I've been sick for 2 days but I came in today because I had to DM.
The dark underbelly of starting a game at work. No one will let me take Fridays off anymore.
"Amber those scripts for Adventure Y are due on Thursday" "But I am bed ridden with this possible terminal illness" "Oh, ok, I guess you can get them to me by Tuesday of next week but no later. Feel better."
"Amber are you coming to work today?" "No I am still bed ridden with this possible terminal illness." "NO EXCUSES! You need to be at work by at least 3 p.m. to DM our session. Get your ass out of bed and take a Midol or something."
Session Three: INTO THE THUNDER PEAKS (cont.) Jan 30/15
The adventurers finished their long rest in the entrance to the aarakocra caverns and ventured forth in the dark, pre-dawn hours of the next day. They climbed easily back up to the path, where they found no trace of the illusory orcs. Which was only to be expected. (Egbert did find the dart he'd thrown at the orcs, though.)
Together, the heroes traipsed down the path, heading west. Dawn broke a few hours later, the violet and rose shades streaking the eastern sky. Sharp-eyed Carp spotted a mountain peak with a broken-off tip, creating a flattish plateau on the top of the slope, surrounded by spiky bits like a jagged crown. This matched the description the aarakocra had given of the gargoyle's lair, and a moment later the party spied a lone gargoyle sentry circling in the sky.
The adventurers concealed themselves in the bushes and rubble along the path's edges, all save for Huzzah! and Bang-Bang. This led to the worst round of Stealth rolls I've ever seen in 20 years as a DM. I should have taken a picture of my notes, because I remember Carp had a 21 and everyone else had single digits ranging from 2 to 7. It was abysmal.
Anyway, the gargoyle spotted Bang-Bang and Huzzah! wandering down the trail and swooped down to deal with them. Luckily for the party, the gargoyle rolled a 2 on its Perception check and the ambush went more or less as planned. There was stabbing, swinging, pummeling, magic missiling, and in an unexpected turn of events, Carp decided to grapple the gargoyle. The slender human thief leaped onto the rocky creature's back and drove his short swords into the beast's shoulders and held on. This prevented the gargoyle from taking off and led to an equally-astounding series of rolls from Carp, who somehow showed himself to be a master grappler. The party easily finished off the pinned gargoyle without taking a single hit.
With one victory behind them, the heroes decided to press their luck. They veered off the path and picked their way carefully over the rocky slopes to the gargoyles' aerie. A switchback path led up to the peak and the party walked almost all the way to the top before halting and planning a bit of strategy. Huzzah! cast comprehend languages to listen in on the gargoyles' conversation and heard two rocky, raspy voices discussing the best way to torture and kill prisoners. "Ew. EWWW. That's horrible. I mean, toes up obviously is the way to go but still. EWWW. These are not nice creatures," he reported back to the party, before casting a minor image of a rocky wall that a wounded hero could hide behind if necessary. Bort [played by me as Phil wasn't able to game] cast mage armor on himself and grumbled about the senselessness of attacking a group of gargoyles.
Willers began scaling the sloped edge of the peak, hoping to take the gargoyles by surprise, only to have Huzzah! climb over him in enthusiasm and send him sliding back to the ground. Bort hung back and the remaining party members charged up the path and around the corner to where the gargoyles stood, surprised. A fierce battle ensued. Bang-Bang made good use of his minor image by summoning an image of a dancing aarakocra, the gargoyles' mortal enemy, and distracting one gargoyle for several rounds. Bort charged in, saying "It's about time I started pulling my weight around here" and proceeded to burning hands the gargoyles (and Carp. Bort figured the rogue could easily get out of the way. Carp took half damage thanks to his quick reflexes).
Once one gargoyle went down, Carp and Bang-Bang noticed a tiny creature pop into view. It looked like a ugly, wingless imp less than a foot tall and it cast a fear spell on Willers that prevented the fighter from approaching it. Carp and Bang-Bang ran over and tried to kick the little monster off the cliffside, but kept missing. Huzzah!, who had been dealing serious damage with his crossbow, fired a bolt that went clean through the creature's shoulder. Carp finally kicked the monster (later identified as a quasit) off the cliff, killing it.
