Hmm. Interesting thread. I haven't been in a relationship yet, but to be fair I'm still 16, and I'm not pushing it. The right person will come, or she won't. And that's that. I'm not about to settle for a wrong person, or even an almost right person, because the right person hasn't come. Especially at this age.
Some of my friends are in relationships, some are not. It's high school. One of my friends is in a relatively new relationship and they are both very happy. Some of my friends are, frankly, desperate losers who will f*ck anything that so much as pretends to like them for a moment just for the sake of imagined social status of personal victory.
Want some advice for a happy relationship? Choose a partner with sleeping habits different from your own.
I can second that. My boyfriend and I have been living together for like, I don't know, three years now? Because of his work, his sleeping and working schedule changes pretty much every week and I, Bhaal help me, just miserably fail at developing a long-term sleeping rhythm :I
It's just nice knowing that if you need a hug or want to talk to someone, you know that there will always be someone in the next room you can count on
And it definitely helps to have some alone-time when you need it. It also helps to share some but not all hobbies and interests. For example, we are both into video games, metal and Game of Thrones. But I like roleplaying, which he doesn't like, and he makes music, for which I just lack the talent. So I regularly go play DnD with my friends and he goes practice with his band but when we both get home, we sit down and watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones together and talk about our day.
It also helps, that we are personality wise almost polar opposites, safe for the sense of humor. I am outgoing, he is shy, I am impulsive, he is responsible-minded, and so on and so forth. We are just the perfect tag team
As for the poll, we are not married but we basically function like a married couple. In June we'll be a couple for five years Regarding marriage, we are both neither traditional nor religious, which is why we decided to get married when we want to have children aka have a family together. Also because usually people assume that there is a baby on it's way, when a long term couple gets finally married :I
Also because usually people assume that there is a baby on it's way, when a long term couple gets finally married :I
I... Hadn't thought of that. o_o;;
Well, poop, I've been with my sweetie for six years now, since high school! Does that mean when we finally get married, everyone will think I'm pregnant??
Well, of course I don't know your friends and family, but I know how everyone (and I must admit, myself included) reacted when my brother and his at this point ~7 year long girlfriend finally got married.
I haven't been in a relationship yet, but to be fair I'm still 16, and I'm not pushing it. The right person will come, or she won't. And that's that. I'm not about to settle for a wrong person, or even an almost right person, because the right person hasn't come. Especially at this age.
OK, but "settling for the wrong person" is marrying someone you don't love. It's a bad idea. Going to the movies with someone you're not sure about yet is a different thing and a much better idea.
Some of my friends are, frankly, desperate losers who will f*ck anything that so much as pretends to like them for a moment just for the sake of imagined social status of personal victory.
I don't want to sound too cheesy 'n all, but love happens when it happens.
Most people don't know what they actually want until they got it. When you meet someone who strikes your interest, try to get in contact with them, maybe they are "it" or not. Most of the time you won't even know if they are "it" and that's ok.
It's not about what could or could not be, but about what is right now. Just make sure you are always honest to your partner and most importantly to yourself. Communication is key. And if a relationship doesn't work out, that's perfectly cool, because at least you tried and through it you learned more about what you want and who you are.
Just don't sit around and overthink it too much, go out and meet people instead
On a serious note, I picked option 3. Though option 4 also fits. I have 0 need for social interaction and can easily go days (or even weeks or months, though that's technically hard to accomplish) without speaking to another individual, without it bothering me one tiny bit. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy others' company though, I just get by fine without it.
Just a quick one for those who say they are happy single: it's fine to be that way, and I'm honestly not judging anybody. That's the last thing I want to do. If it's what you really want, then it's your life, hence your choice. Nobody else has the right to tell you how to live it, because only you know what makes you happy. All I will say, however, is: be careful when expressing such desires.
When you're in your early twenties, it's easy. There are lots of single people around, and there's a reasonable chance that anybody whom you meet is single. If they're not, no big deal. It wasn't meant to be, and you'll meet someone equally nice soon enough who is also likely single.
When you get to late twenties, however, it all changes. Most people are looking to settle by then, and meeting girls who are actually single becomes less and less likely as you get older (same goes for meeting guys except not so much I think). Before you know it, you'll not be able to find somebody because everybody you meet will already be in a relationship, and the word "boyfriend" (or "girlfriend", as the case may be) will become your most dreaded word (second only to the word "unsuccessful" when applying for thousands of jobs). Trust me, I speak from experience.
So, while it's perfectly fine to be happy without a partner, just be sure that it really is what you want, because you might not be able to change your mind in the future.
@Squire In some ways, getting older makes it easier for heterosexual men to find partners. Some cool maps that illustrate this: http://jonathansoma.com/singles/
But I agree that a first-time dater in his late twenties is going to have an uphill battle. You're right that the number of single women your age decreases, even if the "demand" is shrinking faster than the "supply." Plus there's a lot more pressure, and people are less patient with rookie-level mistakes.
