Larze: Huurm, I be Larze. You be Harris. Don't try to deny it. You should not have come to Baldur's Gate. You given many warnings before, but you ignore them. Now you must pay. Sorry, but Larze must kill. Harris: Wait one moment you big oaf. Why would you think that I'm Harris? Do I look like I could be that kind of hero? Harris is a juggernaut of destruction, with flaming eyes, and a roaring voice. My companions and I, we're just normal folks. Larze: Huh? But you must be Harris. Me see picture, and it look like you. It had no fire eyes or big voice, though pictures don't have voices. Hmmmmm. I confused. Harris: Larze, my poor confused ogre. There is only one thing for you to do. You have to go back and take a closer look at the picture. I'm sure once you've had a second look, you'll know what a big mistake you've made. Now run along, we'll be waiting right here. Larze: Yes! Good idea. Larze will find picture and see for sure. You will wait here until Larze gets back.
Jan: So Viconia, I suppose you must be a drow, eh? Viconia: Speak not to your betters, surface slave. Jan: My brother, Elgar Buttercup, had skin the shade of charcoal, too. Well, technically it WAS charcoal. He died in a nasty fire, you see. Viconia: You do love the sound of your own voice, don't you gnome? Jan: My own voice? Heartless wench! Do you not know? I am deaf. I have never heard the sound of my own voice. I read lips... (sob)... only lips... Viconia: Deaf? Truly? In the Underdark the deaf are killed or used in pain threshold experiments. Jan: I heard that! In fact, it reminds me of the time I was eaten by an avatar of Lolth. I was stuck inside her stomach with a miserable drow called Biffle Chump for days. Of course, I was forced to eat him. A matter of survival, you understand. Nothing personal. He tasted a bit like chicken. Viconia: [to Protagonist] How is it that you travel with such a wee buffoon? Protagonist: Truthfully, it all goes back to the time that Jan's cousin, Plooty Paladin-piper, got caught in a nasty flesh golem eating contest... Jan: Aye, Plooty had a way of attracting golems. Brilliant, really. You start with a saucer of milk - golems are suckers for milk... Viconia: I refuse to listen to this. Oh Jan. You so funny.
@Senash It's a possible response you can make while speaking to Portalbenderwinden. If I recall correctly, he's some hermit that you run into in one of the wilderness areas (I want to say one of maps that is right along the coast?). I think he makes some sort of cryptic remark, and that's one of CHARNAME's dialogue options.
He's in areaAR4300, toward the lower south east side of the map. I looked on Game Banshee site a few minutes ago to see if it was marked. It wasn't. I've run into him twice now. Odd fellow. I think he has dyslexia of the mouth.
@Senash It's a possible response you can make while speaking to Portalbenderwinden. If I recall correctly, he's some hermit that you run into in one of the wilderness areas (I want to say one of maps that is right along the coast?). I think he makes some sort of cryptic remark, and that's one of CHARNAME's dialogue options.
He's in areaAR4300, toward the lower south east side of the map. I looked on Game Banshee site a few minutes ago to see if it was marked. It wasn't. I've run into him twice now. Odd fellow. I think he has dyslexia of the mouth.
Every time I'm not roleplaying, I run into this guy North of Nashkel and yell at him.
"HA! A good saying! I will use your head for a puppet and make it say it over and over while we drink large amounts of mead! Life is pretty good, you know? "
"HA! A good saying! I will use your head for a puppet and make it say it over and over while we drink large amounts of mead! Life is pretty good, you know? "
We appear to have entered loop territory.
My own contribution: "Do you clean pack sometimes, or just pretend?" -Cespenar
Minsc: Yes! Lead evil by example, and one day we need no longer put the boots to those that stray off the path of goodness into the muck and bile of villainy and track great bloody footprints across our lily white tiles! Boo will have clean wood shavings you evil bastards! CHARNAME: Oooooh kaaaay.
"HA! A good saying! I will use your head for a puppet and make it say it over and over while we drink large amounts of mead! Life is pretty good, you know? "
hmm...who said this? I can say I remember it being said and liking it, but I don't remember who delivered this piece of gem.
"Big dummies. If my buddy Albert were here he'd turn you inside out or somethin'. His mom lets him go wherever he wants, 'cuz he's tough. He'd smack you good!"