With the gargoyles defeated, the party set about doing what they do best: looting. Among the gold, silver, platinum, and jewels, they also found two potions (identified as a potion of healing and a potion of hill giant strength), a golden feather (claimed by Huzzah!), and a strange stone disc. The disk was set with eight pointed crystals and had mysterious runes in the center. The crystals were common quartz, not valuable, and the disc didn't seem magical either. Huzzah! took the disc for safekeeping; perhaps its significance will later become clear.
Edisum had a talk with Bang-Bang after the combat. Though the half-orc had contributed somewhat to the combat, he'd also unsummoned his own illusion for no apparent reason and tried to inspect the treasure midway through the fight. Edisum proposed that if Bang-Bang (or anyone else) failed to support the team, they should not receive a portion of the treasure. The party more or less agreed to this idea going forward, but Bang-Bang was to receive a share this time. Bang-Bang accepted his share (about 450 gp each) and then in a low voice intoned, "Sometimes the things you own end up owning you," before handing the treasure back to Edisum.
Finished with the gargoyle aeire, the party took a short rest as several party members were badly injured, especially Egbert (who had been rock-punching a gargoyle for most of the combat) and Carp (mostly from Bort's burning hands) and then continued on. As dusk descended, the party heard conversation from ahead on the trail. Huzzah! went forward to investigate and saw several merchants, their small wheeled handcarts, and bodyguards moving up the trail. After hails were exchanged, the party moved up and commenced trading with said merchants. Carp purchased a new (used) set of studded leather armor and Edisum bought some perfume for Bang-Bang (his scalps were starting to smell again). Huzzah! purchased some more crossbow bolts and some red wax candles. Carp sold the merchant four agates taken from the gargoyles' lair and then palmed one of them back. After the trades were complete, the merchants continued on, warning the PCs that bandits had been spotted in the area, and to proceed with caution...
I'm using the new Monster Manual and DMG to inspire me when writing these adventures. I have a lot of previous edition baggage and I'm trying to really use the new 5e stuff. Here's some of the entries from the MM that I used when creating these last sessions.
Aarakocra "Making aerial patrols, these birdlike humanoids guard the windy borders of their home against invaders from the Elemental Plane of Earth, such as gargoyles, their sworn enemies." (p 12)
Gargoyles "Gargoyles are easily inspired by the cunning of an intelligent master. They enjoy simple tasks such as guarding a master's home, torturing and killing interlopers, and anything else that involves minimum effort and maximum pain and carnage. Gargoyles sometimes serve demons for their propensity for wanton chaos and destruction. " (p 140)
This is what I love about table top playing - the different ways in which the DM can interpret the outcomes of extreme dice rolls, even more so in Runequest which is more detailed and can produce comments like "Your wild kick completely missed your attacker but connected with a passing dog which promptly jumped up and bit your assailant in the groin, (rolls dice) critical hit".
@Amber_Scott My group used to play it. To make things go faster we attached a full copy of the critical tables to the character sheet and everybody would roll their own combat round and announce the results when it was their turn.
Nice game where I saw things like a PC kill another after a critical failure in a perception roll followed by a very high roll in the bow critical table
My favorite Spell Law Critical text was from the Electricity Crits. it was a 100% C Crit. "Foe's Nervous System acts as a Superconductor. Foe's Sad, Instant Death provides all witnesses with a fine light show." The 100% E Crit was "Foe Returns to the Dust from whence he came."
Yes, I found those uproariously funny.
I also liked the Impact Spell Crits, one of which was "Foe reduced to a gelatinous pulp. Try a spatula."
You know, it's funny when it happens to something you're fighting. When it happens to you… not so funny.
Nice game where I saw things like a PC kill another after a critical failure in a perception roll followed by a very high roll in the bow critical table
In the last session, Egbert killed a gargoyle with a dart.
Nice game where I saw things like a PC kill another after a critical failure in a perception roll followed by a very high roll in the bow critical table
In the last session, Egbert killed a gargoyle with a dart.
