1. Man: "I know it be you, *CHARNAME*. We be expectin ye. The Throne paid us double to see you dead. You want good help, ye gotta pay for it, that's what I always say!" CHARNAME: "You know what I always say? 'Always kill the mouthy one', that's what I always say."
2. Charname: "I know you said you wouldn't tolerate any more excuses, but we have a really good one"
and finally:
3. Desharik: "What is the meaning of this intrusion? Who are you?" CHARNAME: "Charname is my name. I was referred by Captain Golin." Desharik: "Golin? Why would he send you to me? What is it you think you want here?" Protagonist: "I seek entry to the asylum. Can you help with this?" Desharik: "Spellhold? Why would you want to go there? Hardly a sociable place for decent folk." Protagonist: "I… I need to be admitted. I need… I need help. I need to be confined." Desharik: "You wish me to have you thrown into the asylum? That is certainly an odd request, through not in itself an indication of madness. What are you trying to accomplish? I can indeed have people committed to Spellhold, but why would you request it?" Protagonist: "I am clearly deranged. Look who I travel with! Minsc, meet the Pirate Lord!" Minsc: "Pirate Lord? Such a name does not conjure images of righteous behavior. Stand still a moment and let Boo have a look at you." Desharik: "Er, why is your friend pointing a hamster at me?" Minsc: "Boo will soon have you figured out. You certainly seem friendlier that I would think a Pirate Lord would be. And where is your peg?" Desharik: "My--- what?" Minsc: "Your peg, A proper pirate has a peg, whether a leg, arm or… uh… some other expendable extremity. And a parrot." Desharik: "A parrot?" Minsc: "Certainly! As I have my Boo, so too must you have your parrot. Boo likes parrots. They could wrassel." Desharik: "I’ve seen enough. Congratulations, you are on your way to Spellhold. You are clearly a danger to the general community. By the gods. I think I’m stupider for talking to you. Stupider? More Stupid? Get them out of my sight, all of them! They may all have this disease of the mind."
(how I start conversations) "your not figments, are you? I'm not wasting ANYMORE time talking to figments......" (how I end end conversations) "you will suffer. You will all. Suffer. " (my voicemail) "is there *really* no one else! you can bother?" (how to answer a blocked phone number) "Hahahahah, I am become death, destroyer of worlds!" (When told to do somthing) I'll do what I can, but expect very little." (or anything xan said. Ever.) (How to win an argument. Not a quote, but still) "because miniature giant space hamsters. Duh."
"Hahaha I am become death! Destroyer of worlds!!" -Xzar, when attacking 1. "I've seen dragons with feet like rabbits! Tis true I swear"-Xzar, Umph, forgot when he saids so. "my father was a miner, and his father was miner before him" -Yeslick, on rare selection. "Readier than a red cheeked maiden my friend" -Haer'Dalis, upon selection. "My brother is a +12 Hackmaster!" -Liracor, random phrase. "*sigh*" -Liriacor. "*double sigh*" -Liriacor. "Your time iz done, primatez!" -Doppelgangers and Greater Doppelgangers. "Don't worry, I will explain everything as soon as there is time" -Gorion, a great lie indeed, right at the start of the game. "You will suffer, you will all suffer!!" -Jon Irenicus, at the beginning. "I cannot be caged, I cannot be controlled, undestand this as you die, ever pathetics, ever fools." -Jon Irenicus, in the Intro to Chapter 3. "Hello child, shall we continue our lessons?" -Candlekeep monks. "The day comes when Tiax will point and click!" -Tiax, he rocks. "Oh, what's the point!" -Xan, on command response. "Life is so hollw" -Xan, the whole time deppresive. "Tell us a story, Monty! 'Bout bears and gold!" -Xzar, on Baldur's Gate (game XD). "I'll teach ya' grandmother to suck eggs!" -Xzar, that voice set is AMAZING, THE BEST ONE EVER "I feel so sensual" -Safana (god knows why). "I AM the law" Flaming Fist mercenaries. "Ooo, shiny ones!" -Cespenar DA IMP. "I will be the last, and you will go first.. Hehehe!!!!!" Sarevok, even before the start of the game (IrOnY).