"Tell me 'bout the rabbits." Xzar (his best banter with his mad voice) "Stop touching me!" (2° best, very funny) "I know of dragons with feet like rabbits, 'tis true, I swear." (3° better)
I really like Aerie's improved war cries from ToB if you are romancing her.
I really don't . . . like . . . Aerie . . .
Running witty_retorts.exe
Press 1: I really don't . . . care . . . Press 2: Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion, man.
Press 2! Press 2! Nah...really. I played with every NPC in BG2ToB, but never liked Aerie with her constant whining. Or that jerk Anomen for that matter. Or Jaheira, sometimes... But that's the beauty of it...if you don't like them, you don't play with them so ... yeah, well, that's just like, my opinion man.
Well, people are entitled to their opinions, even when they are just very, very wrong.
Personally, I don't mind if Aerie confides in someone she trusts, and if you don't want her to talk to you about her wings you can just tell her so and she won't.
Naturally, my favorite is the cinnamon cookies dialogue between Aerie and Imoen in ToB.
Naturally, my favorite is the cinnamon cookies dialogue between Aerie and Imoen in ToB.
For those wondering:
Aerie: I have a question for you, Imoen... you have the taint of Bhaal within you? Does this mean you will turn into the Slayer as well? Imoen: I certainly hope not. I... I've been thinking more and more lately about that, myself, though. Aerie: It must be an awful feeling. I cannot imagine how CHARNAME deals with it. Imoen: Yeah... s/he's been dealing with it longer, too. Sometimes, when it's quiet... I can hear the taint in my heart whispering to me. It says awful things and I almost want to scream to shut them out. Aerie: (gasp!) You... you haven't done anything that it's said, have you? Imoen: Well... other than that time I got up in the middle of the night to snatch a bag of cinnamon cookies, heck no. Aerie: Oh, goo-... what? Cinnamon cookies? Imoen: Ha ha! Oh, come on, Aerie! Lighten up, willya? I'll tell ya what, if I have any desires to murder you in the middle of the night, you'll be the first to know, okay? Aerie: That's not very funny, Imoen. CHARNAME never makes fun of his/her condition that way. CHARNAME: Well, it's been so much easier since I discovered all the Slayer really wants is a sandwich... Aerie: Oh, fine. Everyone seems determined to make fun of me. I'll stand back here, thank you.
@Senash It's a possible response you can make while speaking to Portalbenderwinden. If I recall correctly, he's some hermit that you run into in one of the wilderness areas (I want to say one of maps that is right along the coast?). I think he makes some sort of cryptic remark, and that's one of CHARNAME's dialogue options.
He's in areaAR4300, toward the lower south east side of the map. I looked on Game Banshee site a few minutes ago to see if it was marked. It wasn't. I've run into him twice now. Odd fellow. I think he has dyslexia of the mouth.
"I once knew this guy called dibby he threw rocks at me, are you going to throw rocks at me?"
Viconia: Jan. While I would be tempted to let the situation play itself out, perhaps it is best if I warn you now.
Jan: Yeeessss, my dusky little margarita? What warning would that be?
Viconia: You have a venomous spider on your neck. A lovely creature, known to cause an agonizing, blood-curdling death within moments of injecting its nerve poison.
Jan: You know, this reminds me of the time Uncle Scratchy laid me flat with the handle of a horseman's flail. 'Look behind you!', he says. 'Why? What's behind me?', I say. 'A Tiberian Dung Beetle!', he cries, looking frantic. So of course I scream in terror and look behind me... and lost a bag of the most scrumptuous turnips ever to come out of Scornubel. Ma Jansen was furious and the lump was more painful than six weeks with the Calimshite Itch.
Viconia: Oh, look. There it goes down the back of your shirt.
Jan: And then there was that time I took a drow at his word. 'Bifflechips,' says I, 'You had better be telling the truth.' And, of course, he swore up and down that he was. Needless to say, not four weeks later I was stewing in the lower intestines of a giant cave wyrm without even so much as a torch or a sense of irony. I would have been a goner if gnomes weren't well known for causing severe bouts of intestinal gas.
Viconia: I wouldn't squirm about so much, you foolish jaluk. You're likely to anger it, and I have no spells that can counteract its particular poison.
Jan: Now, if I had a copper for every time --- eh, wait a second. I feel something... who's behind me? What *is* that back there?
Viconia: Did I not try to tell you? No doubt it is sinking its fangs into your gamey flesh as we speak.