Wouldn't accept anything less from the main antagonist of Project Y.
Well there's a reason the dart was one of the main weapons used by the Roman legionnaires, you know. Good on you egbert for choosing such a dignified and honourable game tool Imeanweaponofcourse
In this week's thrilling episode of Orc Hordes of the King's Forest!
-Our band of merry misfits were waylaid by an even bigger band of not nearly as merry bandits!
-Bang-Bang fell in love (with someone Willers had just stabbed!) and made a (for a bard) surprisingly clumsy attempt to romance her! Her response to the woo he pitched: "We can discuss this after I've killed your friends."
-Huzzah! unsuccessfully tried to persuade a bandit to run away rather than fight. When that failed, he had no choice but to roll a natural 20 and kill said bandit with a single shot from his crossbow!
-Willers continued his quest to master the art of Stony Silence!
-Egbert Rockpuncher's Flailing Fists of Fury furiously flailed a bunch of bandits!
-Bort concocted an elaborate scheme to convince the bandit leader to confess everything she knew!
-Bort then decided to abandon the scheme and straight-up murdered said bandit leader, who was bound and no danger to anyone and who Bang-Bang had fallen in love with!
-A heart-broken Bang-Bang left the party, carrying the body of his one true love in his arms!
-Huzzah! was as upset as Huzzah! gets over some of his merry bandmates' attempts to murder a bound bandit who was no danger to anyone (Willers dropped her off a cliff while she was tied up; Huzzah featherfalled her to safety; Bort magic missile'd her to death)
-The party made it to Arribel, a city enduring a spate of attacks from orc bands that have apparently abandoned all sense of self-preservation in favour of spreading suffering!
-These are trying times for the party Huzzah! now calls the Pirate Dragons, for reasons he has yet to reveal! Can the party's friendships and whatever Bort is capable of feeling that most closely resembles friendship survive?1?!?
Andrew pretty much hit all the high points in his recap, so I'll keep it simple here. A group of bandits led by a half-orc woman named Vitra attacked the party. Vitra ordered them to lay down their weapons and money and Bort said no YOU lay down YOUR weapons and money, and Vitra said "don't say everything I say" and Bort said "don't say everything I say" and Vitra ordered the bandits to attack.
The battle was one of the more hilarious I've ever run because Bang-Bang fell instantly in love with Vitra and used all his combat actions to court her. She agreed to marry him if she was defeated in combat, and Bang-Bang took this as a sign of hope. Eventually the PCs killed most of the bandits; one escaped and another was captured, as was Vitra.
Bort interrogated the bandits and after Willers dangled her off a cliff, she admitted that the bandits were led by orcs "somewhere" and a few orcish leaders ran the bandits out of a camp in the King's Forest. The camp was magically hidden, but Vitra had a salve that, when applied to the eyelids, allowed one to see the camp. It was run by a full-blooded orc named Croach. Vitra said she'd been operating as a bandit in the area for several years and so she and her team were accepted quickly by Croach and the other humanoid bandits.
Having gotten all the information he wanted, Bort motioned for Willers to drop Vitra off the cliff. Willers complied, being a cold-blooded killer. Huzzah! used featherfall to save Vitra, only for Bort to magic missile her to death. Huzzah! was distraught, claiming that Vitra posed no threat. Bort said she WAS a threat, she was a known bandit who'd attacked them and planned to kill them. The party was split over Bort's decision. Meanwhile, Bang-Bang picked up Vitra's lifeless corpse and disappeared among the rocks, not returning.
The party continued on to Arabel and found it in a state of nervous tension. There were guards everywhere and signs announcing the orc bounty: 5 gp per orc and 1000 gp for the return or ten townsfolk who had been kidnapped. The party did a little shopping. Carp the thief tried to steal a gem from a store and set off a magical alarm that had him fleeing in terror.
