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You encounter a giant spider, what do?

OneAngryMushroomOneAngryMushroom Member Posts: 564
edited May 2013 in Off-Topic
You find a massive 14 inch (35 cm) wide, endangered spider the middle of a room in your house. You must get rid of it. How would you do so?
Rules of engagement.
1. You cannot kill it, it is endangered.
2. It must ultimately, get it out of your house
3. You can sell it to scientists if you capture it unharmed.
4. You can only use items that can be found in your house.
5. The spider can sense what your doing because of the sensitive the hairs on its body. Is lightning quick.
6. The spider does not know mercy.
7. You cannot scream like a little girl, wet your pants, then set your house on fire.
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Comments

  • Kitteh_On_A_CloudKitteh_On_A_Cloud Member Posts: 1,629
    Why can't there ever be a topic discussing muffins or waffles? Nooo, we get creepy crawlers again... *sigh*
  • JalilyJalily Member Posts: 4,681
    Run out the room, shut the door, block the space beneath the door, and call professionals to come get it.
  • deltagodeltago Member Posts: 7,811
    Step 1: Grab cat.
    Step 2: Put cat in room and close the door
    Step 3: Watch cat play with said spider till one of them is a main course
    Step 4: If cat is fed then open door. If cat is dead then call authorities and demand to know why an endangered spider was able to enter my complex and kill my beloved pet and that compensation should be forth right for the mental anguish endured of having to bury the one thing that has stayed beside me my entire life not to mention the trauma I will suffer every time I see anything resembling a spider.
    Step 5: Profit - for either myself or the cat.
  • KidCarnivalKidCarnival Member Posts: 3,747
    Stare into the spider's soul until I discover what it fears most. Haunt it with nightmares until it flees into the conventiently placed box with the "SPIDER SAFEHOUSE" sign. Ship box to @OneAngryMushroom. Watch what happens, take notes for next spider encounter.
  • Dantos4Dantos4 Member Posts: 58
    I take issue with number 1 :P

    If it's that big and that hairy, I'm killing that sucker. Killing it with fire.
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  • karnor00karnor00 Member Posts: 680
    I'd probably do the first two parts of number 7 and then ignore 1 and try and kill it with a shovel or something.
  • Magnus_GrelichMagnus_Grelich Member Posts: 361
    It just so happens, I have a wand of teleportation in my house...
  • DJKajuruDJKajuru Member Posts: 3,300
    Once I saw a spider in my bathroom during the night, and I said to her:

    "bitch, you gotta get out of here . if my parents see you they'll kill you for sure!"

    And it didn't move .

    "Look, let me put you on this paper so I can take you out"

    And it didn't let me.

    "Ok, take your time. But be careful around here!"

    Spiders rule.
  • zur312zur312 Member Posts: 1,366
    go for the eyes boo
  • smeagolheartsmeagolheart Member Posts: 7,963
    Sell the house
  • AlexisisinneedAlexisisinneed Member Posts: 470
    I would cry. For sure I would cry.
  • Awong124Awong124 Member Posts: 2,642
    I'd cover it with a pot and call animal control.
  • ajwzajwz Member Posts: 4,122
    Emigrate
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,675
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • OneAngryMushroomOneAngryMushroom Member Posts: 564
    @KidCarnival
    I can assure you beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will never open a box labeled "spider safehouse"
  • KamigoroshiKamigoroshi Member Posts: 5,870
    No need to think about it: I'll keep it as a pet. Arachnids are so much cute than cats or dogs!
  • StarlilyStarlily Member Posts: 97
    Get a large cardboard box and toss over it. Slide another piece of cardboard underneath to capture it. Seal box and take to our local zoo. Or...Bring in loom and tell it, "You can stay but it has to be on the wood frame over there. You fill the loom with webbing, which I will remove when filled and I'll buy you box of crickets to eat for each time you spin/weave cloth for me.

    How else am I supposed to get a Cloak of Spider Climb? :D
  • Kitteh_On_A_CloudKitteh_On_A_Cloud Member Posts: 1,629
    @Starlily: Hmm, loads of free silk...That actually doesn't sound bad! :p
  • KidCarnivalKidCarnival Member Posts: 3,747

    @KidCarnival
    I can assure you beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will never open a box labeled "spider safehouse"

    I want to change my answer to "lure spider into a sealed box and never open it".

  • ajwzajwz Member Posts: 4,122
    Starlily said:


    How else am I supposed to get a Cloak of Spider Climb? :D

    Gives +6 circumstance bonus when using your climb skill to climb a spider?
  • AnduinAnduin Member Posts: 5,745
    Honest to god answer here. (Hard with my reputation...)

    Use a vacuum cleaner nozzle on low power. Suck the spider up, (from above the spider, so the legs get pushed down by the tube). Then take out the bag / plastic drum.

    I presume you were talking about legs as well... If the abdomen was 35cm across, the nozzle would simply suck and stick the spiders exoskeleton to the nozzle of the vacuum, and cause a strange vroooom sound. This could change as the spiders internals are sucked up through the pipe... The exoskeleton will then fall to the floor and you could possibly stuff it and sell it to a museum... If you have seen any large spiders in a museum, you think about how they did it...
  • StarlilyStarlily Member Posts: 97
    ajwz said:

    Starlily said:


    How else am I supposed to get a Cloak of Spider Climb? :D

    Gives +6 circumstance bonus when using your climb skill to climb a spider?
    Sure, have you ever seen the size of those Drow spider riders? They had to get up there somehow... :)
    Actually, should have said climb walls like a spider.
  • francofranco Member Posts: 507
    Once I was taking a shower at a rural home in Japan. I thought there was a piece of art on the wall , but it turned out to be a centipede about 7" long. Since it hardly moved (must have been meditating) I quickly finished up and got out. If it had been a spider that size I probably would have jumped out of the room and shut the door. If it became too aggressive I would kill it, not having any time too look up how dangerous or endangered it might be. Home and safety should come first.
  • OneAngryMushroomOneAngryMushroom Member Posts: 564
    @Starlily
    Remember that the spider has sensitive hairs on its body and can feel air movements around it akin to a fly. You'd cause it to aggro because of the flying box. Also great idea with the Cloak of Spider Climbing, that is how you start a business.
  • OneAngryMushroomOneAngryMushroom Member Posts: 564
    @Kamigoroshi
    You sir, are completely insane. Spiders are made of a very specific formula of scary, creepy, and exoskeleton.
  • KamigoroshiKamigoroshi Member Posts: 5,870
    Aw, but they only want to play with you and love it when you tickle their lovely opisthosoma. D:
  • HerrderGezeitenHerrderGezeiten Member Posts: 139



    1. You cannot kill it, it is endangered.
    2. It must ultimately, get it out of your house
    3. You can sell it to scientists if you capture it unharmed.
    4. You can only use items that can be found in your house.
    5. The spider can sense what your doing because of the sensitive the hairs on its body. Is lightning quick.
    6. The spider does not know mercy.
    7. You cannot scream like a little girl, wet your pants, then set your house on fire.

    1. Shit happens,...
    2. WHY ?
    3. no prisoner
    4. A Railgune? don`t ask what i have at home,...
    5. then it would go insane,..
    6. Neither do I.
    7. jeah can`t scream high enough,..
  • AristilliusAristillius Member Posts: 873
    Close off the room in question. "I dont have a kitchen, should I have a kitchen?"
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