@LukevanV: I got insomnia and anxiety issues that evolved during the last couple of years. I never told anyone about it, though. And yes, I got slapped. Twice, on my shoulder. Also, my upper arm got grabbed firmly till it hurt. And I'm supposed to bear with this. Makes me all the more want to get out of my 'home' and go live on my own. At least then I know I won't get slapped after helping another person.
God, I'm so fed up with the constant WHINING of my parents. I know I'm doing the same here, but where else can I go to? It's not like I could just leave. I wouldn't know where else to go to. And I know them, they're crazy enough to drag me back home anyway. I just wish I could speed up time and have me own independent life already. Guys, be happy with your careless parents, if you got them. Mine are unbearable at times. Really unbearable. *sigh* Oh, and don't get me started on games. They're the tool of the devil, they're childish and they make me lose my ambition, apparently. I really can't ave a say in anything here. Know why I go through long nights? Because everyone's asleep and I can finally have some peace at such times. No threats, no complaints, no judgements, no orders, nothing. I just want to be left alone.
I've the opposite problem. I'm an adult, I've got some money, my mother is telling me to get independent, there's nothing still keeping me home along with my parents. It's just... so comfy.
@Chow: You can't stay home forever. Guess what, my ex was 38 and still living with his mother, lol. Should've realised that's quite pathetic. But oh well... Love, eh. Trust me, it's better to get out and establish a life of your own. You'll have to learn how to cook and wash clothes eventually. I will have too. I've grown up with this mindset that staying home is the best thing to do. I even don't feel any compulsion to get out and explore the world. I think that is why I'm still passively swallowing all of the daily crap that happens to me. It's because I have gotten used to it. I know it's bad, but on the other hand, where else can I go right now? All of the money is in the hands of my parents. Even money that I would earn myself and that I would put on my banking account, would still be supervised by my dad, because he's the one who keeps all financial things in check at home. I don't feel independent at all here at home. That's why I would be so happy with a place of my own. I would gladly work to earn the monthly rent, even. But it's just my parents not letting me go, despite of them having often said I should get out. I've seen my dad walking nervously around in the evening until my brother came home from a party. Things like that sure leave an impression on yourself.
I know how to cook and all that other stuff: even though I live with my parents, I do much of those things myself sometimes, am the one to do the shopping for the most part, and so forth. I am not entirely helpless, but I guess I'm just afraid of a bigger change, and unwilling to go for it when how things are at present seems to work for me just fine.
I would be better off in the long run if I did, but it's hard to shake it all off.
@Chow: That's good to hear. I personally even have trouble baking scrambled eggs. XD Cooking never was one of my talents. Fortunately my boyfriend likes to cook, so that evens us out a bit. Maybe you could go live together with a friend for a while? Rent an appartment for a couple of months and see how you manage? All changes require adapting. But who knows, maybe you'll come to the conclusion it wasn't such a bad decision afterall. It's your choice, though.
All of the money is in the hands of my parents. Even money that I would earn myself and that I would put on my banking account, would still be supervised by my dad, because he's the one who keeps all financial things in check at home.
I, of course, don't know the situation at your place, but considering you're 22, don't you have your own bank account? And if you're a studying Dutchman, you should get money from the government (I think 60ish per month at home, 220ish when you're out on your own, more if your parents don't make that much money or if you've signed that you're taking no help from them). That should get you a starting point, getting a job for 15-20 hours a week will fill the rest of the bills. At your age, there should be no legal way for your parents to control anything about you financially, unless your dad keeps a seperate tab of his own bank account for you as 'your' account.
As such, if you've got the cash (few thousand in start-up money I suggest), I suggest moving out asap. You don't need their permission.
Just a quick post to say that I can relate to and emphasize with many of the "unhappiness" posts I've read in this thread. I've had more than my share of hardships in life too (though I won't go into details right now) and sometimes struggle with depression.
Though the past and hardships can drag us down if we let it, try to let it go (I know we can't forget certain things, but, learn from it and then move ahead), think and act positive and good things can come into your lives. I realize that advice is easier-said-than-done, but we can try our best right? One foot forward, one step at a time.
A big *Virtual Hug* to you all. Best wishes!
PS: I'm attaching a picture I just seen today that put a bit of a smile on my face (I don't know the code how to post images into posts here yet, so just click on it to see in larger size).
