I noticed that many people believe that couples do everything together and talk/ interact with each other 24/7.
If this were true then most relationships wouldn't last a week!
I crave alone time and my girl understands that. We call what you guys do "being alone together". We actually say, "hey do you want to be alone together? cool" and then do it. Its the best time. I think most people (and in my experience, men more so) need this kind of time to recharge their mental and emotional batteries. So if a couple understands that they would be much better off. I agree 100% @Buttercheese . If we did everthing together and talk/interact with eachother 24/7 I would never be on this forum or play Baldur's Gate! (well, I never get to play BG anyway but that's another story)
So, I have a follow up question. How many of you sleep with your partner? I am not talking about sex (Heavens no! I don't think I would really want to know that!)... I mean actual sleep. I only ask this because I have noticed (as have my cats, who rarely ever sleep with me) that I squirm and toss and turn an awful lot while trying to sleep and would likely not be a good candidate to share my bed with someone... I am pretty sure that this kind of thing is not uncommon, I am just curious about how not uncommon it is.
I do, when we are together (often apart do to school and work) but it is a struggle. I always fall asleep second so I like to cuddle up with her until she falls asleep (har har, judge me all you want jerkfaces) then roll over, do some reading/foruming, and fall asleep... but it sucks because I have like no room left for myself... or sheets... or covers. I am a horrible sleeper as it is, but this makes it impossible!
We will eventually do what my parents do. They have two separate beds but combine them into one massive sleep contraption! Its genius.
Anyway, I would like to speak about a different topic: I noticed that many people believe that couples do everything together and talk/ interact with each other 24/7. My bf and I can be in the same room the entire day doing our own things and maybe exchange like ten sentences the entire time and that's perfectly cool.
A wise person once said, that true love is when you can be silent with each other without it being awkward.
I'm the opposite. My husband and I are one of those "joined at the hip" types. We go out and do our own things as we like (girls' nights for me, walks with his best friend for him), but our natural state is just to be near each other. We've been together 20 years this year and if one of us has to go out of town, even for a day or two, we call each other every night. Not to say it should be like that for everyone! Just what works for us.
So, I have a follow up question. How many of you sleep with your partner? I am not talking about sex (Heavens no! I don't think I would really want to know that!)... I mean actual sleep. I only ask this because I have noticed (as have my cats, who rarely ever sleep with me) that I squirm and toss and turn an awful lot while trying to sleep and would likely not be a good candidate to share my bed with someone... I am pretty sure that this kind of thing is not uncommon, I am just curious about how not uncommon it is.
We sleep in the same bed but have slightly different sleep patterns, so we're not always together in bed the entire time we're sleeping (if that makes sense). We have no problem going to sleep at the same time though.
My parents have two single beds pushed together to make one big-but-separate bed, as others have mentioned, and it seems to work great for them.
If I'm sick, like if I have a cold or flu or something, I prefer to sleep alone though. So I usually would sleep on the futon.
My parents went that extra mile and have those posturepedic ones where you can adjust the angle and heat and stuff, for a truly Frankenstein contraption.
So, I have a follow up question. How many of you sleep with your partner? I am not talking about sex (Heavens no! I don't think I would really want to know that!)... I mean actual sleep. I only ask this because I have noticed (as have my cats, who rarely ever sleep with me) that I squirm and toss and turn an awful lot while trying to sleep and would likely not be a good candidate to share my bed with someone... I am pretty sure that this kind of thing is not uncommon, I am just curious about how not uncommon it is.
We sleep together once in a while. Not every night, because we both have our own rooms, but more often than we used to. (We're still living with my parents! They were irked at first when we first started sneaking around each other's bedrooms, but I think they've given up trying to convince us to wait until we're married to sleep together... No, I'm not talking about sex. :P )
When we do sleep together, we usually start out all cuddly and close, but only for a little while before we squirm and roll over into our own sleeping positions. There's not much room to share on a bed made for only one person, so it's kinda uncomfortable, but we like it. Some nights we just crave to each other's presence as we sleep. Not necessarily out of a sexual nature either, but just for the comfort. The warmth. The safety. Things like that.
