@Drugar I like your wall of text, except I personally disagree that "things are getting better." I've come to realize that "nothing changes, just rearranges." I try to do good things for everyone in my life, there will always be plenty of people working against my progress but I'm still going to do the best I can. In DnD terms I'm Neutral Good. :P But anyway, that aside ... I like your positive attitude. Good post
@Djimmy Seen it but I still love it ... especially "Here's a full cup. Now shut the full cup."
One way of becoming happier is to let go off negative experiences in the past. It worked for me. I might still be a cynical person, I try to look for happiness in the small things. Some silly online game, a good mark on a test, the satisfying feeling of having finished an assignment, the daily mails from a friend or your lover... It is such things that keep me going.
@Tilly, @Kitteh_On_A_Cloud: you're right, I look at the big picture too much. Very depressed now, so I should start looking for something small and positive today. Well, the collagues I'm going to work with in 2 hours are warm and friendly people. And though work feels hard right now, I've probably got the quality's what it takes to be chairman of the meeting we are planning to hold on the end of this month with active clients from all around the region - (Is client a proper english word, as a less stigmatizing alternative for patient? In Holland it is. I always have trouble talking about my work in English, as I don't know how to translate our jargon. I don't even know what my function is called in English. Interest-holder? Interest as in 'belangen'=that which is important for patients, holder as in 'behartiger'=someone who stands up for them, what on Faerun is it called in English??).
There was a topic on the GOG fora, 'what is the hardest thing you did in your life' (I'm Dub Conqueror there). Beside me, there were 2 others on the same page telling dealing with depression/mental illness was the hardest thing they did. And the hardest of all: it will last the whole life probably.
There was a topic on the GOG fora, 'what is the hardest thing you did in your life' (I'm Dub Conqueror there). Beside me, there were 2 others on the same page telling dealing with depression/mental illness was the hardest thing they did. And the hardest of all: it will last the whole life probably.
First of all, I'm Dutch (even though I'm not from Holland) so I understand your pain. Don't worry, I understood what you meant with 'belangenbehartiger'. It's not the easiest of words, that's for true! I wouldn't know how to properly translate it into English either. XD But if you're looking for some useful website on economical/juridical terminology: I just made a whole assignment about it, so I could perhaps give you some useful links, if you wish.
As for depression, I sometimes get really depressed, yes. I think real depression hit me when my first lover cheated on me behind my back. It wasn't what you would call a 'normal' relationship', as we had yet to meet each other for real, but it sure felt like real love to me. And then he just basically dumped me. The only person of whom I felt that truly cared for me and understood me. It's a horrible feeling. I felt sick for about two months until I finally got over it. He's left some mental scars, though. I don't trust people that easily anymore, especially men. It's just something that happens when you decide to give all of your heart to one person.
Fortunately (for me), I happened to come across another guy who's worth true gold, my current boyfriend. I know I've been bragging about him quite a lot, but honestly, he deserves it. He dragged me out of that black pit of depression I was slowly drowning in. We make a great couple. Yet, love isn't the one and only thing that can make you happy in life, though. You know what makes me happy too? Seeing our lazy cat walk around our garden. Just like that. He's adorable when not being an opportunistic jerk.
Other things...Well, I've already named them. A silly game, a book, a drawing that looks what you wanted it to look like, getting some nasty work out of the way, quitting with smoking, having a drink with friends, being together with family...These are all small things that somehow bring some happiness into your life and you should thus cherish such moments. Yeah, society sucks pretty bad, but you just gotta concentrate on what gives you that satisfied feeling, that little bit of happiness. And if you do that, you'll slowly start to feel better about yourself.
Believe me, I'm a REALLY cyncial person. But if it weren't for those small happy things, I wouldn't have been sitting here and typing this anymore.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud: Funny surprise you being dutch too. I've been wondering what country it is you're living in, being so built-up and not having much nature. Before you wrote of not living in the same country as your lover, I assumed you were a fellow countrywoman of Cheesebelly.
I know too about unhappy relationships. I for myself took the decision, which made me happy (not implying that it's a prescription for someone else) to decide to stay on my own. My last two relationships were complicated. I'm very passionate, trustful and in need of closeness, but the two last girls I was involved with, had problems with intimacy, one because of earlier trauma's, the other because of PDD-NOS (a little bit on the autistic side). And then there was my own illness. I need lots of free time on my own to recover from the impressions of work and meeting people. Also I'm very passionate about my work and all in all the last relationship it all took too much energy from me: my girlfriend wanting to spend more time with me yet being emotionally aloof, my work, my worries about the world. It gave me breathing space for myself to quit the relationship and decide I wouldn't want one again. I'm happy, as happy as you can be with recurring depressions, on my own.
*edit: and one thing I do hate is people saying "oh, but you might/will find someone some day who you'll be happy with", as if it's something everybody should strive for. No I won't find someone because I don't want someone. I'm fine as it is, thank you. Sometimes I feel like a surpressed minority because of this ;-). Well, I'm white, heterosexual male, so being surpressed a bit shouldn't hurt. ;-)
Finally, your kitten is "i's adorable when not being an opportunistic jerk". He's a male kitten? ;-)
That's 3 jokes for cheerfullness.
Thanks for giving me a nice start of the day. Taking joy in small things is a good remedy.
