
Player four: I thought we were collecting money for Player one´s fortress simulator or something...
DM: (sighs) The mysterious coordinator shows up, wearing a cowl, and starts talking about your potential.
Player One: OH!, I know the guy of the potential, He´s the one that showed up in the prologue. You know, the big bad guy.
DM. ...
DM: All you see is a mysterious figure in a cowl..
Player two: He´s totally the guy. You even put the same snobbish voice!
Player one: I wanna take a peek inside the cowl
DM: You see nothing
Player two: I will cast true sight!
DM. No you can´t because... because...
All players: Yes?
DM. Ok, you win, he´s the big bad guy of the snobbish voice.
Player one: Knew it!!
All Players:...
Player two: So, BBG is a mage, right? I wanna use my spellcraft skills to discern what kind of enchantments are protecting him.
DM. Sorry, that´s not allowed in my campaign.
Player two: So how do you prepare a counterspell?
DM. You don´t
Player three: Told you to put those skillpoints into Netherworld knowledge and Ancient languages...
DM: Uh, about that...
Player five: Hey, wait? Didn`t you hear me? You are now fully aware of your companion´s betrayal. Yoshimo was a traitor all this time.
All Players: ....
Player three: Ah, yeah, totally unexpected. I´m shocked.
Player one: I´m in a loss for words. Never see that coming. You too, Two?
Player two: Not real... I mean, yeah! How could you Yoshimo? We were sharing our pasts, killing slavers and more slavers and even more slavers, we made braids to each other... Et tu, Yoshi?
DM: Everybody, roll me a save vs overacting, please.
Player Five: Hey, Anyone saw my armour and the things in my backpack? I´m suddenly empty.
Player One: muggles?
Player three: who knows? strange things happen in a fantasy game
Player two: A wizard did it...
DM: By the way, Player Five, you understand that your character became an enemy of the party, so I have to take control of your character and he becomes unplayable, right?
Player Five: Yeah, I´m ok with that. I´ll take the Imoen character from here when we rescue her.
Player two: Hey, that was my character. That´s so uncool, dude!
Player Five: You already have a good-hearted redhaired rogue-mage! Now I want mine!!
DM: You two, make me a D20 contested Diva roll against each other.
Player One. We´ve been like 5 minutes without talking about me, myself and my things; and you know this campaign is all about me, so Can we move on?
DM: Two, five, you do not have to roll, we already have an unbeatable winner.
Player Three: Why I am even playing this campaign, again?