Out of solidarity, I ended up minding an action-oriented four-year old of a friend for three days a few weeks back.
I thought it was an isolating, intimidating and frankly a rather mind-dumbing exhortation.
So...
Chapter four:
"Know what you want and can handle, or apply contraception blithe to the social pressure of having children."
Chapter five:
"If you have proven your worth though that "jump from the lion's head" - biology, those binding hormones, hopefully good social network (which above would have, imagine this, included ... me) and true love will see you through."
Something you'll learn shortly after you have your first child is that your kid is clearly a black belt in some unknown, to adults, at least, martial art. Changing diapers require, constant defensive action not to be kicked. Your kid is sleeping with you in your bed? Be prepared to be hit repeatedly.
In this chapter we analyze the most well known Child-fu techniques and the best defense methods against them. Learn about the terrors of the knee to the eye, the squid technique that makes children look like the have eight arms to fight you and many other secrets.
I had to drag my cousin's ~8-year-old son away from the playground by the arm just so he could go home--and when I let him go in the hopes that he would come quietly, he made a break for it and I had to grab him and keep dragging him. He was alternately on the verge of crying and on the verge of giggling, so I'm not even sure if the crying was real. He was okay when we got inside, though.
I don't know what parenting lessons should be gleaned from that.
The kids (three brothers) used to be a lot more trouble than they are now. Maybe it's because they're getting older or maybe they're just getting better at absorbing the family culture, but they're growing increasingly sweet. They say nice things about each other a lot.
Never replace food for a child's more preferable option.
Never allow food after midnight.
Do not get them wet outside of bath time unless they are in a waterproof clothing and wellies.
Wait this is gremlins? Nope. Still stands for children...
Never allow them a free choice. Give a responsible choosing of two or three safe options that you have decided upon.
When battle occurs due to rough play ensure that they know who is stronger or that you have superior teamwork skills. A leg and a wing is a sure way to show dominance.
Make your children fear what happens when you reach number three.
Your bark is never worst than your bite. The best way to deal with a biter is by biting back (as in "If you bite your sister again I will bite you!") Or is this do unto others... I'm not sure...
When injured due to Child-Fu scream in agony and roll about hurt (even if only slightly hurt) then mimic death. Guilt and regret are linked to powerful hormonal stimulants that the brain uses to make neuron linkages to remember not to do certain things again. A powerful learning tool you can take advantage of and why people learnt more at school when the cane was still in use.
Never reward expected behaviour. Berate it when it is not used. Reward behaviour above and beyond your expectations... Then set the bar higher for next time.
Will there be a chapter on how children can instantly master controls, no matter how obscure and non-instinctive, for any game; but are incapable of using a light switch, an air pump for tires, a dishwasher, or a towel rack?
I think @Anduin should write that chapter... My children are too young for me to have that experience... of course I have to watch my 2 years old use Android's task switcher to change programs on his tablet while he still has trouble with shapes sometimes...
Your have reached such a high level of insanity that you finally see the light! All those ridiculous things you heard for years and always ended with "You'll understand when you have children" They are all true! You finally understand! Congratulations! Now it's your turn to say things that end with "You'll understand when you have children".
Is there a chapter for when your toddler learns to take the protective covers off the electric outlets?
Nope... I need to add a chapter about children's innate technological and mountaineering talents. I'm right now convinced my baby girl will be an electrician when she grows up...
What I learned and still can't really believe is that with children, you always have to prepare for the absolutely unexpected. You don't just start the day and expect everything to work as usual, that would be - insanity!
And then you start the well-planned and organised day and still nothing works out as planned, because usually not only the child gets sick on a day you really needed to be somewhere else but also the babysitter and the fallback option will be unexpectedly sick, have to take care of their own grandchildren or will just be unexpectedly occupied otherwise, 'we are so sorry!'
And you are expected to smile and compromise on the situation - which usually means you have to give up on whatever you wanted to do that day, comforting your child, making it feel safe and loved unboundedly while you watch your own plans and your own wishes turn to dust.
Can you all finish this book by December please.. that's when I'll be entering the world of parenting.