@Son_Of_Imoen: Nope, long distance relationship, I'm afraid. In the beginning it felt a bit awkward. I already described our first meeting somewhere in a previous post. It's only after a few meetings that I really started to like my boyfriend. You see, after my first relationship, I decided to no longer believe in the concept of falling in love at first sight. During the meetings with my current boyfriend, I was more careful and decided to observe his behaviour, his actions and his values. Eventually I came to the conclusion that he indeed was a good person with the heart in the right place. Very rational, I know. Unfortunately, I also suffer from some intimacy issues, especially on the physical field. But I think that also has to do with a lack of experience. Thus far, I'm still pure, you see. Also, I never had that many male friends during my childhood and never was that interested in the male body. Yet, I'm not a lesbian, nor asexual. Sounds weird, I know. Just like my username, I spent most of my childhood sitting on a little cloud, dreaming and drawing. I think I was too boring for guys to have any interest in me (most guys like female attention, afterall!). I just focused on studying. I still do now, although I know to not neglect my man either. Love is a learning process. It's accepting another person in your life, which sometimes is hard for me, because I'm pretty much a loner. But on the other hand he makes me feel safe and appreciated, which is something I've always been looking for in life. Not that I can't stand up for myself, but it's nice to have a soulmate at your side. Yet, some people, like you, find happiness in being on their own, which is perfectly fine. When on your own, you have more freedom. You decide what to do, when to do it, or to do nothing at all and be lazy. It's a form of happiness too, and if it makes you feel comfortable, stay that way. Nobody's forcing you to have get together with someone. It's your life, your decision. Do what is best for you. As for our cat, well, he isn't really a kitten anymore. Rather a full-grown, lazy bastard. And yeah, he's male (we think). The gener keeps on being a bit of a mystery, oddly enough. You see, he's not really our cat, rather a stray who has gotten used to take advantage of us with his cuteness in order to get some food. He came to our house on a Christmas day, about two or three years ago. I remember how my sister and I fed him some raw salmon (part of the main dish we ate back then) and how he loved that. Ever since then he has been hanging around in our garden. My dad even built a small wooden house for him to sleep in during cold nights. Pcassionally he manages to get inside and roll over on the mat lying in our kitchen (he sure loves his mat). He's become really tame too. He used to scratch me with his nails, but now he hardly does that anymore. So yeah, he's become the house's best client for dinner in the evening.
@Son_Of_Imoen: Nope, long distance relationship, I'm afraid. In the beginning it felt a bit awkward. I already described our first meeting somewhere in a previous post. It's only after a few meetings that I really started to like my boyfriend. You see, after my first relationship, I decided to no longer believe in the concept of falling in love at first sight. During the meetings with my current boyfriend, I was more careful and decided to observe his behaviour, his actions and his values. Eventually I came to the conclusion that he indeed was a good person with the heart in the right place. Very rational, I know. Unfortunately, I also suffer from some intimacy issues, especially on the physical field. But I think that also has to do with a lack of experience. Thus far, I'm still pure, you see. Also, I never had that many male friends during my childhood and never was that interested in the male body. Yet, I'm not a lesbian, nor asexual. Sounds weird, I know. Just like my username, I spent most of my childhood sitting on a little cloud, dreaming and drawing. I think I was too boring for guys to have any interest in me (most guys like female attention, afterall!). I just focused on studying. I still do now, although I know to not neglect my man either. Love is a learning process. It's accepting another person in your life, which sometimes is hard for me, because I'm pretty much a loner. But on the other hand he makes me feel safe and appreciated, which is something I've always been looking for in life. Not that I can't stand up for myself, but it's nice to have a soulmate at your side. Yet, some people, like you, find happiness in being on their own, which is perfectly fine. When on your own, you have more freedom. You decide what to do, when to do it, or to do nothing at all and be lazy. It's a form of happiness too, and if it makes you feel comfortable, stay that way. Nobody's forcing you to have get together with someone. It's your life, your decision. Do what is best for you. As for our cat, well, he isn't really a kitten anymore. Rather a full-grown, lazy bastard. And yeah, he's male (we think). The gener keeps on being a bit of a mystery, oddly enough. You see, he's not really our cat, rather a stray who has gotten used to take advantage of us with his cuteness in order to get some food. He came to our house on a Christmas day, about two or three years ago. I remember how my sister and I fed him some raw salmon (part of the main dish we ate back then) and how he loved that. Ever since then he has been hanging around in our garden. My dad even built a small wooden house for him to sleep in during cold nights. Pcassionally he manages to get inside and roll over on the mat lying in our kitchen (he sure loves his mat). He's become really tame too. He used to scratch me with his nails, but now he hardly does that anymore. So yeah, he's become the house's best client for dinner in the evening.
@Djimmy: A celibate virgin is a virgin who abstains from sexual relations as a conscious decision and has no plans to lose virginity unless there is some condition that must be met in order to no longer be celibate. In my case, there is not.
A virgin is simply someone who has not had sexual intercourse.
One who is celibate is someone who abstains from sexual relations, but could have had them in the past prior to the decision to being celibate.
I was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, just last year in fact. I'm not as far up the scale as many, since I of course do enjoy fantasy and fiction. What it really seems to mean in my case is that I'm very introverted, and have a hard time communicating what I think and feel to others, and I can't stand being in places with a lot of noise and people.
It's not usually a problem, except when other people find it hard to understand that I simply don't like going to pubs and clubs and the like; I always just withdraw into myself when I'm there and don't really have a good time at all. I understand sports; I'm just not interested in them. Just leave me at home with a book and a good movie, and I'll be happy.
I become annoyed and frustrated when people don't seem to understand the things I do, even though I'm aware that I might just not be adequately communicating it. I think that's why, when I first found the internet, I would go onto forums and just rant a lot, and maybe came across as a bit of a troll. I was just venting my frustration at the world, which I was unable to in real life. In real life when something annoys me I tend to just quietly seethe. As far as ranting on forums goes, I'm much more laid back about things now. I think.