Jan: What? But I -- ouch! AHHHH! AHHHH, NOOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG A GNOME TO DIE!! AHHHHH!! HELP ME, SOMEONE! AN ANTIDOTE, AN ANTIDOTE!! PAIN GIVES ME GAS! AHHHH!! I DON'T WANT TO -- eh? Wait a minute, that's a fly. A dead fly. You mean I ripped off my own shirt for nothing?
Viconia: Ha ha! Sometimes life has its little rewards. Even for the drow.
Jan: You're a cruel, cruel woman, Viconia. Garl help me, but I am so turned on right now.
Viconia: Alright, now I'm leaving. ------------------ ^.^ Spontaneous banters like this are what give so much life to the NPCs in BG2.
Comments
-----
Larze: Huurm, I be Larze. You be Harris. Don't try to deny it. You should not have come to Baldur's Gate. You given many warnings before, but you ignore them. Now you must pay. Sorry, but Larze must kill.
Harris: Wait one moment you big oaf. Why would you think that I'm Harris? Do I look like I could be that kind of hero? Harris is a juggernaut of destruction, with flaming eyes, and a roaring voice. My companions and I, we're just normal folks.
Larze: Huh? But you must be Harris. Me see picture, and it look like you. It had no fire eyes or big voice, though pictures don't have voices. Hmmmmm. I confused.
Harris: Larze, my poor confused ogre. There is only one thing for you to do. You have to go back and take a closer look at the picture. I'm sure once you've had a second look, you'll know what a big mistake you've made. Now run along, we'll be waiting right here.
Larze: Yes! Good idea. Larze will find picture and see for sure. You will wait here until Larze gets back.
Viconia: Speak not to your betters, surface slave.
Jan: My brother, Elgar Buttercup, had skin the shade of charcoal, too. Well, technically it WAS charcoal. He died in a nasty fire, you see.
Viconia: You do love the sound of your own voice, don't you gnome?
Jan: My own voice? Heartless wench! Do you not know? I am deaf. I have never heard the sound of my own voice. I read lips... (sob)... only lips...
Viconia: Deaf? Truly? In the Underdark the deaf are killed or used in pain threshold experiments.
Jan: I heard that! In fact, it reminds me of the time I was eaten by an avatar of Lolth. I was stuck inside her stomach with a miserable drow called Biffle Chump for days. Of course, I was forced to eat him. A matter of survival, you understand. Nothing personal. He tasted a bit like chicken.
Viconia: [to Protagonist] How is it that you travel with such a wee buffoon?
Protagonist: Truthfully, it all goes back to the time that Jan's cousin, Plooty Paladin-piper, got caught in a nasty flesh golem eating contest...
Jan: Aye, Plooty had a way of attracting golems. Brilliant, really. You start with a saucer of milk - golems are suckers for milk...
Viconia: I refuse to listen to this.
Oh Jan. You so funny.
My own contribution: "Do you clean pack sometimes, or just pretend?" -Cespenar
CHARNAME: Oooooh kaaaay.
Krystin : "I don't know, Slythe. They're so big and threatening... Oh, my mistake, I was thinking of someone else."
"Big dummies. If my buddy Albert were here he'd turn you inside out or somethin'. His mom lets him go wherever he wants, 'cuz he's tough. He'd smack you good!"
"Stop touching me!" (2° best, very funny)
"I know of dragons with feet like rabbits, 'tis true, I swear." (3° better)
Personally, I don't mind if Aerie confides in someone she trusts, and if you don't want her to talk to you about her wings you can just tell her so and she won't.
Naturally, my favorite is the cinnamon cookies dialogue between Aerie and Imoen in ToB.
Aerie: I have a question for you, Imoen... you have the taint of Bhaal within you? Does this mean you will turn into the Slayer as well?
Imoen: I certainly hope not. I... I've been thinking more and more lately about that, myself, though.
Aerie: It must be an awful feeling. I cannot imagine how CHARNAME deals with it.
Imoen: Yeah... s/he's been dealing with it longer, too. Sometimes, when it's quiet... I can hear the taint in my heart whispering to me. It says awful things and I almost want to scream to shut them out.
Aerie: (gasp!) You... you haven't done anything that it's said, have you?
Imoen: Well... other than that time I got up in the middle of the night to snatch a bag of cinnamon cookies, heck no.
Aerie: Oh, goo-... what? Cinnamon cookies?