I have a few ideas from my own childhood experiences... 1. Always set limits one stage higher than you truly believe, for example if you tell a teen they can't smoke tobacco, they might rebel secretly, but won't smoke weed. 2. Get them use to responsibility early on, a plant, fish, hamster, cat progession. 3. Teach them jobs can be fun, if everyone does them together. 4. Teach them about money, "Your monthly pocket money is £500, less clothing, energy bills, travel, food.. ok, you owe me £5 this month" heh. 5. Teach them how to ask Google all their questions 6. Don't put a TV in their bedroom 7. Don't try to live your childhood again through them, just because you wished you had learnt the piano, doesn't mean they must learn it.
Can you all finish this book by December please.. that's when I'll be entering the world of parenting.
I have a few ideas from my own childhood experiences... 1. Always set limits one stage higher than you truly believe, for example if you tell a teen they can't smoke tobacco, they might rebel secretly, but won't smoke weed. 2. Get them use to responsibility early on, a plant, fish, hamster, cat progession. 3. Teach them jobs can be fun, if everyone does them together. 4. Teach them about money, "Your monthly pocket money is £500, less clothing, energy bills, travel, food.. ok, you owe me £5 this month" heh. 5. Teach them how to ask Google all their questions 6. Don't put a TV in their bedroom 7. Don't try to live your childhood again through them, just because you wished you had learnt the piano, doesn't mean they must learn it.
I would add -
8. Treat them as if they are thinking human beings and not morons and they WILL surprise you. 9. As hard as it is sometimes, let them learn a few lessons from the School of Hard Knocks. They'll learn as much from that as they will from ANY teacher.
10. Teach them that food doesn't just come from stores. Go fishing, plant tomatoes, etc. 11. Teach them to use tools. When something breaks, involve them in fixing it. Once they're old enough, start on basic car maintenance.
@fluke13 , I'd rather they smoked weed than tobacco.
12. Don't tell them they've done something good; tell them they are a good person who does that by nature. Studies have found that children tend to internalize what they are told about themselves, and if you tell a child he or she is kind, they will act that way. Tell them they're hard workers who love learning new things.
12. Don't tell them they've done something good; tell them they are a good person who does that by nature. Studies have found that children tend to internalize what they are told about themselves, and if you tell a child he or she is kind, they will act that way. Tell them they're hard workers who love learning new things.
That's the same reason you never say 'you're stupid' to your kid. When my daughter can't figure something out I tell her that she's got a remarkable brain that is well capable of figuring it out without my help. If it really is something too complex for her, I usually try to steer her into figuring it out on her own rather than just give her the answer. It's worked so far but she's not a teenager yet...
Can you all finish this book by December please.. that's when I'll be entering the world of parenting.
I have a few ideas from my own childhood experiences... 1. Always set limits one stage higher than you truly believe, for example if you tell a teen they can't smoke tobacco, they might rebel secretly, but won't smoke weed. 2. Get them use to responsibility early on, a plant, fish, hamster, cat progession. 3. Teach them jobs can be fun, if everyone does them together. 4. Teach them about money, "Your monthly pocket money is £500, less clothing, energy bills, travel, food.. ok, you owe me £5 this month" heh. 5. Teach them how to ask Google all their questions 6. Don't put a TV in their bedroom 7. Don't try to live your childhood again through them, just because you wished you had learnt the piano, doesn't mean they must learn it.
@fluke13 I'd like to tell you from someone who had to deal with an unexpected fatherhood that you needn't stress out about it. The skills you need will come naturally. The very fact that you're worried about it is exactly why you'll do great!
@fluke13 I'll kinda parrot what @Balrog99 said. Just being worried about it is a good start. My wife and I got pregnant at what was possibly the worst time for it to come about, and I was TERRIFIED. Things have worked out pretty well, considering that I've been winging it for 2 and half years and counting.
My daughter has 2.5 attacks per round, and my son has 4/rnd. They only do 1d2 damage each, but they’re both small size, have high dex, and low THAC0. As a result, combat over the course of several rounds is like soloing against ogres in platemail while wearing nothing but slippers and a bath robe.