Even so, some things do annoy me. Like the use of the word 'whining', or rather misuse.
There are examples from the game of course; people calling Aerie a whiner, because obviously her problems are her own fault and she should never have let herself be captured by slavers, abused for many years, and have her wings amputated thus permanently isolating her from her home and family... clearly, the bhaalspawn has bigger problems, like what to do with the pantaloons. But, no; Aerie doesn't whine. She only tries to confide in the bhaalspawn with her problems, because clearly she thinks, mistakenly or no, that she can trust him.
The word whining means to constantly complain about trivial things. It does not mean sometimes complaining about a gigantic thing.
Now I'm not interested in discussing Aerie. She's a fictional character who I really like, because obviously I empathize with someone who is a bit introverted and socially awkward, but still goes out into the world and tries to reach out to people. But not everyone has to like her or welcome her coming to them with her problems, and really it's quite trivial of me to even bring her up again.
But, I do see people treated the same way in real life, and the same sorts of labels applied to people. There are genuine whiners of course, who we see all the time on MTV shows. But some trauma is real, and the word whining often feels like a form of denial; convincing themselves that everything is right and perfect in the world, and so these people must have somehow bought whatever problems they have on themselves. It's not the case, and denying things only ever helps exasperate them.
Again, I'm introverted, so I don't really like people coming to me with problems in real life. It makes me feel awkward as I never know what to say to them. So I'm not saying everyone else should welcome it either... but don't tell them they're whining. Not only is it a misuse of the English language, you're just making things worse for everyone.
That was the first rant I've had in a while. I feel good now.
Serious question: Have you guys any idea on why someone would want to constantly provoke people and make them upset?
You see, my brother is like that. He constantly tries to stir trouble in our family, God may know why. It's very subtle, but in the end, we all end up getting angry and shout at each other. And then he runs off. He really has become quite the tormentor. It upsets me and makes me sad, because it once again shows me how my family just can't live in harmony with each other. The same with my dad. He sometimes just says something stupid to upset my mom and doesn't even apologize for it afterwards, like for example calling her stupid. So far, me and my sister are the only 'normal' people here at home. I especially feel sorry for my sister, because she has to grow up in such a dysfunctional family. She's in her puberty right now, which adds to the trouble.
You know what upsets me most? That my family has to make a fuss out of every. small. thing. EVERY. SMALL. STUPID. THING. It can go as far as a box of cereal, keys or even toilet paper! Everything has to end up in a discussion and eventually a quarrel here at home. There never is some peace. It makes me sad, because I keep on asking myself 'why?'. Why is there a quarrel about a box of cocoa powder? Why is not wanting to go to a family party such a problem? Why do they need to shout at me to wake up in the morning instead of telling me 'good morning, did you sleep well?' (honestly, is it that much to ask for?) I think the problem is that we don't sufficiently treat each other with the respect we all deserve. But still, I just can't put my finger on what exactly is the trigger of many discussions in this house, what exactly is the source of all this anger. It just has made me distant from my family, that's for sure.
Returning to my original question, though. Do you guys have any idea why a guy of 24 years old still has to act like a retarded kid trying to stir up trouble and make everyone fight each other? Does it have to do with testosterone or something? Pent-up frustration? Does he LIKE it when we are all at each other's throat again? I honestly have no idea, but it has caused me to avoid getting into any discussions with my brother as off lately. Maybe he should finally find himself a decent girlfriend. (not like the two previous girlfriends he had, because to be honest, they were no good at all. One cheated on him with another guy while she was drunk, another called off the relationship right after they both had spent a nice weekend at my parents' beach house. The nerve of some girls, really. F*cking sluts.)
Why is that second one a slut, if I may ask? Reconsidering a relationship isn't slutty at all in my opinion, but cheating on someone is never okay indeed, although I really hate the word slut. You don't call a guy who cheats a slut. Anyway.
I kinda like to stir up some trouble too sometimes. Throw a nice bit of gasoline over a situation and see how it unfolds. I only do it when there is no real harm done though and I think your brother just does what I did back in puberty because of frustration: acting out. I'd probably not be very happy with myself either if I was 24 and still living at my parent's house. Does he have a serious job? (The girlfriend-thing is true too, probably.)
And about your family... Sounds to me like you guys should really talk about this stuff sometime. Are your parents compatible? (That's a forward question though.) Most of the time the first step to improving something is talking about the things that are going wrong. By the way, where did you move to, England? Just curious.
Your brother is actually pretty smart imo. He sees an opportunity to make those around him show their true colors, and that probably satisfies him. If it didn't work so easily, and your family really was compatible, then it wouldn't happen. Maybe he is just expediting the end of a bad situation.
Sorry if that sounds blunt. It just makes the most sense to me.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud - sometimes boys/men (people) just like to make trouble or push someone until they react, it is a way he can control the situation. Like @LukevanV said, maybe he just likes to kick open the ant hill and see what happens.
I just got called the source of all problems in my family. You see, every day I have to swallow this kind of shit. I'm always the one who overreacts, always the one that causes trouble... While I just want peace. That's all. Blissful peace. No quarrels about anything. But I'm afraid that my family just doesn't understand me or even wants to listen to me. At the age of 23, I deserve some basic respect, me thinks, no? Apparently not. Everyone's too busy with their own selfish business to listen to others. I'll be out of here soon. Just a few more years...
Okay, I'm sorry but now I'm going to have to post that thing I mentioned a while ago, concerning my relatively petty D&D matters. What with having been betrayed for another time.
