I work for myself tutoring. I'm quite content with that, but it's only possible because I have no one dependent on me. I don't work very hard and don't earn very much, but I don't need very much.
@Fardragon , That's almost identical to how I can be a private violin teacher at 52 and make so little, but work so few hours, that I am content, have my basic needs met, (at least for about the next 10 years before social security and reverse mortgaging my house, all courtesy of a generous inheritance from my beloved and much missed grandparents).
Disconnecting from social and working reality via gaming, and my inheritance, have been the key to my achieving a form of almost heaven on earth. (True heaven on earth would be having my inheritance have been so big that I wouldn't need to do the violin teaching any more.)
My heaven has an end to it, if my money runs out. So far, I have enough financial options that I have at least some years in sight where I can stay in my "heaven", and enough deliberate neglect of my health that my end should be nearer rather than sooner. (Knock on wood, crossing my fingers.)
Thank @God for making me gay! Having had children, or even a life partner, would have ruined my heaven and made it into hell. I suppose, thank @God also for making me so antisocial that even a gay life partner wasn't a thing for me. And thank @God also for making me very, very, content with that.
I know you're not fishing for concern, @BelgarathMTH, but I really do worry about you sometimes. The world is big, and something out there is worth looking forward to. I'm glad that you've found peace, but I believe there's also a place for hope.
@BelgarathMTH You don't need to be gay to not have dependents. Nor does it get you off the hook with regard to life partners! I have a life partner who had already done the family stuff when we met and achieved financial security. We do have three cats, two cavys and a bunch of scrounging foxes, so we aren't 100% dependant free!
I know you're not fishing for concern, @BelgarathMTH, but I really do worry about you sometimes. The world is big, and something out there is worth looking forward to. I'm glad that you've found peace, but I believe there's also a place for hope.
Hope is a cruel thing, more damaging and crushing than a steady diet of reality. Maybe it’s reaching 50 and facing my own health situation, but why does there have to be something worthwhile out there? We humans are capable of tremendous self-delusion, which explains our religions, philosophies, politcs, arts, and so on.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what I have now more than ever. I’ve been to internationally recognized cancer hospitals, which attract desperate people from all over the world; when you see kids being wheeled around them, you quit b*tching and whining and start living. But that doesn’t mean that anything matters or that there has to be something worthwhile out there. The parents of those kids will never smile again, not with their eyes, and they inow that all the words about hope, dreams, a caring diety, etc, are as hollow as the heads of the people who spout them.
@tbone1 , I kind of agree with you, although I try to be a little more optimistic and positive and less cynical about it. I am very fatalistic, though.
One system of ideas that has really influenced me is Buddhism. I don't practice it, but I've studied the philosophies, and I've found the idea of emotional detachment from desire and from the storms and stresses of life to be very helpful for reducing suffering and fostering contentment. When you accept what is, as it is, without railing against the storm or trying to change it, life becomes a lot more peaceful, and suffering diminishes. Or at least, it has for me.
@joluv , There's no need to worry about me. One of these days, I probably need to learn not to express my detachment from life quite so bluntly. It always seems to upset people. I guess the Buddhist masters are/were a lot better at teaching and expressing the "Noble Truths" than I am.
To get the hell out of this wheelchair and get back in my uniform and make love to my wife.
Things are getting better and I'm having a positive response to the treatment, but seems like the last time I actually walked was a long time ago.
And here's a lesson: don't get shot in the spine. Or close to the spine. If possible, don't get shot at all.
@ThacoBell my best wishes for your kid. Hope he and I can race over a hill anytime soon.
@Zaghoul get in touch with a psychologist. Honest advice. Helped me a lot this year.
@Raduziel Better and positive sound promising at least. I know it must seem like it's moving at a snails pace or less. I have a whole team helping me now, including a clinical psychologist, after discovering it was complex PTSD. Carried it for so long now it is going to take time...
'Just takes time', you ever get tired of hearing that? I do sometimes. Some days just 'doin' is about as good as it gets, but I guess 'doin' has to be good enough sometimes.
@Raduziel I tend to take the view that, if the arrow is pointing up, that is a good day. The arrow may be small, but if it’s pointing up, great; I’ll take it. My wife and kids don’t see things this way, but that’s not my issue.
I have found a new quest though since this forum is teen rated i am not able to say what it is. i ll give you a hint though... since i managed to change viconia's alignment i am very fond of drows.
@tbone1 Ok, I'm back. A little headache but I'll survive.
One thing I learned with this is that my family's fighting too. So what they think, hope and feel matters a lot and is way more important than what goes through my mind and heart.
Nothing is their problem, everything is my problem. The only person that really needs to pass through it is me (or I? Sorry for an eventually bad grammar). Everyone else passes through it because they chose to and they made that choise because they love me.
