The topic for unhappiness/vent your sorrow
Son_of_Imoen
Member Posts: 1,806
What I saw functioning well on other fora and what I hope functions well here too, is a topic to get things that trouble you, make you down, keeps you worried and just want to vent off your chest. Nice replies are welcome, though just getting things off your chest is good to. Let's refrain from full debates though, that would derail the topic.
My spleen: tomorrow is the big release day, but I have the flu right now, feeling very tired and ill and not fit enough for gaming. If my condition is the same tomorrow, I'll feel too miserable to take a new CHARNAME on an adventure of the Enhanced Swordcoast (now! new Enhanced Swordcoast! with Wild Mages and Evil Blackguards! but please can somebody give me a potion of healing or cast a Cure Disease on me).
*edit: topic title changed. Kudo's to @Kristie83
My spleen: tomorrow is the big release day, but I have the flu right now, feeling very tired and ill and not fit enough for gaming. If my condition is the same tomorrow, I'll feel too miserable to take a new CHARNAME on an adventure of the Enhanced Swordcoast (now! new Enhanced Swordcoast! with Wild Mages and Evil Blackguards! but please can somebody give me a potion of healing or cast a Cure Disease on me).
*edit: topic title changed. Kudo's to @Kristie83
Post edited by Son_of_Imoen on
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Ahem. I'll be going now...
Now, as for the actual topic... I guess my personal "spleen" as it were, is my fractured knuckle, and my current inability to go to the doctor for it. I won't delve into all the details, but it's pretty bogus, since if I extend my hand to any far extent it hurts. I also practice karate, so I can't hit anything or practice and what not until I get it looked at (Well I guess I CAN but I don't think it'd be a good idea). I also might have a bone spur. #swag.
For now I'll change it in the topic title to sorrow, until I can come up with a better phrase. Need to sleep now, sick body needs rest.
BTW, @theJoshFrost, you're not German, are you? If so, you're not supposed to have a sense of humour!? Is something wrong with you?
Hope you feel better and can play tomorrow!
So that was fun. Thanks for telling me you've got an STD that causes blisters and sores now that I'm finally out of the friendzone. And now because I was angry she hid that from me for so long, she hasn't talked to me in like 2 weeks.
I still care about her a lot and want to see her happy. This situation gets worse and worse. Sucks that now that I'm okay with just trying to be a friend who's there for her, she decides to go into hiding and resent me.
But, now that that's over, I was able to ask out a girl who has gone out of her way to be a positive influence in my life when she heard about my attempted suicide. I'm trying to remain cautiously optimistic because I mean, she talks to me without being condescending. I'm just worried in the back of my mind she's simply humoring me. Yay, second guessing myself!
After we broke up (Freeeeedooom) and I got a new girlfriend, I made her life miserable for a while because I'd gotten so used to being on the defensive and settling things by yelling that I figured it was normal. She handled it well and got me back to a decent person.
Lesson I'm trying to impart; don't let a future (or current) relationship be defined by previous ones or by letting your insecurity get the better of you. It's not a bad thing to actually *ask* her if she's humoring you or if she's serious, if you feel things are going in the right direction. It might set your mind at east.
That's uh, some unasked dwarven advice for you, right there.
My personal sorrow venting;
My grandfather died yesterday morning, two weeks away from his 95th birthday after a fairly long period of his body collapsing in on itself from old age. He was a good, friendly man and while I hated to see him go, it was really for the best, he had only pain and exhaustion every day.
The funeral is planned for friday, the day I had off for playing BG all day long. That's also a downer.
@Drugar: It is stories like that and experiences that I've dealt with which have helped reinforce my view that most women are nothing more than evil, manipulative succubi.
Seeing as people are being open in this thread, I will go against how I typically live and open up a bit as well:
I am a celibate virgin, and despite the general belief that men "need" to lose their virginity before graduating high school or college, despite living multiple lives (My real self and the images that I have created in order to protect myself and get through life), I sincerely like it, and I plan to stay a celibate virgin until I die, or in the exceedingly unlikely event that I meet a significant other.