All of the money is in the hands of my parents. Even money that I would earn myself and that I would put on my banking account, would still be supervised by my dad, because he's the one who keeps all financial things in check at home.
I, of course, don't know the situation at your place, but considering you're 22, don't you have your own bank account? And if you're a studying Dutchman, you should get money from the government (I think 60ish per month at home, 220ish when you're out on your own, more if your parents don't make that much money or if you've signed that you're taking no help from them). That should get you a starting point, getting a job for 15-20 hours a week will fill the rest of the bills. At your age, there should be no legal way for your parents to control anything about you financially, unless your dad keeps a seperate tab of his own bank account for you as 'your' account.
As such, if you've got the cash (few thousand in start-up money I suggest), I suggest moving out asap. You don't need their permission.
To be honest, I don't know much about banking accounts. I just get some monthly allowance on it to pay my phone bills and for food at college. Financially, I'm quite ok. In the past, it was worse, but that was mainly because of me being an idiot. I'll never spend so much on a so-called 'relationship' again, lol. Phone bills were outrageous. It was all messed up.
Getting a banking account and figuring out how to use it is the first and most important step for independence. It's when you control your own finances, and before you do that, you can't much move away either.
Your parents really have an unorthodox way of parenting if I understand all your stories correctly. I've had my own account(s) since I was... 11, I think. You have to grow up someday.
@LukevanV: I know. The problem is that they won't LET me grow up. They seem to want to keep me as their little kid.
I'll tell you guys another story about something that frustrates me a LOT. You see, most people of my age have the ability to buy things from the internet. I can't. When I saw our comrade @SandmanCCL's D&D painted figurines, I really felt like wanting to paint such figurines myself. I thought I'd found a possible new hobby. The problem is that D&D shops have become quite rare in my local area due to roleplaying being such a niche and subculture where I live. Most shops don't even sell figurines and have to order their own goods online. So the only possible solution was to buy figurines online, on Amazon or such. Well, I'm almost 23, and I can't. I can't decide for myself what to spend my money on. Whenever I imply to my parents I'd like to order something online, my dad must know what it is. It has to be ordered from his own account, because he, of course, does have a wide array of Visa and whatnot cards for buying online. The thing is, whenever it isn't a book for school or something related to games, he'll refuse, saying it's childish and I have better things to do, like watching German movies and reading The Economist to practice my German and English for school.
My parents don't care about my hobby's. They really, utterly don't. They're only interested in school results. They wave games away as being corrupting and childish. My mom even once called me a loser for still playing games. Nice, huh? I can't be myself that way, so I have stoped talking about my hobbies to my parents. Even drawing pictures is already crossing the line. Because by now, I should put myself in nice lady suits, put make up all over my face, go out with friends and do whatever I actually don't WANT to do, lol. I just want to play Skyrim. Is that too much to ask for? No, acording to my dad, my PC is controlling my brain case. I'm indoctrinated. He said that right after me having helped my parents throughout all of the weekend, putting the dishes on table, doing the laundry and making tea for my currently ill mother. Yeah. I spend all day on PC now, do I? Give me a break. So yeah, I'm afraid I won't be painting figurines till I'm 30 and have a job. I'm afraid I'll have to let slip another couple of sale seasons on Steam just because I can't pay, while having 90 euros monthly on my banking account. I'm afraid I'll still have to ask my boyfriend to buy me games on Steam and feel bad and guilty about it because I can't buy these games online myself.
Do you know what I did one day? I went to the bank myself and ordered a card. It was no problem...until I got a document that had to be signed by my parents. I'm still a student, so I don't have a real job yet. Normal parents would be okay with this. They weren't, those paranoid... Ugh. They think I can't handle money. There is of course the time where I was still in love with my ex. It was a long-distance-relationship. As I had an arcahic phone without internet (so no opportunity to send and receive free e-mails from, say, Gmail), I had to rely upon text messages, as the internet got shut down in the evening to force everyone to get off the PCs. I had time constraints on my PC anyway, even if I were 18 back then. Hah, hilarious, knowing that PC was actually a BIRTHDAY GIFT for my 18th birthday. Let's just say they were trying to keep this poisonous piece of technology in check. I had 2 hours a day. But that's beside the point. So I had to rely on text messages. End result: 100 euros a month on my phone bill. Bad idea, wasted time and wasted my innocence too, as that guy I was in love with blatantly cheated on me behind my back months before I got to know of it. I think that ever since then my parents have decided I'm incompetent with money.