Imoen: Ha ha! Oh, come on, Aerie! Lighten up, willya? I'll tell ya what, if I have any desires to murder you in the middle of the night, you'll be the first to know, okay?
Aerie: That's not very funny, Imoen. CHARNAME never makes fun of his/her condition that way.
CHARNAME: Well, it's been so much easier since I discovered all the Slayer really wants is a sandwich...
Aerie: Oh, fine. Everyone seems determined to make fun of me. I'll stand back here, thank you.
"Yeah! We kill you, take stuff, and get gold anyway! Dumb head!"
Viconia: Jan. While I would be tempted to let the situation play itself out, perhaps it is best if I warn you now.
Jan: Yeeessss, my dusky little margarita? What warning would that be?
Viconia: You have a venomous spider on your neck. A lovely creature, known to cause an agonizing, blood-curdling death within moments of injecting its nerve poison.
Jan: You know, this reminds me of the time Uncle Scratchy laid me flat with the handle of a horseman's flail. 'Look behind you!', he says. 'Why? What's behind me?', I say. 'A Tiberian Dung Beetle!', he cries, looking frantic. So of course I scream in terror and look behind me... and lost a bag of the most scrumptuous turnips ever to come out of Scornubel. Ma Jansen was furious and the lump was more painful than six weeks with the Calimshite Itch.
Viconia: Oh, look. There it goes down the back of your shirt.
Jan: And then there was that time I took a drow at his word. 'Bifflechips,' says I, 'You had better be telling the truth.' And, of course, he swore up and down that he was. Needless to say, not four weeks later I was stewing in the lower intestines of a giant cave wyrm without even so much as a torch or a sense of irony. I would have been a goner if gnomes weren't well known for causing severe bouts of intestinal gas.
Viconia: I wouldn't squirm about so much, you foolish jaluk. You're likely to anger it, and I have no spells that can counteract its particular poison.
Jan: Now, if I had a copper for every time --- eh, wait a second. I feel something... who's behind me? What *is* that back there?
Viconia: Did I not try to tell you? No doubt it is sinking its fangs into your gamey flesh as we speak.
Jan: What? But I -- ouch! AHHHH! AHHHH, NOOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG A GNOME TO DIE!! AHHHHH!! HELP ME, SOMEONE! AN ANTIDOTE, AN ANTIDOTE!! PAIN GIVES ME GAS! AHHHH!! I DON'T WANT TO -- eh? Wait a minute, that's a fly. A dead fly. You mean I ripped off my own shirt for nothing?
Viconia: Ha ha! Sometimes life has its little rewards. Even for the drow.
Jan: You're a cruel, cruel woman, Viconia. Garl help me, but I am so turned on right now.
Viconia: Alright, now I'm leaving.
------------------
^.^ Spontaneous banters like this are what give so much life to the NPCs in BG2.
Tiana: You! Have you seen my husband?! I know he's in here somewhere!
Charname: Er... who, might I ask, is your husband?
Tiana: Rumar! Lord Rumar! You know who I'm talking about! EVERYONE here knows who I'm talking about! He's meeting HER here again!
Rumar's around here somewhere! No one will tell me where he is! But I'll get him... and his cheap slattern, too!
YOU HEAR THAT, RUMAR?! I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!
Charname: Actually, I think I saw him leave a few minutes ago.
Tiana: Liar! I know he's here! There has to be somewhere I haven't looked! RUMAR! RUMAR, I'M COMING FOR YOOOOUUU!
Round 2 *ding*
Tiana: You! Have you seen my husband?! I know he's in here somewhere!
Charname: Actually, I met him in the back rooms. Perhaps you could find him there.
Tiana: What?! Back rooms?!
You! Let me into these 'back rooms'! This instant!
Coronet Guard: Er... ah... yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am...
Round 3 *ding*
Tiana: Rumar! RUMAR!
Rumar: D-d-darling?
Tiana: Don't you 'darling' me! You will come home with me this very instant!
Rumar: Y-y-yes, dear...
Priss: No! You can't have him! He's mine!
Tiana: One more word out of you, wench, and it'll be your last!
Priss: Wench?! WENCH?! Listen here, you old harpy...!
Tiana: HARPY?! That's IT!
Rumar: G-g-girls... ladies... d-don't fight!
Round 4 *ding*
Rumar: Tiana...? My wife...? You fought for me...
Tiana: You are damned right I did!
Rumar: Oh, darling! I'm so sorry! Let's go home, all right, sweetums?