Huzzah! overheard that a local tavern held a regular masked ball which nobles often attended. Despite the orc bandit threat, the ball was to be held in a tenday. Bort came up with the following plan: the PCs would approach the bandit camp and ask to join. After becoming bandits, they'd tell the leader about the ball and encourage him to attack it with as many bandits as possible to get all the helpless nobles. Then the party would tip off the local guards about the impending attack, capturing all the bandits in one fell swoop. While that was happening, the party would sneak away from the bandit force, return to the camp, meet some Purple Dragons from the local bastion there, and free the prisoners.
To everyone's surprise, there was agreement on said plan. Bort is a wizard after all so his Intelligence is pretty high despite his evil nature and general abrasiveness. So the heroes set off for the bandit camp, hoping to trick the orc Croach into letting them join.
I was expecting them to go the frontal assault route.
I think the others know the rules too well to risk something like that. Even I, shielded by my near total ignorance, look at the info available and see a straight-on attack as little more than an elaborately staged mass suicide.
Huzzah! overheard that a local tavern held a regular masked ball which nobles often attended. Despite the orc bandit threat, the ball was to be held in a tenday. Bort came up with the following plan: the PCs would approach the bandit camp and ask to join. After becoming bandits, they'd tell the leader about the ball and encourage him to attack it with as many bandits as possible to get all the helpless nobles. Then the party would tip off the local guards about the impending attack, capturing all the bandits in one fell swoop. While that was happening, the party would sneak away from the bandit force, return to the camp, meet some Purple Dragons from the local bastion there, and free the prisoners.
You've known you have played too much Baldur's Gate when...
-On their way to the hidden bandit camp, the Pirate Dragons were set upon by a bugbear and four goblins that should have been complete pushovers if anyone in the Pirates could have rolled better than a 7! But the heroes (eventually, finally, after a loooong time) prevailed!
-Bort's murder streak continued, because hey, why not murder everyone you possibly can?
-Not to be outdone, Willers beheaded two goblins in a single turn, which gave a nearby badger a nice snack!
-The heroes of the P-Drag found the camp and introduced themselves to the orc leader whose name escapes me! Huzzah! introduced the bandits to the concept of Land PIrates, which are the most sly and dangerous pirates of all. Nobody expects to be attacked by pirates hundreds of miles from a body of water! HA HAH!
-The Orc Leader, though impressed with the number of his bandits slaughtered by Cap'n Flametoot's hardy mates in the Pirate Dragons nevertheless set the undercover heroes a task to prove themselves: find an owlbear stalking the area and kill it!
-Bort Flametoot got a couple of minions from the assembled bandits to replace Bang-Bang, offering them ten gold pieces a head if they helped kill the owlbear.
-Huzzah! started laying the groundwork for the plan, impressing Sal and Jurren with his tales of the Pirate Dragons' adventures and alluding to the big score the group plans to make when the town nobles have their ill-advised big ball in ten days!
-Willers fought an owlbear and got gored!
-Sal, the minion most likely to actually willingly join the Pirate Dragons, took a shot at the owlbear and got gored!
-Karp took several shots at the owlbear and didn't get gored!
-Egbert Rockpuncher punched the owlbear in the butt and I don't think he got gored, at least not too badly! Things were looking good, so...
-Bort cast a sleep spell that put a seriously wounded Willers and the ungored minion to sleep right at the clawed feet of the bugbear! Bort promptly cursed because "My spell didn't work", but Huzzah! didn't find his delivery particularly convincing! Is Bort deliberately trying to screw over his colleagues?
-Yes. It really sort of looks like he is.
-He certainly screwed over his only surviving minion, who, after helping kill the owlbear, got a face full of acid and generally murdered for his efforts! On the other hand, the ex-minion proved harder to kill than expected. Huzzah! washed his hands of the whole thing, went and searched the owlbear's nest, and got a snazzy new hat for his effort!
-But before he did that, he killed the owlbear with a well-placed crossbow bolt to the eye! Nobody else was getting the job done, so the gnome, as usual, stepped up and put the poor beast out of its misery.
-Returning to the bandit camp, the heroes were welcomed with open, pustule-oozing arms by the orc leader! Bort started the plan rolling again, having terminated the previous progress Huzzah! had made with the lives of the minions "unfortunately slain by the owlbear."
