@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud "My boyfriend lives in another country." We're on the same boat, then. There is many a nation between me and my girlfriend, and it gets incredibly hard sometimes to cope with the significant other's physical absence. We might be the same nationality, but I am the one that emigrated abroad(unwillingly, and before we met), and as such on top of my longing for her there is my longing for my native land, the faces and places left behind, with no chance of a prolonged visit(more than a couple of weeks a year) in the next four or so years. I wish you nothing more than to get out on your own with your boyfriend
On a positive note, my Penelope decided that if I can't find my way back to Ithaca, she'll take the matters into her own hands. She'll be over for a week later on this month I suppose in a thread such as this, that last part is considered offtopic, but what the hell
@Czarny: Yeah, it's tough, eh? To live apart and stuff? I know that all too well myself. Fortunately, our countries aren't that far apart. It only takes a flight of one and a half hours, which isn't that long. It all started on the internet, you see. Met him on a gaming forum. We stayed in touch all the time, for about three years thus far. At first he was a mere friend, someone I ocassionally talked to. I made fun of his username and we had lots of silly talks together. It was only after a negative experience, my true first 'relationship' (basically I met another guy on the internet, fell in love, got cheated upon), that we grew closer towards each other. I remember the first meeting. My dad was furious at me, telling I'd get kidnapped, sold on a slave maket, and so on. Yet, he met both my boyfriend and his dad, and we had fun together. They indeed were very kind people. Simple, but sympathetic and very generous as well. There was a lot of awkwardness, though. I think we both never had thought what it would actually be like to meet for real. I remember shaking his hand with a sheepish smile on my face while letting my dad do all of the talking. But I will never regret it. Now, after a few meetings on both sides, I look back upon that first meeting in fond memory. I can only hope the future will get better and that we will see each other more and more frequently. I hope you and your love will be succesful in reaching happiness together too, @Czarny. There is nothing better than having a soulmate on your side whom you can trust and have fun with. Anyway, just for the sake of staying on-topic, I'll add some despair to my comment: I got a huge assignment to finish for the 14th of January and still need to do half!
Sooooo....Today I made my final post on my profile on the Bioware Social Network. Place has been giving me shit for two years straight and I finally made the decision enough is enough. But just as I thought I had put one mess behind me, another pops up. It seems someone's impersonating me on this site. Almost same name and exact same avatar I'm currently using. Name's Kitten_On_A_Cloud, which is not to be confused with my profile name, as it is KitteH. I don't know why somebody would do this or why it's even funny. I just find it horribly pathetic and it has made me doubt whether I should stay on this site too. Two years of cyber bullying has been bad enough for me. So to the loser who made that account: I don't know what is your issue with me, but I pity you for not having contacted me to discuss your problem and instead having made a fake account. I thought people were mature on these forums. I guess I was wrong once again.
I would advise anyone who values their sanity to stay as far away from the BSN as they can. It's a wretched hive of toadies and sycophants who will eagerly shout down anyone who utters a word of criticism...and then they'll go back to posting pictures of Tali in her underwear or whatever sorts of things the BSN-goers get up to.
Seriously, I've seen some truly outrageous leaps of logic people use there to defend BioWare, and truly astounding levels of butt-kissing towards the developers.
Thou speakest the truth. No, seriously, you're right. Now that I have deleted my profile, I'm wondering why I wasted all of that time in that wretched place. I got annoyed because of it on a daily basis. But it *did* bring me and my boyfriend closer together. He hasn't visited the BSN in years, though. Couldn't stand the whining anymore, just like me. There was this one lass who kept on ranting to me about her life and how her current relationship with a teenager truly isn't as bad as it sounds, even though she's 20 and already has a kid of 2 years old. The new 'dad' is about 16 years old and lives on the other side of the globe. Good luck with that, I'd say. Oh well, to each their own life. In the end, I was just, like, 'please just shut the hell up. I don't need to know about your life. I just don't. Leave me alone FFS.' I know that right now I am ranting about my own life, but at least I don't bother people with it through e-mails or PMs. It's completely up to the people on these forums whether they want to read my ramblings or not. This topic IS called 'Vent your sorrow/unhappiness', though, so I'm just trying to keep it fueled with my own misery.
My roommate moved to Ireland and he took the knifeblock that looks like a dude with knives stuck into him. Now I'm going to have to get a normal boring knifeblock.
My roommate moved to Ireland and he took the knifeblock that looks like a dude with knives stuck into him. Now I'm going to have to get a normal boring knifeblock.