See, there's this game we were having, about two years ago. It was supposed to be about exploring Faerun, on AD&D 2nd edition. That's my favorite setting on my favorite system, and the favorite style of gaming: lighthearted adventure time where we would get on a bunch of adventures all along the face of Toril, and possibly a bit of other planes later on. It was an online game, played through IRC by people that had never met each other, but we were all awesome people and none of the problems of online gaming (unreliability, inaccountability, etc.) had ever touched us.
For the first few months, it was just as fantastic as I thought it would be, everything I was promised and more... I still consider it one of the finest campaigns I've ever had during my roleplaying career. We got a lot of gaming done and had a lot of fun. Most of us got to DM something to each other, or just to one or two persons, sometimes starting from something as simple as a random comment of "The butter golem attacks! What will you do?" We all had plenty of time, could log in almost daily, and play something for several times a week. So it was pretty great.
Then our main DM had to leave the game because he was going to get married. The girl involved was this other RPG geek, likewise enjoying AD&D, so she was naturally a keeper for him and a pretty nice person when she ever got online. But of course, it meant we had one person less in our group now. We tried to keep going, since the rest of us could all DM a mean game too and had more than enough guys to keep on going.
Then another player stopped showing up. He didn't say anything about it beforehand, but we knew for a fact that he was very seriously ill, and apparently not supposed to live past his mid-thirties. He had disappeared for a few days before, on several occasions, but this one lasted a couple weeks at least, which naturally got us all incredibly worried. Then he logged back in, said that he was fine, and that he had had a bit of a sudden heart problem, something he had not anticipated.
He disconnected no longer than five minutes after that, and that was the last we ever saw of him. He was one of the best players and DMs I've ever had the privilege of playing with, not the least because he managed to drag himself to the game almost daily in spite of having a life-threatening condition: every single player I've had to deal with since then, every single one that would leave us without a word or bail out on a session because of some minor petty reason - every single one of them is put to shame by this one guy.
Unfortunately, I am pretty sure he cursed our game with his dying breath, put some evil clause that it would see horrible misfortune should we dare to continue without him, for after his passing, the game would pretty much stop being fun. This was more than a year and a half ago - when the game was just a few months old.
Yet we continued. We tried to recruit more people, more DMs, because at this point it had been the best game we had ever been in, and we wanted to see it continue no matter what. Yet none of them could hold the candle to those we had lost: most of them would stick around for a week or two at most, and even those weeks rather erratically and not around as much as we'd like, before disappearing without so much as a half of a reason or a farewell. Another of our original people, always a bit volatile (in spite of being a genius in improvisational DMing), likewise left our ranks - similarly without a word of warning, blocking us on all connections we had on him and deleting his character sheet. Of the original players that had started this thing, only me and one other person are now left.
Still, we had managed to gather up some more semi-permanents. We even managed to play with them for a while, and start up some awesome quests. However, the other of the original players had gotten a new job, which left him with less gaming time (though he would still get online daily, bless him), and the other one had rather erratic work schedule and we would usually not hear when he is free until a few days in advance. The third seems to have a bit of a strange and wild real life, which leaves him with occasional surprising bail-outs and even when he's here, he's often distracted and does not do much. The other new guy is sometimes rather slow, and tends to go afk without warning. And the third? He's here basically all the time, always ready to play, and a great roleplayer... but of the two hours or so we had time to play each week, if we were lucky, like three quarters were spent talking with his character about her ridiculous issues and roleplaying.
A little more than a week ago, one of the people mentioned above had a vacation, and the other one had a whole day off. We were supposed to play, for once, like six or seven hours on two days of the week. Everyone had arranged for it, everyone said they would be here. In the end, absolutely no one was.
That, I think, was when I snapped. This game had driven me mad. It was what I had always wanted to have, it was what I would have loved to have played - and indeed did love - and my character had, in spite of all the troubles, reached his seventh level - seventh! In two years of gaming, he should be somewhere in his mid-teens at least, if not well past twenty... yet seven levels were more than enough to get him an incredible amount of stories and get me more emotionally attached to him than I had to very few of my characters.
I think, in my madness, I drove one of the other players away - I really only asked him why he was so slow all the time, and didn't even say "brb" when he went off the keyboard, but apparently it sounded worse to him, because he disconnected immediately and I have not heard of him since. Another has had worse real-life issues than in a while, that seems to have gotten him disinterested to the whole game at least until the end of the month, when he's supposed to get some more time to himself.
I managed to scrape in some new people. As hard as it is to imagine, they are even worse. It feels like every single set we get here is worse than the one before - how does that make any sense? One of them makes the slow guy from above look like a greased lightning: he once called me by name to say something, I asked "What?" not a minute later, and had to wait for ten minutes for his response. That's what finally got me to make this post.
This game... it is not alive. It has not been alive for a year and ten months. Yet I cannot let it go to rest, for I have too much emotion attached to it, too many shattered hopes and crushed dreams, too many stories already accumulated to my character. It has become an undead abomination, fueled by all those bittersweet emotions, when it should be allowed to just sleep and be forgotten. The other person, the guy that has been with me ever since the beginning of this campaign, agrees with me: but his mental fortitude and willpower are on an entirely different level as mine, which seems to have allowed him to maintain his sanity and a healthy attitude... unlike for me.
We could let it go, yes? We could just start entirely over, with new characters and a new group, no? Wish for a better luck this time, maybe? And I might even do that, I might even endure the breaking of my heart that would happen if I did it, the annihilation of the very last hope and optimism I have left somewhere in my soul... if I believed it would do something at all. No, there is no reason whatsoever why things would become any better if we started over... it would not, after all, fix the people, make them more reliable and give them more time to hang out with us, or make them see just how badly I am hurt by them.