-While Bort distracted the orc, Edisum put his plan of making the salve that lets the bandits see their hideout unusable by dosing them with alchemist's fire into play!
-The DM had some clear doubts about whether Edisum's plan was reasonably workable! Extremely clear, almost explicit doubts! Edisum nevertheless pursued the plan with the singlemindedness of an old man yelling at kids getting off his lawn, which, if he had a lawn kids were on, is what he would probably be!
-Huzzah! discovered a tunnel leading below the orc leader's headquarters.
-Almost everybody in the Pirate Dragons was anxious to leave the village, even though minimal effort had been made to locate the prisoners that 1) if rescued by the PD, would provide the most financial benefit to the group, and 2) may not actually be in the camp, which could make rescuing them much more tricky than most of the Pirates seem to think!
The session finished with me in desperate need of a throat lozenge after two solid hours of bellowing "Arr!" at every available opportunity and explaining the joy and wonder of Land Piracy in true talking like a pirate fashion and everyone but the much-missed Bang-Bang (even Bort admitted to missing the loon) reaching third level.
NEXT TIME ON HUZZAH! & THE PIRATE DRAGONS: ORC HORDES OF THE KING'S FOREST: Can the team pull together to convince the Purple Dragon guards of Arribel to play their role in the the party's scheme?
There is nothing but the flimsiest of anecdotal evidence to support that statement. Yes, one guy who got away told the other bandits about us, but a dead hostage doesn't get you anything but a gnome staring at you with sad, sad eyes, shaking his head. That gnome pities Bort. He pities him for choosing to live in the dark and miserable world he clearly chooses to live in.
Comments
"But I am bed ridden with this possible terminal illness"
"Oh, ok, I guess you can get them to me by Tuesday of next week but no later. Feel better."
"Amber are you coming to work today?"
"No I am still bed ridden with this possible terminal illness."
"NO EXCUSES! You need to be at work by at least 3 p.m. to DM our session. Get your ass out of bed and take a Midol or something."
The adventurers finished their long rest in the entrance to the aarakocra caverns and ventured forth in the dark, pre-dawn hours of the next day. They climbed easily back up to the path, where they found no trace of the illusory orcs. Which was only to be expected. (Egbert did find the dart he'd thrown at the orcs, though.)
Together, the heroes traipsed down the path, heading west. Dawn broke a few hours later, the violet and rose shades streaking the eastern sky. Sharp-eyed Carp spotted a mountain peak with a broken-off tip, creating a flattish plateau on the top of the slope, surrounded by spiky bits like a jagged crown. This matched the description the aarakocra had given of the gargoyle's lair, and a moment later the party spied a lone gargoyle sentry circling in the sky.
The adventurers concealed themselves in the bushes and rubble along the path's edges, all save for Huzzah! and Bang-Bang. This led to the worst round of Stealth rolls I've ever seen in 20 years as a DM. I should have taken a picture of my notes, because I remember Carp had a 21 and everyone else had single digits ranging from 2 to 7. It was abysmal.
Anyway, the gargoyle spotted Bang-Bang and Huzzah! wandering down the trail and swooped down to deal with them. Luckily for the party, the gargoyle rolled a 2 on its Perception check and the ambush went more or less as planned. There was stabbing, swinging, pummeling, magic missiling, and in an unexpected turn of events, Carp decided to grapple the gargoyle. The slender human thief leaped onto the rocky creature's back and drove his short swords into the beast's shoulders and held on. This prevented the gargoyle from taking off and led to an equally-astounding series of rolls from Carp, who somehow showed himself to be a master grappler. The party easily finished off the pinned gargoyle without taking a single hit.
With one victory behind them, the heroes decided to press their luck. They veered off the path and picked their way carefully over the rocky slopes to the gargoyles' aerie. A switchback path led up to the peak and the party walked almost all the way to the top before halting and planning a bit of strategy. Huzzah! cast comprehend languages to listen in on the gargoyles' conversation and heard two rocky, raspy voices discussing the best way to torture and kill prisoners. "Ew. EWWW. That's horrible. I mean, toes up obviously is the way to go but still. EWWW. These are not nice creatures," he reported back to the party, before casting a minor image of a rocky wall that a wounded hero could hide behind if necessary. Bort [played by me as Phil wasn't able to game] cast mage armor on himself and grumbled about the senselessness of attacking a group of gargoyles.