Anyway, if any of you guys has tips on how to sleep well, please share. Ever since I returned home from my visit to my boyfriend, I've been unable to sleep well. It's a love-relationship-thing I guess. Yet, it's frustrating. Every evening I feel literally empty inside. I feel useless and don't know what to do. I sleep badly, often having to exhaust myself before I can actually go to bed by staying up late, which is slowly affecting my health. I feel tired, true, but I just don't want to go to sleep! It's a very weird feeling.
Anyway, if any of you guys has tips on how to sleep well, please share. Ever since I returned home from my visit to my boyfriend, I've been unable to sleep well. It's a love-relationship-thing I guess. Yet, it's frustrating. Every evening I feel literally empty inside. I feel useless and don't know what to do. I sleep badly, often having to exhaust myself before I can actually go to bed by staying up late, which is slowly affecting my health. I feel tired, true, but I just don't want to go to sleep! It's a very weird feeling.
Exercise is one way that might be a solution. If you get none then it is probably a major culprit. If you have a nicotine addiction, then not smoking for at least an hour before bed used to make me fall asleep fast. People say caffeine after 5pm can keep you awake, but I can drink a red bull and fall right asleep.
You are just letting your worries keep you awake. What I do personally that always works, is think about pornographic things. It sounds disturbing, but it does the trick. I stop worrying about work and fall right asleep.
If all else fails, there is what you could do after your "happy thoughts" lol. If that is not an option, Nyquil. I love Nyquil.
Reading always seems to distract me from the problems keeping me from sleeping. The only problem is when I'm reading something I am actually enjoying and then start to fight sleep to go on reading.
Yeah I forgot about reading. Usually I will be reading stuff on my phone while Family Guy is on adult swim, and I guess focusing on the small text makes me pretty drowsy. Usually only takes 15 minutes and I'm out.
I'm blessed with a healthy sleeping rythm so I can't help you there I'm afraid. I usually sleep 5 minutes after my head hits the pillow. Often while my girlfriend is still talking to me, which irritates her somewhat. I'd love to stay awake but unless I'm actively talking or doing something, I'll be asleep before I know it. It's annoying at times, but awesome most of the time.
I do actually have something more substantial to bitch about other than knifeblocks (though that one wounds me nevertheless). I started a new D&D game (Pathfinder to be exact) last month, loosely based on Baldur's Gate (after playing BG again) since nobody in my group had played it (Heathen pigdogs). Right before we started, one of the four cancelled because he wasn't feeling like playing. He later said he was quitting alltogether, which was a shame (though I honestly didn't mind much as his version of roleplaying was "let's summon a monster, load him up with explosives and send him into an inn for lulz"). Now my roommate has moved, removing a second member of our group, leaving only two.
My girlfriend has expressed an intrest (yay) but only if someone else does all the math for her (attack rolls, damage, hitpoint tracking, skill checks, etc) and I go easy on her combat-wise because she doesn't like feeling threatened. The other option is another friend of mine who's a very experienced roleplayer and D&D'er and my favorite DM, but he's also emotionally very unstable right now after some relationship troubles (last game I had with him he suddenly started crying for about an hour, mid-session). I'm...not sure about either, and I don't want to give up on this game either. Meh!
@Drugar have you considered taking your game online? There are sites that will manage all the rolling and HP tracking, so that she doesn't have to if that's what she wants.
Considering she lives 10 mins away from me, taking it online would seem fairly roundabout. Also, practicly every online game I've played died very quickly so I'd prefer to keep it as RL as possible. An app or similar software kit to handle the math for her would be a possibility though...I'll have to look into it. Thanks!
I have no interest in talking about personal problems, like not being able to pay for school, or how my girlfriend left me and took my cat with her. I'm concerned with more meaningful topics. What makes me unhappy? I'm disappointed by the world around me.
I'm saddened by how we have fallen so far off course as a species and have become so materialistic and superficial. I'm frustrated how the the Corporate entities of this world, have a stranglehold on everything from what we watch and eat to what laws are passed through Congress - I can't even watch a commercial on television, without being reminded how detrimental and damaging the advertisement business has become for our society.
I am frustrated how we live in a world with so much potential, and yet much of the progress we could be making is stifled by mechanics such as outdated economic systems, politics, and "healthy competition," which is a laughable term. I'm embarrassed to live in a world where millions of people are starving to death everyday, and although we can produce more than enough food to feed them, we do not, because of the lack of money, which is a commodity that does not exist in the natural world nor does it posses any intrinsic value.