Five years later. I'm now in a healthy relationship. I only spend the obligatory 30 euros a month for my mobile phone package offering me free text messages and 250 free MB of internet a month. I still don't have a debit card. I still don't have freedom. I still don't have gained back their trust. Because, my dad once said it explicitily, I can't be trusted with 'their' money.
I know I already wrote a wall of text before, but I wanted to apologize. I mean, I know that I write a lot here. I just don't want to come over to you all as some kind of spoiled brat who wines about everything in her life. I actually DO have a good life and many of my problems are what you could call typical First World problems. Trust me, I also want people in Africa to have nice lives, I also want gay people to be more accepted in Russia, I also want endangered animal species to keep on living and I also worry about our world's economy and ecological problems. It's just that these are small personal issues that make my own life...less than desirable.
It's just that I got nobody to tell these issues to, and it's also out of curiosity as to what you people think, to be honest. Please tell me when I'm exaggerating in my posts, or when I'm acting immature. I don't want to give you people a false or 'fake' image of myself. Everything I write here has happened for real. I've been through those embarrassing moments and they're still very much alive in my memory and in the scars in my heart. No kidding. I think all of us experience things like these on a daily basis, or let's say, sometime in their lives. It's not nice when such things happen. I only want people to be happy. I only want to find happiness myself. I should write a book, heh.
I realise that I've been writing a very one-sided story here thus far. My family isn't really that horrible. They're all great people and I love them very much. My dad, for example, DOES pay my plane flights so that I can go visit my boyfriend. He DOES care about us all a lot and works hard for us. Same goes for my mom. It's just that these little things make me a bit sad and they keep on nagging me ocassionally. But as I said, I live quite a good life, let's not be mistaken about that. I'm being fed, I got clothes and I can study for as long as I like. It's no problem for my parents and I am very grateful for that. I just wish everyone in my family to be happy as well. I wish for harmony. And I can't always have that.
Just thought I'd write this down as well. I don't want to be a liar.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud Don't worry about venting your sorrows here. I'd have loved to have such a place wimth sympathetic people around back when I was in a somewhat similar situation to your own some 15 years ago. Just for you to have an idea, the last time my parents tried to treat me as a child was when I married 11 years ago and my mother called me at my work and DEMANDED a copy of the keys of my house. She went ballistic when I said no but I think she finally realized her 28 years old married son who happenned to be a lawyer working with one of the largest law firms in town was no longer a child. She didn't speak a single word to me or my wife for some six months after that though
You guys have some sheltering parents indeed! I only gave my girlfriend a key. Which was quite smart... Because I forgot to take mine a couple of weeks ago. That would've been a crappy bill. And I think that is the main problem in your situation, Kitteh. Your parents need to get in touch with some parenting cliché-stuff. You need to be able to make your own mistakes. Etc. Etc.
My parents just worry too much. We live in a relatively safe neighbourhood (in 20 years we've only been burglarized twice and neither occassion was really grave...just jewels and other small things taken away), and close to a big main road for public transport, which also is safe. Most people in our twon have a good sense of decency too, so yeah, nothing bad at all. Yet they keep on warning me and my siblings about this and that... It's quite funny sometimes. But it also shows they care a lot about us. So yeah, we're quite a hectic family and tensions usually rise high, but we all got the heart in the right place.
But I still want my debit card for internet stuffs. *is spoiled* -3-
Which reminds me... My dad always made me put a bit of money in my sock whenever I went to the 'big cities' as a child. If I got mugged, I would always have a leftover 10 or 20 left then. And like a good kid I obeyed too of course. :P
Which reminds me... My dad always made me put a bit of money in my sock whenever I went to the 'big cities' as a child. If I got mugged, I would always have a leftover 10 or 20 left then. And like a good kid I obeyed too of course. :P
@Kitteh: I think most families are "dysfunctional" in some ways (some worse than others). You seem to have a good perspective of things, so keep working towards some personal goals in your life and you can achieve much. You're right that in most cases, if we think about it, there's many more people out there with much worse horrible problems and situations than ourselves (and then I can think, "Who am I to complain about my small problems and situation in comparison?").