Apparently, only one in a thousand, a million, would be willing to risk his life and health to get to us and play - and I had the good fortune to know just the sort of a person for a while. I cannot blame the others if they do not, but I would wish they would at least have a little better reasons for leaving than they really do, a little more faithfulness and will to play with us. Instead of just... disconnecting without a word, like most of them have done.
I just wanted to play something. I just wanted to have fun with good friends in doing some collective storytelling and having grand adventures with characters. There is no one to play with where I live: I am so lonely I have to rely upon the Internet, where everyone is scum.
Well, fuck that shit. I guess I'll just stop giving a damn and go do something else with my life, that doesn't involve real human beings.
@Chow: Wow, that certainly was a passionate post. I understand how much this game meant/means to you, but in the end, it's still a game, a means to pass your free time. Eventually more important things pop up in people's lives at some point. It's sadly unavoidable. I cannot speak out of the perspective of a real roleplaying fan, as I have never participated in such games (my city has few roleplaying shops, it's not really part of our culture for as far as I have seen). People get married, get a job...It's the way of life. Well, for most people it is. You can't do anything about it except for hoping other people will show up. I think the biggest issue is thar nowadays real tabletop games have been replaced by virtual RPG games on discs. Such games ironically discourage the player to get inspired and go back to the roots of roleplaying, as they offer a whole adventure of their own, specifically made for the player to experience by themselves, without need of others. It could also be a society thing. In very individualistic societies, social gatherings, especially of subcultures, are becoming increasingly rare, as they get pushed into a corner. I got this feeling when visiting F.A.C.T.S. In Ghent once. Even though it was a convention centred on fantasy and RPGs, it didn't feel...natural. Something in the atmosphere didn't feel right to me. I literally felt like walking around in one of society's subcultural corners, where flags with 'Here you can be controversial!' were being waved around. Meh, maybe it was just me feeling uncomfortable. I did manage to find some nice artbooks there, though, so no loss.
Serious question: Have you guys any idea on why someone would want to constantly provoke people and make them upset?
I had a cousin who was a bit like that. He would come in and just start throwing insults around, and trying to start arguments and fights between other people. And of course, he got far, far worse when he started drinking as well. I think it was just because he wasn't at all happy with himself and the direction his own life was taking.
Nowadays, he's gone back to college to seriously study music, which is what he loves, and he's got a very nice girlfriend, and is himself generally a far happier more considerate person.
@Coutelier: Well, my brother's changed studies for the third time. You'd think that by now he should've found something to his liking. There's no reason why the whole family should suffer just because of his issues alone. You don't behave like an asshole and ruffle everyone's feathers like that. It just isn't nice. If he has issues, why doesn't he just TALK about them? I'd have much more respect for him if he just communicated honestly with us instead of leaving the whole family angry at each other. Oh well...At least he isn't home that often nowadays. Creates a bit of peace. Hopefully he'll get better when his friggin' exams are finally over.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud: I know people sometimes don't have the time or real life gets in the way. I'd just like it if they actually bothered to tell me about it beforehand, which they for the most part don't.
Whether it's why they're leaving, why they can't be here today to play, or just when they get off the computer for a few minutes.
I seriously don't get it. Real-life roleplaying seems to thrive, even though people have to usually drive around to get to each other's places, which can last for hours. Online, all they need to do is to be in front of the computer when the game is on, and could really do so rather often on their free time, which allows potential for much more gaming. Yet it doesn't ever seem to work.
What does it take to ask them to actually honor the schedules when they're made, not get distracted by other things on the Internet, or not log out immediately without explanation if they're a little angry about something?
@Lythunyl: Now that's a gross generalization. It's not because my family acts like a jerk at times that all Dutch people suck. Family issues appear in every culture. I honestly don't see the analogy you're trying to make here.
He was just making a joke. At the root of your problem may also lay the fact that you take things pretty seriously. I also know a couple of people who tend to get mad/irritated at things quickly, because they interpret them in the worst way. Most people can't be arsed to always be considerate with that, nor should they. But I'm not saying that's all there is to it. I don't know your family. Back to work. This forum is too much of a 'sog' for me these days. (Dutch people will know.)
@LukevanV: It's because I see what is truly happening around me. Might also be because I've become increasingly cynical. It's also the fact that whenever I give one of my family members a gift, I always regret it later on. Logical conclusion: I decided to save up my money for better things and people who are truly worth it.
You know what irks me also? You see, my sister had this group work she has to do for one of her classes at school. Group works are never fun, because there's always problems with arrangements such as where to come together, at which hour, etc. Now I just heard that there's one person, a girl, that thus far has never shown up on the group meetings. My sister told me that the first time, there was no clear reason, and the second time it was because that girl had private classes about the Koran (so I presume she's a Muslim girl). It kinda ticks me off, because I personally think that religion should NEVER come before work, especially work for school.
Now I know that religion is quite the sensitive subject and that it involves a lot of political correctness, but personally I think this is unacceptable. I know that Muslim people value their religion a lot, which is fine and good for them, but sometimes such things clash with other, to me more important things. Afterall, the Koran is not going to save you when you run out of money, have no job or get bad grades. Pray all you want, it just ain't gonna solve anything. Undertaking something yourself, THAT will move you forward in life.
To me, the Bible is just a book. I've had classes about the Bible at university, which showed me quite another side to this holy document. Personally I don't value the Bible at all, as I am not really preoccupied with religion as a whole. I just believe in a Heaven, because my deceased grandmother deserves a good final resting place. Other than that? Not much. I guess I'm kinda cyncial, heh.