Lilacor quotes are the funniest, but when wisdom speaks, I found Korgan to be quite the philosopher: "The harder the conflict, the more glorious be your triumph. What you obtain too cheaply, you esteem too lightly." "The best battler is he who can smile in troubles deep, gather his strength from distress and grow brave in reflection."
I love all the random lines non-joinable NPCs say. They add so many memorable little nothings to the game and their pure awesomeness is oft overlooked
The haughty nobles are awesome** "AWAY with you, beggar" "DONT. touch. me. I might catch something" "A pleasure to meet a... socially acceptable person such as yourself"
Gotta love this guy: "Its a-hard to fiiind... decent folk nowadays"
The Flaming Fist (they are so passionate its awesome. Don't you DARE sleep in public) "uh...I shoulda joined the army" "I AM the law!" "At ease citizen!"
You can't forget the classic: "Ma 'otel's as clean as an elven arse"
The bandits: "So I kicked 'im in the head 'till he was dead, na ha"
This awesome original soundset: "HEH! Time fer a bit a the rough n' tumble" "Haha! Oyl lead 'em well!"
And finally the one that never fails to make me laugh "I WILL CRUSH YOU. CRUSH YOU TO GOO!"
Also you have to love the ones that break the fourth wall. I find them so amusing for some reason: Jaheira: "Yes oh omnipresent authority figure" Edwin: "I do not understand this 'mouse magic' that makes me do your bidding" "The day comes when TIAX will point and click!" Khalid: "click on someone your own size!"
Jan: "So anyway, what I mean to say is that you look like you've spent a night upside down in a barrel of hooch thinking at least it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, only to have life cruelly prove you right."
"Well... I had an Uncle Richard that tried to bring nude theater to a festival in Waterdeep... Exposure is usually good for an actor's career, but even so, a cold reception for the play caused the cast to shrink steadily. Blackballed, my uncle tried to recruit from the thieves' guild, but they wouldn't let their nick-ers go. 'Just bare with me,' he would say, but they were afraid of being stripped of their dignity. He gave up the lead to attract new members, and eventually the production's genius was uncovered, even with his part left out."
haha, funny one i just heard loading my BG1 game that for some reason I hear very, very seldomly from Jaheira "If a tree falls in a forest... I'll kill the bastard what done it"
also "I been dippin' inna me own ale, a heh hah eh heh"
"That place takes all types: the filthy rich and the dirty poor, the brightest of rogues and the most tarnished of holy men... Aye, for there walk the ladies of the night and all souls sink 'fore their kisses, like moths to the light."
One that gets me every time - Troll Cook: Hello there foodthing. You are just in time. Please just jump onto the grill over there. Protagonist: Pardon me? Troll Cook: The grill. That big metal thing. Jump on. Be careful, it's hot! Protagonist: You speak well for a troll. Troll Cook: My mother tried hard to give me good learning. She sent me to live with these hobgoblins here. They smart. Trained me how to cook real good. Protagonist: Do you like these orcs? Troll Cook: They smell bad, but they're okay. They can be mean sometimes. Chief DigDag sometimes cuts my fingers off and throws them onto the grill. Says they taste like sausages. Protagonist: Doesn't that hurt? Troll Cook: Yep. But I'm a troll. Fingers cut off. Fingers grow back. Now quit talking and start broiling! Chief DigDag doesn't like me talking to the food. Protagonist: I'm not letting you cook me, you crazy troll! Troll Cook: Uncle Cajum, he was crazy. Me, I'm not crazy. I'm a cook. Now get on the grill! Protagonist: Why would I want to be on the grill? Troll Cook: Geez. It's impossible to get good help nowadays. If you're not on the grill, how am I going to cook you? Protagonist: I don't want to be cooked. Troll Cook: If you didn't want to be cooked, then why did you apply for the job? I think you'll all make a tasty snack! Boys! Get 'em!
"If indeed you are asking whether my discourse has validity derived from dispensing useful tidbits of otherwise unknown stratagem and statistics... then... ahh... no."