I haven't been in a relationship yet, but to be fair I'm still 16, and I'm not pushing it. The right person will come, or she won't. And that's that. I'm not about to settle for a wrong person, or even an almost right person, because the right person hasn't come. Especially at this age.
OK, but "settling for the wrong person" is marrying someone you don't love. It's a bad idea. Going to the movies with someone you're not sure about yet is a different thing and a much better idea.
I wasn't really saying it was a bad idea. But I don't exactly have a universally amicable personality, so the selection of women both interested in me and me interested is probably a relatively small pool. I'm just saying I'm willing to be patient. Even in high school I've seen people get "desperate"(something I don't really understand) and get into some ugly places.
But I agree that a first-time dater in his late twenties is going to have an uphill battle. You're right that the number of single women your age decreases, even if the "demand" is shrinking faster than the "supply." Plus there's a lot more pressure, and people are less patient with rookie-level mistakes.
Great, that certainly helps my situation... /sarcasm
*shrug* I guess you could get around that some by dating younger women.
Wouldn't really mind that. For my dating age range I would prefer +/- 5 years from my age, but would be willing to go with up to maybe +/- 8-10 years. (Well ok, my age -10 would not be legal, but this is a rough estimate anyway...)
I don't want to sound too cheesy 'n all, but love happens when it happens.
Most people don't know what they actually want until they got it. When you meet someone who strikes your interest, try to get in contact with them, maybe they are "it" or not. Most of the time you won't even know if they are "it" and that's ok.
It's not about what could or could not be, but about what is right now. Just make sure you are always honest to your partner and most importantly to yourself. Communication is key. And if a relationship doesn't work out, that's perfectly cool, because at least you tried and through it you learned more about what you want and who you are.
Just don't sit around and overthink it too much, go out and meet people instead
Agreed, @Buttercheese, I met my husband at a time I really didn't want to be involved with anyone. I wasted a lot of energy on someone who, ultimately, wasn't worth my time so I just wanted to be on my own for a bit & have some fun. Also he was older again the the previous relationship & I was pretty sure I didn't want that. Within 3 months I'd gone from never wanting to get married to being engaged, it took us another six years to get married because we weren't in a huge rush, it was always just something we'd do & we've been through some tough times but ultimately it's as simple as him still making me smile when I think about him & not being able to imagine the world without him in it.
EDIT: (cost I just can't post without editing) also, relationship top tip, anyone willing to accept you with all your flaws, foibles, weird little habits, & crazy obsessions is worth keeping around, especially if they have a dumb, warped & wry sense of humour too.
Yeah, I didn't originally intend to have a long term relationship with my partner either. I met him through a friend from work, who had invited me to a get together with her friends at a local pub. He was super shy and I don't think we exchanged any more words except for hello and bye on that evening and he also had a girlfriend back then.
Time went by, we became friends, he broke up with his partner and since we where both single and lonely, I decided to make the first move. We had an open thing going on for a while until we actually fell in love with each other and now we are inseparable
And hey, without going tmi, we too had our problems and even almost broke up almost some time ago. But I truly believe that this only worked out so far, because we always tell each other how we feel and what we want/ fear.
Anyway, I would like to speak about a different topic: I noticed that many people believe that couples do everything together and talk/ interact with each other 24/7. My bf and I can be in the same room the entire day doing our own things and maybe exchange like ten sentences the entire time and that's perfectly cool.
A wise person once said, that true love is when you can be silent with each other without it being awkward.
I met my boyfriend when I was 18 years old, back in 2006.
We broke up in 2007, went back together in 2008, then broke up again.
In 2012 , one day before going backapacking for a month in Europe, he asked me out and said that he missed me. I kissed him and said "so do I, but it happens that I'll be back in 30 days".
He waited, and I brought him a french hat, we've been together since then.
*shrug* I guess you could get around that some by dating younger women.
Wouldn't really mind that. For my dating age range I would prefer +/- 5 years from my age, but would be willing to go with up to maybe +/- 8-10 years. (Well ok, my age -10 would not be legal, but this is a rough estimate anyway...)
Apparently the acceptable lower age limit for guys is half your own age, plus 7 - at least in the UK. I've heard that on mainland Europe, the acceptable age range is much wider.
So, I have a follow up question. How many of you sleep with your partner? I am not talking about sex (Heavens no! I don't think I would really want to know that!)... I mean actual sleep. I only ask this because I have noticed (as have my cats, who rarely ever sleep with me) that I squirm and toss and turn an awful lot while trying to sleep and would likely not be a good candidate to share my bed with someone... I am pretty sure that this kind of thing is not uncommon, I am just curious about how not uncommon it is.
@Tresset We do not sleep together. My boyfriend snores so loud that the walls tremble, while I squirm as there is no tomorrow. Since we woke up every day so tired, we decided to sleep in different rooms. It was the best thing we could do. Now our sleep is good
As I mentioned, my wife and I have somewhat different sleeping hours, but there are still some hours left for us to share one bed. And the cat has asserted the right to join us there as well. Regarding the tossing and turning, this would be a problem if we would share one blanket, but we have both our own blankets. Well, except the cat ...