Willers began scaling the sloped edge of the peak, hoping to take the gargoyles by surprise, only to have Huzzah! climb over him in enthusiasm and send him sliding back to the ground. Bort hung back and the remaining party members charged up the path and around the corner to where the gargoyles stood, surprised. A fierce battle ensued. Bang-Bang made good use of his minor image by summoning an image of a dancing aarakocra, the gargoyles' mortal enemy, and distracting one gargoyle for several rounds. Bort charged in, saying "It's about time I started pulling my weight around here" and proceeded to burning hands the gargoyles (and Carp. Bort figured the rogue could easily get out of the way. Carp took half damage thanks to his quick reflexes).
Once one gargoyle went down, Carp and Bang-Bang noticed a tiny creature pop into view. It looked like a ugly, wingless imp less than a foot tall and it cast a fear spell on Willers that prevented the fighter from approaching it. Carp and Bang-Bang ran over and tried to kick the little monster off the cliffside, but kept missing. Huzzah!, who had been dealing serious damage with his crossbow, fired a bolt that went clean through the creature's shoulder. Carp finally kicked the monster (later identified as a quasit) off the cliff, killing it.
With the gargoyles defeated, the party set about doing what they do best: looting. Among the gold, silver, platinum, and jewels, they also found two potions (identified as a potion of healing and a potion of hill giant strength), a golden feather (claimed by Huzzah!), and a strange stone disc. The disk was set with eight pointed crystals and had mysterious runes in the center. The crystals were common quartz, not valuable, and the disc didn't seem magical either. Huzzah! took the disc for safekeeping; perhaps its significance will later become clear.
Edisum had a talk with Bang-Bang after the combat. Though the half-orc had contributed somewhat to the combat, he'd also unsummoned his own illusion for no apparent reason and tried to inspect the treasure midway through the fight. Edisum proposed that if Bang-Bang (or anyone else) failed to support the team, they should not receive a portion of the treasure. The party more or less agreed to this idea going forward, but Bang-Bang was to receive a share this time. Bang-Bang accepted his share (about 450 gp each) and then in a low voice intoned, "Sometimes the things you own end up owning you," before handing the treasure back to Edisum.
Finished with the gargoyle aeire, the party took a short rest as several party members were badly injured, especially Egbert (who had been rock-punching a gargoyle for most of the combat) and Carp (mostly from Bort's burning hands) and then continued on. As dusk descended, the party heard conversation from ahead on the trail. Huzzah! went forward to investigate and saw several merchants, their small wheeled handcarts, and bodyguards moving up the trail. After hails were exchanged, the party moved up and commenced trading with said merchants. Carp purchased a new (used) set of studded leather armor and Edisum bought some perfume for Bang-Bang (his scalps were starting to smell again). Huzzah! purchased some more crossbow bolts and some red wax candles. Carp sold the merchant four agates taken from the gargoyles' lair and then palmed one of them back. After the trades were complete, the merchants continued on, warning the PCs that bandits had been spotted in the area, and to proceed with caution...
And the mysterious disc. What could it be?????
Aarakocra
"Making aerial patrols, these birdlike humanoids guard the windy borders of their home against invaders from the Elemental Plane of Earth, such as gargoyles, their sworn enemies." (p 12)
Gargoyles
"Gargoyles are easily inspired by the cunning of an intelligent master. They enjoy simple tasks such as guarding a master's home, torturing and killing interlopers, and anything else that involves minimum effort and maximum pain and carnage. Gargoyles sometimes serve demons for their propensity for wanton chaos and destruction. " (p 140)
Nice game where I saw things like a PC kill another after a critical failure in a perception roll followed by a very high roll in the bow critical table
Play from home!
Coincidence? I think not!
Yes, I found those uproariously funny.