I may be the one in pain and the bearer of the dreadest consequences if anything fails, but they picked this fight, that is only mine, solely because they love me. So IMHO there's no such thing as their issue.
It is possible that this is a lesson that only fits in my shoes and can be something very wrong for anyone else, but the moment I learned this my fight and my family's fight became way easier. The way I see it is not wise to arm wrestle our allies
@tbone1 Ok, I'm back. A little headache but I'll survive.
One thing I learned with this is that my family's fighting too. So what they think, hope and feel matters a lot and is way more important than what goes through my mind and heart.
Nothing is their problem, everything is my problem. The only person that really needs to pass through it is me (or I? Sorry for an eventually bad grammar). Everyone else passes through it because they chose to and they made that choise because they love me.
I may be the one in pain and the bearer of the dreadest consequences if anything fails, but they picked this fight, that is only mine, solely because they love me. So IMHO there's no such thing as their issue.
It is possible that this is a lesson that only fits in my shoes and can be something very wrong for anyone else, but the moment I learned this my fight and my family's fight became way easier. The way I see it is not wise to arm wrestle our allies
Peace, my friend.
They love you because they think you're worth it. That should be worth something. Love is earned, not blindly given. Loyalty can be blind but love, not so much. Take heart my friend, there are people that think you're worth loving. That is priceless!
Had my interview yesterday. I think I handled it well but there is one major issue, the income they offer is lower than my current one by a significant margin. I still gave my "go-ahead" because it's a job which offers better perspective in the long run and can be a step toward other things.
EDIT: I'll know if I'm taken within a week or two, the time they decide who they take.
Currently I have multiple quests opened right now.
- Find a new job (my contract for my previous one has ended and I didn't feel like prelonging it) - Recover some of my former idealism and passion (was quite drained because of my previous job) - Improve enough to be able to at least partially pay bills from making art. - On that note, gaining an actual audience. Re-branding might be necessary for this. - Start going to gym again and lose weight. - Update my freaking playthrough thread on this forum - Catch up with watching and reading some animes and mangas - Finish writing a one-shot story - Arrange a meeting with a friend - Finish up onlince course I started. Luckily, there is no time limit. - Meow. - Stop watching so many useless YT videos. It makes me procrastinate a lot.
I got my answer, I wasn't taken, I came second to their selection and the first one accepted their terms.
It may turn out the situation becomes advantageous though, my boss wants to meet me today to discuss my job and review my tasks knowing I applied elsewhere.
To die peacefully in my sleep. Sorry to be a downer, but I've already experienced everything I wanted to in life, and I'm tired of everything. I've seen enough history to see it repeating itself, and the more things change, the more they stay the same.
People will misunderstand this. I'm content and at peace with my life. But I'm basically in a kind of holding pattern, just enjoying each day as it comes with as much pleasure as I can get out of it, while waiting for the end. And I'm okay with that.
That's a good quest. Can I pick it up? I'm tired of life, yet there's no other life I can imagine I'd want to live. I have an income, a nice home, no partner sharing the same house so I can come home to quiet and rest without anybody around when I'm home, I've got meaningful work that I like, I'm not in any obligation to find paid work that I won't be able to function in anyways, I've got nice friends, family and colleagues, yet:
I'm so tired of how full the world is of people, things, aspirations, injustices, pollution, degradation, wealth gaps, income gaps, strife, clowns for president, hateful religions, essential questions that can't be solved, cars, airplanes, CO2, rising seas, increasing deserts, sounds on the street, games that are too difficult, games in my backlog I never get round to play, people getting into a hiss-fit about 'SJW's', social injustice, mindfulness courses that only help to open up my mind even more open to overstimulating stimuli and thus being stress-inducing instead of stress-reducing, mental health care that cannot succeed in getting myself mentally healthy, my own wellness recovery plan that can't help me find peace and joy in life etc. etc.
I wish I could be content and at peace. I'm not.
Quest started: find peace and joy in life progress -> subquests: income, home, joy in being alone, meaningful work, supportive network: done progression in main quest: close to none
To die peacefully in my sleep. Sorry to be a downer, but I've already experienced everything I wanted to in life, and I'm tired of everything. I've seen enough history to see it repeating itself, and the more things change, the more they stay the same.
People will misunderstand this. I'm content and at peace with my life. But I'm basically in a kind of holding pattern, just enjoying each day as it comes with as much pleasure as I can get out of it, while waiting for the end. And I'm okay with that.