Now once we get our own place and our own double-bed, we'll probably sleep together every night. Cause you know. We'll be sharing a room. ^_^;;
So, my significant other I'm not technically dating atm. Due to our choice in Universities I'm in the United States and she's in South Africa. With the long distance we decided not to date but still have plans to meet up once we graduate and then marry and such. We talk every day and we used to both play World of Warcraft hardcore. Currently we play League of Legends together which is where I got my avatar from.
I'm not dating anyone IRL and neither is she. We both tried to date other people but we just can't =/. We're both like ARRGHHH our hearts still belong to the other person despite the distance and so when we date other people it just feels wrong.
Anyway, I put my answer as boyfriend/girlfriend because though we're technically not dating we have everything planned out to start dating again (and eventually marry) when we graduate.
We also play in an online D&D 5th edition group. I'm playing a Drow Necromancer (Val'myr is his name, of course) and she an cheerful short elven arcane trickster archer girl by the name of Fae.
She was totally also the inspiration for my gnome illusionist/thief (Or bard for 3rd edition onwards) girl named Piro.
Also, if you've read some of my other posts she's also the girl that I fell in love with because she reminded me of Alora.
I have a hot, sexy wife who is a professional ballet/tap dancer...& she thinks my playing BG is not something a man does. Luckily, she still allows me to do other things a man does.
Anyway as I've already said I'm in a relatively new relationship and I have to say that I'm pretty caught by that: I can say that I'm in love, guys, and happy to say it! Even if it was hard to open my heart after my last serious experience (I have a 3yo daughter born from the relationship my previous fiancèe - not married) but hey, 2 years have passed and after some adventures and such the desire to settle down again grew in me. I'm happy and I hope the best for myself!
been together for about 4 years or so. now in the process of battling his skin cancer and parkinson's, him losing his job because of it, etc.. it's going quite well to be honest
There is a popular meme, possibly the earliest meme, that there is someone out there for everyone, and eventually, if you are destined to find them. This is a pernicious lie, as it will make you more and more miserable if you believe it, or others who believe it push it on you, as time goes by.
Not that I have not met and been good friends with women who could have been that perfect someone for me, I have met several over the years. In each case another of my friends struck up that romantic relationship first though, and I am happy to report that for every time I was truly smitten, they are still happily married a decade or two later, if anything happier than ever. The probably were the partners I was looking for, but there happened to be a better partner for them, and they found them - which is really what you want if you care for someone. Plus they are still good friends, who never learned I might have wanted something more - I just lost the time where that would have been appropriate.
As @Squire says, opportunities dwindle as you get older, and at some point I had to admit I am not going to get that mythical first date. The kind of partner I would be looking for found her other, and married 15-20 years ago. As mentioned elsewhere, if you are on looking for dates in your 40s, and still have no clue what you are doing, you are no longer seen as 'charmingly naive' but generally more than a little weird. So my dating window has passed.
The main reason I post this is that those who do manage to couple up don't realize how hard it is for those of us who don't (but want to). That trite advice of 'it will happen, just give it time' really does not hold. So if you want this to happen for you, make it a priority, go out, get comfortable, and make it happen (or not), but don't just sit there waiting for life to send you the perfect partner, or if and when it does, you will still be sat on the sidelines while someone else steals the day.
(BTW, according to Joluv's link, I live in the hottest part of the hottest city in USA for a single guy, and still can't get a date! At some point, I have to admit it is probably me that is the problem )
(and before I get too maudlin, life is generally good, I have great friends scattered around the world that I don't see anywhere near often enough, and get to be a bad uncle and spoil nieces and nephews with no responsibility - there IS more to life than finding that perfect relationship. I have also been spared all the downsides of a bad relationship.)
I have to agree with @GreenWarlock on the fact that you can't just wait for love to come for you. As in most things/activities/causes, doing nothing will change nothing.