I seriously don't get it. Real-life roleplaying seems to thrive, even though people have to usually drive around to get to each other's places, which can last for hours. Online, all they need to do is to be in front of the computer when the game is on, and could really do so rather often on their free time, which allows potential for much more gaming. Yet it doesn't ever seem to work.
Maybe Levinas can explain? Morality stems from seeing into the face of your fellow being, face-to-face. Human behaviour on the internet suffers from people being anonymous to eachother. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levinas
I seriously don't get it. Real-life roleplaying seems to thrive, even though people have to usually drive around to get to each other's places, which can last for hours. Online, all they need to do is to be in front of the computer when the game is on, and could really do so rather often on their free time, which allows potential for much more gaming. Yet it doesn't ever seem to work.
Maybe Levinas can explain? Morality stems from seeing into the face of your fellow being, face-to-face. Human behaviour on the internet suffers from people being anonymous to eachother. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levinas
I thought it was called Online Disinhibition Effect.
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@Djimmy Seen it but I still love it ... especially "Here's a full cup. Now shut the full cup."
As for depression, I sometimes get really depressed, yes. I think real depression hit me when my first lover cheated on me behind my back. It wasn't what you would call a 'normal' relationship', as we had yet to meet each other for real, but it sure felt like real love to me. And then he just basically dumped me. The only person of whom I felt that truly cared for me and understood me. It's a horrible feeling. I felt sick for about two months until I finally got over it. He's left some mental scars, though. I don't trust people that easily anymore, especially men. It's just something that happens when you decide to give all of your heart to one person.
Fortunately (for me), I happened to come across another guy who's worth true gold, my current boyfriend. I know I've been bragging about him quite a lot, but honestly, he deserves it. He dragged me out of that black pit of depression I was slowly drowning in. We make a great couple. Yet, love isn't the one and only thing that can make you happy in life, though. You know what makes me happy too? Seeing our lazy cat walk around our garden. Just like that. He's adorable when not being an opportunistic jerk.
Other things...Well, I've already named them. A silly game, a book, a drawing that looks what you wanted it to look like, getting some nasty work out of the way, quitting with smoking, having a drink with friends, being together with family...These are all small things that somehow bring some happiness into your life and you should thus cherish such moments. Yeah, society sucks pretty bad, but you just gotta concentrate on what gives you that satisfied feeling, that little bit of happiness. And if you do that, you'll slowly start to feel better about yourself.
Believe me, I'm a REALLY cyncial person. But if it weren't for those small happy things, I wouldn't have been sitting here and typing this anymore.
I know too about unhappy relationships. I for myself took the decision, which made me happy (not implying that it's a prescription for someone else) to decide to stay on my own. My last two relationships were complicated. I'm very passionate, trustful and in need of closeness, but the two last girls I was involved with, had problems with intimacy, one because of earlier trauma's, the other because of PDD-NOS (a little bit on the autistic side). And then there was my own illness. I need lots of free time on my own to recover from the impressions of work and meeting people. Also I'm very passionate about my work and all in all the last relationship it all took too much energy from me: my girlfriend wanting to spend more time with me yet being emotionally aloof, my work, my worries about the world. It gave me breathing space for myself to quit the relationship and decide I wouldn't want one again. I'm happy, as happy as you can be with recurring depressions, on my own.
*edit: and one thing I do hate is people saying "oh, but you might/will find someone some day who you'll be happy with", as if it's something everybody should strive for. No I won't find someone because I don't want someone. I'm fine as it is, thank you. Sometimes I feel like a surpressed minority because of this ;-). Well, I'm white, heterosexual male, so being surpressed a bit shouldn't hurt. ;-)
Finally, your kitten is "i's adorable when not being an opportunistic jerk". He's a male kitten? ;-)
That's 3 jokes for cheerfullness.
Thanks for giving me a nice start of the day. Taking joy in small things is a good remedy.
As for our cat, well, he isn't really a kitten anymore. Rather a full-grown, lazy bastard.
As for our cat, well, he isn't really a kitten anymore. Rather a full-grown, lazy bastard.
A virgin is simply someone who has not had sexual intercourse.
One who is celibate is someone who abstains from sexual relations, but could have had them in the past prior to the decision to being celibate.
It's not usually a problem, except when other people find it hard to understand that I simply don't like going to pubs and clubs and the like; I always just withdraw into myself when I'm there and don't really have a good time at all. I understand sports; I'm just not interested in them. Just leave me at home with a book and a good movie, and I'll be happy.
I become annoyed and frustrated when people don't seem to understand the things I do, even though I'm aware that I might just not be adequately communicating it. I think that's why, when I first found the internet, I would go onto forums and just rant a lot, and maybe came across as a bit of a troll. I was just venting my frustration at the world, which I was unable to in real life. In real life when something annoys me I tend to just quietly seethe. As far as ranting on forums goes, I'm much more laid back about things now. I think.
Even so, some things do annoy me. Like the use of the word 'whining', or rather misuse.
There are examples from the game of course; people calling Aerie a whiner, because obviously her problems are her own fault and she should never have let herself be captured by slavers, abused for many years, and have her wings amputated thus permanently isolating her from her home and family... clearly, the bhaalspawn has bigger problems, like what to do with the pantaloons. But, no; Aerie doesn't whine. She only tries to confide in the bhaalspawn with her problems, because clearly she thinks, mistakenly or no, that she can trust him.
The word whining means to constantly complain about trivial things. It does not mean sometimes complaining about a gigantic thing.
Now I'm not interested in discussing Aerie. She's a fictional character who I really like, because obviously I empathize with someone who is a bit introverted and socially awkward, but still goes out into the world and tries to reach out to people. But not everyone has to like her or welcome her coming to them with her problems, and really it's quite trivial of me to even bring her up again.