That's a good quest. Can I pick it up? I'm tired of life, yet there's no other life I can imagine I'd want to live. I have an income, a nice home, no partner sharing the same house so I can come home to quiet and rest without anybody around when I'm home, I've got meaningful work that I like, I'm not in any obligation to find paid work that I won't be able to function in anyways, I've got nice friends, family and colleagues, yet:
I'm so tired of how full the world is of people, things, aspirations, injustices, pollution, degradation, wealth gaps, income gaps, strife, clowns for president, hateful religions, essential questions that can't be solved, cars, airplanes, CO2, rising seas, increasing deserts, sounds on the street, games that are too difficult, games in my backlog I never get round to play, people getting into a hiss-fit about 'SJW's', social injustice, mindfulness courses that only help to open up my mind even more open to overstimulating stimuli and thus being stress-inducing instead of stress-reducing, mental health care that cannot succeed in getting myself mentally healthy, my own wellness recovery plan that can't help me find peace and joy in life etc. etc.
I wish I could be content and at peace. I'm not.
Quest started: find peace and joy in life progress -> subquests: income, home, joy in being alone, meaningful work, supportive network: done progression in main quest: close to none
So why not work to fix at least one of the issues you list?
I would say try to contribute by doing your best to fix one of those issues. And stop worrying about the rest if you don't have means to do anything about them.
I would say try to contribute by doing your best to fix one of those issues. And stop worrying about the rest if you don't have means to do anything about them.
and @FinneousPJ as well: that's why I wrote why my work is meaningfull: I try to help in creating a better local society (and succeeding partly in it, thanks to the help of my colleagues and a local government with a good heart and a willing ear) for people with mental illnesses. How we in our hometown, despite cuts by the national government, can work together in making policies that help people manage themselves in living a life of quality (this year it's time again for they bi-annual 'Day of Quality': a day of meeting, workshops, debates for people with mental illnesses, their relatives, policy makers etc. that me and some colleagues organise every two years).
Not only that, besides my work for people who like me are mentally ill, in my personal life I try to live environmental-friendly, I try to lessen the burden on the planet (by not driving a car, not flying, putting a sweater on before turning the heating up, eating vegetarian mostly, investing in wind energy) and help others strive to make this word more equal and just by giving donations to organisations whose work I support but lack the energy to do something myself.
The problem is not doing something to make this world sustainable and more just (as that's already my main drive and activity through the day, an ongoing quest that goes well), the problem is my mind not being at ease unless I can make the WHOLE WORLD equal, sustainable and just. Which I can't. I can't make my mind stop having irrationally big desires.
I understand. The way I see it, you're really respectable person. Just thinking about people like you makes my idealism grow.
However, I think the important part is also "stop worrying about the rest if you don't have means to do anything about them". You contribute a lot already, but no one is able to do everything and I don't think stressing yourself over what you can't do is healthy in the long run. If, by chance, you feel you cannot let go by yourself, seek help. Friends, family, maybe some professional help. If the result is you being happier, I think its worth it.
I got my answer, I wasn't taken, I came second to their selection and the first one accepted their terms.
It may turn out the situation becomes advantageous though, my boss wants to meet me today to discuss my job and review my tasks knowing I applied elsewhere.
Kidnap one of your boss' relatives and you'll get a huge leverage on this conversation.
Friends, family, maybe some professional help. If the result is you being happier, I think its worth it.
Of course I have professional help. I'm getting mental health care since I first sought help 22 years ago. However, there's only so much they can do: prescribe me my medication, talk with me, but they can't stop the worrying about the world.
Comments
Disconnecting from social and working reality via gaming, and my inheritance, have been the key to my achieving a form of almost heaven on earth. (True heaven on earth would be having my inheritance have been so big that I wouldn't need to do the violin teaching any more.)
My heaven has an end to it, if my money runs out. So far, I have enough financial options that I have at least some years in sight where I can stay in my "heaven", and enough deliberate neglect of my health that my end should be nearer rather than sooner. (Knock on wood, crossing my fingers.)
Thank @God for making me gay! Having had children, or even a life partner, would have ruined my heaven and made it into hell. I suppose, thank @God also for making me so antisocial that even a gay life partner wasn't a thing for me. And thank @God also for making me very, very, content with that.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what I have now more than ever. I’ve been to internationally recognized cancer hospitals, which attract desperate people from all over the world; when you see kids being wheeled around them, you quit b*tching and whining and start living. But that doesn’t mean that anything matters or that there has to be something worthwhile out there. The parents of those kids will never smile again, not with their eyes, and they inow that all the words about hope, dreams, a caring diety, etc, are as hollow as the heads of the people who spout them.
One system of ideas that has really influenced me is Buddhism. I don't practice it, but I've studied the philosophies, and I've found the idea of emotional detachment from desire and from the storms and stresses of life to be very helpful for reducing suffering and fostering contentment. When you accept what is, as it is, without railing against the storm or trying to change it, life becomes a lot more peaceful, and suffering diminishes. Or at least, it has for me.
