Love is an experience, both good and bad, but as every experience, it can teach you much on life, so that you can face it with much more strength, every time you're having a bad time.
Hmm. Yeah, that is what I am getting when I ask the question of "What is it like?" to people with girlfriends. The thing I may have been confused/incorrect about is that loving someone doesn't mean always enjoying them. Being as lonely as I tend to get I never thought about this...
I think there are several problems I have with getting a girlfriend (in no particular order):
1. I rarely get out of the house. I almost never meet people my age in person. 2. I am socially crippled and extremely shy. 3. I have very high standards. I believe I know what I am looking for and what will make me happy and I do not want to compromise on certain things. It doesn't help much that what I am looking for seems to be somewhat uncommon.
If you are curious; what I am looking for (also in no particular order):
1. Someone not afraid to get really dirty and join me in my adventures in nature (walking through ecosystems of all kinds looking for animals; including ponds, swamps, lakes, and the like). Must like animals. 2. Someone who shares my religious, political, and philosophical beliefs. 3. I would prefer a tomboy who has little interest in makeup, piercings, and all that garbage. 4. They have to be able to put up with me. (Easier said than done, believe me.)
I picked the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' option only because my relationship is still young (a few months, though we've known each other a longer time). The 'committed' option applies as well though, because that's what she and I are. There's a deep and wonderful connection between the two of us and we're both aware of how special it is. I feel truly blessed.
Please, tell us that you play D&D with your husband!
Of course. We actually met in university playing White Wolf. He had a girlfriend then so we were just friends at first. Then later they broke up and we started dating. Got married 5 years later so we've been together 20 years this November, which is crazy to think about. We still game every week!
I wish I actually had the confidence to talk to girls, then again if I did my hand would probably become very jealous.
Talking to girls is easy, I do it all the time. They're just people, and they respond to the same stimuli that guys do. Okay, they may not share all of our interests, but if you just chat normally about stuff in the current context to where you happen to be, most of the time they'll respond in kind. As Lister once said in Red Dwarf: they're not an alien species that has to be conquered with trickery, they're people.
@Tresset I just want to give a brief defense of being open to a little bit of compromise. First, few people really know what will matter to them in a relationship until they've had some relationship experience. Some things they expect to be a big deal end up seeming pretty trivial, and vice versa.
Second, even in a great relationship, you won't be together 24-7. Imagine a couple of scenarios:
1. You game together for a few hours, then she stays home reading while you do a swamp walk because that's not really her thing.
2. You go on a hike together all afternoon, then she gets dressed up and goes to dinner with her girlfriends while you stay in and hang out with us on the forum.
To me, both of those sound like nice days. It's important to have activities you can both enjoy, but it's also important to have your own hobbies. And if you think one of her interests is pointless, but it's not hurting anyone, then it's often easy to simply not participate.
1. You game together for a few hours, then she stays home reading while you do a swamp walk because that's not really her thing.
Aww. But that would be the best part! I have always wanted a partner for my adventures! C'mon! Girls like cute animals right? Is it such a thing to ask that they take that like of animals to the next level? I mean, I can understand a bit of compromise is essential to any relationship, but what does it matter if I am still alone and have no one to share the absolute biggest part of my life with?! I would give up BG in an instant if I could find a girl who enjoyed doing that stuff with me! (That should let you know how serious about this I am.)
Second, even in a great relationship, you won't be together 24-7.
This is especially true as you get older. When I was dating my boyfriend in high school, we spent almost every moment of every day together. We held hands in the hallways. We walked home and hung out at each other's houses for hours on end. When we couldn't see one another, we chatted in a private online room or played an online game together.
Now, six years of committed relationship later, we struggle to find that same amount of time together. We both work different jobs at different times. He goes to fighting tournaments, I go to a writer's group. Sometimes I need private time to write for hours on end; he needs that same time for himself to practice gaming. Our interests have drifted further apart, and while we still like a lot of the same things, it's gotten harder to share them with each other.
That doesn't mean that I love him any less, or vice-versa. In fact, as we've grown so comfortable with each other, there's a deep level of trust and loyalty there that allows us to pursue different things while still supporting the other. And you really come to appreciate the time you do get to spend together, doing whatever it is you both like to do.
IMO, the person you eventually fall in love with is usually a million miles away from the hypothetical 'perfect boyfriend/girlfriend' you would dream up in your head.
This is a good thing, because otherwise you're just falling for a reflection and not a real person who can challenge and surprise you.
Reminds me of a quote from The Sandman, "Getting what you want and being happy are two quite different things."
Should I just get used to being alone in the wild? Just thinking about that makes me feel empty inside...
I would hope that she would at least be present to support me... even if she does stay on the path... otherwise I would doubt her sincerity...
Steve Irwin was able to find such a partner! Why is it such a bad thing that I want someone like that? He was happy, why can I not be equally happy with such a thing. You guys may not believe me, but I DO actually know what I want and what makes me happy.
@iKrivetko I rarely meet people my age while on said adventures. I practically never meet any people at all (boy/girl old/young) who are at the park/lake for the same reason I am. Most of them just want to tell me that I am a bad person for doing what I do (100% true, that)... It has made me extremely distrusting of anyone who talks to me while I am adventuring.