But, I do see people treated the same way in real life, and the same sorts of labels applied to people. There are genuine whiners of course, who we see all the time on MTV shows. But some trauma is real, and the word whining often feels like a form of denial; convincing themselves that everything is right and perfect in the world, and so these people must have somehow bought whatever problems they have on themselves. It's not the case, and denying things only ever helps exasperate them.
Again, I'm introverted, so I don't really like people coming to me with problems in real life. It makes me feel awkward as I never know what to say to them. So I'm not saying everyone else should welcome it either... but don't tell them they're whining. Not only is it a misuse of the English language, you're just making things worse for everyone.
That was the first rant I've had in a while. I feel good now.
You see, my brother is like that. He constantly tries to stir trouble in our family, God may know why. It's very subtle, but in the end, we all end up getting angry and shout at each other. And then he runs off. He really has become quite the tormentor. It upsets me and makes me sad, because it once again shows me how my family just can't live in harmony with each other. The same with my dad. He sometimes just says something stupid to upset my mom and doesn't even apologize for it afterwards, like for example calling her stupid. So far, me and my sister are the only 'normal' people here at home. I especially feel sorry for my sister, because she has to grow up in such a dysfunctional family. She's in her puberty right now, which adds to the trouble.
You know what upsets me most? That my family has to make a fuss out of every. small. thing. EVERY. SMALL. STUPID. THING. It can go as far as a box of cereal, keys or even toilet paper! Everything has to end up in a discussion and eventually a quarrel here at home. There never is some peace. It makes me sad, because I keep on asking myself 'why?'. Why is there a quarrel about a box of cocoa powder? Why is not wanting to go to a family party such a problem? Why do they need to shout at me to wake up in the morning instead of telling me 'good morning, did you sleep well?' (honestly, is it that much to ask for?) I think the problem is that we don't sufficiently treat each other with the respect we all deserve. But still, I just can't put my finger on what exactly is the trigger of many discussions in this house, what exactly is the source of all this anger. It just has made me distant from my family, that's for sure.
Returning to my original question, though. Do you guys have any idea why a guy of 24 years old still has to act like a retarded kid trying to stir up trouble and make everyone fight each other? Does it have to do with testosterone or something? Pent-up frustration? Does he LIKE it when we are all at each other's throat again? I honestly have no idea, but it has caused me to avoid getting into any discussions with my brother as off lately. Maybe he should finally find himself a decent girlfriend. (not like the two previous girlfriends he had, because to be honest, they were no good at all. One cheated on him with another guy while she was drunk, another called off the relationship right after they both had spent a nice weekend at my parents' beach house. The nerve of some girls, really. F*cking sluts.)
I kinda like to stir up some trouble too sometimes. Throw a nice bit of gasoline over a situation and see how it unfolds. I only do it when there is no real harm done though and I think your brother just does what I did back in puberty because of frustration: acting out. I'd probably not be very happy with myself either if I was 24 and still living at my parent's house. Does he have a serious job? (The girlfriend-thing is true too, probably.)
And about your family... Sounds to me like you guys should really talk about this stuff sometime. Are your parents compatible? (That's a forward question though.) Most of the time the first step to improving something is talking about the things that are going wrong. By the way, where did you move to, England? Just curious.
Sorry if that sounds blunt. It just makes the most sense to me.
See, there's this game we were having, about two years ago. It was supposed to be about exploring Faerun, on AD&D 2nd edition. That's my favorite setting on my favorite system, and the favorite style of gaming: lighthearted adventure time where we would get on a bunch of adventures all along the face of Toril, and possibly a bit of other planes later on. It was an online game, played through IRC by people that had never met each other, but we were all awesome people and none of the problems of online gaming (unreliability, inaccountability, etc.) had ever touched us.
For the first few months, it was just as fantastic as I thought it would be, everything I was promised and more... I still consider it one of the finest campaigns I've ever had during my roleplaying career. We got a lot of gaming done and had a lot of fun. Most of us got to DM something to each other, or just to one or two persons, sometimes starting from something as simple as a random comment of "The butter golem attacks! What will you do?" We all had plenty of time, could log in almost daily, and play something for several times a week. So it was pretty great.
Then our main DM had to leave the game because he was going to get married. The girl involved was this other RPG geek, likewise enjoying AD&D, so she was naturally a keeper for him and a pretty nice person when she ever got online. But of course, it meant we had one person less in our group now. We tried to keep going, since the rest of us could all DM a mean game too and had more than enough guys to keep on going.
Then another player stopped showing up. He didn't say anything about it beforehand, but we knew for a fact that he was very seriously ill, and apparently not supposed to live past his mid-thirties. He had disappeared for a few days before, on several occasions, but this one lasted a couple weeks at least, which naturally got us all incredibly worried. Then he logged back in, said that he was fine, and that he had had a bit of a sudden heart problem, something he had not anticipated.
He disconnected no longer than five minutes after that, and that was the last we ever saw of him. He was one of the best players and DMs I've ever had the privilege of playing with, not the least because he managed to drag himself to the game almost daily in spite of having a life-threatening condition: every single player I've had to deal with since then, every single one that would leave us without a word or bail out on a session because of some minor petty reason - every single one of them is put to shame by this one guy.
Unfortunately, I am pretty sure he cursed our game with his dying breath, put some evil clause that it would see horrible misfortune should we dare to continue without him, for after his passing, the game would pretty much stop being fun. This was more than a year and a half ago - when the game was just a few months old.
