Jan is hilarious
Veristek
Member Posts: 114
I just got this dialog with Jan. I just got to the Shadow Thieves guildhall and talked to Renal there to start the guild questline. Jan interjected this:
"Heh heh... especially not with that extra guild out there on the streets, eh, Bloodscalp? Come to think of it, that's quite the moniker you got yourself there. How did that come about? Severe dandruff problems? If that's the case, Ma Jensen has the most wonderful turnip salve that will clear that right up, quick as you please. You might want to think about it... People might be tempted to give you a nicer nickname if you had a pleasant head of hair."
He said that to Renal Bloodscalp. I literally laughed out loud reading that dialog. It's not often that RPG characters made you laugh with humor. I think I'm going to have to keep Jan in my party and see more of that silly humor.
Anyone have funny Jan stuff to share?
"Heh heh... especially not with that extra guild out there on the streets, eh, Bloodscalp? Come to think of it, that's quite the moniker you got yourself there. How did that come about? Severe dandruff problems? If that's the case, Ma Jensen has the most wonderful turnip salve that will clear that right up, quick as you please. You might want to think about it... People might be tempted to give you a nicer nickname if you had a pleasant head of hair."
He said that to Renal Bloodscalp. I literally laughed out loud reading that dialog. It's not often that RPG characters made you laugh with humor. I think I'm going to have to keep Jan in my party and see more of that silly humor.
Anyone have funny Jan stuff to share?
11
Comments
i love jan, both for his funny banter and mechanically, if used properly is super strong.
I still chuckle at him asking Renal Bloodscalp if he has his name from severe dandruff. I don't think I've seen a funny NPC or party member like that in a long time.
with that mod the interaction between jan and minsc is even better...
but i surely have to try it.
i love both the jan personality and the minsc one. for me the ranger is, from a certain point of view, the most wise npc, wise like a child can be, not for a deep understanding result of intelligence and experience, but cause his spirit is pure and not corrupted (by logic and experience) like the one of a child, that sometimes with the simplicity of his words can knock you out of your feet and reveal all the sophisticated reasoning behind you opinion as the fancy ornament that it is.
Wisdom is a matter of experience. Both in the meaning of the word (which describes the ability to employ knowledge and experience in an insightful manner) and in the way that it is implemented into DnD: people get wiser with age (which ironically means that as a person grows old, their hearing and eyesight improve).
DnD Rangers are based on Aragorn who is over 90 years old during the events of the Lord of the Ring and who also received an extensive education from the elves. He is certainly not childlike. The most natural and uneducated characters would probably be the barbarians (to whose number I would count Minsc as well).
and this is probably going ot...
back to the topic i was not implying at all that logic corrupt people, as logic if correctly applied on certain premises bring logic results, don't corrupt people or consciences.
what i was implying is that is extremely difficult for an human being to be perfectly true with himself and perfectly objective in judging and observing himself. as well as the other people. things that does not matter with logic, like feeling sympathetic or not with a person, the amount of emotional investment and other can affect the premises of our logic. as well the fact that is not easy at all being completely objective about ourselves and to recognize some of our defects and limitations.
i would say that almost every person but few exceptional human beings, to some extent fools himself.
and logic, or something that can appear as logic, but is not logic as starts from false biased premises, is often used to build alibi, excuses, to avoid to have the image that we have of ourselves ans the ones we love crash, to justify things that we do or don't do.
a child lacks of the complexity of an adult mind so sometimes is able to pierce trough the superstructure of logic used on false premises and intellectual superstructures that we adult people use to maintain biased conviction or to hide to ourselves or others our parts we are not proud of and knock us out of our feet with a very simple and straight phrase, like the one "the king is naked".
EDIT while an other adult probably would try to counter the biased logic ending in an endless argumentation between the 2 EMD OF EDIT
i had the luck to witness it more then one time, being the adult me or an other person.
if you had never witnessed it, is perfectly possible, you have missed a very interesting experience, even if can sting a lot when you are the one knocked.
and this does not imply that the childs are always pure, wise, good and the rest at all. it is not so. and the last generation of childs seems to me, that am 2 generations older being a grandfather, much more smart and less naive then my own generation, but much less respectful, much more arrogant and spoiled then the childs of my generation or to some extent to the generation in between. the society change with the generations passing, and i don't want to fall into both the cliche of "old times was better" and "childs are always good and pure".
i like to rp minsc in a way that is somehow similar to the way a child behave, most of the times very naive and needing to be somehow babysit (boo is there for that very purpose), but sometimes capable of telling things like "the king is naked", or in its case "what are we thinking about? why to waste time on quibble, he is evil, let's go to kick his butt...".