Exceedingly unlikely in part but not entirely due to the fact that I am completely unwilling to sift through the overwhelming masses of sanity-damaging, blood-drinking she-devils in order to find a woman that isn't at all like the majority of which I have encountered. That, and I just don't see the rewards of a "good relationship" anyways. I play video games, I read, I watch movies. If I need someone to speak to, I speak to myself, (There are exceptions, this of course being one of them.) and I just think I'd be annoyed and angry if I were to wake up and have someone near me each day of my life. Solitude, freedom, and privacy are some of the most valuable things in my life, and I'd pass up a gift of supernatural powers in order to attain/keep them.
So many people seem to believe that I am homosexual due to not having a girlfriend, but the truths are that I am heterosexual and always have been, and I live my life divided, so these people wouldn't even meet any girlfriends I've had/have anyways, so it really infuriates me at their attitudes and inability to think beyond what is "normal."
Oh, and before I forget: If you have anything negative to say about anyone in this thread or what I posted, you can piss off.
Which was a justified fear, it seems. At least she had the decency to tell you.
I feel kind of sorry for her, but I wouldn't have physical relations with a person I knew had that, either, so I am also sympathetic to your point of view.
I resent how much of my time and effort I gave to her. After all the lies upon lies upon lies, it was the final "Are you fucking kidding me?" I needed to break free and be more objective about our friendship.
I have half a mind to go visit her while she's at work so she couldn't just ignore me but that's bad form, I believe, to bother someone at work like that. If she doesn't want to see me ever again, she doesn't want to see me again and I'll let that be her decision.
I also told her I couldn't care less if she had an STD if she actually wanted to be with me. That was probably two weeks into our friendship I told her that, after she told me her sexual history. And I meant it. She could have told me then, and we could have just been friends like she wanted all along.
Today's spleen:
Heavily trafficked streets with no bike lanes. My scraped hand and knee, and ruined pair of favorite jeans (I only have one favorite, and now it's ruined!), are a testament to how irritating it is to have to ride on the narrow strip of cement between the road and the sidewalk. I would ride on the sidewalk, but there's pedestrians. I'd ride on the road, but there's cars.
In my own personal life, I made the choice Anduine made post-some-coïtus. I'm not a virgin no more, have had some relationships, but especially the most recent ones where very unfulfilling and did cost me a lot of energy. It cost me energy, as my recent lovers where women who had troubles getting intimate and close for want of a warm upbringing, creating a handicap in forming bonds. I myself on the other hand am very into warm, intimate bonds (coming from a warm family) and that didn't connect. But also, because of my mental disability, daily life costs me a lot of energy: doing household work, dealing with the depression and anxiety, my volunteer's work occupy over 100% of my daily energy reserves and I couldn't fit time for a lover into the picture. My last lover complained I didn't have enough time for her, while I suffered from her aloofness.
It was a relief for me, to take the decision I won't be looking for relationships anymore. I'm no longer single for want of finding someone who loves me, I'm single because I won't to be single. And my life is much more fulfilling that way.
Not that staying single is an advice, it's just an explanation of my personal choice in the matter. And it's a choice one can be happy with. People often treat me like it's a sad thing "you will find someone one day". No, I won't find someone one day, I don't want to and that decision is final, I'm happier with my life as it is!
But, I'm dwelling on negative crap and that's bad. I need to not do that. So I'm not going to finish my own train of thought and instead say, "I have my reasons for being as loyal to people as I am and I like that too much about myself to change it."
It's like my body won't LET me forget people, and I am okay with that honestly. Part of me still feels it's immoral to abandon someone in need. This particular girl, she is very troubled. Her identical twin sister died at the beginning of summer, her first and only "real" boyfriend accidentally killed himself in front of her in a prank gone wrong, she was literally pimped out by a sociopath foster brother in high school, just to name a few of the "Oh my god how do you still function on a daily basis" crap she's gone through in her life.
I don't quit on relationships just because they get hard. I feel like a problem we've created as a society because of internet culture is this myth that there's always someone else out there for us, or some group that will accept us. Ever watch "How I Met Your Mother?" There's an episode Barney puts his cell phone number up on the air during some baseball game and it literally never stopped ringing. Right as he'd get the girl in an intimate situation, it'd ring and he couldn't help himself if he thought the woman sounded hotter so he'd drop his date and go try to hook up again, etc. etc.