I find it counterproductive that although we are planet of around 8 billion people, we find it necessary to constantly segregate, separate and fight amongst ourselves for resources and territorial gain. Even within a given nation, we are always looking for ways to separate ourselves from others - democrats vs Republicans, Black vs white, gay vs strait, rich vs poor, Eagles fan vs Cowboys fan, etc.
It saddens me how stupidly and vanity has become more favorable traits over critical thinking and questioning what you 'know.' I'm frustrated how people are so desperately dependent and reliant on the current system, that offering new ideas or ways of thinking about the world around them, are met with defensive tones and ignorant naysayers spouting off how they are nothing more than idealistic pipe dreams or utopian nonsense.
I am embarrassed to be apart of humanity in this point in time. This world is like a circus, but not even like a well put together entertaining circus. It's like on of those traveling mom and pop shows, with mediocre acts and performers that constantly mess up their routines. My everyday life, whether it be witnessing the behavior of the general public or simply watching TV, is met with facepalm after facepalm.
Let me vent some more frustration. My parents can be huge insensitive jerks at times. Instead of looking at what I'm actually doing, they sometimes just assume I'm a lazy scumbag who plays games all day instead of studying. Seriously. Whenever my dad enters the room and he notices my PC's making noise (it sometimes randomly overheats like that, I don't know why), he assumes I am or have been playing a game, makes a snarky comment, and leaves again. My mom sometimes randomly barges into my room to catch me playing a game. She doesn't knock on my door either, and if she does, she doesn't even wait for a 'yes' or 'no', like every polite parent would with their grown-ups.
When I talk about my work, I rather get snarky comments about what I'm doing wrong, instead of getting a few, just a few supportive words. I've heard my mom saying I'll never get my current assignment done on time more often than that she's said something positive. Also, the threatening still continues. You see, the mother of my boyfriend wrote a very kind and sweet letter to my family. She described me as a 'little angel', because I was so kind. Personally, I think that's an exaggeration, I mean, we didn't talk much, heh. But in all honesty I can say that I am overall a very polite and friendly person. Unless I'm pissed off, of course. So what does my mom do after having read that comment? Turn the comment into a condition. I have to behave as a 'little angel' too at home, or my boyfriend can't come over. It annoys me to no end. And it of course only fuels the threats. 'Looks like you still got a far way to go until your boyfriend can stay here!' and such things. It makes me so furious. Really. It's all so...childish. Why can't they communicate with me like adults? Why the threats? It only makes me feel miserable, it makes me feel like a criminal in my own house. Once my mom called me a thief because I had taken 15 euros for food at college. Another time she called me a loser because I love playing games. Because, y'know, games are for kids. And that while she likes to play Blitz (a game like Bejeweled) from time to time herself.
I have come to the realisation that we cannot longer live together as a family. I mean, things have changed. It's so easy to make someone upset in this house, and it makes me feel so unhappy. Because we fuss over the smallest, stupidest things. Things not even worth mentioning. And I keep on asking myself: Why? Why is it like this? What have I done wrong? Is it my fault? I just want my family to be happy again, like on the old videos from the past. But I guess that at some point...something just has been broken.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud - on the sleep thing, I can relate to having trouble sleeping, I work night shift and have to try to sleep during the day, combine that with a 3 year old daughter and 7 month old twin boys it's a blast Try to avoid screens in general before sleep, like T.V., computer, phone, etc. the lighting can trick your mind into thinking it needs to be awake. Also, try to lower your temperature a bit, like turning on A/C or fan or taking a shower before sleeping. I'm not too good about exercising, but I have found that when I do it helps immensely as @thedemoninside suggested, swimming especially helps me, but anything in general. For me some sort of constant white noise helps as well, like a fan running or something, nothing too loud, but something to kind of interfere with other sounds while not being noisy enough to add to your problem.
On the parent thing. I'm not sure what your age is or other factors, so I'm not sure if moving out is an option for you, but when you will find as you get older it gets harder and harder to live under your parent's roof and have them treat you like an adult. When I moved out my relationship improved a lot with my parents, not that it was dysfunctional, but I was having similar feelings that you are describing, even if the situation wasn't the same. Even if it means less spending money, it was worth it to me at the time.
Basicly, what SirK said about your parents. The last two-ish years of living with my parents were very destructive for my wellbeing (it wasn't a good time for my wellbeing anyway, girlfriend cheated on my, failed my study, etc). My dad constantly bothered me to do stuff around the house (50% being fixing his computer), my mother critizised everything I did and both constantly harped on me every day for anything. And then I moved out, got some breathing space and now we get along swimmingly, it always feels good to stop by and have a chat.