A new game to play IRL: Whenever you tell someone a fact or - even better - deliver a scathing rebuttal, conclude by singing, "So sayeth the wise Alaundoooooooo."
I CAN FORGE PLANES WITH MY POWER! I CAN UNMAKE YOU! - The Transcendent One
and then
A NAME IS A CLOAK OF LETTERS THROWN UPON A MAN. IT MEANS NOTHING. - The Transcendent One
theeeen
Meaning and death is what you seek... Two separate things they are for a normal man. But for you... one and the same.- The Pillar of Skulls
theenennnnennenenen nenen
Another comment like that, and you'll be wearing your ass as a hat. - The Nameless One
and AGAIN then we can saaaaay...
Women were the reason I became a monk, and, ah, the reason I switched back... - Morte
mmmmmmmm, more quotes....
Time is not your enemy. Forever is. - Fall-from-Grace
and yet, MORE HEHEHEHE
Tell us a story, Monty! Something 'bout bears and gold! - Xzar
pseeesh! I have a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGe array of quotes
I shouldn't wish to alarm anyone, but I just wanted to point out that Jan has failed to produce a story. Can the apocalypse be far? - Haer'Dalis
aaaand nooooooooow, JAN JANSEN!!!
You know, this reminds me of that time, wa-a-a-ay back... - Jan
oh yes! of more quotes!!
I can't! I'm allergic! Well, all right, I'm not that allergic... - Jan
if so, GO ON!!
Whoa! This place looks just like... it reminds me of.. this is just like that time I... hm. I don't think anything like this has ever happened to me before... - Jan
aaaaand!
Greetings, everyone. Sorry, no gifts or souvenirs this time but I'll keep you all in mind the next time I'm gone. Oh, Keldorn: the gods say 'hi' and that you should wash your underwear more thoroughly. Everyone ready? Let's go adventuring. - Jan
and MUCH, MUCH moreeeee!!
Silence dog! You have no purpose but to die by my hand! - Jon Irenicus
AND WAAAY MORE!
Your pathetic magics are useless. Let this end! - Jon Irenicus
Comments
1. Man: "I know it be you, *CHARNAME*. We be expectin ye. The Throne paid us double to see you dead. You want good help, ye gotta pay for it, that's what I always say!"
CHARNAME: "You know what I always say? 'Always kill the mouthy one', that's what I always say."
2. Charname: "I know you said you wouldn't tolerate any more excuses, but we have a really good one"
and finally:
3. Desharik: "What is the meaning of this intrusion? Who are you?"
CHARNAME: "Charname is my name. I was referred by Captain Golin."
Desharik: "Golin? Why would he send you to me? What is it you think you want here?"
Protagonist: "I seek entry to the asylum. Can you help with this?"
Desharik: "Spellhold? Why would you want to go there? Hardly a sociable place for decent folk."
Protagonist: "I… I need to be admitted. I need… I need help. I need to be confined."
Desharik: "You wish me to have you thrown into the asylum? That is certainly an odd request, through not in itself an indication of madness. What are you trying to accomplish? I can indeed have people committed to Spellhold, but why would you request it?"
Protagonist: "I am clearly deranged. Look who I travel with! Minsc, meet the Pirate Lord!"
Minsc: "Pirate Lord? Such a name does not conjure images of righteous behavior. Stand still a moment and let Boo have a look at you."
Desharik: "Er, why is your friend pointing a hamster at me?"
Minsc: "Boo will soon have you figured out. You certainly seem friendlier that I would think a Pirate Lord would be. And where is your peg?"
Desharik: "My--- what?"
Minsc: "Your peg, A proper pirate has a peg, whether a leg, arm or… uh… some other expendable extremity. And a parrot."
Desharik: "A parrot?"
Minsc: "Certainly! As I have my Boo, so too must you have your parrot. Boo likes parrots. They could wrassel."
Desharik: "I’ve seen enough. Congratulations, you are on your way to Spellhold. You are clearly a danger to the general community. By the gods. I think I’m stupider for talking to you. Stupider? More Stupid? Get them out of my sight, all of them! They may all have this disease of the mind."