Yet, even if people are aware of that, if you are too shy to even talk to the unknown girl you happened to like, you won't get anywhere even with the best intentions. I, for example, just have no idea how to apporach a stranger girl I find attractive. I know that I should change that, but I just don't know how. I think many people can have this problems. Some of these people are close to me.
@GreenWarlock If you're in your 40s, then you are *way* too young to have given up. I agree with you that finding a partner usually requires being proactive, and I don't see any reason not to apply that advice to your own life. Almost everyone has loved someone and then seen them end up with someone else. That's just life, not evidence that you're destined to be alone.
@O_Bruce Approaching random pretty strangers is basically a social HLA, not a prerequisite to meeting someone. It's a hard thing to do well and very few relationships start that way, so don't feel bad if you're not comfortable doing it.
More generally, y'all know about online dating, right? It's like tailor-made for some of the folks in this thread: people who are fairly comfortable talking to strangers online, have relatively specific dating criteria, and don't necessarily have huge real-life friend networks.
More generally, y'all know about online dating, right? It's like tailor-made for some of the folks in this thread: people who are fairly comfortable talking to strangers online, have relatively specific dating criteria, and don't necessarily have huge real-life friend networks.
I always felt like that was cheating... It feels wrong somehow, but I may change my mind some day...
@Macona - it is not that mid-40s is too old to date, but it is too old to be entering the game for the first time, especially after 30 years of failing to enter. At some point, you must just admit that you can't play this particular game, and find something fulfilling that works instead. Folks who already know the game, maybe have even mastered it, naturally can play much later and longer
@Tresset - online dating is far from cheating, and is actually a pretty good way to cast a wide net and improve your chances of finding someone compatible you would not otherwise meet in your daily routine. What's more, you know they are looking too, so that is a great start! If you try this, just remember to be yourself, rather than who you think a partner might be looking for, as you want any actual partner to want to be with you, not the person you are pretending to be.
And for those concerned I am giving up too easily (30 years of failure is clearly not enough!) yes, I tried the online dating route as well, and made some good platonic friends, but it really seems I am just that guy who can make a good friend, but never sparks for romance. The main point of my post is don't wait 30 years before you try to learn the art of kindling, it gets harder, not easier, as time passes.
Comments
I crave alone time and my girl understands that. We call what you guys do "being alone together". We actually say, "hey do you want to be alone together? cool" and then do it. Its the best time. I think most people (and in my experience, men more so) need this kind of time to recharge their mental and emotional batteries. So if a couple understands that they would be much better off. I agree 100% @Buttercheese . If we did everthing together and talk/interact with eachother 24/7 I would never be on this forum or play Baldur's Gate! (well, I never get to play BG anyway but that's another story)
We will eventually do what my parents do. They have two separate beds but combine them into one massive sleep contraption! Its genius.
My parents have two single beds pushed together to make one big-but-separate bed, as others have mentioned, and it seems to work great for them.
If I'm sick, like if I have a cold or flu or something, I prefer to sleep alone though. So I usually would sleep on the futon.
When we do sleep together, we usually start out all cuddly and close, but only for a little while before we squirm and roll over into our own sleeping positions. There's not much room to share on a bed made for only one person, so it's kinda uncomfortable, but we like it. Some nights we just crave to each other's presence as we sleep. Not necessarily out of a sexual nature either, but just for the comfort. The warmth. The safety. Things like that.
Now once we get our own place and our own double-bed, we'll probably sleep together every night. Cause you know. We'll be sharing a room. ^_^;;
Don't mind me though. I am more or less used to it by now...
I was single all the way through my teens though, which got pretty lonely. Games were my escape. (Edit: Also, lots of wanking)
/activate life story mode
So, my significant other I'm not technically dating atm. Due to our choice in Universities I'm in the United States and she's in South Africa. With the long distance we decided not to date but still have plans to meet up once we graduate and then marry and such. We talk every day and we used to both play World of Warcraft hardcore. Currently we play League of Legends together which is where I got my avatar from.
I'm not dating anyone IRL and neither is she. We both tried to date other people but we just can't =/. We're both like ARRGHHH our hearts still belong to the other person despite the distance and so when we date other people it just feels wrong.