In theory, I sleep always in the same bed as my bf, but we don't always sleep at the same time and more than often one of us falls asleep on the couch while watching TV.
Comments
Some of my friends are in relationships, some are not. It's high school. One of my friends is in a relatively new relationship and they are both very happy. Some of my friends are, frankly, desperate losers who will f*ck anything that so much as pretends to like them for a moment just for the sake of imagined social status of personal victory.
Ya'know. High school.
It's just nice knowing that if you need a hug or want to talk to someone, you know that there will always be someone in the next room you can count on
And it definitely helps to have some alone-time when you need it. It also helps to share some but not all hobbies and interests. For example, we are both into video games, metal and Game of Thrones. But I like roleplaying, which he doesn't like, and he makes music, for which I just lack the talent.
So I regularly go play DnD with my friends and he goes practice with his band but when we both get home, we sit down and watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones together and talk about our day.
It also helps, that we are personality wise almost polar opposites, safe for the sense of humor. I am outgoing, he is shy, I am impulsive, he is responsible-minded, and so on and so forth. We are just the perfect tag team
As for the poll, we are not married but we basically function like a married couple. In June we'll be a couple for five years
Well, poop, I've been with my sweetie for six years now, since high school! Does that mean when we finally get married, everyone will think I'm pregnant??
WHY HAVE I NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS UNTIL NOW!?
So yeah ... draw your own conclusions
Most people don't know what they actually want until they got it. When you meet someone who strikes your interest, try to get in contact with them, maybe they are "it" or not. Most of the time you won't even know if they are "it" and that's ok.
It's not about what could or could not be, but about what is right now.
Just make sure you are always honest to your partner and most importantly to yourself. Communication is key. And if a relationship doesn't work out, that's perfectly cool, because at least you tried and through it you learned more about what you want and who you are.
Just don't sit around and overthink it too much, go out and meet people instead
On a serious note, I picked option 3. Though option 4 also fits. I have 0 need for social interaction and can easily go days (or even weeks or months, though that's technically hard to accomplish) without speaking to another individual, without it bothering me one tiny bit. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy others' company though, I just get by fine without it.
When you're in your early twenties, it's easy. There are lots of single people around, and there's a reasonable chance that anybody whom you meet is single. If they're not, no big deal. It wasn't meant to be, and you'll meet someone equally nice soon enough who is also likely single.
When you get to late twenties, however, it all changes. Most people are looking to settle by then, and meeting girls who are actually single becomes less and less likely as you get older (same goes for meeting guys except not so much I think). Before you know it, you'll not be able to find somebody because everybody you meet will already be in a relationship, and the word "boyfriend" (or "girlfriend", as the case may be) will become your most dreaded word (second only to the word "unsuccessful" when applying for thousands of jobs). Trust me, I speak from experience.
So, while it's perfectly fine to be happy without a partner, just be sure that it really is what you want, because you might not be able to change your mind in the future.
But I agree that a first-time dater in his late twenties is going to have an uphill battle. You're right that the number of single women your age decreases, even if the "demand" is shrinking faster than the "supply." Plus there's a lot more pressure, and people are less patient with rookie-level mistakes.
EDIT: (cost I just can't post without editing) also, relationship top tip, anyone willing to accept you with all your flaws, foibles, weird little habits, & crazy obsessions is worth keeping around, especially if they have a dumb, warped & wry sense of humour too.
I met him through a friend from work, who had invited me to a get together with her friends at a local pub.
He was super shy and I don't think we exchanged any more words except for hello and bye on that evening and he also had a girlfriend back then.
Time went by, we became friends, he broke up with his partner and since we where both single and lonely, I decided to make the first move. We had an open thing going on for a while until we actually fell in love with each other and now we are inseparable
And hey, without going tmi, we too had our problems and even almost broke up almost some time ago. But I truly believe that this only worked out so far, because we always tell each other how we feel and what we want/ fear.
Anyway, I would like to speak about a different topic:
I noticed that many people believe that couples do everything together and talk/ interact with each other 24/7. My bf and I can be in the same room the entire day doing our own things and maybe exchange like ten sentences the entire time and that's perfectly cool.
A wise person once said, that true love is when you can be silent with each other without it being awkward.
We broke up in 2007, went back together in 2008, then broke up again.
In 2012 , one day before going backapacking for a month in Europe, he asked me out and said that he missed me. I kissed him and said "so do I, but it happens that I'll be back in 30 days".
He waited, and I brought him a french hat, we've been together since then.
We do not sleep together. My boyfriend snores so loud that the walls tremble, while I squirm as there is no tomorrow. Since we woke up every day so tired, we decided to sleep in different rooms.
It was the best thing we could do. Now our sleep is good