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Santa is a human and his "elves" are gnomes!

kcwisekcwise Member Posts: 2,287
edited December 2014 in Off-Topic
You read that right folks. In the 3rd Edition D&D universe Santa, also known as Nicholas the Gift-Giver, is a human and his army of helpers are actually gnomes! Those pointy eared liars have been taking credit for gnomish hard work for centuries now.

Santa Claus
Santa Claus is generous, kind, friendly, and jolly. He loves a good conversation, good meals, and working with his hands. He is particularly protective of children, and threatening a child is one of the few things that can rouse his ire. He is patient with fools and the misguided, but deals harshly with bad-tempered or violent folk. He gives small gifts to any children or innocent folk he encounters, and has been known to help out good-minded people in need with small magic items that can heal, protect, or aid without causing harm to others. He often uses animal friendshipto befriend local animals, then dismisses the bond when he has to leave. He even uses awaken on pets of vulnerable children, entrusting them to secretly watch over their two-legged friends.
Santa's Palace
In the farthest northern reaches of icy darkness stands a fabulous palace -- the grand home of a mysterious tribe of gift-giving elves. At least, rumors speak of such a place. Great riches and rewards supposedly emanate from the Northern Palace, so surely any party of adventurers will find it a worthy location to seek out.

The rumors are only partly true. While the so-called Northern Palace is indeed home to a famous gift-giver, its principal inhabitants are not elves -- they're gnomes, reindeer, and a couple of humans. The Northern Palace serves as the home and workshop of Nicholas the Gift-Giver and his helpers.
Santa's Workshop
Gnome Workshop
This high, bright room would be cavernous if it weren't stuffed with all manner of gears, conveyer belts, catwalks, and machinery. Scores of long, low tables are scattered throughout the room. In the bright light of scores of lanterns, small figures clad in red and green move about, busy at tasks of small construction. Some chatter among themselves, others sing, but the clatter of their work and the ever-churning machinery all about them overwhelms their voices.
Here, in one of the several workshops in the compound, the gnomes toil merrily at their vocation: making toys. The annual demand is staggering, and shifts of toymakers are on duty 24 hours a day, every day of the year.

Creatures: At any given time, several gnome toymakers are at work in the workshop. The gnomes are friendly folk, and although surprised at the appearance of any strangers, most guard no secrets and all are happy to show off their work.

Tactics: Although a few individuals are somewhat secretive about their work, the toymakers generally welcome any visitors with enthusiasm. Anyone new to the gnome workshop is treated to a frantic and disjointed (but very enthusiastic) tour of the facility and piled up with samples of toy wagons, hobby horses, dolls before he or she can escape the room.
Read more about these exciting revelations here: http://archive.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20011222x

And, if anyone is aware of any Santa write-ups for other editions of D&D feel free to post. I'd be interested to see them!

Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • deltagodeltago Member Posts: 7,811
    Shandyr said:

    Interesting. I still stick to my theory that Santa's elves are actually illithids though.

    The illithids are controlling the gnomes to do the mundane hard physical labour.

    They're the middle management of he workshop.
  • KamigoroshiKamigoroshi Member Posts: 5,870
    Wasn't Satan Claus a cynic Cambion Death Knight whose sledge is pulled by dozens of tormented Lim Lims and travels all over the Great Ring in search of the perfect Yule pudding? My wet nurse Shub-Niggurath always spoke enthusiastically about this story.
  • NimranNimran Member Posts: 4,875
    Kamigoroshi said:

    Wasn't Satan Claus a cynic Cambion Death Knight whose sledge is pulled by dozens of tormented Lim Lims and travels all over the Great Ring in search of the perfect Yule pudding? My wet nurse Shub-Niggurath always spoke enthusiastically about this story.

    Sounds legit.

  • supposedlysupposedly Member Posts: 206
    edited December 2014
    kcwise said:

    You read that right folks. In the 3rd Edition D&D universe Santa, also known as Nicholas the Gift-Giver, is a human and his army of helpers are actually gnomes! Those pointy eared liars have been taking credit for gnomish hard work for centuries now.