At some point, people have to each indicidually recognize we owe great things just to our fellow man we run into on a daily basis. You guys heard about the cop who bought a pair of shoes for a hobo outside of a mall? That kind of thing needs to happen every day, just because. No reason. I hope I'm qualified to speak on the subject because I'd so recently been to the brink of my own sanity and back, but we don't realize the power we all have in the lives of those who surround us. And with that comes the responsibility to tough it out when things suck.
I just wish I wasn't some fat guy 5 years past his own prime who can't find a job (I actually may have just got hired at a place but I mean it's not a career or anything) because I'm tired of being a nobody who can't affect change. People go "Oh you're only 27, you're so young," but I'm not. I haven't done a single damn thing with my life and because I twiddled around too long doing nothing, the opportunities are all gone. Companies don't want to hire a guy who's my age that hasn't worked in over 2 years. Women aren't going to date someone who's a financial wreck, and especially one who's 90% of the time an emotional wreck.
1. Hoping that when I do fall asleep (relatively shortly) I'm not awoken in a few hours from work or someone I work with. Last 'night' was the 4th time in less than a week that I've been called while I was sleeping for one thing or another (either to come in or come in early).
2. Not only is gear that I want not dropping in WoW (yes I still play that due to some dear friends I've made there), but I can't even get the items I need for reputation, thus having to put it off a day. Normally I wouldn't be so frustrated about it, but since I had today and tomorrow off it was an extra day of having plenty of time to do the dailies and still have some time for EE left over.
3. I really can't decide what class to play in EE or whom to take with me overall as my party.
So there ya go, ranting and raving of meaningless crap.
And here's a toast to those in the thread, who's crap is actually much worse than mine. May things improve for all of you sooner rather than later.
P.S. Late #4. Just realized that its now december 1st, which means we're in my least favorite month of the year.
For me, I'm very bad at being good to people in an intimate relationship that doesn't work, as I have too much longings for intimacy and such myself. I'm not very good at letting people be who they are if I'm romantically involved with them. My own desires stand in the way. I also suck at helping people on a one-on-one basis for not being able to keep a distance to their problems. If I hear of someone's problems who has it very bad, if feel far too empathic, i get their drowned in their sorrows. Me, I'm going at what I do now (and therefore that is what I do now): stepping up for the interest of people with mental illnesses as a group in society, as a group with specific needs (in (health)care, in income support, in positive imagery). Speaking up for people in public fits me more than speaking about their problems one-on-one, I'd drown in them. Luckily, people (the people with mental illnesses here in my hometown) know that too: they like me speaking up for them to members of the city council or in front of an audience, and feel better for having their sorrows and needs in voiced in public. If I can manage to have policy makers hear what their needs are, they feel being heard as well, in another way than listening to their personal story in a long personal talk. Each should do what he is good at. What you do, keeping an ear open for people with such a tragic story in all it's details, I can't. What I can do for them, is if they have a acompanist they can trust, and the municipality gets the responsibility for funding of the accompaniment, is urging them to do their best to have them keep their same acompanist. Each does what he can do best. I'm glad you're a person that has the willingness and ability to listen to the stories of personal tragedy and persist in being loyal.
* the word 'acompanist' I found both on Google translate and in my dictionary, but I'm not sure if it's the proper word? The mental healtcare workers who visit your home once every week to help you deal with daily things in life? Dutch '(woon)begeleider'.
I have similar problems with my self-esteem, and not being happy with where my life has wound up. I also struggle with depression on a daily basis. There are reasons for it, but I don't guess I'll go into detail about it right now. I don't want to wind up depressing other people by oversharing about my own problems. I think what makes me feel the most better is if I can feel like I was able to cheer somebody else up, or at least make them smile. I wish I was better at doing that. There are so many times when I think "this person needs to hear a funny joke so they can laugh; right now, that would be the absolute best thing I could do for them." - And then, I can't think of a thing, because I'm not a witty or funny person as I would wish to be.
I also appreciate the lighter posts being made about all the little, minor irritations and frustrations we all deal with on a daily basis. I hope more people will post some more of those kinds of things.