Also helps that he can end up being one of the strongest NPC's in the game, especially late. His backstab or critical hit audio is great too. At high levels, he's arguably the best mage NPC available, once the multiclass penalty no longer matters in terms of spell progression. And even at low levels, his starting gear is outstanding.
by the way feeblemind and flash to stone are more elegant ways to break scripts then ctrl-y, if you have the needed scrolls.
I disagree. It shows us how Jan is like when he takes something seriously. In real life, people aren't one note, and this quest gives Jan some much needed depth.
Story 1.
"Ahh the Sword Coast. That reminds me of my uncle Graveltoes and the tales he told of his adventures along the coast near Port Llast. Though he wasn't so much sight seeing as taking back the families turnip recipe from a lair of monsterous griffins. Why were they monsterous? well, you can't well call hunting normal sized griffins to be much of an adventure.
Now, you are probably wondering why was he called Graveltoes. He probably wonders himself, given that he has a foot made out of wood. It all goes back you see to the great turnip crisis of '22, when there was scarcely a turnip to be found anywhere in Faerun. It was a terrible time you see, when the Jansen family travelled throughout Amn and as far south as Calimshan looking to find a reliable supplier of turnips. Graveltoes found one, but was shortly thereafter ambushed by brigade of bandits who demanded he turn over all of his supplies and gold. He stubbornly declared "not while I'm still standing I won't", and well, after one cleave from a long sword he relented..."
Story 2.
"Pff...scatter-brain. Nobody in the Jansen family could ever describe themselves as being such.
Well I suppose except for uncle Tillbert. Even then that Polymorph Other spell wasn't intended to invert his opponent. Much less him. Rotten luck really.
Its like cousin Bernie used to say; "Never let a good spell get in the way of a good story". Mind you it was a few moments before saying this that Bernie had tried to summon a familiar, only to end up summoning a demon. Ever wonder why there are no gnome wild mages? Some say we lack the skills and talent necessary to wield it, but really collectively we're just too sane. Cousin Bernie was a rare exception to this.
Like the time when he told Aunt Margaret that he'd fix a hole in her roof. Off he went, sure and confident in himself. Next thing you know rabbits are jumping off of the roof, gnawing away at the families turnips, and ruining perfectly usable turnip leaves. Though the roof ended up looking good. All the same it was still a travesty. They didn't even touch the neighbours carrots!"
Story 3.
"Nobody "uses" Jan Jansen. Rather Jan simply travels with parties to spread the world about the adventures and trials of the Jansen family.
Though that does remind me of the time when Uncle Fibbert used a bottle of Oxley's Wart and Tart Remover to remove a large wart found on his nose. Not because he took issue with its look mind you, rather because of its offensive language.
It was going on and on about how poor his grooming habits must have been for it to appear out of thin air. Of course this was all nonsense, Uncle Fibbert was the cleanest gnome you'll find north of Calimshan.
As I'm sure you are aware however warts are a rather finicky thing, especially for gnomekind. One moment they could be growing out of the dirt covered nose of your cat familiar, and the next moment at merely the mention of a bath they've gone and jumped onto your schnoz. Its really all embarrassing for them, but who can blame them? Just like cats no respectable wart likes a bath.
Of course once it was on his nose at this point Uncle Fibbert didn't have much of a choice. Besides Oxley's his only other option was to use Fodem's Tart, Wart, and Hives Remover. Not a nice mix by any means. Just ask the bees what they think of it! I certainly have. Thousands of bees have been left homeless by that awful concoction, though they are still now better off than the butter tarts it also ruins. In Fodem and Oxley's defense however, saving the gnome race from both tooth decay and warts is harder than it probably sounds.