Yet we continued. We tried to recruit more people, more DMs, because at this point it had been the best game we had ever been in, and we wanted to see it continue no matter what. Yet none of them could hold the candle to those we had lost: most of them would stick around for a week or two at most, and even those weeks rather erratically and not around as much as we'd like, before disappearing without so much as a half of a reason or a farewell. Another of our original people, always a bit volatile (in spite of being a genius in improvisational DMing), likewise left our ranks - similarly without a word of warning, blocking us on all connections we had on him and deleting his character sheet. Of the original players that had started this thing, only me and one other person are now left.
Still, we had managed to gather up some more semi-permanents. We even managed to play with them for a while, and start up some awesome quests. However, the other of the original players had gotten a new job, which left him with less gaming time (though he would still get online daily, bless him), and the other one had rather erratic work schedule and we would usually not hear when he is free until a few days in advance. The third seems to have a bit of a strange and wild real life, which leaves him with occasional surprising bail-outs and even when he's here, he's often distracted and does not do much. The other new guy is sometimes rather slow, and tends to go afk without warning. And the third? He's here basically all the time, always ready to play, and a great roleplayer... but of the two hours or so we had time to play each week, if we were lucky, like three quarters were spent talking with his character about her ridiculous issues and roleplaying.
A little more than a week ago, one of the people mentioned above had a vacation, and the other one had a whole day off. We were supposed to play, for once, like six or seven hours on two days of the week. Everyone had arranged for it, everyone said they would be here. In the end, absolutely no one was.
That, I think, was when I snapped. This game had driven me mad. It was what I had always wanted to have, it was what I would have loved to have played - and indeed did love - and my character had, in spite of all the troubles, reached his seventh level - seventh! In two years of gaming, he should be somewhere in his mid-teens at least, if not well past twenty... yet seven levels were more than enough to get him an incredible amount of stories and get me more emotionally attached to him than I had to very few of my characters.
I think, in my madness, I drove one of the other players away - I really only asked him why he was so slow all the time, and didn't even say "brb" when he went off the keyboard, but apparently it sounded worse to him, because he disconnected immediately and I have not heard of him since. Another has had worse real-life issues than in a while, that seems to have gotten him disinterested to the whole game at least until the end of the month, when he's supposed to get some more time to himself.
I managed to scrape in some new people. As hard as it is to imagine, they are even worse. It feels like every single set we get here is worse than the one before - how does that make any sense? One of them makes the slow guy from above look like a greased lightning: he once called me by name to say something, I asked "What?" not a minute later, and had to wait for ten minutes for his response. That's what finally got me to make this post.
This game... it is not alive. It has not been alive for a year and ten months. Yet I cannot let it go to rest, for I have too much emotion attached to it, too many shattered hopes and crushed dreams, too many stories already accumulated to my character. It has become an undead abomination, fueled by all those bittersweet emotions, when it should be allowed to just sleep and be forgotten. The other person, the guy that has been with me ever since the beginning of this campaign, agrees with me: but his mental fortitude and willpower are on an entirely different level as mine, which seems to have allowed him to maintain his sanity and a healthy attitude... unlike for me.
We could let it go, yes? We could just start entirely over, with new characters and a new group, no? Wish for a better luck this time, maybe? And I might even do that, I might even endure the breaking of my heart that would happen if I did it, the annihilation of the very last hope and optimism I have left somewhere in my soul... if I believed it would do something at all. No, there is no reason whatsoever why things would become any better if we started over... it would not, after all, fix the people, make them more reliable and give them more time to hang out with us, or make them see just how badly I am hurt by them.
Apparently, only one in a thousand, a million, would be willing to risk his life and health to get to us and play - and I had the good fortune to know just the sort of a person for a while. I cannot blame the others if they do not, but I would wish they would at least have a little better reasons for leaving than they really do, a little more faithfulness and will to play with us. Instead of just... disconnecting without a word, like most of them have done.
I just wanted to play something. I just wanted to have fun with good friends in doing some collective storytelling and having grand adventures with characters. There is no one to play with where I live: I am so lonely I have to rely upon the Internet, where everyone is scum.
Well, fuck that shit. I guess I'll just stop giving a damn and go do something else with my life, that doesn't involve real human beings.
See why I didn't feel like bothering you?
Nowadays, he's gone back to college to seriously study music, which is what he loves, and he's got a very nice girlfriend, and is himself generally a far happier more considerate person.
I wonder why gamer comunities always have such a heavy Dutch representation.
Whether it's why they're leaving, why they can't be here today to play, or just when they get off the computer for a few minutes.
I seriously don't get it. Real-life roleplaying seems to thrive, even though people have to usually drive around to get to each other's places, which can last for hours. Online, all they need to do is to be in front of the computer when the game is on, and could really do so rather often on their free time, which allows potential for much more gaming. Yet it doesn't ever seem to work.
What does it take to ask them to actually honor the schedules when they're made, not get distracted by other things on the Internet, or not log out immediately without explanation if they're a little angry about something?
Now I know that religion is quite the sensitive subject and that it involves a lot of political correctness, but personally I think this is unacceptable. I know that Muslim people value their religion a lot, which is fine and good for them, but sometimes such things clash with other, to me more important things. Afterall, the Koran is not going to save you when you run out of money, have no job or get bad grades. Pray all you want, it just ain't gonna solve anything. Undertaking something yourself, THAT will move you forward in life.
To me, the Bible is just a book. I've had classes about the Bible at university, which showed me quite another side to this holy document. Personally I don't value the Bible at all, as I am not really preoccupied with religion as a whole. I just believe in a Heaven, because my deceased grandmother deserves a good final resting place. Other than that? Not much. I guess I'm kinda cyncial, heh.