I also liked the Impact Spell Crits, one of which was "Foe reduced to a gelatinous pulp. Try a spatula."
You know, it's funny when it happens to something you're fighting. When it happens to you… not so funny.
-Our band of merry misfits were waylaid by an even bigger band of not nearly as merry bandits!
-Bang-Bang fell in love (with someone Willers had just stabbed!) and made a (for a bard) surprisingly clumsy attempt to romance her! Her response to the woo he pitched: "We can discuss this after I've killed your friends."
-Huzzah! unsuccessfully tried to persuade a bandit to run away rather than fight. When that failed, he had no choice but to roll a natural 20 and kill said bandit with a single shot from his crossbow!
-Willers continued his quest to master the art of Stony Silence!
-Egbert Rockpuncher's Flailing Fists of Fury furiously flailed a bunch of bandits!
-Bort concocted an elaborate scheme to convince the bandit leader to confess everything she knew!
-Bort then decided to abandon the scheme and straight-up murdered said bandit leader, who was bound and no danger to anyone and who Bang-Bang had fallen in love with!
-A heart-broken Bang-Bang left the party, carrying the body of his one true love in his arms!
-Huzzah! was as upset as Huzzah! gets over some of his merry bandmates' attempts to murder a bound bandit who was no danger to anyone (Willers dropped her off a cliff while she was tied up; Huzzah featherfalled her to safety; Bort magic missile'd her to death)
-The party made it to Arribel, a city enduring a spate of attacks from orc bands that have apparently abandoned all sense of self-preservation in favour of spreading suffering!
-These are trying times for the party Huzzah! now calls the Pirate Dragons, for reasons he has yet to reveal! Can the party's friendships and whatever Bort is capable of feeling that most closely resembles friendship survive?1?!?
The battle was one of the more hilarious I've ever run because Bang-Bang fell instantly in love with Vitra and used all his combat actions to court her. She agreed to marry him if she was defeated in combat, and Bang-Bang took this as a sign of hope. Eventually the PCs killed most of the bandits; one escaped and another was captured, as was Vitra.
Bort interrogated the bandits and after Willers dangled her off a cliff, she admitted that the bandits were led by orcs "somewhere" and a few orcish leaders ran the bandits out of a camp in the King's Forest. The camp was magically hidden, but Vitra had a salve that, when applied to the eyelids, allowed one to see the camp. It was run by a full-blooded orc named Croach. Vitra said she'd been operating as a bandit in the area for several years and so she and her team were accepted quickly by Croach and the other humanoid bandits.
Having gotten all the information he wanted, Bort motioned for Willers to drop Vitra off the cliff. Willers complied, being a cold-blooded killer. Huzzah! used featherfall to save Vitra, only for Bort to magic missile her to death. Huzzah! was distraught, claiming that Vitra posed no threat. Bort said she WAS a threat, she was a known bandit who'd attacked them and planned to kill them. The party was split over Bort's decision. Meanwhile, Bang-Bang picked up Vitra's lifeless corpse and disappeared among the rocks, not returning.
The party continued on to Arabel and found it in a state of nervous tension. There were guards everywhere and signs announcing the orc bounty: 5 gp per orc and 1000 gp for the return or ten townsfolk who had been kidnapped. The party did a little shopping. Carp the thief tried to steal a gem from a store and set off a magical alarm that had him fleeing in terror.
Huzzah! overheard that a local tavern held a regular masked ball which nobles often attended. Despite the orc bandit threat, the ball was to be held in a tenday. Bort came up with the following plan: the PCs would approach the bandit camp and ask to join. After becoming bandits, they'd tell the leader about the ball and encourage him to attack it with as many bandits as possible to get all the helpless nobles. Then the party would tip off the local guards about the impending attack, capturing all the bandits in one fell swoop. While that was happening, the party would sneak away from the bandit force, return to the camp, meet some Purple Dragons from the local bastion there, and free the prisoners.
To everyone's surprise, there was agreement on said plan. Bort is a wizard after all so his Intelligence is pretty high despite his evil nature and general abrasiveness. So the heroes set off for the bandit camp, hoping to trick the orc Croach into letting them join.
