If I ever have kids, I will be imposing a strict military discipline.
"Prepare to move out. Gear: play gear for rain. Time: five minutes. Begin!"
It SOUNDS like it might work, but I find when kids are out of eyesight or out of the house, it all goes to pot. (or makes them MORE rebellious o/s the home(sure did with me).
My dad always tells the story of how when I was about 4 or 5, he had always told us not to cross the road. Now them thar days were the days of the ping pong paddle discipline.
Well, he found us on the other side one day and says "I told you boys never to cross that hwy!" Our response:" But daddy, we crawled under the hwy in that pipe, we didn't cross it".
One of the coupla times we escaped a paddling during those early years.
Well, one other one. We had a hosery mill nearby that was just RIPE for exploring and mischief. So, at about that same age we put mud n gravel in the gas tanks of several big trucks at the mill (totally ruinated them). We heard pop was comin home after a call from the owner, ragin mad when he found out so we put on bout 14 or so pairs of underwear to prep.
Got out of it when granddaddy saved our butts by tellin him "Don't be too hard on em now, they got my tractor and both my lawnmowers this mornin." He was just an EXTREMELY calm and understanding person, whewww, cause I don't know ifin 14pair woulda been enough for that one.
Not sure how pops kept it all completely sane with the daring duo runnin amuck on the farm. Maybe cause he tells stories of being a hellraiser at times himself.
@anduin Bank accts, most certainly. As to the infancy of children, them sleeping the whole night through felt like winning the lotto at times. Same goes for toilet training, that's the next jackpot winning feeling.
But yeah, they do grow up fast, esp when looking back at it later, esp, when they start hitting the teenage years and the dynamic of parental importance (to the child) seems to change somewhat (sometimes good, sometimes bad).
Whenever I hear Harry Chapin's song Cat's in the Cradle I ALWAYS reflect on my relationship my my kids, and often with my own dad as well throughout my life. If there was another part of the song I always felt it would add the relationship of middle aged adult 'child' with their aging parents.
The song gave me different reactions pre/post children, and my reactions to it continue to evolve and change the older I, my kids, and my dad gets. Both sad and happy at the same time because I can identify closely with the stages in the lives of the ppl in the song. One of the songs that I often have both the most emotional and thought provoking responses to. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSwL9deXNW8
Guess what... contrary to what movies want you to believe, your baby is unable to talk. In this chapter I'll cover how to develop your telepathy so that you can know why your baby starts crying at 3AM... Failing that I'll guide you through a life saving check list of what may possibly be wrong.
My younger child can communicate with single words and sign language. She also does the "I'm a one year old and I don't need to understand your yappity yap-yap back" shrug.
...
The beginnings of a cruel world crushing tyrant right there!
Forget it. Your children are orders of magnitude more insane than you are. Need a place to sit... the oven's door seems nice and hot... Need a drink.. The glowing blue liquid in the kitchen seems quite refreshing. In this chapter I analyze how insane children are and how their insanity creates a feedback loop in you own insanity elevating it quickly... Also I remind the reader not to skip the chapter about dealing with a heart attack...
Forget it. Your children are orders of magnitude more insane than you are. Need a place to sit... the oven's door seems nice and hot... Need a drink.. The glowing blue liquid in the kitchen seems quite refreshing. In this chapter I analyze how insane children are and how their insanity creates a feedback loop in you own insanity elevating it quickly... Also I remind the reader not to skip the chapter about dealing with a heart attack...
Chapter 6 Kids diseases made easy or how not to become a hypochondriac...
In this chapter we discuss how not to become a hypochondriac regarding your kid's diseases. Learn how to differentiate a simple cold from a life threatening disease and many other useful tips
Chapter 6 Kids diseases made easy or how not to become a hypochondriac...
In this chapter we discuss how not to become a hypochondriac regarding your kid's diseases. Learn how to differentiate a simple cold from a life threatening disease and many other useful tips
You know ya GOTTA do a bit in that about how ifin your kids get sick, guess what? YOUR gonna get sick some to. Benefits and hazards of communal daycare I think as well. Lawd.
You'll share many things with your kids. Tender moments, happiness, love, etc. But the main sharing your kid's will be doing with you is their diseases. Be prepared to share and enjoy everything from the common cold to chickenpox. This chapter will include a special entry explaining how health care works in every country the book is published.
Hmm. A Sticker I´d plant on the book´s cover would have big words reading ... ( OR DON´T - USE PROPHYLATICS ).
Chapter 4 : Kids into Kindergarten (self-explanatory) ...