    I always thought that they were just really short elves. Half elves maybe. I guess you can't really tell them apart unless you gnome. I feel bad for confusing them, but it's only human.
  • kcwisekcwise Member Posts: 2,287
    edited December 2014
    I dug up some info on a 1st Edition Santa article posted in Dragon Magazine 44 (December 1980, page 94)

    Santa is apparently part elf, part halfling. Elfling? And he makes use of magic to spy on people all year. The NSA would be jealous!
    Nothing but the ho-ho-ho truth
    by Douglas Loss

    Santa Claus. Outside of legends, what do we really know about him?
    We can extrapolate from the legends to come up with some very interesting and thought-provoking hypotheses.
    First, we have direct evidence of Claus’s race. In Clement Moore’s well-known treatise on Santa, he is identified as “a right jolly old elf.” In view of the well-documented age (from various sources) of Claus, I’m inclined to believe this to be at least partly right. However, in view of his famed girth and jollity, I’m inclined to believe he has a bit of halfling blood in him, too. His affinity for brightly colored clothing would also suggest that he’s part halfling.
    We have then an elf/halfling. But what of his class? Well, he’s obviously a religious man, as his principal appearances coincide with the winter solstice religious festival of one of the major planetary gods. His teachings tend to be secularized versions of the holy writings of that god. He’s also known in some places as “Saint Nicholas.” While he’s never been known to use the standard Clerical spells, I think we have strong evidence of Cleric as one of his classes.
    We have even stronger evidence for Santa being a Magic-User of extremely high level. Besides the incredible strength of his magic, we know he’s high-level because he’s established a stronghold at the North Pole and attracted many elven (or perhaps elven/halfling) followers. He’s put a permanent Night spell on eight reindeer. He’s cast an extremely powerful (and permanent until dispelled) Mirror Image spell on himself, his sleigh, and his reindeer. He and his followers use an extraordinary number of permanent Create Object spells each year to produce the goods they distribute. Through the use of Wizard Eye spells, he sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake. And by casting Know Alignment, he knows if you’ve been bad or good. All of this indicates a very experienced Magic-User.
    So. An elven/halfling Cleric/Magic-User. But what’s his alignment? Obviously, it’s some form of Good. Many scholars opt for the immediate thought of Lawful Good, but I lean to Neutral Good. Consider: The regular repetition of the kindly acts he does each year precludes any sort of Chaotic, but a close description of those acts must lead to the conclusion that some of them are not Lawful. He lands on the roof of a house and enters it through the chimney. A clear case of illegal entry. He leaves multitudes of gifts that, if not carefully considered, could ruin the economy of the planet. These are obviously the deeds of someone of Neutral Good alignment, interested only in as much good as he can do, unconcerned about the Lawfulness of it.

    So far we have a very high-level Neutral Good elven/halfling Cleric/Magic-User. As yet we know nothing of his personal characteristics. Perhaps a little speculation can shed some light on them.
    His Dexterity is obviously very high, else how could someone of his rotundity make it down all those narrow chimneys? I’d say 17 or 18.
    His Charisma may be beyond measure. His followers are nothing short of fanatical. Indeed, which of you, if told Santa Claus needed you, wouldn’t instantly rally to his side?
    To be as high-level a Magic-User as he evidently is. his Intelligence must be 18. And his Wisdom must be very high too, since he never seems to anger or to lash out at anyone. That would require a very wise person.
    His Strength and Constitution are less clear. We really know nothing about his Strength. His Constitution is probably high to be able to absorb all that magic, but we have no direct evidence of this.
    What about psionic powers? I don’t think we can assume that he has any. Of course, many of the things attributed to magic could be psionic. But assuming psionics would complicate the picture needlessly.
    It is truly unfortunate that such a famous and revered figure as Santa Claus should be known to us only through conjecture and speculation. It would be a boon to the world if we knew the facts about him, but that would only happen if someone were able to get him to take a little time on his yearly rounds to tell us about himself. Sadly, no one has ever successfully researched a Hold Santa spell — and it isn’t likely to happen this Christmas, either.
    From: http://community.wizards.com/forum/4e-general-discussion/threads/1753846
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