@joluv I catch animals, such as turtles, and let them go shortly afterwords. Shocking that so many people will assault you and threaten you with police over such a small thing...
I appreciate your perspective, @Son_of_Imoen . I get similar reactions when I tell people I'm not having children, and it's so frustrating.
My wife and I went through that a lot too, although not as much lately. Our biological window on that venture is closing fast.
We always tell them we have 8 kids...5 dogs and 3 cats. Some people really take that badly too, a fact I will never understand. Furrkids are people too! Or not I guess, but to us they matter just as much
It's been almost a year since I got with my girlfriend who lives in Pennsylvania, me in Indiana (Ohio when I met her, but oh well.) I've spent months with her but due to lack of money I haven't moved in yet, but will be in June Hopefully everything works out;.
I think the real surprise for me here is that @Metalloman and @Aedan appear to know each other IRL... I had no idea.
We worked in the same translation team. Since Milan (the city where I live) and Lodi (the city where he lives) are not far, I invited him for dinner several times. We also met @Davide, another member of our translation team
Yep, I took advantage of a travel in their region. @Aedan was so kind to organise a lunch at home, he cooked for us. In any case, even if he hadn't, I would have gone uninvited.
The funny thing is that I only have a rudimentary desire for intimacy. What I really want is someone to share my life and adventures with. Someone who I can enjoy and who can enjoy me. I find it extremely odd that I have such a strong desire for a girlfriend since my autistic condition usually makes me care very little for social life. Also I have never experienced a girlfriend before so I wonder if part of this desire is just a case of supposedly greener grass on the other side, so to speak.
sound like me actually, except I would probably have less desire for intamacy. i have zero desire for any kind of sexual relationship, zero desire to be a father, yet what I really want still is someone who would share our journey through life with me. too bad finding somebody who matches that feels pretty next to none maybe I'll get lucky one day...
as for the poll, I just chose single and not looking, because I have doubts I'll really find this type of person
also, thank you @Son_of_Imoen for making that post for me. i've heard it enough times and it's really annoying to think that I am not happy because I am not with anybody. i am perfectly happy being single, and if I met that special someone I will still be happy without kids as @amber_scott is.
Comments
I think there are several problems I have with getting a girlfriend (in no particular order):
1. I rarely get out of the house. I almost never meet people my age in person.
2. I am socially crippled and extremely shy.
3. I have very high standards. I believe I know what I am looking for and what will make me happy and I do not want to compromise on certain things. It doesn't help much that what I am looking for seems to be somewhat uncommon.
If you are curious; what I am looking for (also in no particular order):
1. Someone not afraid to get really dirty and join me in my adventures in nature (walking through ecosystems of all kinds looking for animals; including ponds, swamps, lakes, and the like). Must like animals.
2. Someone who shares my religious, political, and philosophical beliefs.
3. I would prefer a tomboy who has little interest in makeup, piercings, and all that garbage.
4. They have to be able to put up with me. (Easier said than done, believe me.)
Second, even in a great relationship, you won't be together 24-7. Imagine a couple of scenarios:
1. You game together for a few hours, then she stays home reading while you do a swamp walk because that's not really her thing.
2. You go on a hike together all afternoon, then she gets dressed up and goes to dinner with her girlfriends while you stay in and hang out with us on the forum.
To me, both of those sound like nice days. It's important to have activities you can both enjoy, but it's also important to have your own hobbies. And if you think one of her interests is pointless, but it's not hurting anyone, then it's often easy to simply not participate.
Now, six years of committed relationship later, we struggle to find that same amount of time together. We both work different jobs at different times. He goes to fighting tournaments, I go to a writer's group. Sometimes I need private time to write for hours on end; he needs that same time for himself to practice gaming. Our interests have drifted further apart, and while we still like a lot of the same things, it's gotten harder to share them with each other.
That doesn't mean that I love him any less, or vice-versa. In fact, as we've grown so comfortable with each other, there's a deep level of trust and loyalty there that allows us to pursue different things while still supporting the other. And you really come to appreciate the time you do get to spend together, doing whatever it is you both like to do.
This is a good thing, because otherwise you're just falling for a reflection and not a real person who can challenge and surprise you.
Reminds me of a quote from The Sandman, "Getting what you want and being happy are two quite different things."
>join me in my adventures in nature
I would hope that she would at least be present to support me... even if she does stay on the path... otherwise I would doubt her sincerity...
Steve Irwin was able to find such a partner! Why is it such a bad thing that I want someone like that? He was happy, why can I not be equally happy with such a thing. You guys may not believe me, but I DO actually know what I want and what makes me happy.
We always tell them we have 8 kids...5 dogs and 3 cats. Some people really take that badly too, a fact I will never understand. Furrkids are people too! Or not I guess, but to us they matter just as much
In any case, even if he hadn't, I would have gone uninvited.
as for the poll, I just chose single and not looking, because I have doubts I'll really find this type of person
also, thank you @Son_of_Imoen for making that post for me. i've heard it enough times and it's really annoying to think that I am not happy because I am not with anybody. i am perfectly happy being single, and if I met that special someone I will still be happy without kids as @amber_scott is.