@joluv , There's no need to worry about me. One of these days, I probably need to learn not to express my detachment from life quite so bluntly. It always seems to upset people. I guess the Buddhist masters are/were a lot better at teaching and expressing the "Noble Truths" than I am.
Things are getting better and I'm having a positive response to the treatment, but seems like the last time I actually walked was a long time ago.
And here's a lesson: don't get shot in the spine. Or close to the spine. If possible, don't get shot at all.
@ThacoBell my best wishes for your kid. Hope he and I can race over a hill anytime soon.
@Zaghoul get in touch with a psychologist. Honest advice. Helped me a lot this year.
I have a whole team helping me now, including a clinical psychologist, after discovering it was complex PTSD. Carried it for so long now it is going to take time...
'Just takes time', you ever get tired of hearing that? I do sometimes. Some days just 'doin' is about as good as it gets, but I guess 'doin' has to be good enough sometimes.
The good news are: my arms were never this strong. And punching someone in the groin is very easy now.
That's something I learned to do this year: to look at the bright side of everything.
Too drunk right now, I'll reply later
One thing I learned with this is that my family's fighting too. So what they think, hope and feel matters a lot and is way more important than what goes through my mind and heart.
Nothing is their problem, everything is my problem. The only person that really needs to pass through it is me (or I? Sorry for an eventually bad grammar). Everyone else passes through it because they chose to and they made that choise because they love me.
I may be the one in pain and the bearer of the dreadest consequences if anything fails, but they picked this fight, that is only mine, solely because they love me. So IMHO there's no such thing as their issue.
It is possible that this is a lesson that only fits in my shoes and can be something very wrong for anyone else, but the moment I learned this my fight and my family's fight became way easier. The way I see it is not wise to arm wrestle our allies
Peace, my friend.
All you guys should love me too. And download my mods. And gimme money. And food (I'm allergic to pineapple btw).
I'll be able to totally demarch my territory anytime soon.
EDIT: I'll know if I'm taken within a week or two, the time they decide who they take.
- Find a new job (my contract for my previous one has ended and I didn't feel like prelonging it)
- Recover some of my former idealism and passion (was quite drained because of my previous job)
- Improve enough to be able to at least partially pay bills from making art.
- On that note, gaining an actual audience. Re-branding might be necessary for this.
- Start going to gym again and lose weight.
- Update my freaking playthrough thread on this forum
- Catch up with watching and reading some animes and mangas
- Finish writing a one-shot story
- Arrange a meeting with a friend
- Finish up onlince course I started. Luckily, there is no time limit.
- Meow.
- Stop watching so many useless YT videos. It makes me procrastinate a lot.
Yes, I did. On my profile, go for "discussions" and you can find the thread there. It's called "O_Bruce's digital drawings and other stuff".
It may turn out the situation becomes advantageous though, my boss wants to meet me today to discuss my job and review my tasks knowing I applied elsewhere.
I'm so tired of how full the world is of people, things, aspirations, injustices, pollution, degradation, wealth gaps, income gaps, strife, clowns for president, hateful religions, essential questions that can't be solved, cars, airplanes, CO2, rising seas, increasing deserts, sounds on the street, games that are too difficult, games in my backlog I never get round to play, people getting into a hiss-fit about 'SJW's', social injustice, mindfulness courses that only help to open up my mind even more open to overstimulating stimuli and thus being stress-inducing instead of stress-reducing, mental health care that cannot succeed in getting myself mentally healthy, my own wellness recovery plan that can't help me find peace and joy in life etc. etc.
I wish I could be content and at peace. I'm not.
Quest started: find peace and joy in life
progress -> subquests: income, home, joy in being alone, meaningful work, supportive network: done
progression in main quest: close to none
Not only that, besides my work for people who like me are mentally ill, in my personal life I try to live environmental-friendly, I try to lessen the burden on the planet (by not driving a car, not flying, putting a sweater on before turning the heating up, eating vegetarian mostly, investing in wind energy) and help others strive to make this word more equal and just by giving donations to organisations whose work I support but lack the energy to do something myself.
The problem is not doing something to make this world sustainable and more just (as that's already my main drive and activity through the day, an ongoing quest that goes well), the problem is my mind not being at ease unless I can make the WHOLE WORLD equal, sustainable and just. Which I can't. I can't make my mind stop having irrationally big desires.
However, I think the important part is also "stop worrying about the rest if you don't have means to do anything about them". You contribute a lot already, but no one is able to do everything and I don't think stressing yourself over what you can't do is healthy in the long run. If, by chance, you feel you cannot let go by yourself, seek help. Friends, family, maybe some professional help. If the result is you being happier, I think its worth it.
PM me for details.