Chapter 5 : Kids into School (mandatory)
...
after these two periods begins the hard part, the real challenge mode. And that I´d put as a sticker on the back of the book, reading... ( IF ALL ELSE FAILS, GO TO A SHRINK - WITH YOUR KIDS)
PST: Since dt Cat´d Cradle sounded like a daddy song, here´s a momma song:
You'll share many things with your kids. Tender moments, happiness, love, etc. But the main sharing your kid's will be doing with you is their diseases. Be prepared to share and enjoy everything from the common cold to chickenpox. This chapter will include a special entry explaining how health care works in every country the book is published.
Can you explain the Republican version of Obamacare? I'm kinda lost...
You'll share many things with your kids. Tender moments, happiness, love, etc. But the main sharing your kid's will be doing with you is their diseases. Be prepared to share and enjoy everything from the common cold to chickenpox. This chapter will include a special entry explaining how health care works in every country the book is published.
Can you explain the Republican version of Obamacare? I'm kinda lost...
You'll share many things with your kids. Tender moments, happiness, love, etc. But the main sharing your kid's will be doing with you is their diseases. Be prepared to share and enjoy everything from the common cold to chickenpox. This chapter will include a special entry explaining how health care works in every country the book is published.
Can you explain the Republican version of Obamacare? I'm kinda lost...
Can we please add a chapter 6b - Babies bounce and what to do if they don't.
A chapter discussing how you have tried to make everything safe, only for a small child to practise base jumping from the edge of the bed, and how to explain this to a concerned nurse.
Can we please add a chapter 6b - Babies bounce and what to do if they don't.
A chapter discussing how you have tried to make everything safe, only for a small child to practise base jumping from the edge of the bed, and how to explain this to a concerned nurse.
Can we please add a chapter 6b - Babies bounce and what to do if they don't.
A chapter discussing how you have tried to make everything safe, only for a small child to practise base jumping from the edge of the bed, and how to explain this to a concerned nurse.
That's how I got one of my very few scars. Right off the sofa and into the glass coffee table.
Can we please add a chapter 6b - Babies bounce and what to do if they don't.
A chapter discussing how you have tried to make everything safe, only for a small child to practise base jumping from the edge of the bed, and how to explain this to a concerned nurse.
That's how I got one of my very few scars. Right off the sofa and into the glass coffee table.
I still remember how when I was about 6 or 7, watching too many cartoons where they use umbrellas to slow their descent from a jump. Well, I'm still here to tell ya it don't work to well when taking a running jump off a high roof house.
Can we please add a chapter 6b - Babies bounce and what to do if they don't.
A chapter discussing how you have tried to make everything safe, only for a small child to practise base jumping from the edge of the bed, and how to explain this to a concerned nurse.
I'm hearin on FM there, my boy jumped out the shopping cart once into the banana bin at the grocery store once, lil cuss, full gainer with a half twist I think Amazing the damage those lil heads can take sometimes though.
You'll share many things with your kids. Tender moments, happiness, love, etc. But the main sharing your kid's will be doing with you is their diseases. Be prepared to share and enjoy everything from the common cold to chickenpox. This chapter will include a special entry explaining how health care works in every country the book is published.
Can you explain the Republican version of Obamacare? I'm kinda lost...
Sure... care if I explain it in ancient Martian?
I'm still waiting for the discernible English version, of BOTH
You'll share many things with your kids. Tender moments, happiness, love, etc. But the main sharing your kid's will be doing with you is their diseases. Be prepared to share and enjoy everything from the common cold to chickenpox. This chapter will include a special entry explaining how health care works in every country the book is published.
Can you explain the Republican version of Obamacare? I'm kinda lost...
Sure... care if I explain it in ancient Martian?
I'm still waiting for the discernible English version, of BOTH
Sorry, the Prime Directive won't allow me to discuss science, religion or politics in any language understandable by the native species.
You know I've been reading my chapter list for the volumes 1 and 2 of the books and I believe I have forgotten a very important chapter... Maybe I should place it between the current chapters 1 and 2...
Chapter 1.5 The joys of having children. Or being clean is overrated.
In this chapter we will review some of the joys of having children. The thrill and surprises of opening a diaper and discovering what expects you. The thrilling adventure of being barfed or showered by any other of your kids body fluids, sometimes not so fluid, let me say, when you have no spare clothes and is miles always from the nearest bathroom/clothes store. You'll discover that being clean is completely unnecessary.
There should also be a section about physics, specifically about time continuum.
When you have children and you're trying to get ready to get out of the house on a fixed schedule (for work, to meet friends, family, etc.), time flies by a 1.5 ratio faster than normal. Thus :
- If you think you're early, you'll be on time. - If you think you're on time, you'll be late. - If you think you're late, better luck next time !
Chapter 5 Keeping schedule with kids - Time relativity made easy THIS chapter will start a little like Chapter 1 one with the giving up section. You'll never be on time with anything that involve your kids. You'll either be early or late, but never on time. Then we will explore time relativity with kids or how "we have 2 hours to get there" becomes "we should be there 15 minutes ago". A deep scientific chapter this one.