In any event Fibbert managed to get the wart off, though not without a hefty price. It cost him almost three months of turnip sales for those concoctions, hardly a price that a respectable gnome would pay for such a minor problem. But that was Fibbert for you, with a clean nose and hardly any grooming issues he was always a bit of a showoff."
Story 4.
"I too think that it is nothing less than a travesty that no statue like that exists. Such injustice reminds me of a time just immediately following the vegetable riot of 1360.
Those were tough times for the Jansen family. The onion population had gone into hiding, leaving the Jansen family with a missing key ingredient for its well known turnip soup. Worse still Uncle Tookar was still nowhere to be found, leaving the Jansen family's future in the hands of Uncle Graveltoes.
Amongst all of this there was a sudden rise in sales for elvish parsnip tea. Suddenly the demand for turnips collapsed!
Of course none of this would have happened if it hadn't been for the rise of the Elven Mercantile Traders Company. That band of braggarts and broccoli huggers raided the Jansen family turnip trading caravans, forcing turnip prices up. Not long after that parsnips became the root vegetable of choice on the streets of Athkatla, Crimmor, and Darromar. Even carrots, beets, and rutabagas soon overtook turnips in popularity.
Worse still, amongst all of this a copy of the Jansen family turnip recipes had been stolen by a villainous cretin by the name of Tilly Wigglebottom. Between the elves, griffins, stolen recipes, and a number of angry onions the Jansen family had their hands full with problems!
As is always the case in the vegetable peddling business nothing good lasts forever, unless of course you are Uncle Fibbert. Not every gnome can aspire to becoming a gnome mummy after all."
Story 5.
"Well of course they wouldn't use Skunk or Tilly Wigglebottom. Skunk was too busy sniffing around in his turnip garden to even think about joining in on an epic adventure. Why was he busy sniffing around in his turnip garden? Well he'd already dug up all his carrots I suppose.
As for Tilly Wigglebottom well let me tell you something. She's a nasty character she is. Ohh sure, she plays the hyperactive, clutzy librarian role well, but beneath that veneer was one of the most ruthless businesswomen on the Sword Coast. Not only was she a fierce competitor in the vegetable peddling business, but did you know she actually took the Jansen families turnip recipe and sold it to a group of monstrous Griffins? Uncle Graveltoes was not pleased about any of this. Its bad enough that his foot was made out of wood let alone that he had to traispe across half of Amn looking for the thing. Not for the wooden foot of course, though there was one time he lost that. That happened during the great slave riot of 1360DR. Not a human riot, or even a gnome riot (which have been know of course to happen from time-to-time). No, this was a vegetable riot. Uncle Scratchy finally perfected his vegetable animation spell and well, they did not like being harvested and bred one bit!
But yes, Tilly Wigglebottom is just a nasty sort. Though nothing compared to Wiggle Tillybottom. Now that is someone you don't want to cross!..."
Story 6.
"This whole discussion about peoples favourite character reminds me of Uncle Graveltoes. He may have lacked the resourcefulness of Uncle Tookar and the ingenuity of Uncle Scratchy and yet he was always very determined. After all, you don't go from being the 4th largest turnip trader on the Sword Coast to being the 1st without at least some form of effort.
Now of course he had help from the vegetable riot of 1360DR. At that point all his competition was simply too afraid to return to the vegetable peddling business. Most fled for their lives lest they find themselves trapped in an alleyway against one of the streets many broccoli gangs.
As mean as they were the broccoli gangs did keep the griffin population in check. Not directly mind you, that would be silly. No, they hired out carrot mercenaries for that. Faced against an army of pointed, well peeled sticks the Griffin's didn't have much choice in the matter.
In fact neither did Graveltoes. As the largest turnip trader on the Sword Coast, and as a known peddler of turnip and broccoli soup, Graveltoes has a serious problem on his hands. In a region beset by gangs of broccoli how was he ever going to convince the regions carrot population to get a taste for turnip and broccoli soup? The answer of course was to add onions."
Story 7.
"This is why you never trust a gnome...or an elf. I'm reminded of the time when great uncle Tookar invited a bodacious and beautiful gnome to dinner. Not to the Jansen home in Athkatla of course, that would be silly, but rather to somewhere deep within the Troll Mountains. Where specifically? Who knows. That was going to be a surprise for the both of them.
