I just came across this lovely exchange with Neera in BG1:EE. It happens after you deal with Meklin, a halfling that accosts you because Neera stole money from him in the past. While I feel a bit bad for being mean to Neera, the dialog is really funny!
Neera: "I am very, very, very, very, very sorry about what just happened. I didn't want to steal from Meklin; I just had no other choice. I wish things had turned out differently."
Charname: "At least I've learned a lesson in keeping an eye on my coinpurse."
Neera: "I am not a thief! It was a momentary lapse of ethics in a life-or-death situation. I'm on the straight and narrow, I swear it!"
Charname: "I remain unconvinced, Neera."
Neera: "And I'm sure you've never done anything wrong? No one is perfect, not even you. Let's go find a seer and see whether we can conjure up an image of you kicking a small dog."
Charname: "Dogs aren't people like you and me!"
Neera: "Ooh! You are TERRIBLE. I hope that when you finally die, you spend eternity being gnawed on by hell hounds."
Charname: "Hell hounds are just a myth."
Neera: "Hell hounds are not a myth!"
Charname: "Yes, they are. They're a myth used to scare children into being nice to dogs."
Neera: "No! They're real, and they breathe fire! And they come from the Nine Hells! They can melt iron bars!"
Charname: "Oh, you're right. That sounds totally real."
Slightly paraphrased as I don't have the text in front of me. When leaving BG in SoD Corwin's daughter asks just before leaving, "Will you kill the bad guys?"
Cue Minsc, who steps in to share his limitless wisdom, "You see little girl, there are many butts inthis world. Some are good, and those we leave un-kicked. But some butts-"
And then Dynaheir hastily changes the subject. Makes me laugh everytime.
I'm not sure if I found it the BEST, but the first one that comes to mind is M'Khiin's story about the chicken in the well and the 26 goblins who all drowned trying to retrieve it. "They should have stopped after the chicken drowned." XD
Comments
"Actually, I'm with this bloodthirsty blackguard!"
Next time I go to a wedding, I'm totally saying that.*
_____________
*in my head
Dorn: "Do you worry it is a mistake to bring others on your mission? Someone could betray you."
Charname: "Do I have to start worrying about you, Dorn?"
Dorn: "You can rely on me as long as your leadership remains strong and sure."
Charname: "Who would betray me? I'm adorable."
Dorn: "Since you ask..."
Tiax: "Tiax rules all!"
Dorn: "Need I say more?"
"I'm not in danger, Dorn, i am the danger"
Neera: "I am very, very, very, very, very sorry about what just happened. I didn't want to steal from Meklin; I just had no other choice. I wish things had turned out differently."
Charname: "At least I've learned a lesson in keeping an eye on my coinpurse."
Neera: "I am not a thief! It was a momentary lapse of ethics in a life-or-death situation. I'm on the straight and narrow, I swear it!"
Charname: "I remain unconvinced, Neera."
Neera: "And I'm sure you've never done anything wrong? No one is perfect, not even you. Let's go find a seer and see whether we can conjure up an image of you kicking a small dog."
Charname: "Dogs aren't people like you and me!"
Neera: "Ooh! You are TERRIBLE. I hope that when you finally die, you spend eternity being gnawed on by hell hounds."
Charname: "Hell hounds are just a myth."
Neera: "Hell hounds are not a myth!"
Charname: "Yes, they are. They're a myth used to scare children into being nice to dogs."
Neera: "No! They're real, and they breathe fire! And they come from the Nine Hells! They can melt iron bars!"
Charname: "Oh, you're right. That sounds totally real."
Neera: "Shut up. I hate you."
Cue Minsc, who steps in to share his limitless wisdom, "You see little girl, there are many butts inthis world. Some are good, and those we leave un-kicked. But some butts-"
And then Dynaheir hastily changes the subject. Makes me laugh everytime.
"Destruction! Mayhem! Other synonyms for death!"
Glint is a treasure.