@Son_of_Imoen, I also wasn't sure what the right word was for the kind of assistant you were talking about, so I found these options: The Nursing Assistant, Nursing Auxiliary, Auxiliary Nurse, Patient Care Assistant, Patient Care Technician, Home Health Aide/Assistant, Geriatric ... Personal Support Worker is the title...
Probably "home health aid", "home health assistant", or "personal support worker" was the phrase you were looking for.
BTW - in English, "accompanist" means someone who plays the piano with a soloist, choir, or small musical ensemble.
First of all, I gotta say that the past years have been very hard on me. I also drastically changed during these past few years. You know, I used to be a positive, happy and care-free girl. I've seen it on the videos recorded of me in the past. It's actually amazing how different I was when I was younger. I was, like, a hyperactive little ball of positive energy. But almost all of that has faded by now. At least, from what I've judged about myself, I can positively say (pun unintended) that I am not positive anymore.
The thing is, everything started when I graduated from high school. I've always had good grades and even though I was a bit of a loner, I felt good in class and occassionally talked with my other class colleagues (even though there was a bitch in the last few years who couldn't stand me, and I made sure to make my own displeasure towards her clear to her as well) and in general, I had no problems. I'd never had a boyfriend either, but I just wasn't interested yet in boys back then. I wrote, I drew, I dreamed. I lived my life.
So yeah, after I graduated, shit started happening. I started following an art course at a college, hoping I'd become a great artist and learn to draw well. The first semester went okay, but I received more and more harsh criticism, which made my self-esteem decrease more and more. I also felt my drawings were way below the quality of the drawings made by others and I had often difficulties with 'thinking out of the box', as I had never really studied art before. My theory classes, on the other hand, were great and I got high scores on all of them. Guess that made it clear where my strengths truly were. Anyway, I ended that one year of art course in tears and with a shattered dream.
The next year I started studying linguistics at my local university. I first picked the combination English-French, but French proved to be way too difficult for me and thus I switched to the combination English-Dutch the year afterwards. I persevered in these studies for a total of three years, but felt that with each new day, more of my enthusiasm was waning. My scores were beyond average and the theory, heaps and heaps of it, was just too abstract and too much for me to take in. So in the end, me, my dad and my uncle (who works at that university) made an analysis of what I had done thus far and concluded that I would just ruin myself mentally if I continued these studies.
By the end of these four years, I was an emotional wreck. My former self-esteem had been crushed times and times again and I had no more dreams to inspire and motivate me. I thought I was smart, that I could handle it with the ease of high school. I didn't. I struggled A LOT and at times even felt like my whole life was worthless and riddled with bad luck.
But that's not everything. During that first year of university, I fell in love. Not in real life, but through the internet (which I considered to be 'real life' too back then, in all of my naivety). The guy was twice as old as me. But he seemed to like me, to care about me, and so I opened my introvert self up to him. I felt happy and accepted. But the dream didn't last. After ten months, things started to fall apart. Even though I had asked twice to meet him, he couldn't come. We also often had quarrels with him saying I didn't give him enough attention and also problems with my parents, who of course didn't accept him as my potential lover. He also was very dominant and I often got scoffed if I came too late online to chat with him. The third time I asked him to meet, he broke up with me that same night. I was, of course, heart-broken. But the real pain came afterwards, when I saw a poll posted by another girl who claimed to have been abused by the very same person who broke up with me. I talked to her and it seems she was calling him over the phone all the while during my relationship with him. So he had actually been cheating on me. I also discovered more and more dirty facts and so I concluded that I had almost been abused too.
This thought only came a few months later, when I realised how this relationship had actually been very unhealthy for me and now I call myself lucky to have never met this person for real, as it would have only brought me more bad luck. I am happy to be out of that abusive relationship and to embrace my freedom again. Right now I am in a happy relationship with a guy of my own age who truly understands me and takes me for who I am, without ever calling me out for it. Thank you, dear @Cheesebelly, for having been so supportive of me these past years.
These things I've written down right now have only been part of my fading happiness over the past few years, but I think that by now nobody is reading this anymore due to the sheer lenght of this post, so I'll stop here.