Of course while passing through the slums on his way to the Adventurer's Mart, to pick up supplies and a ball of yarn for his cats (as well as his date), he overheard an elf bragging about his illusion magic. He claimed he could hide anything from anyone, without even the slightest hint as to where it had gone. Tookar of course took this up as a challenge. How dare an elf think they know more about illusion magic than a gnome!
The elf as it turns out was a wild mage of sorts. Tookar won the challenge, though probably didn't end up how he'd hoped to. Something about a gnome being invisible from the neck down just isn't right. Just like elvish turnip tea."
Story 8.
"Nonsense a member of the Jansen family would never stoop to petty theft, unless of course it was from griffins.
Of course you are talking about Uncle Tookar then that is a different story entirely. Even he swears he only stole a few times from the local thieves guild.
In 1174 DR Tookar set out across the tundra of the Spine of the World looking to expand the sale of turnips into Faerun's most inhospitable regions. Tookar was convinced that he could root out any vegetable-related competition and plant himself a hold on all vegetable sales in Icewind Dale.
Tookar arrived in Bryn Shander determined to see this happen, though he had his work cut out for him. Upon arrival he found out that a local thieves guild composed entirely of displaced Furchin halflings had secured control over most of the trade in the city.
I know what you are thinking. How is a humble, honest, turnip selling gnome expected to compete against some of the most resilient halflings in the realms? He didn't, at least not before first inventing turnip soup.
Not that you can take any story told by Tookar seriously of course. He once claimed he traded a barrel of turnip sauce in exchange for two barrels of dragon's dew. Not dragondew wine of course, but the actual dew formed on the wings of a dragon. It was all nonsense. No one but Uncle Galore could have pulled something like that off."
Story 9.
"Probably not, though the Jansen family was never much for keeping detailed records about anything. Except of course for their family recipes.
In fact that reminds me of the time when Cousin Yam, or Yam Jansen if you'd prefer, was the largest supplier or yams on the face of Faerun. She had the continent's yam production and distribution firmly in her tiny grasp and even the greatest men fell on their knees lest they be denied the subtle tastes that only a yam can provide.
Yam pudding, yam pies, yam fries, and even yam dyes. No yam ended up in your hands unless it had been approved by her.
Of course it wasn't long before her rule was challenged. Across the continent vegetable peddling merchants, who had once had been regarded as being free of vegetable-related harassment, found themselves under siege. Gangs roamed city streets and country roads looking to score wagons full of yams. Few merchants felt safe, and those that did had long since returned to the far more reliable sale of turnips, turnip recipes and turnip accessories.
Yam Yansen went into a fit of rage when she heard about bandits taking away these precious yams. How dare they do so! In a decisive move she ordered that all yam trade in the city cease until these perpetrators were brought before her. It wasn't long before Sweets McWheaty, the perpetrator of this horrid affair, was brought before Yam.
What only Yam Yansen knew was that it was Yam who had perpetrated the banditry, all so that Sweets would be brought before her. Sweets was the largest provider of Sweet Potato and Potato related products along most of (if not all of) the Sword Coast, and this was a business Yam had her eye on.
While all this was transpiring however merchants had been left in the streets with wagons full of yams. Faced with no prospect on when they could begin selling these products to distant lands again they began selling yams for other goods, including turnips.
As a young man at the time Uncle Scratchy had nothing but ambition and a stand full of turnips when he opened his stall on the fateful morning this occurred. Still, by days end he had only just begun to see serious turnip sales, while turnip salesman around him sold theirs off by the hundreds. Teaching him in the process two important lessons; persistence pays off, and eventually your customers will turnip."
i agree with you.
also his tob ending
jan and aerie are 2 of my favorite nps to play, each of the 2 add in his own way tons of utility to the party and are extremely versatile.
the extra slot can matter or not, it depend on the tactics a player is using and on the party composition.
but the moment a mage reach the first lev 9 spell is very important, as it mean planetar, dragon breath, spellstrike or improved alacrity. imoen has them at little more then 3M, jan at 6M. late game the more lev 9 slots you have the more lev 9 spells each PI can cast. a pi that after the improved alacrity summon a planetar, cast a spellstrike on the enemy boss and then has still a lev 9 slot for a dragon breath or whatever needed is much more effective then one with less high level slots.