The Pirate Dragons aren't going down like that.
-On their way to the hidden bandit camp, the Pirate Dragons were set upon by a bugbear and four goblins that should have been complete pushovers if anyone in the Pirates could have rolled better than a 7! But the heroes (eventually, finally, after a loooong time) prevailed!
-Bort's murder streak continued, because hey, why not murder everyone you possibly can?
-Not to be outdone, Willers beheaded two goblins in a single turn, which gave a nearby badger a nice snack!
-The heroes of the P-Drag found the camp and introduced themselves to the orc leader whose name escapes me! Huzzah! introduced the bandits to the concept of Land PIrates, which are the most sly and dangerous pirates of all. Nobody expects to be attacked by pirates hundreds of miles from a body of water! HA HAH!
-The Orc Leader, though impressed with the number of his bandits slaughtered by Cap'n Flametoot's hardy mates in the Pirate Dragons nevertheless set the undercover heroes a task to prove themselves: find an owlbear stalking the area and kill it!
-Bort Flametoot got a couple of minions from the assembled bandits to replace Bang-Bang, offering them ten gold pieces a head if they helped kill the owlbear.
-Huzzah! started laying the groundwork for the plan, impressing Sal and Jurren with his tales of the Pirate Dragons' adventures and alluding to the big score the group plans to make when the town nobles have their ill-advised big ball in ten days!
-Willers fought an owlbear and got gored!
-Sal, the minion most likely to actually willingly join the Pirate Dragons, took a shot at the owlbear and got gored!
-Karp took several shots at the owlbear and didn't get gored!
-Egbert Rockpuncher punched the owlbear in the butt and I don't think he got gored, at least not too badly! Things were looking good, so...
-Bort cast a sleep spell that put a seriously wounded Willers and the ungored minion to sleep right at the clawed feet of the bugbear! Bort promptly cursed because "My spell didn't work", but Huzzah! didn't find his delivery particularly convincing! Is Bort deliberately trying to screw over his colleagues?
-Yes. It really sort of looks like he is.
-He certainly screwed over his only surviving minion, who, after helping kill the owlbear, got a face full of acid and generally murdered for his efforts! On the other hand, the ex-minion proved harder to kill than expected. Huzzah! washed his hands of the whole thing, went and searched the owlbear's nest, and got a snazzy new hat for his effort!
-But before he did that, he killed the owlbear with a well-placed crossbow bolt to the eye! Nobody else was getting the job done, so the gnome, as usual, stepped up and put the poor beast out of its misery.
-Returning to the bandit camp, the heroes were welcomed with open, pustule-oozing arms by the orc leader! Bort started the plan rolling again, having terminated the previous progress Huzzah! had made with the lives of the minions "unfortunately slain by the owlbear."
-While Bort distracted the orc, Edisum put his plan of making the salve that lets the bandits see their hideout unusable by dosing them with alchemist's fire into play!
-The DM had some clear doubts about whether Edisum's plan was reasonably workable! Extremely clear, almost explicit doubts! Edisum nevertheless pursued the plan with the singlemindedness of an old man yelling at kids getting off his lawn, which, if he had a lawn kids were on, is what he would probably be!
-Huzzah! discovered a tunnel leading below the orc leader's headquarters.
-Almost everybody in the Pirate Dragons was anxious to leave the village, even though minimal effort had been made to locate the prisoners that 1) if rescued by the PD, would provide the most financial benefit to the group, and 2) may not actually be in the camp, which could make rescuing them much more tricky than most of the Pirates seem to think!
The session finished with me in desperate need of a throat lozenge after two solid hours of bellowing "Arr!" at every available opportunity and explaining the joy and wonder of Land Piracy in true talking like a pirate fashion and everyone but the much-missed Bang-Bang (even Bort admitted to missing the loon) reaching third level.
NEXT TIME ON HUZZAH! & THE PIRATE DRAGONS: ORC HORDES OF THE KING'S FOREST: Can the team pull together to convince the Purple Dragon guards of Arribel to play their role in the the party's scheme?