Anyway, I put my answer as boyfriend/girlfriend because though we're technically not dating we have everything planned out to start dating again (and eventually marry) when we graduate.
We also play in an online D&D 5th edition group. I'm playing a Drow Necromancer (Val'myr is his name, of course) and she an cheerful short elven arcane trickster archer girl by the name of Fae.
She was totally also the inspiration for my gnome illusionist/thief (Or bard for 3rd edition onwards) girl named Piro.
Also, if you've read some of my other posts she's also the girl that I fell in love with because she reminded me of Alora.
So.... Is your husband Han Solo?
Anyway as I've already said I'm in a relatively new relationship and I have to say that I'm pretty caught by that: I can say that I'm in love, guys, and happy to say it!
Even if it was hard to open my heart after my last serious experience (I have a 3yo daughter born from the relationship my previous fiancèe - not married) but hey, 2 years have passed and after some adventures and such the desire to settle down again grew in me.
off to the conspiracy thread I go. Again.
Not that I have not met and been good friends with women who could have been that perfect someone for me, I have met several over the years. In each case another of my friends struck up that romantic relationship first though, and I am happy to report that for every time I was truly smitten, they are still happily married a decade or two later, if anything happier than ever. The probably were the partners I was looking for, but there happened to be a better partner for them, and they found them - which is really what you want if you care for someone. Plus they are still good friends, who never learned I might have wanted something more - I just lost the time where that would have been appropriate.
As @Squire says, opportunities dwindle as you get older, and at some point I had to admit I am not going to get that mythical first date. The kind of partner I would be looking for found her other, and married 15-20 years ago. As mentioned elsewhere, if you are on looking for dates in your 40s, and still have no clue what you are doing, you are no longer seen as 'charmingly naive' but generally more than a little weird. So my dating window has passed.
The main reason I post this is that those who do manage to couple up don't realize how hard it is for those of us who don't (but want to). That trite advice of 'it will happen, just give it time' really does not hold. So if you want this to happen for you, make it a priority, go out, get comfortable, and make it happen (or not), but don't just sit there waiting for life to send you the perfect partner, or if and when it does, you will still be sat on the sidelines while someone else steals the day.
(BTW, according to Joluv's link, I live in the hottest part of the hottest city in USA for a single guy, and still can't get a date! At some point, I have to admit it is probably me that is the problem
(and before I get too maudlin, life is generally good, I have great friends scattered around the world that I don't see anywhere near often enough, and get to be a bad uncle and spoil nieces and nephews with no responsibility - there IS more to life than finding that perfect relationship. I have also been spared all the downsides of a bad relationship.)
Yet, even if people are aware of that, if you are too shy to even talk to the unknown girl you happened to like, you won't get anywhere even with the best intentions. I, for example, just have no idea how to apporach a stranger girl I find attractive. I know that I should change that, but I just don't know how. I think many people can have this problems. Some of these people are close to me.
@O_Bruce Approaching random pretty strangers is basically a social HLA, not a prerequisite to meeting someone. It's a hard thing to do well and very few relationships start that way, so don't feel bad if you're not comfortable doing it.
More generally, y'all know about online dating, right? It's like tailor-made for some of the folks in this thread: people who are fairly comfortable talking to strangers online, have relatively specific dating criteria, and don't necessarily have huge real-life friend networks.
@Tresset - online dating is far from cheating, and is actually a pretty good way to cast a wide net and improve your chances of finding someone compatible you would not otherwise meet in your daily routine. What's more, you know they are looking too, so that is a great start! If you try this, just remember to be yourself, rather than who you think a partner might be looking for, as you want any actual partner to want to be with you, not the person you are pretending to be.
And for those concerned I am giving up too easily (30 years of failure is clearly not enough!) yes, I tried the online dating route as well, and made some good platonic friends, but it really seems I am just that guy who can make a good friend, but never sparks for romance. The main point of my post is don't wait 30 years before you try to learn the art of kindling, it gets harder, not easier, as time passes.