If you can afford it, get a place of your own, possibly with a roommate. Pick a good one, or you'll be in the same situation as with your parents. Living together with people is just gorram annoying if you don't have the zen to just block out all the annoyances. Especially with two people who have 20ish years of experience with bossing you around. That mentality doesn't just go away because you say you're an adult. You'll have to prove it and not being on the computer all day and doing the dishes without being asked isn't going to cut it.
Anyway, if any of you guys has tips on how to sleep well, please share. Ever since I returned home from my visit to my boyfriend, I've been unable to sleep well. It's a love-relationship-thing I guess. Yet, it's frustrating. Every evening I feel literally empty inside. I feel useless and don't know what to do. I sleep badly, often having to exhaust myself before I can actually go to bed by staying up late, which is slowly affecting my health. I feel tired, true, but I just don't want to go to sleep! It's a very weird feeling.
What @TheDemonInside said about exercise is absolutely true. If I didn't find it such a chore to get out there in the first place I'd suggest jogging or running as you get an amazing high and the the comedown is a really soothing sleep, but TBH I prefer cycling; dependent on where you choose to ride it can be quite mentally challenging as well as physically demanding, road riding means concentrating on not getting wiped out, rough terrain means concentrating on not wiping yourself out, but sometimes there's nothing like a traffic free good path to just ease you into a kind of meditative state. Whatever I do I always sleep well after I've been out cycling (God I miss my bike, can't wait to be reunited with it!)
@HORSE: I totally agree with your post. Very well written. I too very much dislike what we made of this world and do SOOO much long for a change of paradigm and a different way for nations, institutions, companies and we the people to get along with each other: Solidarity, real meaning, critical thinking etc. I can't formulate it as well as you.
I have no interest in talking about personal problems, like not being able to pay for school, or how my girlfriend left me and took my cat with her. I'm concerned with more meaningful topics. What makes me unhappy? I'm disappointed by the world around me.
I'm saddened by how we have fallen so far off course as a species and have become so materialistic and superficial.
You seem to think we were ever ON course. There's never been a time where all mankind was calm and wise and sat around nodding sagely at philisophy and solutions to problems that plagued the greater good. Mankind has always been materialistic, greedy, violent and superficial. We've just gotten better at communicating that through marketing and television.
Mankind has never been better off than they are now. A hundred years ago, the entirety of Europe were smashing eachothers heads in over territorial disputes, using poison gas and gatling guns vs slowly marching troops. America was having a gay ol' time, as long as you were a white man and didn't have to work in a factory for 18 hours a day where machines could saw your hands off at a moment's notice. The middle east and Africa were sandy and barren with only shattered countries fighting for territory. I've no idea what Asia was doing but I'm guessing drinking tea and reading manga wasn't high on their priority list then either. Child labor was normal, domestic violence, racism, homophobia and violence against anyone who wasn't 'your kind' was perfectly accepted. A hundred years before that and slavery was still a booming business over most parts of the globe. Women rights had the same level of credibility as unicorn sightings. People died of the flu, the shits, pneumonia's and infected cuts or a stiff breeze. Amputations and bloodletting were the catch-all solutions of medicine, anaesthesia wasn't invented so people were just liqoured up when they put a bonesaw to their leg. This mutilation also cost you a pretty penny, the poor could suck it. If you made it to 40-50, you were one of the elderly. If you have more than 5 children, you bet your ass one of them would die soon. Food was scarce for almost everyone except the rich, having 'bread' as your breakfast and dinner (lunch? whuzzat?) seven days a week meant you were doing reasonably well. The Church dictated everything for a thousand years. Didn't believe what you neighbour believed? One of you was about to get stoned/burned/staked or at least chased out of town. People paid thousands of florins or dingets or gold pieces to the church just so they would go to heaven. If you think church pedophilia is bad in recent years, think about all the years where this wasn't talked about and priests were literally untouchable by law and young boys and girls would be sent to the convent at a young age to live there forever. Religions have been declaring holy war for centuries on eachother, *everyone* was a fundamentalist. If you weren't, you were a heretic.
The world was a horrible, horrible place to live for basicly every time period.