(how I end end conversations) "you will suffer. You will all. Suffer. "
(my voicemail) "is there *really* no one else! you can bother?"
(how to answer a blocked phone number) "Hahahahah, I am become death, destroyer of worlds!"
(When told to do somthing) I'll do what I can, but expect very little." (or anything xan said. Ever.)
(How to win an argument. Not a quote, but still) "because miniature giant space hamsters. Duh."
"I've seen dragons with feet like rabbits! Tis true I swear"-Xzar, Umph, forgot when he saids so.
"my father was a miner, and his father was miner before him" -Yeslick, on rare selection.
"Readier than a red cheeked maiden my friend" -Haer'Dalis, upon selection.
"My brother is a +12 Hackmaster!" -Liracor, random phrase.
"*sigh*" -Liriacor.
"*double sigh*" -Liriacor.
"Your time iz done, primatez!" -Doppelgangers and Greater Doppelgangers.
"Don't worry, I will explain everything as soon as there is time" -Gorion, a great lie indeed, right at the start of the game.
"You will suffer, you will all suffer!!" -Jon Irenicus, at the beginning.
"I cannot be caged, I cannot be controlled, undestand this as you die, ever pathetics, ever fools." -Jon Irenicus, in the Intro to Chapter 3.
"Hello child, shall we continue our lessons?" -Candlekeep monks.
"The day comes when Tiax will point and click!" -Tiax, he rocks.
"Oh, what's the point!" -Xan, on command response.
"Life is so hollw" -Xan, the whole time deppresive.
"Tell us a story, Monty! 'Bout bears and gold!" -Xzar, on Baldur's Gate (game XD).
"I'll teach ya' grandmother to suck eggs!" -Xzar, that voice set is AMAZING, THE BEST ONE EVER
"I feel so sensual" -Safana (god knows why).
"I AM the law" Flaming Fist mercenaries.
"Ooo, shiny ones!" -Cespenar DA IMP.
"I will be the last, and you will go first.. Hehehe!!!!!" Sarevok, even before the start of the game (IrOnY).
"The harder the conflict, the more glorious be your triumph. What you obtain too cheaply, you esteem too lightly."
"The best battler is he who can smile in troubles deep, gather his strength from distress and grow brave in reflection."
That one always causes me to irrationally panic.
The haughty nobles are awesome**
"AWAY with you, beggar"
"DONT. touch. me. I might catch something"
"A pleasure to meet a... socially acceptable person such as yourself"
Gotta love this guy: "Its a-hard to fiiind... decent folk nowadays"
The Flaming Fist (they are so passionate its awesome. Don't you DARE sleep in public)
"uh...I shoulda joined the army"
"I AM the law!"
"At ease citizen!"
You can't forget the classic: "Ma 'otel's as clean as an elven arse"
The bandits: "So I kicked 'im in the head 'till he was dead, na ha"
This awesome original soundset:
"HEH! Time fer a bit a the rough n' tumble"
"Haha! Oyl lead 'em well!"
And finally the one that never fails to make me laugh
"I WILL CRUSH YOU. CRUSH YOU TO GOO!"
**except Nalia's aunt. She sucks
Jaheira: "Yes oh omnipresent authority figure"
Edwin: "I do not understand this 'mouse magic' that makes me do your bidding"
"The day comes when TIAX will point and click!"
Khalid: "click on someone your own size!"
*Charname entering the wedding hall*
Bride's brother: "Who're you?"
Charname: "We're here for the wedding. We're with the bride."
Bride's brother: "I don't recognize you."
Charname: "The bride and I had a... special relationship once, if you know what I mean."
Bride's brother: "Another one? Torm protect us, how many has warmed her bed?"
______________________________________________________________________
*Charname marches into the middle of a wedding between Collin and his bride*
Charname: "Wait! Those two can't get married, I'm carrying Collin's child!"
Collin: "That's not true! That doesn't even make sense!" (Charname is male)
Bride's father: "Who are you? Who interrupts my daughter's wedding?"
