The Story of the Worthless Worm
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I hope the plant helps him. I look forward to reading the rest, although I guess I'll try to refrain from commenting again, because reasons.
I feel kind of helpless to help you, first of all because we live in different countries.
And then there's the whole falling out with each other business because of the Neverwinter guild incident between Buttercheese and me. Again, that was never about you, and I am so sorry that I hurt you in my anger and lashing out at her. I saw it as self-defense at the time.
I think you have come to this forum all these years because you feel the love here. Your friends here care about you.
Are you talking to forum friends that you still trust in PM's or whatever?
@JuliusBorisov , @semiticgod , are you moderators, especially those of you who are also Shandyr's friends, watching this? Is there some forum or Beamdog company procedure to deal with suicide threats posted in this forum, veiled in allegory though they may be?
I think our friend Shandyr needs help, and I don't know what to do. The lack of responses here leads me to believe that nobody here who is Shandyr's friend knows what to make of this.
Somebody please help. I hear a cry for help, and I can't do anything, and I'm not seeing any reassurance that anybody else hears.
I'd have to be extremely well-researched and cautious about it. A failed attempt would mean the local authorities would take steps to prevent any future access to it, including imprisonment and restraint.
I have two beloved cats to worry about. The authorities wouldn't care about them if my freedom were taken away from me.
I am also still trying to research what pain I could expect if I ingested the plant. Also, what part of the plant should I ingest, and how much of it, to guarantee death?
I also need to find out how it grows in my area, as far as seasons and weather. I own a home, and I have access to a flower bed and soil.
The expected experience of the hours leading up to death is important. If it hurt too much, I would likely call for assistance out of sheer survival instinct. If help arrived in time, I would have all control taken away from me by the authorities, probably for a very long time. I could lose my house and all my financial assets. I'd have to start lying to whatever medical or psychiatric personnel had the misfortune to have to deal with me, because I'd be intending to do it again the whole time, for as long as I had any control over my assets and property.
I would need to consider the impact on two very close friends, who have my will and my powers of attorney. If I told them I was thinking about this, and they believed me and took me seriously, they would step in and prevent me from following through any way they could.
And, as long as I have my two cats to think about, that is a priority for me, although I can trust my two friends to make sure they don't suffer, as long as those two friends are still alive.
If I live longer than my two cats, those friends are still alive, and I run out of money, finding an easy way out will sound more and more appealing.
So, thanks for the tip, I guess?
I didn't understand it. Not really. Is this story about the struggle to escape from self-hatred and hopelessness? Is it about overcoming the feelings of ugliness and worthlessness that plague us when we can't find the support and love that we need? Is it about surviving the darkness and nurturing what little light we can find?
Or is it about a cry in the darkness that elicits no reply? Is it about the feeling of being slowly crushed to death with no release?
I didn't want to interrupt a personal story with some pestering, meddling questions about whether or not Shandyr is okay. I thought, maybe this is just Shandyr working out some heavy problems. God knows misery has fueled people's artistic streak--and as wrenching as it is, I can't help but want to read more.
It feels so real, and so personal, and so honest. I've never really seen anything like this before... I see reflections of myself... reminders of things I've felt before, when my life was at its darkest.
How do you respond to this? We wear masks every day, and pretend to be people we're really not--how would artificial people know how to react to something so profoundly real?
So yeah... I genuinely don't know. If I'm honest with myself, I don't understand this story.
But I really, really, want to understand it.
I was worried about @dreamtraveler for a while too when he/she first started posting...