They also have this pretty powerful special ability called, “Scream of the Banshee,” which they can (and do) use multiple times per day. Unless I make a save vs Petrification/Polymorph, I either become staggered or polymorph into a confused, flailing gibberling.
Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately... I guess I’m not the right guy to ask), they both have me under the effect of a Charm spell. I seem to think they’re my friends, and trust them even when all the evidence is staring me right back in the face to stop doing so.
The MOMMY dialogue file seems to be a little bit corrupt. Every time I click on her to get her to help out in the combat, it just keeps pinging back the same error message: I am so exhausted.
Can anyone help me out here? I just can’t seem to make it past this level. Everyone says the game is really short, but I can’t seem to make it past level 3.
@Balrog99@ThacoBell Thanks for the kind words. Im equal parts worried and excited. Trying to marry in Brazil and apply for a UK visa adds a few complications. Right now, I can't be sure which country the baby will be born. I have lots of support and the Mrs has 100 family here.
It feels like just a few years ago, I was at home, playing BG, without a care in the world and my greatest responsibility was getting my homework in on time and remembering family birthdays. (Which was in fact 19 yrs ago). Now, I'll soon be a new dad, new husband, returning to England to find a new job, house, car and have two very special people relying and trusting on me to give them a great life. Worrying, but incredibly exciting
Apparently the trick is to have a baby that sleeps like a rock.
Since my daughter was born (28/06, 0905, GMT -3) she cried only twice and we had to change her diapers only five times. She learn to take the breast really quickly and the little girl likes to sleep.
Apparently the trick is to have a baby that sleeps like a rock.
Since my daughter was born (28/06, 0905, GMT -3) she cried only twice and we had to change her diapers only five times. She learn to take the breast really quickly and the little girl likes to sleep.
Apparently the trick is to have a baby that sleeps like a rock.
Since my daughter was born (28/06, 0905, GMT -3) she cried only twice and we had to change her diapers only five times. She learn to take the breast really quickly and the little girl likes to sleep.
Apparently the trick is to have a baby that sleeps like a rock.
Since my daughter was born (28/06, 0905, GMT -3) she cried only twice and we had to change her diapers only five times. She learn to take the breast really quickly and the little girl likes to sleep.
Looks like borning is a very strenuous task.
Don't get too used to it!
Should we spoil it for him?
Darn it! Now you've got me thinking I should have put my comment in spoiler tags!
Comments
I thought it was an isolating, intimidating and frankly a rather mind-dumbing exhortation.
So...
Chapter four:
"Know what you want and can handle, or apply contraception blithe to the social pressure of having children."
Chapter five:
"If you have proven your worth though that "jump from the lion's head" - biology, those binding hormones, hopefully good social network (which above would have, imagine this, included ... me) and true love will see you through."
Chapter whatever... Child Fu
Something you'll learn shortly after you have your first child is that your kid is clearly a black belt in some unknown, to adults, at least, martial art. Changing diapers require, constant defensive action not to be kicked. Your kid is sleeping with you in your bed? Be prepared to be hit repeatedly.In this chapter we analyze the most well known Child-fu techniques and the best defense methods against them. Learn about the terrors of the knee to the eye, the squid technique that makes children look like the have eight arms to fight you and many other secrets.
I don't know what parenting lessons should be gleaned from that.
The kids (three brothers) used to be a lot more trouble than they are now. Maybe it's because they're getting older or maybe they're just getting better at absorbing the family culture, but they're growing increasingly sweet. They say nice things about each other a lot.
Never allow food after midnight.
Do not get them wet outside of bath time unless they are in a waterproof clothing and wellies.
Wait this is gremlins? Nope. Still stands for children...
Never allow them a free choice. Give a responsible choosing of two or three safe options that you have decided upon.
When battle occurs due to rough play ensure that they know who is stronger or that you have superior teamwork skills. A leg and a wing is a sure way to show dominance.
Make your children fear what happens when you reach number three.