Charname: "Tell him who we are, Collin! Tell him we're lovers!"
Colin: "I swear to Torm, I've never seen this man in my life!"
Charname: "Oh, you treacherous deceiver. How could I have given my heart to you?"
*Collin gets beaten to death by wedding guests and the bride's father*
"Well... I had an Uncle Richard that tried to bring nude theater to a festival in Waterdeep... Exposure is usually good for an actor's career, but even so, a cold reception for the play caused the cast to shrink steadily. Blackballed, my uncle tried to recruit from the thieves' guild, but they wouldn't let their nick-ers go. 'Just bare with me,' he would say, but they were afraid of being stripped of their dignity. He gave up the lead to attract new members, and eventually the production's genius was uncovered, even with his part left out."
from Jaheira
"If a tree falls in a forest... I'll kill the bastard what done it"
also
"I been dippin' inna me own ale, a heh hah eh heh"
Troll Cook: Hello there foodthing. You are just in time. Please just jump onto the grill over there.
Protagonist: Pardon me?
Troll Cook: The grill. That big metal thing. Jump on. Be careful, it's hot!
Protagonist: You speak well for a troll.
Troll Cook: My mother tried hard to give me good learning. She sent me to live with these hobgoblins here. They smart. Trained me how to cook real good.
Protagonist: Do you like these orcs?
Troll Cook: They smell bad, but they're okay. They can be mean sometimes. Chief DigDag sometimes cuts my fingers off and throws them onto the grill. Says they taste like sausages.
Protagonist: Doesn't that hurt?
Troll Cook: Yep. But I'm a troll. Fingers cut off. Fingers grow back. Now quit talking and start broiling! Chief DigDag doesn't like me talking to the food.
Protagonist: I'm not letting you cook me, you crazy troll!
Troll Cook: Uncle Cajum, he was crazy. Me, I'm not crazy. I'm a cook. Now get on the grill!
Protagonist: Why would I want to be on the grill?
Troll Cook: Geez. It's impossible to get good help nowadays. If you're not on the grill, how am I going to cook you?
Protagonist: I don't want to be cooked.
Troll Cook: If you didn't want to be cooked, then why did you apply for the job? I think you'll all make a tasty snack! Boys! Get 'em!
and then
A NAME IS A CLOAK OF LETTERS THROWN UPON A MAN. IT MEANS NOTHING. - The Transcendent One
theeeen
Meaning and death is what you seek... Two separate things they are for a normal man. But for you... one and the same.- The Pillar of Skulls
theenennnnennenenen nenen
Another comment like that, and you'll be wearing your ass as a hat. - The Nameless One
and AGAIN then we can saaaaay...
Women were the reason I became a monk, and, ah, the reason I switched back... - Morte
mmmmmmmm, more quotes....
Time is not your enemy. Forever is. - Fall-from-Grace
and yet, MORE HEHEHEHE
Tell us a story, Monty! Something 'bout bears and gold! - Xzar
pseeesh! I have a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGe array of quotes
I shouldn't wish to alarm anyone, but I just wanted to point out that Jan has failed to produce a story. Can the apocalypse be far? - Haer'Dalis
aaaand nooooooooow, JAN JANSEN!!!
You know, this reminds me of that time, wa-a-a-ay back... - Jan
oh yes! of more quotes!!
I can't! I'm allergic! Well, all right, I'm not that allergic... - Jan
if so, GO ON!!
Whoa! This place looks just like... it reminds me of.. this is just like that time I... hm. I don't think anything like this has ever happened to me before... - Jan
aaaaand!
Greetings, everyone. Sorry, no gifts or souvenirs this time but I'll keep you all in mind the next time I'm gone. Oh, Keldorn: the gods say 'hi' and that you should wash your underwear more thoroughly. Everyone ready? Let's go adventuring. - Jan
and MUCH, MUCH moreeeee!!
Silence dog! You have no purpose but to die by my hand! - Jon Irenicus
AND WAAAY MORE!
Your pathetic magics are useless. Let this end! - Jon Irenicus
OK, the END.