That being said, it's still your life, and you want to find some peace, happiness, balance and quality to it. And you can't really be of much help to others until you learn to help yourself first (a problem I often made in my life, trying so hard to fix other peoples problems or meet others expectations, even to the detriment to myself or putting myself in a worse situation).
You are of adult age now, so it seems strange the bank (or wherever you applied to for a credit card) would require your parents signature (but, I guess it depends on the banks rules, where you live, etc..). Maybe there's a way you can get one of those Pre-Paid credit-cards (you load it up with money yourself, and only can spend the amount you put load onto it), or some places may offer those gift-credit-cards / pre-loaded credit cards (like they have an amount already loaded it, but once you spend that amount then you can't re-load them).
Anyways, keep working towards your goals one step at a time, and eventually things will fall into place, and you can achieve the independence you want. It can (will) happen. I know that sometimes we are quite limited in some choices due to circumstances / situations. Remember to think and act positive, and good things can happen in your life.
My mom's just gotten better again and we've already had our first quarrel. It only confirms what I said earlier: ungratefulness. This just has to stop.
Okay, a few other things which frustrate me SO much. First of all, my mom apparently doesn't know what 'privacy' means. She never knocks on my door, and if she does, she usually doesn't even wait for my permission and just barges in, no matter when I'm then currently dressing myself from a shower or not. It's highly irritating. I don't barge into HER room when she is getting dressed. You think it's common decency, but apparently to her it's not. Another thing that really PISSES ME OFF is the fact that both my parents are STILL telling me when to get up and when to go to sleep. My age doesn't matter to them. I'm not being viewed and respected as an adult here at home when it comes to both privacy and deciding when to go to sleep. Isn't this just laughable? They're still treating me like their little girl. Fuck no, just see me as an adult already. Seriously, if any of you have any ideas on how to solve either or both of aforementioned issues, please do tell me. I'm so getting fed up with having to have my life being controlled (and messed up) by my parents. I really am. This morning was the same, btw. Apparently 8 am is 'the' magical hour for waking up, even during my vacations. My mom just didn't want to leave my room until I got up. So friggin' embarrassing. I finally managed to force (yeah, force) her out of my room, but she always returns, annoying me endlessly until I finally do what she says. Only then she is satisfied. The other day she would sit on my bed only to make me clean my room under her supervision. It's sometimes REALLY embarrassing and somewhere deep inside, I hope I'll never become like my ol' folks. Give a 22-year-old some space, please.
Btw, this topic should be re-named 'Kitteh_On_A_Cloud's daily rants' as I seem to be the only one often posting in this topic, heh. I'm just not as cheerful and happy and jumpy as most girls of my age are, I guess.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud : Try to sit down (maybe with a cup of tea) and have a mature, calm and open-minded conversation with them as an adult. See if you can set some ground-rules about some things regarding your privacy and such. Explain that you respect them and their privacy, and as an adult you expect the same, along with other issues you want to bring up.
Of course they may see you as their "little girl" and not as an "adult". Or, they may come up with the old tired argument (as a lot of parents do) of "As long as you're living under our roof, you'll do what we tell you and abide by our rules, and you have no privacy". And ultimately, that may be the answer too.
Fair enough, they're right in that sense that it's their-place, so it's their rules... and as they still see you as their "little girl" and not as an adult woman, chances are they will go on being the same way.
But, at least you tried, and keep calm and peaceful in your manner through it. Don't get drawn into an argument.
You may need to consider adding a lock on the inside of your door for when you want privacy. But, then of course your parents may not allow it / may remove it.
Ultimately, and probably the case, until you leave their place and go out on your own, you won't have the independence or privacy or be treated as an adult that you are hoping for, so you may want to take steps towards that (moving out on your own).
Perhaps it's not what you wanted to hear, but from personal experience, coming from a dysfunctional family, most times a very negative / depressing and even abusive home environment (I won't go into details about that now), it wasn't until I moved out on my own that I had the independence, privacy and some peace of mind that I wanted as an adult.
@LoneWolfDon: Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it. I've already complained to them about it, but they don't really seem to 'get' it. Or they just don't care. Now I know that having a good rhythm in daily life is important, but thus far my getting up late and likewise going to sleep late has almost never gotten in the way of my daily life. In the past three months of college, I only missed two classes due to sleeping late. And that was even for a course you could study very well on your own. I never miss out on classes on purpose. College is too important to me, especially if the courses are interesting on top of that. I even spent one and a half month on making a good final paper for one of my courses, one that was focused on economical and juridical terms. As a possible future translator, it's important to know some more technical lingo too in case you gotta translate a political or juridical document. Anyway, yeah, I think I'll only have full freedom when living on my own. It won't be easy, of course, but what actually IS easy in life?
