What is your TRUE alignment on the Cauliflower/Broccoli axis?
KidCarnival
Member Posts: 3,747
Please refer to this unbiased chart for the unbiased descriptions:
- What is your TRUE alignment on the Cauliflower/Broccoli axis?27 votes
- Lawful Cauli - much wisdom, most graceful3.70%
- Neutral Cauli - much intelligence, most efficient11.11%
- Chaotic Cauli - much beauty, most creative25.93%
- Lawful Caulibro - so-so smart, kinda predictable0.00%
- True Kestög - half-assed education, notoriously unreliable3.70%
- Chaotic Broflower - moderately attractive, total nutjob33.33%
- Rigid Broccoli - quite ugly, not so smart0.00%
- Shameful Broccoli - easily decived, highly prejudiced0.00%
- Rabid Broccoli - hopeless case7.41%
- ALL HAIL QUEEN ESTER OF CAULI! DEATH TO THE FALSE "KING" KÖG!14.81%
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Comments
Once upon a time, there were only two sentient beings in Faerun. They were as old as time, and very powerful. One of them was Queen Ester of Cauli, a noble and wise creature of goodness and light. The other was King Kög of Broccollur, a mean-spirited, envious wimp. For centuries, the two tried to get along, but because "King" Kög is such a jerk, the peace never lasted for very long.
So one day, the beautiful and very intelligent Queen Ester decided to try something new. And she split herself up into many aspects, to create the pantheon we know today, to approach a peaceful solution from many different angles. Of course, the so-called "king" Kög is an unimaginative asshole and has to copy everything. He too split himself into aspects and created the other part of the pantheon.
In some deities, Ester's essence was strong and they became warriors of light and righteousness and justice. They truly were blessed. Others were less lucky and the evil influence of that imposter wannabe king Kög clouded their hearts, and they too became evil and envious and generally more stupid.
In another group, the essence of our wise and glorious Queen Ester met the essence of the poisonous, ungrateful mofo Kög, but neither could win the upper hand. Ester's essence, of course, was too kind and gentle and forgiving to just use her insane and awesome power and kill Kög's essence; and Kög's essence - much like Kög as a whole, was too weak and too stupid to harm Ester's essence.
This is how the alignments were created.
Because deities are very powerful, but had nothing to do but fight each other, they soon grew tired of walking the soil of Faerun, especially because it was quite boring since ale was not invented yet. They made a truce and spent a few centuries inventing new sentient lifeforms to entertain themselves. The diciples of our most holy Queen Ester created beautiful and noble lifeforms like elves and nymphs and colorful songbirds. The morons who were infected with Kög's uncreative thinking just made ugly shit like trolls and gnolls (they were not even very good at naming their creations) and... oh really, who cares; they only made boring, stupid monsters.
But that grew old really quickly, and the desire to cleanse the world of the corrupted, poisonous influence of Kög flared up all over Faerun (in the nice parts, where the ingenious Ester was worshipped). And so, the aspects of Ester recruited the most noble and insightful beings they could find to be their first order of paladins. They all happened to be beholders; graceful creatures of pure magic and multiple eyes. The deities also created Eye-A-Lot, a magical realm above the clouds, from where their paladins could see all of Faerun and fight the joke of a force court jester, apologies, KING Kög had assembled.
Puppet king Kög's followers were all stupid and ugly (as well as their mothers) and therefore had the "bright" idea to make pacts with squirrels, who then acted as their blackguards. Of course, this was a really silly idea, but what do you expect from people who follow a self-proclaimed "king" who uses a heavy metal umlaut as only vowel in his name? Probably by accident, the squirrels had created a gathering place in an ass-ugly cave in some uninhabited tundra, where the Most Glorious Eyes Of Ester could not see those cowards, and so the war between light and darkness never ended, and is still fought to the very day I'm writing this.
(The Eye of Oghma has his day off, but this revelation could not wait, so he asked me to relay it to you.)
@Southpaw @Anduin @OneAngryMushroom @Eudaemonium
Also, I feel CC because, if I were female (I am not female, shemale, homophrodite, bastard (that one is the one with highest odds....) nor homosexual nor broccoli) my tits would me amazingly big and charming, as I am totally Chaotic (and Evil), I don't fit into any type of neutral or lawful alignment.
"The only limit is the Time,
and I don't respect it either.
I am Crev'Sindir Daak'Huinar,
the one titled dead."
Literally.
Now you are a non-kitted-abilities-less-non-specialized-evil-fighter, and Helm wants to kill you >:D
Mostly the nut job bit, but I have a high enough opinion of myself to make up for the fools lack thereof.
And, I am not a servant of Kög, I AM THE LORD OF CHAOS, I DON'T SERVE PESKY MORTALS, I REIGN OVER THEM MWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!
The ҉Del̡us̕io͜n ͡Le̶vel͠ a̢moǹg ̶mo̴rtals͜ is̴ ͏o̵ut̸ of҉ ҉co̶n̴tr̛o͢l!͏
́
Not͏i̢fy̸ A͠rc̸h҉ P̡ries̷t @Ánd̶uin! W҉ę n̷e̵e҉d ͡to͡ ̛g͘at́her͟ our ͠fo͏rces̷ ̵o͝f̨ ͞Càu̧liflo͜we͏r!
͏À ̛new̸ ͝H̛ol͘y͟ ̶Wa҉r ̵c̸an no͢t ̡be ͠p͜rev̧ent͏e̸d͏ ̵any͞more̢, ̴Est͏er ͞h͢e̕l͢p us a̶ll͜!̶
ALL PRAiSE "KING" KÖG!
MEET COLD STEEL UNBELIVER!!!!!
By Torm, we shall strike a blow deep into King Kog's heart.... there is no more worthy a cause
̲̱̮͠
͎͈͓͇͙͕.̧̗͎̝̪̬̮͎
Don't you know that Evil is Sexy?
Me neither! I just found it funny.
I've actually never seen any CSIs. Not my thing.
An insightful post by the way into your true nature... This thread is most... revealing...
...
*Anduin scans chart horrified at the number under the evil sway of the Arch Broccoli Fiend King Kog...*