Comments
"Prepare to move out. Gear: play gear for rain. Time: five minutes. Begin!"
(or makes them MORE rebellious o/s the home(sure did with me).
My dad always tells the story of how when I was about 4 or 5, he had always told us not to cross the road. Now them thar days were the days of the ping pong paddle discipline.
Well, he found us on the other side one day and says "I told you boys never to cross that hwy!"
Our response:" But daddy, we crawled under the hwy in that pipe, we didn't cross it".
One of the coupla times we escaped a paddling during those early years.
Well, one other one. We had a hosery mill nearby that was just RIPE for exploring and mischief. So, at about that same age we put mud n gravel in the gas tanks of several big trucks at the mill (totally ruinated them). We heard pop was comin home after a call from the owner, ragin mad when he found out so we put on bout 14 or so pairs of underwear to prep.
Got out of it when granddaddy saved our butts by tellin him "Don't be too hard on em now, they got my tractor and both my lawnmowers this mornin."
He was just an EXTREMELY calm and understanding person, whewww, cause I don't know ifin 14pair woulda been enough for that one.
Not sure how pops kept it all completely sane with the daring duo runnin amuck on the farm. Maybe cause he tells stories of being a hellraiser at times himself.
The biggest difference however is that insanity is free while children can empty bank accounts long into adulthood...
But yeah, they do grow up fast, esp when looking back at it later, esp, when they start hitting the teenage years and the dynamic of parental importance (to the child) seems to change somewhat (sometimes good, sometimes bad).
The song gave me different reactions pre/post children, and my reactions to it continue to evolve and change the older I, my kids, and my dad gets.
Both sad and happy at the same time because I can identify closely with the stages in the lives of the ppl in the song.
One of the songs that I often have both the most emotional and thought provoking responses to.
Developing your telepathy.
Guess what... contrary to what movies want you to believe, your baby is unable to talk. In this chapter I'll cover how to develop your telepathy so that you can know why your baby starts crying at 3AM... Failing that I'll guide you through a life saving check list of what may possibly be wrong.
...
The beginnings of a cruel world crushing tyrant right there!
Forget it. Your children are orders of magnitude more insane than you are. Need a place to sit... the oven's door seems nice and hot... Need a drink.. The glowing blue liquid in the kitchen seems quite refreshing. In this chapter I analyze how insane children are and how their insanity creates a feedback loop in you own insanity elevating it quickly... Also I remind the reader not to skip the chapter about dealing with a heart attack...
Thank to @Zaghoul for suggesting this chapter
3 yr old son "a fight."
In this chapter we discuss how not to become a hypochondriac regarding your kid's diseases. Learn how to differentiate a simple cold from a life threatening disease and many other useful tips
Benefits and hazards of communal daycare I think as well. Lawd.
You'll share many things with your kids. Tender moments, happiness, love, etc. But the main sharing your kid's will be doing with you is their diseases. Be prepared to share and enjoy everything from the common cold to chickenpox. This chapter will include a special entry explaining how health care works in every country the book is published.
Oh, wait, did you want to write the book and NOT get arrested? Hm, tricky, that.
( OR DON´T - USE PROPHYLATICS ).
Chapter 4 : Kids into Kindergarten (self-explanatory)
...
Chapter 5 : Kids into School (mandatory)
...
after these two periods begins the hard part, the real challenge mode.
And that I´d put as a sticker on the back of the book, reading...
( IF ALL ELSE FAILS, GO TO A SHRINK - WITH YOUR KIDS)
PST: Since dt Cat´d Cradle sounded like a daddy song, here´s a momma song:
https://youtu.be/T-gqMpZroy8?list=PLWcdQjWcYwSefFeAYsTZ20pihxCEENPSA
A chapter discussing how you have tried to make everything safe, only for a small child to practise base jumping from the edge of the bed, and how to explain this to a concerned nurse.
Chapter 1.5 The joys of having children. Or being clean is overrated.
In this chapter we will review some of the joys of having children. The thrill and surprises of opening a diaper and discovering what expects you. The thrilling adventure of being barfed or showered by any other of your kids body fluids, sometimes not so fluid, let me say, when you have no spare clothes and is miles always from the nearest bathroom/clothes store. You'll discover that being clean is completely unnecessary.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'd want an order of fries as well.
When you have children and you're trying to get ready to get out of the house on a fixed schedule (for work, to meet friends, family, etc.), time flies by a 1.5 ratio faster than normal. Thus :
- If you think you're early, you'll be on time.
- If you think you're on time, you'll be late.
- If you think you're late, better luck next time !
It's just that I was late today at work, even though I thought I was on time. Hence why I wrote about that.
...haven't you wrote something about memory too ? This should be an example...