Btw, this topic should be re-named 'Kitteh_On_A_Cloud's daily rants' as I seem to be the only one often posting in this topic, heh. I'm just not as cheerful and happy and jumpy as most girls of my age are, I guess.
I'll rant instead then, just to give it more variety.
See, the thing about me is, I'm a very nice person, really; I don't yell at people or lose my temper... well, that's not entirely true. I can't remember when the last time I lashed out at someone was; what usually happens when something annoys me is I seethe inside, but don't say anything. And I'll still be annoyed about it weeks later, but still just seething and being polite to people.
The other thing is that, I'm an atheist. I used to believe in everything when I was very young; god, ghosts, big foot, alien abduction... but as I got older I grew more rational. However, the rest of my family, including my parents, are very Roman Catholic. They're good people and don't usually try to force their beliefs on me, or at least seem to have given up for the most part. Except for the other day...
They started trying to get everyone in the family to sign a petition against gay marriage. I'm not gay, but homosexuals getting married doesn't bother me at all. Just like with heterosexual couples, if it's what they want and they feel they can make the commitment, why not? It's not like they're trying to stop other people getting married, is it? But I tried to explain all this to my parents, but... it's like they don't hear me. Or they still imagine I'm a good little catholic school boy kneeling in church, listening intently to the priests every word and trying to prove I'm more good than all the other catholic school boys. But I don't want to get into an argument with them which might end in raised voices and hurt feelings all round... so in the end I just made an excuse to leave.
I'm hoping they'll forget about it... but I'm not sure that they will, and will keep badgering me.
Tell them you won't sign it, but you also won't stop them from signing it if they absolutely want to. You disagree with them and hope they wouldn't do it, but if they absolutely have to, then they can go right ahead.
If they still won't listen, just let all that stuff come in through one ear and out of the other, or try to change subject whenever possible.
@Coutelier As a familiy you should be able to sort it out. Everybody is right on their own but in terms of family, science and religion have many common points of view.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud you worry about your independence and to some extend this is a good sign. You have realized things for sure. But the time will come soon when you will look back and laugh at your past worries. Don't carry the world on your shoulders.
You've been robbed twice? I've never had my house broken into. I'm so glad I live in Texas and we have king of castle laws in place. It really deters someones will to break into your house when they know there is a fairly large chance they won't be leaving alive.
Also, if what some other guy said was true, that your government gives you money while in school, couldn't you just leave, and not tell them where you are going?
Wow, my dad and mom both got keys when I bought my first house, and it was the opposite. They weren't sure if they should take them and I insisted, and then the promised they would only use them if it was an emergency etc... and I was like come in wherever you want, I don't care. (This was only because I could obviously trust them to not be nosey.) 6 months?! Whaaaaaat?
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I would be better off in the long run if I did, but it's hard to shake it all off.
At your age, there should be no legal way for your parents to control anything about you financially, unless your dad keeps a seperate tab of his own bank account for you as 'your' account.
As such, if you've got the cash (few thousand in start-up money I suggest), I suggest moving out asap. You don't need their permission.
Just a quick post to say that I can relate to and emphasize with many of the "unhappiness" posts I've read in this thread. I've had more than my share of hardships in life too (though I won't go into details right now) and sometimes struggle with depression.
Though the past and hardships can drag us down if we let it, try to let it go (I know we can't forget certain things, but, learn from it and then move ahead), think and act positive and good things can come into your lives. I realize that advice is easier-said-than-done, but we can try our best right? One foot forward, one step at a time.
A big *Virtual Hug* to you all. Best wishes!
PS: I'm attaching a picture I just seen today that put a bit of a smile on my face (I don't know the code how to post images into posts here yet, so just click on it to see in larger size).