Your bark is never worst than your bite. The best way to deal with a biter is by biting back (as in "If you bite your sister again I will bite you!") Or is this do unto others... I'm not sure...
When injured due to Child-Fu scream in agony and roll about hurt (even if only slightly hurt) then mimic death. Guilt and regret are linked to powerful hormonal stimulants that the brain uses to make neuron linkages to remember not to do certain things again. A powerful learning tool you can take advantage of and why people learnt more at school when the cane was still in use.
Never reward expected behaviour. Berate it when it is not used. Reward behaviour above and beyond your expectations... Then set the bar higher for next time.
...
Haha... I'm kidding...
...
Or am I
Chapter whatever +/- n... You see the light!
Your have reached such a high level of insanity that you finally see the light! All those ridiculous things you heard for years and always ended with "You'll understand when you have children" They are all true! You finally understand! Congratulations! Now it's your turn to say things that end with "You'll understand when you have children".And then you start the well-planned and organised day and still nothing works out as planned, because usually not only the child gets sick on a day you really needed to be somewhere else but also the babysitter and the fallback option will be unexpectedly sick, have to take care of their own grandchildren or will just be unexpectedly occupied otherwise, 'we are so sorry!'
And you are expected to smile and compromise on the situation - which usually means you have to give up on whatever you wanted to do that day, comforting your child, making it feel safe and loved unboundedly while you watch your own plans and your own wishes turn to dust.
And it happens again and again.
That one really got me after some time.
I have a few ideas from my own childhood experiences...
1. Always set limits one stage higher than you truly believe, for example if you tell a teen they can't smoke tobacco, they might rebel secretly, but won't smoke weed.
2. Get them use to responsibility early on, a plant, fish, hamster, cat progession.
3. Teach them jobs can be fun, if everyone does them together.
4. Teach them about money, "Your monthly pocket money is £500, less clothing, energy bills, travel, food.. ok, you owe me £5 this month" heh.
5. Teach them how to ask Google all their questions
6. Don't put a TV in their bedroom
7. Don't try to live your childhood again through them, just because you wished you had learnt the piano, doesn't mean they must learn it.
8. Treat them as if they are thinking human beings and not morons and they WILL surprise you.
9. As hard as it is sometimes, let them learn a few lessons from the School of Hard Knocks. They'll learn as much from that as they will from ANY teacher.
11. Teach them to use tools. When something breaks, involve them in fixing it. Once they're old enough, start on basic car maintenance.
@fluke13 , I'd rather they smoked weed than tobacco.
Thanks.
I'd like to tell you from someone who had to deal with an unexpected fatherhood that you needn't stress out about it. The skills you need will come naturally. The very fact that you're worried about it is exactly why you'll do great!
They also have this pretty powerful special ability called, “Scream of the Banshee,” which they can (and do) use multiple times per day. Unless I make a save vs Petrification/Polymorph, I either become staggered or polymorph into a confused, flailing gibberling.
Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately... I guess I’m not the right guy to ask), they both have me under the effect of a Charm spell. I seem to think they’re my friends, and trust them even when all the evidence is staring me right back in the face to stop doing so.
The MOMMY dialogue file seems to be a little bit corrupt. Every time I click on her to get her to help out in the combat, it just keeps pinging back the same error message:
I am so exhausted.Can anyone help me out here? I just can’t seem to make it past this level. Everyone says the game is really short, but I can’t seem to make it past level 3.
It feels like just a few years ago, I was at home, playing BG, without a care in the world and my greatest responsibility was getting my homework in on time and remembering family birthdays. (Which was in fact 19 yrs ago). Now, I'll soon be a new dad, new husband, returning to England to find a new job, house, car and have two very special people relying and trusting on me to give them a great life. Worrying, but incredibly exciting
Since my daughter was born (28/06, 0905, GMT -3) she cried only twice and we had to change her diapers only five times. She learn to take the breast really quickly and the little girl likes to sleep.
Looks like borning is a very strenuous task.
She's sleeping by my side ATM. I'm studying and sometimes I have to look at her direction to check if she's still there.