Now, the European union has basicly made sure that while it lasts, the countries of Europe will never go to war with eachother. The United Nations do the same for all the Western countries. There are food drives for 3rd World countries that raise millions, there are international foundations dedicated solely to the protection of children and healthcare to people who can't afford it. While there is still war in the world, there hasn't been a huge balls-to-the-walls all out conflict in decades and considering the makeup of the current world, there might never be one anymore because almost every country is drowing in international, intercontinental allies and diplomacy is the most powerful weapon these days. Armies of countries are coming together not to bring war, but to maintain peace in troubled areas. Poor countries are getting richer and more developed every year. Democracy, freedom of speech and equal rights are coming to more and more countries (some more succesful than others). Medicine has never been this developed, people can have limbs replaced with mechanical parts, cancer is getting pushed back, aids sufferers can live a normal life and free healthcare is coming to increasing numbers of people.
You are frustrated because stupidity and vanity 'have become' favorable traits, but this is the first age of man where these traits are recognised as bad and people are starting to actually look at the development of the human race instead of just their own personal need for survival. Corporations do have way too much power, but awareness about this is increasing and more often than anytime in the history of mankind are large corporations (replacing nobility and rich merchants as the owners of power and controllers of the world) held accountable and scrutinised by the public. Media are often controlled or at least influenced by a political party or corporation, but in the past, media wered *owned* by those parties and didn't even pretend to be neutral.
Voices for change are getting stronger and stronger. The latest American election had mainsteam media reporting on how broken the system is, how ridiculous the dirt thrown at eachother was and how much lies were perpetrated by both candidates. This may sound bad, but it's always been like this only nobody gave a damn. The increased access to technology and ridiculous level of constant communication we have now means that authority figures are constantly under watch like never before, meaning that instead of just promising bullshit, they'll have to act on it.
We're not there yet, not by a long shot. There are still people starving, murdering and lying. Corrupt forces still have too much influence. We're still watching drivel like the Kardashians, Honey Boo Boo and Twilight. But the human race has never been this developed, this open to change and global betterment of the species, the protection of nature and safety of the weak. We're having some growing pains because of how rapidly the world is currently changing, but we've never gotten worse (except for the Dark Ages). Things will only get better from here.
I too sometimes wish there wasn't such a huge focus on money and consumerism in my country. It makes people forget what true happiness is. It's hard to give a definition of happiness, but I'm sure happiness isn't necessarily caused by materialism, as in, how much you possess. If you link happiness to consumerism, you'll never become happy, just for the simple reason that you'll never be satisfied. There will always be a better car than yours, there will always be better cameras produced, and so on. You just CAN'T be happy that way, because your life will never be 'complete'. That's why I hate capitalism so much. Because it promotes a false sense of happiness and security. I'm also fed up with women being constantly sexualized in the media. Mind you, men are idealised too, but especially the portrayal of women as sex objects bothers me the most. So if you don't have the right cup size, you're flawed? I know it's got to do with human idealism, but in the end, it's just a dream. Nobody is perfect. A woman can be beautiful on the outside, she could still be a huge bitch or have other issues. Same goes for men. But in the end, it's all about this shiny little coin. Very frustrating at times.
Sometimes I wonder if humanity will ever outgrow the use of money. We kill and die for what is, in reality, nothing more than pieces of painted paper...
I have to deal with people all day in a daily base and the older I get, the more I get convinced humans never really mature, they just grow. The nature of our childish reactions and tantrums may change with time but they are in essence the same behavior shown by children. Most humans are "always right". People seem to be unable to admit they may be wrong sometimes... Or that they don't know something.
I'm always amused when a client asks me something and I answer that I'll research the topic and return an answer when I'm convinced I have one to give. As if I had to know all the laws and court decisions by memory just because I'm a lawyer... Of course I know the frequent ones and can give an immediate answer to those, but if I ever told the kind of weird stuff that people do and then go look for lawyers to defend them you all would think I'm joking.
Human history shows humanity as a whole has no changed at all in millenniums. Our technology improves, but that's it. Humanity as a whole is immature, always happy to kill for a modicum of power, unable to do anything if it does not offer an immediate reward.
Let me close this rant with one of my favorites quotes "Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
Maybe I'm too pessimistic. Drugar made a lot of valid points. But I'm feeling very down today, doing the dishes did cost me a lot of energy (as well as taking a shower) and it hardly left me any for work, as I'm so condsumed by the feeling THIS ISN'T A WORLD I WANT TO LIVE IN. And usually I talk to my parents when I'm feeling down, they're a huge support for me and I talk to them daily, but they're not at their home and their mobile is off. Sometimes I'm real scared as to what will happen to me when my parents aren't there anymore, but then, there's a lot of people like me who have mental illnesses, are orphaned because they're already on or near pension-age and don't kill themselves and somehow manage to relatively flourish.