I'll tell you guys another story about something that frustrates me a LOT. You see, most people of my age have the ability to buy things from the internet. I can't. When I saw our comrade @SandmanCCL's D&D painted figurines, I really felt like wanting to paint such figurines myself. I thought I'd found a possible new hobby. The problem is that D&D shops have become quite rare in my local area due to roleplaying being such a niche and subculture where I live. Most shops don't even sell figurines and have to order their own goods online. So the only possible solution was to buy figurines online, on Amazon or such. Well, I'm almost 23, and I can't. I can't decide for myself what to spend my money on. Whenever I imply to my parents I'd like to order something online, my dad must know what it is. It has to be ordered from his own account, because he, of course, does have a wide array of Visa and whatnot cards for buying online. The thing is, whenever it isn't a book for school or something related to games, he'll refuse, saying it's childish and I have better things to do, like watching German movies and reading The Economist to practice my German and English for school.
My parents don't care about my hobby's. They really, utterly don't. They're only interested in school results. They wave games away as being corrupting and childish. My mom even once called me a loser for still playing games. Nice, huh? I can't be myself that way, so I have stoped talking about my hobbies to my parents. Even drawing pictures is already crossing the line. Because by now, I should put myself in nice lady suits, put make up all over my face, go out with friends and do whatever I actually don't WANT to do, lol. I just want to play Skyrim. Is that too much to ask for? No, acording to my dad, my PC is controlling my brain case. I'm indoctrinated. He said that right after me having helped my parents throughout all of the weekend, putting the dishes on table, doing the laundry and making tea for my currently ill mother. Yeah. I spend all day on PC now, do I? Give me a break. So yeah, I'm afraid I won't be painting figurines till I'm 30 and have a job. I'm afraid I'll have to let slip another couple of sale seasons on Steam just because I can't pay, while having 90 euros monthly on my banking account. I'm afraid I'll still have to ask my boyfriend to buy me games on Steam and feel bad and guilty about it because I can't buy these games online myself.
Do you know what I did one day? I went to the bank myself and ordered a card. It was no problem...until I got a document that had to be signed by my parents. I'm still a student, so I don't have a real job yet. Normal parents would be okay with this. They weren't, those paranoid... Ugh. They think I can't handle money. There is of course the time where I was still in love with my ex. It was a long-distance-relationship. As I had an arcahic phone without internet (so no opportunity to send and receive free e-mails from, say, Gmail), I had to rely upon text messages, as the internet got shut down in the evening to force everyone to get off the PCs. I had time constraints on my PC anyway, even if I were 18 back then. Hah, hilarious, knowing that PC was actually a BIRTHDAY GIFT for my 18th birthday. Let's just say they were trying to keep this poisonous piece of technology in check. I had 2 hours a day. But that's beside the point. So I had to rely on text messages. End result: 100 euros a month on my phone bill. Bad idea, wasted time and wasted my innocence too, as that guy I was in love with blatantly cheated on me behind my back months before I got to know of it. I think that ever since then my parents have decided I'm incompetent with money.
Five years later. I'm now in a healthy relationship. I only spend the obligatory 30 euros a month for my mobile phone package offering me free text messages and 250 free MB of internet a month. I still don't have a debit card. I still don't have freedom. I still don't have gained back their trust. Because, my dad once said it explicitily, I can't be trusted with 'their' money.
It's just that I got nobody to tell these issues to, and it's also out of curiosity as to what you people think, to be honest. Please tell me when I'm exaggerating in my posts, or when I'm acting immature. I don't want to give you people a false or 'fake' image of myself. Everything I write here has happened for real. I've been through those embarrassing moments and they're still very much alive in my memory and in the scars in my heart. No kidding. I think all of us experience things like these on a daily basis, or let's say, sometime in their lives. It's not nice when such things happen. I only want people to be happy. I only want to find happiness myself. I should write a book, heh.
I realise that I've been writing a very one-sided story here thus far. My family isn't really that horrible. They're all great people and I love them very much. My dad, for example, DOES pay my plane flights so that I can go visit my boyfriend. He DOES care about us all a lot and works hard for us. Same goes for my mom. It's just that these little things make me a bit sad and they keep on nagging me ocassionally. But as I said, I live quite a good life, let's not be mistaken about that. I'm being fed, I got clothes and I can study for as long as I like. It's no problem for my parents and I am very grateful for that. I just wish everyone in my family to be happy as well. I wish for harmony. And I can't always have that.
Just thought I'd write this down as well. I don't want to be a liar.
