Growing up and dealing with an alcohol addict
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It's horrible, bloody horrible. There's no reasoning with them (us), it's like we're on a crazy high where we feel empowered while everyone around us are complete morons that simply 'don't understand the logic'. It's the worst possible feeling when the 'withdrawal' kicks in as well, like, all the bad things and the realization all just sink in and you just want to hit something, or avoid people forever. I don't think I've ever been as bad a case as you've described but if there's any conscience you can appeal to, it's during the rare lucid moments we get. I prefer to believe people don't enjoy being utter bastards, but then again what do I know? It's because I'm aware of how bad I can get that I avoid crap like alcohol as it's just a sinking pit that's impossible to climb out of. It screws with reasoning and only further assists the mentality that the world is against you and somehow you've become the victimized person here. I can safely say I sometimes find myself terrified of becoming like that, and I'm not sure there is hope for those already in that situation besides choosing to seek proper assistance for themselves.
I wish I could say more but I'm out of the house right now and typing on my phone and besides anything I can say is only out of my mild experience in a relatively stable childhood but I have a little insight of what it's like to be the arsehole in the relationship. It's not your fault, and if you can't do anything - well, some people just don't want to be helped.
I think of, and sometimes actually drink Alcohol when meet something that I want to forget.
But try not to drink as possible since it is short term remedy and seemed some kind of escape drinker?
Gotta ask yourself a question, does it hurt to meet or stay contact that person? If yes then why torment yourself? Is it worth? question and appraisong was my approach to alcohol lover (not addict, but when drunk it is painful to be with......) I know.
Hope you choose wisely and finnally someone in or outside this forum will give you the answer you lookin for.
Good luck Shandyr.
Though, since you are obv. emotionally attached, I am almost 100%sure, that you can not help him.
First, you have to help yourself (and the other man aswell). You can not save him (from himself).
(If you have not already done that) read up on co-dependency and try to get some books about psychology. The works from Riemann, Arendt and maybe Fromm come to mind.
Also...I am not sure, if this forum is the right place.
I know how it feels, if you just want any kind of reaction, from said person, who pretends you do not exist anymore. But from my sad experience, the more you try to force it, the more bitter it gets.
Best wishes to both of you
As for dealing with memories, at least you know what it is that's bothering you. Might sound like a small thing, but I think it's a necessary first step. In retrospect I was depressed my whole life until a few years after I got out the house, but I never even realized it because I wasn't aware there was some other way to feel. You didn't go into much detail, and I'm no shrink anyway, so I can only talk about what I did. I just put positive thoughts in my head, goals etc. and acted on them. Made sure to do a certain amount of things that I wanted to avoid but were probably good for me now and then. Tried to avoid being inactive and dwelling on it and started eating healthier. And I appreciated the fact that I had at least puzzled out why I felt like an alien so much of the time. Might all sound trite but it was helpful for me. Also, I laughed about it. Always have. No idea what your relationship with your sister is like, but I've spent probably hundreds of hours making jokes about the weird way we grew up with my brother. Nowadays it really is just a joke to me, and a pretty durn funny one.
No idea if any of my rambling there might be of any use to you, but it's all I got. Also, I'd recommend talking to someone close to you about it if you haven't been doing so. Nothing wrong seeing a shrink if you feel it could help.
They may recognize the problem and find a way to fix things. Or, they may deny that anything is wrong, and nothing will happen. Either way, you should probably shy away from this person in the future--you probably won't be able to make things better unless you either earn this guy's trust (which sounds implausible and unpleasant) or work through people he already trusts.
You have a small chance of helping him by broaching the subject with people who could influence him. After that, it would be best to stay away. Further contact will probably be painful and accomplish nothing.
Finally, put the matter out of your head. You will be better of focusing on other things in your life than dwelling on a problem you cannot change.
I am not sure if you are aware but there are groups like Al-Anon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/) who offer support and advice to friends and family members of alcoholics. So if you want to talk to or listen to a group of people who have been going through the same struggles and worries as you have been then that is an option that is open to you.
(Maybe this was addressed in the video. I didn't watch it because I'm not open to taking life advice from someone with a goatee.)
That is, if you want to unterstand yourself/your mother/your stepfather/or the other person better, as opposed to simply avoid bad feelings. That will not heal you, nor will medical treatment. Nor the "very original" advice to cut ties.
These are all just (pathetic) mechanics to get you function again. If you just follow that advice, you end up like your friend, who will be cutting ties over and over again, when push comes to shove.
Cutting ties is only the first step. What matters is what you do afterwards.
Edit: Remember, what your friend did is cutting ties. Now, do you think your life improved by that action? Did his life? He has developed an escape strategy from the pain, which sort of works in shortterm. But only to experience it again and again after he makes bonds with other people.
Your experiences growing up seem pretty tame to me, and it could have been ALOT worse. I don't know how old you are, but I don't think you're best suited for handling aggressive types, especially one you don't seem to know very well.
You may find that person getting back in contact in a few years time, older and wiser, maybe even apologetic. Again maybe not. Hope is eternal. Plus it can be stored at the back of the mind until a day represents itself.
Waste not a second more. Thar be turnips to eat!