But right now I don't flourish, I'm sick of life. Negative things always stick more to my mind than the positive things like Drugar. Rationally, I think he's right on a lot of potions, emotionally, it doesn't connect, can't find the right slot in my braincells.
Boy. I was going to just vent about how horribly my tabletop RPGs are going, with people having little to no time and we never getting to play anymore, but after reading about some of your problems, I think I'm just going to walk away, ashamed for even thinking of bringing my petty issues here.
So, um... hang in there, guys. I know it's tough right now, but... yeah, I think I'll leave now.
Comments
"My boyfriend lives in another country."
We're on the same boat, then. There is many a nation between me and my girlfriend, and it gets incredibly hard sometimes to cope with the significant other's physical absence. We might be the same nationality, but I am the one that emigrated abroad(unwillingly, and before we met), and as such on top of my longing for her there is my longing for my native land, the faces and places left behind, with no chance of a prolonged visit(more than a couple of weeks a year) in the next four or so years. I wish you nothing more than to get out on your own with your boyfriend
On a positive note, my Penelope decided that if I can't find my way back to Ithaca, she'll take the matters into her own hands. She'll be over for a week later on this month
Oh, yes, and firmly on topic: *Sigh!*
Now I'm going to have to get a normal boring knifeblock.
Woe is me.
You are just letting your worries keep you awake. What I do personally that always works, is think about pornographic things. It sounds disturbing, but it does the trick. I stop worrying about work and fall right asleep.
If all else fails, there is what you could do after your "happy thoughts" lol. If that is not an option, Nyquil. I love Nyquil.
I'd love to stay awake but unless I'm actively talking or doing something, I'll be asleep before I know it. It's annoying at times, but awesome most of the time.
I do actually have something more substantial to bitch about other than knifeblocks (though that one wounds me nevertheless).
I started a new D&D game (Pathfinder to be exact) last month, loosely based on Baldur's Gate (after playing BG again) since nobody in my group had played it (Heathen pigdogs).
Right before we started, one of the four cancelled because he wasn't feeling like playing. He later said he was quitting alltogether, which was a shame (though I honestly didn't mind much as his version of roleplaying was "let's summon a monster, load him up with explosives and send him into an inn for lulz"). Now my roommate has moved, removing a second member of our group, leaving only two.
My girlfriend has expressed an intrest (yay) but only if someone else does all the math for her (attack rolls, damage, hitpoint tracking, skill checks, etc) and I go easy on her combat-wise because she doesn't like feeling threatened. The other option is another friend of mine who's a very experienced roleplayer and D&D'er and my favorite DM, but he's also emotionally very unstable right now after some relationship troubles (last game I had with him he suddenly started crying for about an hour, mid-session).
I'm...not sure about either, and I don't want to give up on this game either.
Meh!
An app or similar software kit to handle the math for her would be a possibility though...I'll have to look into it.
Thanks!
I'm saddened by how we have fallen so far off course as a species and have become so materialistic and superficial. I'm frustrated how the the Corporate entities of this world, have a stranglehold on everything from what we watch and eat to what laws are passed through Congress - I can't even watch a commercial on television, without being reminded how detrimental and damaging the advertisement business has become for our society.
I am frustrated how we live in a world with so much potential, and yet much of the progress we could be making is stifled by mechanics such as outdated economic systems, politics, and "healthy competition," which is a laughable term. I'm embarrassed to live in a world where millions of people are starving to death everyday, and although we can produce more than enough food to feed them, we do not, because of the lack of money, which is a commodity that does not exist in the natural world nor does it posses any intrinsic value.
I find it counterproductive that although we are planet of around 8 billion people, we find it necessary to constantly segregate, separate and fight amongst ourselves for resources and territorial gain. Even within a given nation, we are always looking for ways to separate ourselves from others - democrats vs Republicans, Black vs white, gay vs strait, rich vs poor, Eagles fan vs Cowboys fan, etc.
It saddens me how stupidly and vanity has become more favorable traits over critical thinking and questioning what you 'know.' I'm frustrated how people are so desperately dependent and reliant on the current system, that offering new ideas or ways of thinking about the world around them, are met with defensive tones and ignorant naysayers spouting off how they are nothing more than idealistic pipe dreams or utopian nonsense.