But I still want my debit card for internet stuffs. *is spoiled* -3-
That being said, it's still your life, and you want to find some peace, happiness, balance and quality to it. And you can't really be of much help to others until you learn to help yourself first (a problem I often made in my life, trying so hard to fix other peoples problems or meet others expectations, even to the detriment to myself or putting myself in a worse situation).
You are of adult age now, so it seems strange the bank (or wherever you applied to for a credit card) would require your parents signature (but, I guess it depends on the banks rules, where you live, etc..). Maybe there's a way you can get one of those Pre-Paid credit-cards (you load it up with money yourself, and only can spend the amount you put load onto it), or some places may offer those gift-credit-cards / pre-loaded credit cards (like they have an amount already loaded it, but once you spend that amount then you can't re-load them).
Anyways, keep working towards your goals one step at a time, and eventually things will fall into place, and you can achieve the independence you want. It can (will) happen. I know that sometimes we are quite limited in some choices due to circumstances / situations. Remember to think and act positive, and good things can happen in your life.
Cheers!
Explain that you respect them and their privacy, and as an adult you expect the same, along with other issues you want to bring up.
Of course they may see you as their "little girl" and not as an "adult". Or, they may come up with the old tired argument (as a lot of parents do) of "As long as you're living under our roof, you'll do what we tell you and abide by our rules, and you have no privacy". And ultimately, that may be the answer too.
Fair enough, they're right in that sense that it's their-place, so it's their rules... and as they still see you as their "little girl" and not as an adult woman, chances are they will go on being the same way.
But, at least you tried, and keep calm and peaceful in your manner through it. Don't get drawn into an argument.
You may need to consider adding a lock on the inside of your door for when you want privacy. But, then of course your parents may not allow it / may remove it.
Ultimately, and probably the case, until you leave their place and go out on your own, you won't have the independence or privacy or be treated as an adult that you are hoping for, so you may want to take steps towards that (moving out on your own).
Perhaps it's not what you wanted to hear, but from personal experience, coming from a dysfunctional family, most times a very negative / depressing and even abusive home environment (I won't go into details about that now), it wasn't until I moved out on my own that I had the independence, privacy and some peace of mind that I wanted as an adult.
Good luck and best wishes.
See, the thing about me is, I'm a very nice person, really; I don't yell at people or lose my temper... well, that's not entirely true. I can't remember when the last time I lashed out at someone was; what usually happens when something annoys me is I seethe inside, but don't say anything. And I'll still be annoyed about it weeks later, but still just seething and being polite to people.
The other thing is that, I'm an atheist. I used to believe in everything when I was very young; god, ghosts, big foot, alien abduction... but as I got older I grew more rational. However, the rest of my family, including my parents, are very Roman Catholic. They're good people and don't usually try to force their beliefs on me, or at least seem to have given up for the most part. Except for the other day...
They started trying to get everyone in the family to sign a petition against gay marriage. I'm not gay, but homosexuals getting married doesn't bother me at all. Just like with heterosexual couples, if it's what they want and they feel they can make the commitment, why not? It's not like they're trying to stop other people getting married, is it? But I tried to explain all this to my parents, but... it's like they don't hear me. Or they still imagine I'm a good little catholic school boy kneeling in church, listening intently to the priests every word and trying to prove I'm more good than all the other catholic school boys. But I don't want to get into an argument with them which might end in raised voices and hurt feelings all round... so in the end I just made an excuse to leave.
I'm hoping they'll forget about it... but I'm not sure that they will, and will keep badgering me.
If they still won't listen, just let all that stuff come in through one ear and out of the other, or try to change subject whenever possible.
@Kitteh_On_A_Cloud you worry about your independence and to some extend this is a good sign. You have realized things for sure. But the time will come soon when you will look back and laugh at your past worries. Don't carry the world on your shoulders.
You've been robbed twice? I've never had my house broken into. I'm so glad I live in Texas and we have king of castle laws in place. It really deters someones will to break into your house when they know there is a fairly large chance they won't be leaving alive.
Also, if what some other guy said was true, that your government gives you money while in school, couldn't you just leave, and not tell them where you are going?
@mlnevese
Wow, my dad and mom both got keys when I bought my first house, and it was the opposite. They weren't sure if they should take them and I insisted, and then the promised they would only use them if it was an emergency etc... and I was like come in wherever you want, I don't care. (This was only because I could obviously trust them to not be nosey.) 6 months?! Whaaaaaat?