I am embarrassed to be apart of humanity in this point in time. This world is like a circus, but not even like a well put together entertaining circus. It's like on of those traveling mom and pop shows, with mediocre acts and performers that constantly mess up their routines. My everyday life, whether it be witnessing the behavior of the general public or simply watching TV, is met with facepalm after facepalm.
When I talk about my work, I rather get snarky comments about what I'm doing wrong, instead of getting a few, just a few supportive words. I've heard my mom saying I'll never get my current assignment done on time more often than that she's said something positive. Also, the threatening still continues. You see, the mother of my boyfriend wrote a very kind and sweet letter to my family. She described me as a 'little angel', because I was so kind. Personally, I think that's an exaggeration, I mean, we didn't talk much, heh. But in all honesty I can say that I am overall a very polite and friendly person. Unless I'm pissed off, of course. So what does my mom do after having read that comment? Turn the comment into a condition. I have to behave as a 'little angel' too at home, or my boyfriend can't come over. It annoys me to no end. And it of course only fuels the threats. 'Looks like you still got a far way to go until your boyfriend can stay here!' and such things. It makes me so furious. Really. It's all so...childish. Why can't they communicate with me like adults? Why the threats? It only makes me feel miserable, it makes me feel like a criminal in my own house. Once my mom called me a thief because I had taken 15 euros for food at college. Another time she called me a loser because I love playing games. Because, y'know, games are for kids. And that while she likes to play Blitz (a game like Bejeweled) from time to time herself.
I have come to the realisation that we cannot longer live together as a family. I mean, things have changed. It's so easy to make someone upset in this house, and it makes me feel so unhappy. Because we fuss over the smallest, stupidest things. Things not even worth mentioning. And I keep on asking myself: Why? Why is it like this? What have I done wrong? Is it my fault? I just want my family to be happy again, like on the old videos from the past. But I guess that at some point...something just has been broken.
On the parent thing. I'm not sure what your age is or other factors, so I'm not sure if moving out is an option for you, but when you will find as you get older it gets harder and harder to live under your parent's roof and have them treat you like an adult. When I moved out my relationship improved a lot with my parents, not that it was dysfunctional, but I was having similar feelings that you are describing, even if the situation wasn't the same. Even if it means less spending money, it was worth it to me at the time.
The last two-ish years of living with my parents were very destructive for my wellbeing (it wasn't a good time for my wellbeing anyway, girlfriend cheated on my, failed my study, etc). My dad constantly bothered me to do stuff around the house (50% being fixing his computer), my mother critizised everything I did and both constantly harped on me every day for anything.
And then I moved out, got some breathing space and now we get along swimmingly, it always feels good to stop by and have a chat.
If you can afford it, get a place of your own, possibly with a roommate. Pick a good one, or you'll be in the same situation as with your parents.
Living together with people is just gorram annoying if you don't have the zen to just block out all the annoyances. Especially with two people who have 20ish years of experience with bossing you around. That mentality doesn't just go away because you say you're an adult. You'll have to prove it and not being on the computer all day and doing the dishes without being asked isn't going to cut it.
My bit of love and poetry for you guys and gals to spread some cheer.
Be happy people.
It is so satisfying when a well structured sentence is created and sent out into the wilderness for others to absorb, digest and discard.
But occasionally the little sweet nuts, that you scatter can make the eyes chew and ponder. The possibility of a reaction, a rash of thought.
Did you find a nut, sentence gastronome, eater of words?
Zzzz...
Neo-liberalism made this world into a hell and we ourselves have become for the most part, part of it:
There's never been a time where all mankind was calm and wise and sat around nodding sagely at philisophy and solutions to problems that plagued the greater good.
Mankind has always been materialistic, greedy, violent and superficial. We've just gotten better at communicating that through marketing and television.
Mankind has never been better off than they are now. A hundred years ago, the entirety of Europe were smashing eachothers heads in over territorial disputes, using poison gas and gatling guns vs slowly marching troops. America was having a gay ol' time, as long as you were a white man and didn't have to work in a factory for 18 hours a day where machines could saw your hands off at a moment's notice. The middle east and Africa were sandy and barren with only shattered countries fighting for territory. I've no idea what Asia was doing but I'm guessing drinking tea and reading manga wasn't high on their priority list then either.
Child labor was normal, domestic violence, racism, homophobia and violence against anyone who wasn't 'your kind' was perfectly accepted. A hundred years before that and slavery was still a booming business over most parts of the globe. Women rights had the same level of credibility as unicorn sightings.
People died of the flu, the shits, pneumonia's and infected cuts or a stiff breeze. Amputations and bloodletting were the catch-all solutions of medicine, anaesthesia wasn't invented so people were just liqoured up when they put a bonesaw to their leg. This mutilation also cost you a pretty penny, the poor could suck it. If you made it to 40-50, you were one of the elderly. If you have more than 5 children, you bet your ass one of them would die soon.
Food was scarce for almost everyone except the rich, having 'bread' as your breakfast and dinner (lunch? whuzzat?) seven days a week meant you were doing reasonably well.
The Church dictated everything for a thousand years. Didn't believe what you neighbour believed? One of you was about to get stoned/burned/staked or at least chased out of town. People paid thousands of florins or dingets or gold pieces to the church just so they would go to heaven. If you think church pedophilia is bad in recent years, think about all the years where this wasn't talked about and priests were literally untouchable by law and young boys and girls would be sent to the convent at a young age to live there forever. Religions have been declaring holy war for centuries on eachother, *everyone* was a fundamentalist. If you weren't, you were a heretic.
The world was a horrible, horrible place to live for basicly every time period.
Now, the European union has basicly made sure that while it lasts, the countries of Europe will never go to war with eachother. The United Nations do the same for all the Western countries. There are food drives for 3rd World countries that raise millions, there are international foundations dedicated solely to the protection of children and healthcare to people who can't afford it.
While there is still war in the world, there hasn't been a huge balls-to-the-walls all out conflict in decades and considering the makeup of the current world, there might never be one anymore because almost every country is drowing in international, intercontinental allies and diplomacy is the most powerful weapon these days.
Armies of countries are coming together not to bring war, but to maintain peace in troubled areas.
Poor countries are getting richer and more developed every year. Democracy, freedom of speech and equal rights are coming to more and more countries (some more succesful than others).
Medicine has never been this developed, people can have limbs replaced with mechanical parts, cancer is getting pushed back, aids sufferers can live a normal life and free healthcare is coming to increasing numbers of people.
You are frustrated because stupidity and vanity 'have become' favorable traits, but this is the first age of man where these traits are recognised as bad and people are starting to actually look at the development of the human race instead of just their own personal need for survival.
Corporations do have way too much power, but awareness about this is increasing and more often than anytime in the history of mankind are large corporations (replacing nobility and rich merchants as the owners of power and controllers of the world) held accountable and scrutinised by the public.
Media are often controlled or at least influenced by a political party or corporation, but in the past, media wered *owned* by those parties and didn't even pretend to be neutral.
Voices for change are getting stronger and stronger. The latest American election had mainsteam media reporting on how broken the system is, how ridiculous the dirt thrown at eachother was and how much lies were perpetrated by both candidates. This may sound bad, but it's always been like this only nobody gave a damn. The increased access to technology and ridiculous level of constant communication we have now means that authority figures are constantly under watch like never before, meaning that instead of just promising bullshit, they'll have to act on it.
We're not there yet, not by a long shot. There are still people starving, murdering and lying. Corrupt forces still have too much influence. We're still watching drivel like the Kardashians, Honey Boo Boo and Twilight.
But the human race has never been this developed, this open to change and global betterment of the species, the protection of nature and safety of the weak. We're having some growing pains because of how rapidly the world is currently changing, but we've never gotten worse (except for the Dark Ages).
Things will only get better from here.
I have to deal with people all day in a daily base and the older I get, the more I get convinced humans never really mature, they just grow. The nature of our childish reactions and tantrums may change with time but they are in essence the same behavior shown by children. Most humans are "always right". People seem to be unable to admit they may be wrong sometimes... Or that they don't know something.
I'm always amused when a client asks me something and I answer that I'll research the topic and return an answer when I'm convinced I have one to give. As if I had to know all the laws and court decisions by memory just because I'm a lawyer... Of course I know the frequent ones and can give an immediate answer to those, but if I ever told the kind of weird stuff that people do and then go look for lawyers to defend them you all would think I'm joking.
Human history shows humanity as a whole has no changed at all in millenniums. Our technology improves, but that's it. Humanity as a whole is immature, always happy to kill for a modicum of power, unable to do anything if it does not offer an immediate reward.
Let me close this rant with one of my favorites quotes "Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
But right now I don't flourish, I'm sick of life. Negative things always stick more to my mind than the positive things like Drugar. Rationally, I think he's right on a lot of potions, emotionally, it doesn't connect, can't find the right slot in my braincells.
So, um... hang in there, guys. I know it's tough right now, but... yeah, I think I'll leave now.